I have countless enemies writing me, asking how they can ensure a prominent execution when we take over and redistribute the wealth they have expropriated from the People.
I feel their pain. Well, with luck, I won't LITERALLY on the day that no rock shall hide them (a Biblical reference - even the devil can quote Scripture) - but you know what I mean....
I cannot speak to the exact intentions and aims of the Workers' Council, since it does not exist, but, if I could, and if I myself had much to do with it, here are some tips:
THE UNREASONABLY PERSONAL REASONS I WOULD PUT YOU UP AGAINST THE WALL EARLY, WITH GREAT ATTENTION PAID
(1) Calling me, or anyone else you deem large, 'big guy' (or, for that matter, 'fat bitch', 'fatso', 'tub o' lard' - you know all these hilarious witticisms by heart, I have no doubt...). In addition to its being blindingly obvious, and thus wasted words, it seems to me you are unlikely to walk up to a little fellow or skinny girl and say 'thinno' or 'scrawny bitch'.
(2) Thinking that my being in a job in which my purpose is to serve you makes me into a robot or slave. Do think again - after all, since you are sooooo much smarter than me, not being in a service industry position, you presumably can.
(3) Holding the conviction that your possession of a large fossil-fuel-fucking, metallic air-pollution device on wheels makes it all right for you to nearly kill me with same while I am legitimately heading to the other side of the road on a clearly marked crosswalk at whatever rate of speed I see fit (trust me that I am not likely to dawdle with you, so to speak, eager to ram up my ass...). Let me be the first and last to inform you that every impatient inch you edge forward and every rude rev of your engine will get you extra space at the wall and additional firing squad members respectively. Lest I seem unreasonable here, I am nearly as upset by foot-propelled wheeled vehicles of all sorts that virtually crash into me while I am so engaged as well, but at least a bicycle/scooter/set of rollerblades do not make the environment to which I am perversely clinging even more hellish and toxic...
(4) While this verges on the next category, statements along the lines of "I hate fags, but I like YOU" rankle as well. I have serious doubts about gay culture and identity politics, but I do not care to be Uncle Tom either. Who is this 'nice respectable fag' that I am supposedly like? If you like me, that is one thing (and a cry for help) - but if you like me because I am not like those other fags you want to see dead or so neurotic and sad they might as well die, since they are not really LIVING, that is quite another, and a thing I would rather not be saddled with, thank you VERY MUCH!!
THE HIGHLY POLITICAL/POLEMICAL REASONS YOU HAVE TO DIE
(1) Dissembling bugs me. I want my evil to wear great big black hats!! As a child, I remember seeing DUCKS UNLIMITED commercials, with the cartoon duck in a tacky but fabulous Hawaiian shirt, sipping a cool tropical concoction, safe in his little habitat, thanks to the nice people at the above charitable foundation. Many years later, I discovered to my horror that they were actually a front group for hunters and fishers. You see, they NEVER mention in their ads that they are trying to preserve wetlands as sportsmen's paradises. If you are going to be in league with the forces of darkness, could you at least wave the skull and crossbones or something? I certainly wouldn't respect you for it, but I could definitely recognize you and either keep away or get ominously close as the context and opportunities dictated.
On a similar note, the recent exposure of filthy-liar 'crisis pregnancy centers' across Canada and the United States, as run by a group called Care Net (if ever a name should send you running and screaming in the other direction...), has given me some pause. Now, I know, given the long history of a chapter in my town, that these organizations are preying on women in desperate situations, and they do not give out information on abortion as an option, and I was reasonably sure that they withheld or 'spun' facts. However, reading about how they said 1 in 13 women had to be hospitalized with life-threatening injuries after an abortion (how clever - by not making the lie too high, and by giving an odd number, they lend it more credence - credit where credit is due, even if fraudulent credit...), or how they described medieval torture devices as part of the procedure ('And now, Mrs. Jones, if you'll just step into this Iron Maiden and fill out these forms...'), or how they would tell an already-distressed woman that she would be 'the mother of a dead baby' (and you, ladies and gentlemen, are the abusers of a living woman...), I was moderately shocked by this dishonesty. That's not a spin - that's a fucking hurricane!!
I am not at all surprised that Stockwell Day, Canadian right-wing demagogue, and his wife have had ties to this crew. However, I still think they should be honest and say: 'We're evangelical Christians, and we want to control your body, especially if your body is Caucasian and middle-class, because we think the white Christian race is in danger of dying off. Of course, if you're NOT in that elite grouping, we'll oppress you too, but that's a given, at no extra charge.' Oh, boy - have a nice day, and may God bless you more than His followers have...
2. Claiming to speak for common sense when you are really speaking from a state of 'commonality', 'vulgarity' 'meanness' and even indecency. This means you, Mr. Harris (Ontario's leader) and Mr. Bush, because I've heard the words 'common sense' issue from your mouths, which I presume you had to spit out before the righteousness and wisdom those sounds SHOULD hold burned holes in your cheeks...
3. Recently, the government of my province has passed laws to attempt to make union-organizing just about impossible, and to make it very easy for employees bullied and pushed around by said bosses to start movements to dismantle virtually the only level of protection between them and the heartless forces of international capitalism, out of what might be called, in Marxspeak, 'false consciousness', but which can be more simply classified as 'fear and intimidation'. Just when I thought it could hardly be more vile, the Ontario government has surprised me (well, not very much so). In a continuing tradition of doublespeak, it has stated that it is introducing
such changes in the name of 'democracy', though it confesses that these requested changes have all come from employers, who, forgive me, tend not to be the majority for which that system of thought is said to be designed. Mr. Harris, we may have to save you two spots at the wall...
4. Oh, heck, doublespeak of any sort, or blatant posturing under the veil of 'democracy', 'family values', 'the taxpayer' (who is this nasty person who pays all the taxes and wants to see children starve, people be evicted and workplaces be converted into Satanic mills with no protection or safety standards? Why does he look exactly like some asshole who only speaks through his C.E.O. or designated spokesman?) or (and this is my favourite one, since it is classic appropriation of left-wing rhetoric into pseudo-Nazi, Right-To-Work filth) 'the working people', almost get you a lawn chair and a last cool drink at the Wall right away.
This is, of course, just a partial list of the Ways. I am sure that those individuals who are most likely to be up against the Wall when the Revolution comes will be able to come up with many other reservation methods. About this, I have no doubt...though I am beginning to wonder whether the Great Wall of China should be set aside for just such an occasion...