So, inside I'm aware of a dichotomy of nature, two
distinct, but inseparable paradigms, two different ways
of viewing the universe, as well as two totally different
ways that the universe can view me.
The public, external me, is a 6 foot tall, 190 pound,
adult male , working as a computer professional and whose
interests include several martial arts forms. I also like
rock music, computer games, reading (and writing!). I
used to play a 13th century Samurai warrior in a medieval
re-enactment group, where, amongst other things, I dress
up in full armor and fight full-contact, full force, with
reproduction medieval weapons made from rattan (similiar
to bamboo, but solid, also used to make lawn furniture if
we don't rescue it first).I also brew my own beer, and
drink it, and like to smoke cigars.
I guess this all makes me far more macho than most ;-)
I also shoot a traditional recurve bow with home-made
arrows. I taught introductory level classes in traditional
Japanese martial arts (mostly sword forms). I can handle
most tools, do some basic carpentry and plumbing when the
need arises, build or rebuild most home computers,
discuss anything from archaeology to zymurgy, with a
particular interest in cosmology. (not, not cosmetology,
cosmology, the formation of the universe and how stars,
solar systems and galaxies hang together).
The private, inner me, adds a slew of extras to that
view, I can sew a little, I can be an excellent
sympathetic listener, I can discuss fashion (well, a
little bit anyway.), I can cook exotic food, I can talk
for hours, or write for hours, I can role-play. I can
dream.
But remember, both those sides of me are present at all
times. The inner me and the outer me are simply two
inseperable aspects of the same person. Dressing up
simply switches the internal and external views. Even
when wearing a dress, I'm still a guy who likes all of
the above, it just allows me to take off that public mask
and relax. I no longer have to wear the blue pin-stripe
suit, white shirt and 'power' tie. I no longer have to
play 'alpha' male.
I can, for a short while, leave all of that stuff behind
and move on to explore other things. I can browse through
a catalog, looking at the pretty dresses, or the pretty
shoes, or the pretty underwear. I can read a romance
novel, or watch a romance movie. I can simply relax and
enjoy the feeling of silk against my skin, the feeling of
several layers of silk (well, ok, rayon,I can't afford
silk!) moving as I move. Simple pleasures, but simple
pleasures that are denied to me under normal
circumstances. If I sat at work, or at home, doing any of
those things it would raise questions that I'm not
prepared to answer at this point.
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