Expressing oneself is one of first steps in accepting who and what you are.

First, awareness of an aspect becomes noticeable. Then if it is something which isn't generally accepted, we often attempt to deny or eliminate that disturbing discovery.

Some aspects we blame on others, but rarely does this remove them.

My fascination with women's undergarments began when I was under ten years old. Finding a pair of girl's underpants was exciting. The forbidden and hidden was in my possession. For a couple weeks I took them out, but soon forgot them. It wasn't until puberty that "that side" of me appeared again.

Working as a custodian at a health club, I had access to the lost and found. The crossdressing was usually to heighten the sexual enjoyment, but I also learned that it was relaxing. Pretending to be someone else focused the moment and allowed a brief escape from the hectic life.

Stress and sexual frustration became the motivators for my transformations. While in relationships my need decreased, but never diminished. Then, during a particularly long spell without a relationship, I let myself accept that I really liked pampering myself with baths, soft clothing, and time to myself. It was then that I considered that I will always crossdress.

Since my early thirties (and gainful employment) my wardrobe has increased. My dressing is episodic and secret. These are my times. Whether sexual or not, I look forward to that time when I can express and indulge myself.

Megan Thompson