I would put on lipstick when we made love and had her call me Michelle. I would ask her why she didn't like to swallow the cum, she said she didn't like the taste. I would always tell her that Michelle would never waste it. So one day she gave me a blow job and I thought she swallowed it all but instead she fed it to me. I was so turned on by it that I asked for it every time. She would asked if I wanted it and said no but Michelle does. I would get her worked up to a point just before an orgasm and she would beg me not to stop but I only continued if she would call me Michelle. After about 2 years of this 1993. She asked me if I would prefer to be a woman I wanted to tell her yes but said no, that I could never have the operation and that this was just a turn on for me.
Things went down hill in January of 1995. I couldn't find a job after graduating and started to just hang around the house making excuses for not being able to find a job. I tried going back to school in the summer but couldn't concentrate on my studies. I failed everything. Tried to start a dance club for teens but couldn't get financing. Our sex life was none existent and with her brother coming down to visit and expecting me to find him a job, when I couldn't get him a work visa that put even more stress on our marriage. I reapplied to go back to school in September, but it took till October 17 to get the student loan. I was in school but the day I got the loan and gave my wife $400.00 I though things would get a little better. Two days later I was playing with our daughter and found our family portrait destroyed and completely went nuts. Their was a lot of shouting and cursing. I told her we were through and starting packing my things. To make a long story short a fight broke out between myself , her and her brother. I was arrested and put in jail overnight. I didn't get to see my daughter for three weeks and contemplated suicide. I am very close to my daughter and would do anything for her. I put private complaint charges on her and her brother and had him arrested just before Christmas when he tried to leave the country for not showing up for court. Christmas day I tried to have her arrest for not having my daughter ready for me. And with a court order in my hand saying I was to pick her up, the police wanted to arrest me. Anyway the second last day of December, 1995 was the lowest point in my life. When I thought I couldn't sink any lowering in this life. I thought about what really caused my relationship to break down and where all my anger was coming from. I was from holding back all the feelings I had of being a woman. But I also wanted my family back. I wrote my ex a very long apology letter saying just about everything was my fault and that she could have custody of Katrina without a court case if I could see her on the weekends.
My brother gave her the letter on New Years Day when he picked up my daughter for me. That evening I called her because Katrina had an infected tooth that gave her great pain. We were at the hospital at this time, she was nice to me on the phone and the day I drove Katrina home with the medicine. And told her everything in the letter was true, and left. I arranged a emergency dentist appointment for her at CHEO in Ottawa. She said she would go with me even though she was very afraid of me. I told her I would do anything to get her back into my life even if it took a long time. She told me to forget it. But I couldn't. We starting to shop together and talk more. She no longer had any sexual feeling for me and I couldn't blame her.
About a month latter at the beginning of February 1996 I went an seen a psychiatrist and told him about our marriage, love life and about how I always had feelings to be a woman. He asked me at the end what do I feel like. I said "I don't know 50/50 " And that I wanted help to remain and be happy as a man. But I talked to my ex and told her everything of the appointment and she said she believes I would be happier as a woman, that she always felt this. And I agreed with her and told the doctor two weeks later that I want to be a woman.
Last Monday the 18th of February, I went shopping with my ex and bought a pair of panty hose. I went home after we talked about makeup and other things. And notice my roommate was home. I put the panty hose in jacket and went to the bathroom to put them on and they fell out right in front of him. I didn't know what to say so I decided to tell him everything. I told him I would move out and he said why. I said could you really stand having someone like me around and he said he doesn't mind. So I told him I would move out be the end of March and he said why. I told him that on April 4th my birthday I wanted to start to live as a woman (reality still didn't set in) and that it wouldn't be fair to him if I was here. He said he didn't care but I told him what about everyone else like people at school if they find out and neighbors and your family. He said he doesn't care what other people think and his family wouldn't care. To prove his point on Friday the 22 he came home from dinner with his father and sister and said see I told you they didn't care. I couldn't believed that he told them. And that they didn't say anything bad about it.
On Tuesday of this same week I told my mother and she took it better than I thought and I had her tell my dad. They both don't like it but there was no yelling but she said if anyone asked she has four boys and no girls. Even though all they wanted their whole lives was just one girl and no boys. As far as I know no one else of my relatives knows but that can't last forever. Looks like I won't be able to live as a woman till September because I can't get a job to pay for the hair removal and to buy the clothes I need. And my parents sure won't help.
February 27, 1996
Today I bought some very nice panties and a bra. I needed size 38 to fit nicely and couldn't find one so bought a 36. Will buy another by the end of the week. Will keep searching until I find a 38. Also re-applied for college for the summer so I could have some money to buy the clothes and remove the unwanted hair. I plan to graduate this semester but in the month of August I want to start on hormone's. My ex is been really good to me about shopping and helping me with my conversion.
I went also to talk to a beautician and found out it is $60.00 for a complete facial but I need it to find out which colours and best suited for me. I will be able to afford this about the second week of school. Also she has a friend (for $160.00) that helps women match the right clothes for their size and makeup. I really want to see her after the facial.
March 2,1996
Yesterday I got an unexpected surprise. I received a refund cheque from the school because 2 weeks earlier I said I wasn't going to attend this summer ( I didn't tell them why), but I was told the money would just be deducted from my student loan. One week ago I told them I was going back to school because my job didn't come through and they said they would just keep the money. Well they screwed up and I got $579.00. I decided to start my electrolysis next week. I will see my beautician on Tuesday to start my first session. I will get one a week and the money should last tell school starts in May.
November 2, 1996 I stop writing after March 2, 1996. I just didn't bother with it. So here is what happen to since then. I started electrolysis. I didn't hurt much the first few times. I was going twice a week for 1 hour apiece. But around the fourth session, the pain was getting to be too much. She decided to use a cream to numb the face. It took a hour to set in and she said it would last for over an hour. The numbness would last only for about 30-40 minutes. But I endured this for about 30 hours within the next 2 months. But then I couldn't take the pain anymore. I always had really sensitive skin, but this was unreal. She completely remove the hair from my upper lip about 5 times. But now the hair is thicker and darker.
I found another electrolysis in Ottawa that doesn't use needles. But a galvanic current. This would cost $45.00 without taxes for the first appointment. Then it would be $55.00 after that. She asked me if she would do the tweezing or if I wanted to save money I do it myself. I decided to do it myself. In one hour she did all my neck. I found out that my right side has a sensitive nerve. The nerve when ever she put the current on sent a jolt threw my neck. It wasn't painful, just felt really weird. Kind of like with your leg or arm falls asleep and you get that tingling feeling when the blood starts to circulate again. She told me about two other TS's she is doing. No names though, she very professional. I ask her if she could ask on of them if they wouldn't mind talking to me. She did and I met Ray a few weeks later. Ray is a 44 year old who has been on hormones for 1.5 years when I met him. He is still living as a man. But It must be real hard for him because his breast are really growing. We talk for hours and then I had to leave to get back home. We talk every now and then on the phone. This was the last time I had electrolysis because my car broke down and had to repair it. It cost me over $1500.00 by the time it was done. (NOTE: on October 31,1996 I was driving back to Cornwall from Ottawa , more on Ottawa later, to get a new alternator for my car and it broke down in Bonville. $30 dollars tow. Then other $30.00 to tow it to the repair shop and $300.00 to repair it.) So I only had in June enough after the repair job to survive for the summer.
I passed all my course though and got a work term in Ottawa. Anyway, before school was out for the kids in June, I spend every other day or so going to my ex's and getting dress up. We would talk about clothes and make-up. After time I bought something new, like a lip pencil, she had to go out buy one herself. In April she volunteer to help out at a high school, so we couldn't spend much time anymore talking as girls. But she allowed me to use her house. One day I asked her if she would go to Ottawa with me to do some shopping, I wanted to buy a wig. But all I could do is look because I didn't have the money. We found a place called Transition in St. Laurent Shopping Plaza and the sales girl took us into a tiny back room to try out some wigs. Two days before I pluck my mustache and my lip was slightly swollen. she told the sales girl right away that I wanted to become a woman so she wouldn't be embarrassed when the sales girl ask who the wig was for. I ended up (she paid for it, I paid her back two weeks later) with a long brunettes wig. I took me days to comb all the tangles out of it. It was the display model. The first day back at my ex's, I got dressed up and what an improvement with long hair. I never felt so relax and content in all my life. (Except when my daughter was born). I was in heaven. The next thing I need to buy is glasses. (Nov. 2,1996 I still don't have them but by mid December I should).
I couldn't believe the difference. That day she had to go to school. I said I would drive her. I usually stayed at her home and she borrowed my car. She look a little shock that I would go out in public but I didn't care. I drove to school and then I drove to the mall. I tell you I have never been more nervous in all my life. I sat in the car wondering if I should do this or not. Then I said to myself "I have nothing to lose and everything to gain". I walked down the mall to the store where I bought the outfit I was wearing. I think back to the day I bought the outfit. The day before my ex and I were in this store and looking for clothes for her. I saw this mini-dress that I like and the next day I bought it. I was there when the store open and walk straight to it. Pick out a size 10 and went to pay for it. The sales girl said, boy, you sure know what you want. I replied I was in yesterday with the wife and she decide she wanted it today but couldn't pick it up herself. I paid and left. I raced home and tried it on. To my surprise it wasn't a mini-dress but a one piece with shorts. I didn't like shorts, I wanted a dress. It was also to tight around the chest. I took it back and told the sales lady it was to small. She said what size is she. I answer I don't know but how much difference was there between sizes. It got confusing, I couldn't answer her and she didn't seem to be able to answer my question, and then I decide WHAT THE HELL, this lady is a professional. I told her your a professional and that the dress was for me. She didn't look shock or anything. She said if I like I could go into the back dressing and try them on. I couldn't believe this. I said sure the store was empty and if anyone came in they usually use the two front change rooms. I went back with here and put on the skirt and blouse, size 10. She said it was a little tight and went to get a size 12 and 14. She said the 12 was the best for me. She also she has a cousin like me who dresses up. So this was the first and so far only time I tried on clothes other than a long green jacket for winter that was on sales for $50.00 regular $240.00. I'm hoping I get to wear it sometime this winter.
When My ex found out I told the sales lady about me and tried on a skirt and blouse, she said she would never shop in that store again with me. About one month later she changed her mind. This store has a lot of things on sales and before June arrived I bought about $250.00 worth of clothes. So did she. My biggest problem was my large feet. We had to go to a special shoe store and found out I take a size 11 wide woman's. These nice 1 inch heel black cost me $60.00. I was shock because most woman can by great shoes for $20.00. I never even bought men shoes for more the $35.00. Being a woman sure won't be cheap. Well back to the day I went shopping as a woman. I got a lot of stares from men who were smiling and most woman didn't even bother to look. I went to the store where I bought the outfit and looked around, I think the sales lady was suspicious but said nothing. My female voice really sucks, It really needs work. I left the store and got back into my car. My heart was racing a mile a minute.
I got back to my ex's house and called the only Post-Op I knew. Her name is Shannon, she had the operation on April 30, 1980. When she was 19. Their was no-one else to talk to. I didn't mind talking to her, but she's a heavy drinker and smoker, plus does drugs. I thought what a waste. To struggle your whole life to be a woman and slowly poisoning yourself to death. Anyway we went shopping and we got allot of stares but I don't know who they were staring at. I was dress in a black skirt and matching top. White blouse and black stocking and 1 inch heels. She was in a tank top and jeans. She has a slight masculine face with short hair. We were quite a contrast but I didn't let it bother me. We went to about 5 stores. She was looking for a belt that is about 4-5 inches wide. We never found one. I took her home..
Then I decided to go see my electrolysis. I walk in and there was no other customers. She came out front and I said hi. She stared and then figured out it was me. She gave me hints on how to were the skirt better, above the knee not below. She said below is for old ladies. She said I should also get a slip. So that day I did. We talk for about half an hour then I left to pick my ex up at school. We went to her house and talked about my day. Then I had to change because the kids would be home soon. I hated changing back to Andre.
My last trip outside dress was about mid July. My parents were watching Katrina and the boys were not supposed to be home. They were and my ex and I left in the car. She drove to Ottawa and I change in the back seat. I thought I did a good job, she didn't say anything. We got to Ottawa and did some shopping. I had her take my picture and when we left to go home, We stopped at a deserted gas station (it was closed down) and I change outfits, several times and she took my pictures. Weeks later a got the film back and was shocked. All I could see was a guy dress as a woman. My face look like I didn't have any make-up on. I was embarrassed and depressed. I showed her the pictures and ask how she could let me walk around looking like that. She said the pictures make it look worse then it actually was. I go so depressed that I couldn't get dressed again and pack my clothes away.
I wasn't until a talk to Ray in September, when I move to Ottawa that I realize just what a good mark-up job could do for me. Ray showed me some pictures of him as Ray-Ann and I must say I couldn't recognize him at all. I always thought he would make an ugly girl but was I ever wrong. But when I first saw my pictures I got so depressed that I gave up and didn't care about my appearance anymore. The twenty odd pounds I lost I regained in less then two months. But after seeing Ray-Ann I went back on my diet and started exercising again and have lost 5 pounds.
I started seeing Dr. Bourget at the Ottawa Civic Hospital in August. She set up an appointment to do all the testing. I wasn't sure still at this time because of the pictures but decide if I change my mind at least this part would be over. I did the testing (5 hours) the next week and in September she said I passed and could start hormone therapy. I told her I would wait until February so that nothing would be noticeable by December 1997, this should be when I graduate. But now I want to start right away. My next appointment is Nov. 7 and this is when I want to start. If things are really noticeable in September 1997. I'll just finish school as Michelle.
With my tax return I should be able to start back up with electrolysis.
Well about the job I got in Ottawa. I applied for many co-op jobs since starting school back in September 1992 and never got one. But on the 2nd week of September I went and talk to our co-op coordinator and ask about any jobs. He said everyone I applied for has been canceled or filled. But that afternoon he called me and told me a job just became available at Transport Canada in Ottawa. It seems that Andre Piquette got a better job and they still needed someone. I got the job without even an interview. The job pays $854.00 per two weeks but after taxes its just $651.11. So far I haven't been able to keep any money for myself. Even my next paycheck I need $300.00 to repair the car. It won't be until mid Dec. till I get any money for myself. I sure could use a nice pair of red 1 inch shoes. All I have is the black ones I bought around March. The job is easy and fun. But whenever the boss leaves for days at a time he only gives me enough things to do to keep me busy for about 1 hour. I spend allot of time on the net looking at web sights for information on TS and other related topics. Well this catches up to everything I think, if I come up with something else I'll write it down.
November 3, 1996
I'm sitting in my room and dress in a beautiful red dress. I haven't put any makeup on though. It's just to relax a little. I have redone my toe nails in a nice shade of red.
November 24, 1996
Sorry, it's been a while. Well this is what happen to me lately. Got a used engine put in my car $300.00. Just visited the same mechanic and had him fix a head light and change a tire. Even though I take home $1318.00 a month I have only about $20.00 a week for myself. Since I didn't pay my phone bill $108.00, I sent away for Sweet Simplicity a hair removing kit. Lets hope it works.
November 27, 1996
I applied at www.metrocities.net for a home page. I should know by Monday or Tuesday. I have been designing it at work. Loaded down a lot of neat animated gif's for it. I'm having a lot of fun talking to girls & a few guys, on Susan's Chat Line over the net. I'm thinking of staying for another semester but what do I do about the $28000.00 student loan. So I'll ask at the bank sometime this week and see the cost. I've set up an appointment with Dr. Barwin, who is supposed to be the best for hormones. But can't see me until Feb. 2, 1997. This will make practically one full year since I realize who and what I am, and decided not to fight it.
December 5, 1996
Well almost got to go to a party fully dress but it fell through, the Gender Mosaic person gave me a lame excuse. There is only room for 35 people and we already have 20. I don't think he actually knew what he said. Anyway the great news. Finally, after two weeks got my password and put up my home page. Sure there is more work to do. But it sure is exciting. Got to find a counter for it. The site is www.metrocities.net/westhollywood/5940/Michelle.html.
Well I guess tomorrow at work, I'll probably still won't have much to do, So I'll work on the page and chat at Susan's. I've got the job here for the summer if I want it. Found a new company (3 years old) that sells natural hormone pills. Going to give it a try and if it works, will talk about (already have) being a Canadian distributor.
December 21, 1996
I know been a while. Well keep meeting new friends on the net. Boy Susan's Chat is wonderful. Keep changing my Web Page and having fun with it. Looks like I'm going to win a contest on the internet. Only person to submit a picture for it. Contest ends Dec 31,1996. I should win 1st, 2nd and 3rd place prizes. Anyway, my appointment with Dr. Barwin is moved up by a week to Jan 31, at 1:45pm. Still trying to get it sooner. Bought a lot of presents for my daughter (picture on BIO page). I believe I will subscribe to GeoCities for full membership in the New Year. I think I will add a new section to my pages and call it " COMING OUT STORIES ", were people can put up there coming out stories, if they don't have a web page, or a link to there coming out stories. This should help more people with their own coming out, they will read what other people did and what happened, good & bad. Well till next time
Well, Christmas was pretty good for me this year. My daughter had fun but had to be reminded that this Jesus's birthday, not hers and she should be grateful that she got presents anyway. Car broke down and don't trust it to come back to Ottawa. My parents drove me on the 26 back home. Had lunch and got into Michelle mode. Just about to put my wig on and in comes my landlords. My god! I thought, what am I going to do. If they want to talk to me. Well there was no way to undo all my work (mark-up, nails, etc.) so I put on my wig and waited. They just dropped of stuff for the the tenants and left. My heart was pounding a mile a minute. The rest of the day was great. Went for a walk at night, but since it finally snowed it was cold and wet in heels, going to have to buy winter boots.
Feb. 8, 1997
It's been a while, so here goes. On the 19 of Jan, 1997, I received my order of Feminol and started using it. It felt wonderful to finally start, also started using Evansce. I found that my sexual drive went down, this may just have been a placebo effect.
On January 31,1997 My first endocronologist visit. Dr. Barwin in Nepean. He's a very nice doctor and treated my with professional courtesy. He had my stop Feminol and start on Birth Control Pills. Because they have a high estrogen level. He said this would give me maximum breast growth. We will see. Anyway since coming of Feminol have found my sex drive has return somewhat.
The next wonderful news is I won first prize in Melanie's Phillips photo contest (I was the only one to enter). First prize was $100.00 U.S. . I sent her E-Mail where to send me the money but to deduct the cost of here voice tape. She sent my $80.00 and the tape. Great Gal she is, no tax and no shipping.
Well that's it for now, school is going great so far. Till next time, bye for now.
January 31,1997
Had the appointment with Dr. Barwin and started HRT on birth control pills. They are 2 mg of Demulen. He gave me 6 packs of 21 pills each. Should last me until next visit in May.
Feb. 27,1997
Had an appointment with Dr. Bourget and went as Michelle, spent 1.5 hours that morning getting ready at the beauty salon. That was fun getting a facial done. But it was very windy going to Ottawa and my car leaked massive amount of oil. Had to put oil in 2 times before Ottawa and four times on the way home. Coming back it was snowing and windy, my skirt was flying all over the place. Anyway the drive took over 3 hours there and back and was at the appointment for less then 15 minutes. Could have done that on the phone.
March 1, 1997
My right breast is growing at a good rate but the left one hasn't started yet.
March 11, 1997
The right breast is still going and the left still hasn't started so I called Dr. Barwin's office and was told that this is normal for a lot of girls going through puberty. Well It's just after our spring break and things are pretty much OK. I have been on hormones for 40 days now. Breast are a little tender, but hey!, it's puberty all over again. Well be going back to work in May in Ottawa.
OSAP has ripped me off over $2000.00. I tell you if going to school and your expecting money from them. Don't tell the truth. Lie... because they don't allow you any deduction for anything. Even traveling to work and back. You are expected to keep that money for school.
Overall Feb. wasn't bad, been spending a lot of time with my daughter. We been having a lot of fun. Her tonsils look like they will have to come out.
April 3, 1997
Had a argument with EX over if I should see Katrina after FT. She ended up yelling at me but I was calm, I apologize 3 days later, but it pretty well ruin my birthday on the 4th.
April 6,1997
I apologized to my EX and said I would disappear from Katrina's life after FT, and that it was the hormones that made me say what I said.
April 10,1997
Looks like I will flunk Ken's class but pass everything else. Most people are flunking Ken's class. Have an eye appointment today and wanted to buy a pair of women's glasses but will have to put that off since I have only $200.00 to my name and need/must give $185.00 to the school to have a summer job. Great government we have, we have to pay for a job and they give us a $1.00/hour pay decrease.
June 10,1997
Well its been awhile since a wrote anything down. Lets see what happen to me since then. Well had a good meeting with both doctors and got a prescription for Adrocure (probably spelled that wrong), a male hormone suppressant. Couldn't afford to buy them until tomorrow. Can't wait to take them. *smile* Well got a perm on the 4th of June and it felt great. This Saturday I'm getting a complete facial electrolysis treatment and that night I'm going to my first Gender Mosaic meeting. To bad I can't go as Michelle because you have to wait about 2 days before you can put on makeup after a electrolysis treatment. I figure I won't have the money to go to to school so I'll have to look for a job come September.
Also had a friend call and he sounded depress a little and I told him his life couldn't be as hard as mine and told him why, now he knows all about me. More and more people are finding out, but I must be careful who I talk too.
June 16,1997
Well this is what happened to me on the weekend. I went to electrolysis for 9:30am and left at 1:15pm. on Saturday the 14. I was great talking to Martine about a lot of things and she said she would love to help me out with makeup and other things. Really nice girl. What I could take that morning was the plucking of the hair. It hurt to much and a broke down and cried. She comfort me and we finished my upper lip. I decided to just shave the rest off.
That evening I went to my first Gender Support Group meeting and had a great time, I went as Andre because I'm no longer comfortable with my make up skills, and didn't want to go on the bus for over 30 minutes with skill like that. But next time someone is going to pick me up so I can be Michelle.
There was a great bunch of people to chat with, I was jealous of a girl named Lynn. She is a TS but hasn't start HRT yet, this November she will. Any way, the reason I'm jealous is that she is 5'7" tall, can by clothes and shoes anywhere, and to top it of she wears a size 6. Damn she looks really good, once HRT kicks in she will be incredible.
There's a fashion/auction show going on on July 5 and they asked for people to dress up with clothes they wish to model and to carry out items to bid on, its for Pride. I really thinking of doing this. *smile*.
Well that was my weekend fun for myself and on Sunday I called my daughter and she wished me a happy fathers day.
I went for blood work on the 23 and also found out that the pills I'm taken have 6 times the estrogen of premarin. Wow, no wonder my breast started growing after the first month. Thanks Dr. Barwin.
That's it for now.
June 27,1997
Well today I go for my second electrolysis treatment this year. I already see a lot of empty space in my mustache. Looking forward to July 12 for the Gender Mosaic party, my 2nd one, where Michelle will make an appearance to the group. I will have had electrolysis done 2 days prier and that day I will be shopping for a new camisole and makeup. I'm hoping with the beard gone in will look pretty good. I can't seem to ge able to hid it very well. Well what's happening with the hormones. My breast are growing nicely, I took a measurement and their supposed to be a "B" cup but I don't think so, because they fit so good in an "A" cup bra. The Adrocure is working nicely, hardly ever get erections anymore and its great.
June 30.1997
Well on Friday the 27 spent 3 hours on electrolysis and 13 hours on the weekend plucking the hair. Is my face sore. But the hair is supposed to be finer and less of it each time. So hopefully it will not take so long next time. I spend my time at home wearing my pink shorts and tank top. Going to have to buy more of them, very comfortable. Going today to buy a bra that hooks in the front, hopefully this will give me more shape. My face looks wonderful to me with no facial hair at all on it, it will not last long but is great none the less. Well tomorrow is Canada Day, July 1st. I'm going to spend it here at the office on the chat lines and working on my web pages.
July 4,1997
It was a pretty good Canada Day except for Susans's Chat went down about 1:30pm. Just when I was answering someone's question. Hopefully today Sally will be back on and we can continue. Did a wonderful thing on Canada Day, help a blind person get three blocks down the road through the crowd and sat him down next to a vender because he wanted a coke. He said thanks and I left. The big disappointment to me is that people believe they have to rip people off on Canada Day. Doesn't make me to proud to be Canadian, but then again the whole world (business people) think they have to rip people off. Why can't people just make an honest living without over pricing.
Otherwise it was a pretty good day. My next appointment for electrolysis is now 12:30pm on Thursday the 10th and I haven't really grown anything much to work on, I expect it to be bigger by then but it is sure nice not to have to shave.
July 6th, 1997
What a fantastic day I had yesterday. First I went down to the Tall Girl shop and tried on some shoes and jeans. Will be picking up a pair of soft sneaker type shoes and a junior size 9 pair of jeans on Wednesday. $100.00 does not get you much nowadays. That was how I spent 1 hour of my time.
Next I went to a club called the Wet Lounge, its a Pride Club, ( gay bar) for a fashion / auction show that our group the Gender Mosaic of Ottawa are having. The other girls showed up about noon and there were 11 of us for the show. Four of the girls would be doing the fashion modeling and carrying the items to bid on. It was a lot of fun and 7 hours flew by very fast.
Then we went to a bar/grill for supper and were treated very politely and nice. The place was called Wall Street on Bank street in Ottawa. Before I continue I must stress that I was the only one in guy mood, I felt out of place most of the day. But had fun non the less. Anyway the waitress came up and said excuse me ladies then looked at me and said sorry, but I smile and said do worry its fine with me, big grins from everyone. She felt better and we all had a good time.
Everyone enjoyed their meals and about 9:15pm when we where about to leave the manager or owner came up and offered everyone, on the house, what ever drink they wanted, only two of us didn't have anything, I was one of them.
After we left we were all told that we were invited to a lesbian dance that night, since I wasn't dress, I went home, about 5 people went to the dance, I will find out this Saturday night how it went.
Well that is about what went on this weekend. What a great time.
July 10, 1997
What a great time I had last night. I went and had a "Etheric Repair" done to me. I arrived at 6:30pm and at 8:30pm she said she was done. I told her that was only about 45 minutes long and she told me it was 2 hours. I just couldn't believe that 2 hours went by so fast.
What went on is this: I laid down on a table and with a pillow under me knees to raise them. She placed her hands on my head and just said what ever she was sensing. Something's seem pretty far fetched but she said a few things that no one knew about me. At least she couldn't have known because we only met a week earlier and that was for about 10 minutes while I scan some papers for her. Then I read what they were about and asked her questions, she told me and I booked an appointment.
One of the things was she senses that I felt out of place here, not only as a person but with the whole planet. Also she said that my right hand was in pain and I said where. She told me the baby finger and she was right, it was broken in the fall of 95 and never healed right. There were a few other things but just minor details.
She talk about injuries of past lives.
(2) My right foot was shot during a hunting accident
(3) My heart was stabbed with a knife
(4) My right shoulder blade was pierced by a pigmy arrow
(5) My right hand was chop with an ax
(6) My heart was hit with a laser (I take it this is the future)
She said that I have the ability to write fantastic novels if I gave it a chance, because I have a very wild imagination. She was right about the imagination.
Overall it was a great evening, she also told me that I will have the ability to see aura's around people and believe it or not this morning as I type at the bottom of my left vision I seeing a hint of purple. Pretty weird huh! I plan to do the exercise she recommended.
My reaction when this was all over was slightly confused. I did tell her about me being TS and she told me she has a very close friend named Heather in Vancouver where she will be moving back at the end of the month. She was kind and very understanding. Someone that you can confine in and not feel like out of place with like talking to some doctors (you know what I mean).
She also lent me a CD called Dream Partner by Marcey Hamm. It very nice relaxing music to listen too. I will have to buy a copy for myself.
I tell you this the next time I go for one of these things, I'm bringing a tape recorder, so I won't forget a thing. Whether this is real or fake doesn't matter to me, It made me feel good and that's what counts. So give it a try. Do a search on the Web for someone near you. I'm going to have her do Reiki on me at the end of the month before she moves to experience that also.
Take care until next time.
July 13,1997
Writing this early morning. What a great day I had yesterday. First I plucked as much of my beard as I could, couldn't get it all because it wasn't long enough to grab. So this was the only disappointment for me. But since I was only going out at night I knew I could cover it well enough for the Gender Mosaic meeting.
Well when I was cooking up some pasta for a salad the phone rang and it was one of thoughs marketing companies. So I agreed to answer their questions. I t took about 10 minutes, needless to say I forgot about the pasta and it was ruined. Anyway at the end of the questions she asked me if I would be OK with various companies asking me questions about product and services and they would pay me for it. I said I wouldn't mind and she took my name and address and such. The great part was when she ask me if she should put down Mrs. or Miss, I asked her to repeat that and I said that I'm a Mr.. She apologized and I said do I really sound like a girl on the phone she yes that she put down that I was a female. I said that I won't be for at least another year and a half that I was a TS and said that I really appreciated her telling me I sounded like a girl. That was twice that week this happen. I wasn't even trying. This really made my day. She said OK and that was the end of the conversation.
The meeting that night was great too, I received a lot of complements and we also had 2 new people show up, both in male mode, 1 is a TV the other I don't know, forgot to asked. Had a few more pictures taken and their now up on my Picture page.
Well today is the Pride parade, I wanted to be a part of it, but my makeup isn't good enough for daytime yet, next month. But I will show my support by being part of the crowd and who knows I may show up to the dinner.
Well that's it for now.
July 14,1997
What another great day. My intention was to go to the Pride parade and be a spectator and follow the parade to the end. I ended up in the middle from the beginning and enjoy myself all the way through. I even help to carry the police association flag with other members of Gender Mosaic and also for the first time their was a gay police officer and a gay RCMP. It was a blast. Later at the party we set up a booth with information about Transgender people and Gender Mosaic, we answered a lot of questions and had a wonderful day. Later on we went to dinner and it was also fun. Just to bad I was in Male mode all day. But this should be the last time I'm in male mode, God willing. I wish I could have gotten some pictures of me at the parade. Well there's always next year.
Well that's it for now.
July 18,1997
Well on the 15th I stop at the chip wagon and talk to Dorothy, she's the lady who had the chip wagon at the Pride parade. I wanted to tell her what I was so she didn't confuse me with gays or whatever. I couldn't believe that so many people didn't know what a transsexual was. She thought it was Bisexual. The education system really should teach people simple facts like this. Now she knows I'm a MTF.
Last night the fire alarm went off at home while I was talking to Lynn. Had to say good-bye and get dress to go outside. It took me about 6 minutes or so to dress and get out with my roommate and the fire department another 10 minutes or so to arrive. Strange there just down the road about 1km. Good thing there was no real fire.
Today I scan 4 pictures for a lady who is friends with Yvette (Etheric Repair) and co-worker, she asked me if I played a musical instrument and said no, then I said oh! my nails. She said yes that she has a friend who plays classical guitar and so thought maybe I did. I said no, just changing my life. Yvette told me after that she also has a friend who went through SRS. Small world, two people on my floor so far who has friends who have gone through SRS.
Well that's if for now.
July 21,1997
What a great weekend. I went to Lynn's place for 1:00pm and help with the yard work, we went shopping, I went to get a push cart and a teenage girl about 15-16 years old was staring at my breast (I was in guy mode) and all I did was smile and continued on my way. After shopping we talked a bit and got ready for the BBQ. I decided to wear my hair in a pony tail because I was wearing jeans, size 9 junior, darn hard to sit down or bend down to get into a car. But looked pretty good. Well when we got there it was canceled so Lynn, Joanne and myself went to dinner at Wall Streets again. It was nice a quiet. Lynn paid for mine, so now this Saturday or next week I'm taking her and Joanne out for dinner. It great just going out, more and more often.
On Sunday my daughter and her mother came and we went shopping. Had to rush because of her appointment at 1:00pm. So that gave Katrina and myself 2.5 hours by ourselves. We took a bus ride and bought snacks and bread to feed the ducks. We did this for an hour and then took a bus ride to the airport. When we came back it was time to pick her mother up and they went home.
Over all it was a great weekend. Next weekend electrolysis, so not much will go on except plucking those darn facial hairs.
Well that's it for now.
July 22,1997
Well it was payday yesterday and I went shopping. Went to the Bay at St. Laurent and bought a sports bra after the sales girl took my measurements. Kind of fun. Also purchased 4 pairs of panties (why do they call them pairs when there is only one of them) 2 were black and 2 blue. Also bought 2 sets of hoop earrings and a necklace with a cross on it. They the last thing I did was have my eyebrows trimmed. Tonight I'll pluck them thinner.
Well that's it for now.
July 25,1997
Well its a really boring day, have finished everything needed to be done at its 12:33pm. What now. Well for one thing Yvette my Reiki Master is really a wonderful person, today she brought in some skin lotion and expensive perfume she says she can't wear anymore because she is now allergic to it. Well im probably not, so at the next social, which is a BBQ I will try some on.
Well that's it for now.
July 30, 1997
Had a Reiki healing with Yvette on Saturday at 7:00am and it was fine. We talk for a while then I had to leave. Before I left she gave 2 Reiki power symbols that you do with your hands to help healing. At 9:00am it was time for my electrolysis and it took about 1.5 hours this time because I only had her do it once instead of twice. I spend about 4 hours that day plucking and about 4 on Sunday. I even spent 1 hours on Monday night to clear up any small hairs I missed on those 2 days.
Tuesday after roller balding home, I got into the shower and nearly had a heart attack. I slipped and fell out of the tub, but smash both sets of toes into the tub and fell down hard but the curtain slowed me down and kept me from hitting my head on the sink. I sat there with the shower going and water coming down on the floor for about 5 minutes or so, to scared to move. Finally recovered with a sore butt. But now I'm more careful and scared every time I get into the tub.
Well I decided to go home this weekend for the long weekend and tell my family 2 weeks ahead of what I planned. In this case if they reject me I will have a month to find a job in Ottawa, possible 2 before I'm totally broke. Well wish me luck and I'll probably need a lot of it.
Bye all for now.
August 5, 1997
And all hell breaks loose for me this weekend....
My weekend was the pits. When I approached my grandmother and told her I had something to tell her she saw how nervous I was and said what is the matter. Are you going to die. I said no, nothing that serious. Well she said what ever it is just say it. I told her it isn't easy for me to say this. Then out of the blue she said, what, are you going to tell me you want to be a girl. I was shocked, how did she know. I asked her why she said that, she said someone told someone who told someone who told her last year that I wanted to be a girl. I only told Marta (my EX), who told her boys, who probably told my youngest brother, but she said no it wasn't Paul, that she couldn't tell me. I told her how I felt my whole life and she said she can't believe something like that. That I was born a man and will die one. She is 84 and stuck in her small world. She never did answer my question if I could still come and visit, she got off the topic. I even quoted her some bible quotes. She didn't care.
My father wouldn't look at me and my mother said she doesn't believe it either. After I tried to explain things through tiers for over 1/2 hour I gave up and packed and took my child and left. While I packed my mother asked "Why didn't you tell us this sooner." First of all I told them in Feb. 96 and as if it would have made a difference how early I told them. I said as I left, you have my number, my father said in a cold voice, "OK, Fine". I don't expect to here from them again.
Found out my EX has a new boyfriend. Kind of jealous but she has to get on with her life. I'm just not part of it anymore. She didn't want to tell me about him but I found out from our daughter. I told her I'm glad she found john. Because I was a little worried about her, emotionally and all, and now that she has someone special again, I feel a lot better for her. Besides Katrina needs someone around more often. Would like to meet him once anyway to see for myself what kind of man he is. I wish her all the best.
When I got back to my apartment my friends tell me I'm out because he will have a new roommate in Sept.
So now I have no family, no place to live to go to school, OSAP won't give me enough that's for sure, now no job for Sept. or place to live,
Other than that, I'm just peachy.
Have fun all....
August 7,1997
I had a good day yesterday. Got paid and bought a new sports bra, nightgown (lovely white with a lace collar), 2 small purses and a wallet, and a water bottle with a belt, plus nail hardener. Then of course had to buy food, total of the day $150.00. But it was fun.
Can not wait for Saturday night for the BBQ social. Got to show off my new jewelry and one purse.
I'm still thinking of my family though.
Take care all...
August 11,1997
Well had a pretty good time on Saturday night at the BBQ. Ray-Ann showed up with a new outfit. We had a great meal and the guest speakers who represented Gays, Lesbian Bi-Sexuals, gave a great talk on what's going on out there with there support groups. It seems a lot of younger people as low as 12 are using the help line here in Ottawa, and they get calls from all over the world.
Yesterday on Sunday, I decided to go shopping for a new outfit. I went to CarlingWood mall at the Sears and bought two new outfits for a total of $71.46. One was a pink mini dress and the other had a flowered top and pink skirt. It would have been cheaper if I bought them on Saturday, extra 40% off the sales price but couldn't make it, was plucking my face for the social.
Well Wednesday is getting closer all the time for my makeup lesson. Can't wait.
I received a call yesterday morning from my EX who wanted to know how I felt and she told me what a good time Katrina is having. I called her back last night and thanked her for the call, she still cares enough to call me and see if I'm all right. I truly hope things work out for her with John. Also talk to Katrina and I asked her if she likes John and she said yes, but also she likes me the best. What a wonderful child for 5 years old. It made me feel better since I won't be seeing her much anymore.
Take care all...
August 13,1997
WOW, has this day been going great, first I'm going to get over $3800.00 from OSAP for college, and now the insurance company that has been screwing up for 2 months is sending me a check today in the mail. Besides all that I'm going for a makeup lesson today, talk about a great day.
Take care all...
August 15,1997
WOW, what a great two days. Lets see, on Wednesday at 2:40pm I was at the Bay at the Rideau Center in Ottawa and went upstairs into the ladies room, which is located in the men's department and changed into Michelle. A few ladies came in while I was there but since I was in the handi-caps stall they never saw me. When I left the rest room and had to go through the men's department, I went through (around) all the clothes to avoid people as much as possible, since I wasn't wearing any makeup. Couldn't hide when I went to the escalators so I just grinned and bared it. I got a few stares but nobody said anything. Sat down at the MAC counter but was 10 minutes early.
When Lena started on me my nervousness went away the more makeup I had on. I got to do my right eye to learn how. She did a wonderful job on me, but they didn't (they don't carry at this counter) have anything to cover the facial growth completely. Have to order it from Montreal. But non the less it wasn't to bad. But when I saw my lips, I was in shock, what a fantastic site they were, I never had nicer lips in my life. I bought a lot of cosmetics and the cost was $127.08.
Joanne was there taken pictures through the whole things. Should have them next week.
We then went to Margo's house for dinner and a small meeting to discuss any problems we might have. There was 7 of us total. It was a great evening. Michelle-Renee taught me a few exercises to loose wait. But they hurt but we will see in two weeks how good they are.
We ended the evening at 10:30pm and thank Margo's for a wonderful supper, she's a great cook.
On Thursday I was supposed to have two doctors appointments but one was canceled. Got the call at 7:00 in the morning. So I took my time getting up and did the exercises and went and did some shopping. When I got back did laundry. At 12:00pm I started getting ready for my 3:00pm appointment. Took about 1.5 hours to do my face and get dress. Oh! did my nails at 11:00am. Left to catch the bus in a pink short dress with white shoes and a white purse. Felt great but was nervous that someone would say something. No one said anything and I had to take two buses to get downtown. It was 2:10pm and decided to go to the MAC counter and get a lip liner pencil, didn't pick one up on Wed.
Well it was 2:35pm when I left and had 25 minutes to get to the doctors. When I went through the mall a man stared at me up and down twice and I mean stared I just smiled and kept going. If he stared any harder his eyes would have popped out. The only people who giggled or said anything was a group of four teenage girls about 15 years old. As they say you can't hide from children or teenage girls. I didn't let it bother me and just kept going to the bus stop.
I was 10 minutes late but the doctor didn't mind. We had a great chat for over 30 minutes and I felt great. She said I was very passable and that a lot of her patients aren't. Talk about a great day.
Well on Saturday I will be going out with a bunch of the girls for the day.
Tell you about it on Monday.
Take care all...
August 18,1997
Well my weekend was pretty good, on Saturday, Lynn had to work and Joanne had a sudden change of plans but went shopping with Linda. We went to a lot of stores and about 4:30pm I notice Linda had a stain on the back of her blouse, we couldn't clean it up so we went to eat at East Side Mario's and went home. Ruined the evening out for her, she wanted to go bar hopping. On the way out of East Side Mario's I slipped on a spot of ketchup which the waiter did a lousy job of cleaning, managed to keep my balance but everyone stared. So much for being unnoticeable.
On Sunday, Joanne picked me up at 1:00pm, she knock on the door, I was expecting a call from the lobby so I thought it was someone else, and asked my roommate to answer the door. It was her and she asked for Michelle, he was confused because he didn't know who Michelle was. Never told him my name. Then she asked for André, Well he got to see Michelle and Joanne. Shock for him.
We went to a small cafe and talked for about an hour then she had to go to a Pride meeting and I tagged along. There were about 12 people there total and I knew/met about 3 of them before. It was a 3 hour meeting to discuss improvements for next year. I put in my $0.02 worth. Then we went to dinner then she dropped me off at the bus stop and I went home. She had to save time to pack for her big trip. No problem with me taking the bus, did six buses on Thursday, so this was no big deal.
The great thing is I went out 4 times out of 5 days. What a great week.
Take care all...
August 21,1997
Well not much has happened. Met Sasha last night at a bar/grill in Ottawa. She is a cross-dresser and wants to get out more often. Told her about Gender Mosaic and is interested in coming to the next social. We both met in guy mode. But considering the place we were in, it was best. She will call Joanne next week and get the details of the next social.
Tomorrow Katrina is coming down with her mother and were all going to the EX 97.
Take care all...
August 25,1997
Well not much to say. Did electrolysis on Friday morning and had to cancel my daughters trip to the EX in Ottawa because of rain. Spent Saturday plucking my facial hairs and Sunday. Also Sunday went for a long roller balding ride. Well this is my last week at work. Should get my pictures in the next couple of days.
Take call all...
August 28,1997
Well I received my pictures from my makeup session. There on my picture page. Also I told a female co-worker on Tuesday and she is all right with it and asked a lot of question. Plan to tell every other co-worker today. I'm leave tomorrow anyway.
Take care all...
Moved to Cornwall on the 30th. Not the greatest of apartments but will do. Top floor of a building (3rd floor).
Started school on Tuesday the 2nd and received my OSAP. Next went to the lab to say hello to my teachers and when I open the door I said: "Look who's back". They just looked at me because I have a perm now. About 20 minutes later the last of my teachers Ken walked in and said "Hi curly, what's going on, are you getting a sex change" and I said I have to wait 2 years before I can get it. whether anyone thought anything about that I don't know.
I now go to school wearing a large loose top and girls jeans and sneakers.
Last night (Sept. 7) I talk to my brother and his girlfriend. They already new from my mother who let it slip. He and she are all right with it, we talk about it and other things for 4 hours. It was wonderful. It ends up his girl friend from the 70's is now a married Lesbian, he went to her wedding last year.
Today the 8th Sept. I put a advertisement into the school newspaper to start a support group or transgendered people. Also put one into the local newspaper, they called me back and want to do an interview with a photo. I told them no photo just yet. Still have more people to talk too first.
Bye for now...
Sept. 10,1997
Well no call yet from the newspapers but last night I talk to a F2M here in Cornwall for 1.5 hours. Life is pretty hard for her because she can't afford much things to help with the change.
Well I talk to another brother last night and he also knew already. He doesn't care either.
I found out it was my uncle Willy who has been telling everyone and that he got it from Marta (EX) last year. So she did tell people behind my back and it ruined my chance to tell people myself and in my own way. So I decided all deals are off and I will tell my daughter in 2 weeks.
My other uncle wouldn't talk to me or look at the pictures.
Also got my ears pierced about 1:00pm today. Hurts a little.
Bye for now....
Sept. 15,1997
Well had a six hour electrolysis on Sat. Looks nice and smooth now. Should last for about 10 days.
On Friday I had a 1.5 hour interview with the local newspaper, The Standard Freeholder. It went fine and Catherine was a very nice person to talk with. Don't know when the article will go out but she said she would read it to me first to see if it was OK. She wanted a picture but not quite ready for that yet, but Joanne Law president of Gender Mosaic of Ottawa said she would let her picture go in.
Missed the social on Saturday because of the time factor do to my electrolysis.
Bye for now...
Sept. 18,1997
Went to a PFLAG meeting last night and Isabel was there and met allot of nice people. A lot of them want to learn as much as possible about T's issues and I talk a long time (easy or me) and informed them about a lot.
Isabel thinks maybe she will come to the next meeting in Ottawa with me, even though the guess speakers will talk about fashion and makeup.
Well PFLAG meets every 2 weeks and I will go to them to keep them inform on how my support group is shaping up and keep them informed of T's issues.
Oh! I was dressed as Michelle when I went and actually passed for of them. Which was nice.
Bye for now...
Sept. 22,1997
Well yesterday Debi came over for a visit and she got to meet Michelle and I got to meet Debi. We talk for about 1.5 hours and she had to leave. I called my brother Dan to see if he wanted to meet his sister and he said he had to leave for Ottawa for a course on his job. I went to the laundry mat and did my laundry and around 3:30pm I went to Zellers and did some shopping. Sheldon showed up with some of the money he owned me and I up spending $108.89. All I bought was cheap stuff but it sure added up fast.
The sad news is my daughter told me last night that she is said that she is loosing her daddy. She wants a boy daddy not a girl daddy. It took her 11 days to say that. I don't know what to do to make her happy. I get really depressed about it. I just don't know what to do...
Well take care...
Sept. 24,1997
Well Tuesday the 23 I told my English teacher about me. I asked her if she notice anything unusually about me. She said no, So I said you never knew me before but I got a perm in the summer and just 2 weeks ago got my ears pierced. I said do you remember that I said I would be going through big changes, she said yes, so I thought I would just show her. I said, as I stuck out my chest, do you see anything now. She said yes and WOW, we had a great little chat for about 15 minutes which made me late for my next class. Today I will show her my pics. Last night at Susan's I just couldn't convince Jodie that my breast grew as fast or as large as I said on birth control pills. I guess I would probably have to show her a nude picture. Not going to happen though.
Well take care...
Sept. 29/1997
Well I told one my programming teachers on Thursday about me, didn't tell him the right way but he said it was my life. Hope things go OK because he is my favorite teacher. He never gets upset about any problems the students have and never acts cross.
Last night I had a nice 45 minutes talk with Derrek and looks like he wants to come to the next Gender Mosaic meeting in Oct..
The newspaper article should be out this week. Going to the PFLAG meeting this Wednesday, it will be good to get out again.
Well take to you later...
Oct. 2, 1997
Well had a great time last night. Went to the PFLAG meeting and we had some guess speakers from Pride committee in Ottawa. Steve and Mary-Ann. I happened to have met both of them previously. Mary_Ann I met when Joanne and Lynn took me to a wymen's dance at the Coral Reef. We had a great chat and I told her about starting a Gender Mosaic of Cornwall and she was thrilled because she gets calls at the Gay hot line in Ottawa for support for Transgendered people here and Cornwall and now she can tell them there is a support group here.
Found out that PFLAG is having a thanksgiving party in Ottawa and its for Gays and Lesbians. So I told her I guess I can't go because I'm neither and then she told me that Gender Mosaic of Ottawa is the one's that are serving the dinner. Going to Email Lynn today and find out why I wasn't told. Must be because they didn't expect me to get there on a Monday Night. Getting a ride from a member of PFLAG and so is Derrick. Should be a lot of fun.
Putting up posters of the party here at school to tell people about it.
That's all for now....
Oct. 14, 1997
WOW! what a weekend. First on Friday the 10th I got my eyebrows plucked and shaped. That really hurt. On Sat caught the bus at 7:00am and went to Ottawa for my electrolysis. Couldn't take all the plucking so I shave the rest off (plucked them on Sunday) and Martine wanted to do my makeup so I let her. She did a wonderful job and I got a lot of complements on it. That night at 4:00pm I was at Wall Street waiting for Joanne and who ever else would show up for supper. At 4:50 no was there yet and I was getting hungry so I ordered, 4 minutes later Natalie(TS) showed up and I put my order on hold. A few minutes later more people showed up and avery time we were about to order more showed up. There was 9 of us total by the time we ordered and we ended up a little late for the meeting.
At the meeting the owner and a manager of The Body Shop gave us a demonstration of makeup technique. Allison was the client and she loved what they did for her. Later on Laura from Weekenders, a home base fashion show that you get to try on the clothes gave us a one hour demo, then we could try them on. They are fantastic outfits, I just couldn't afford any right now. Sure would like to get into that business though. I had a long conversation with Laura and then we helped her pack up and bring the things to her car.
Sunday I just relaxed at Joanne's and plucked my face. I treated her to brunch and about 2:00pm we went to Screaming Mimi's for a cup of coffee (I had a sprite and cake). We were both in drag (guy mode) and Joanne's shocked two people there because none of them ever saw her without makeup.
We then went for a walk around downtown and then she drop me off at the bus stop.
Monday I started plucking again and also took my daughter to see her mamere (my grandmother) and her grandmother (my mother). Then I dropped her off at 11:00. I went back and continued plucking and at 12:00pm had lunch and started to get dress. At 1:20pm Derrick showed up and we waiting for Doug to show up to give us a lift to the Turkey dinner in Ottawa.
The dinner was being held by Pride to raise money for PFLAG Ottawa and Cornwall. Us girls from Gender Mosaic of Ottawa were the waitresses. I was a lot of fun. We accidentally got locked out at 3:00pm because the person who opened the door let in close behind him when he went back out to get his stuff after turning of the alarm and left his keys inside. Low and behold the door locked. It took an hour before we got in and we only had an hour left to set up. It was a rush but everything was OK. We ended up raising over $870.00 for PFLAG. There was a 50/50 draw and Natalie, who bought a ticket right after me won, the prize was $123.50.
Over all the whole weekend was a blast and the week is not over with yet.
Take care all...
Oct. 16, 1997
Well last night at the PFLAG meeting, met some new people and also the RCMP officer I met at the Pride Parade. He and 7 others came down from Ottawa for this meeting. Also met Chris and her friend, Chris and I will get together to talk and educate the police down here on GLBT issues.
The RCMP officer talk a lot about safety and how to defend one selves. I believe I will take a women's self defense course.
Take care all.....
Oct 20, 1997
Well on Friday I went to Ottawa for my Endro visit as Michelle. Dr. Bourget cancelled the day before and when I got to Dr. Barwin's he also had cancelled. I still got more pills, a renewed perscription and a blood test. The girl that did the blood test should lose her job. I don't think she could have caused any more pain. I spent most of the day at Ray-Ann's place and watched the movie Prescilla, Queen of the desert. Also paid of Joy my electrolysis and visited where I used to work at Transport Canada. Heather, Monique and another lady knew me right away but Peggy the pilot didn't and I don't think Al - The chief knew either. I was fun talking to them, but they had a busy schedule and so I had to cut my visit short.
I rebook Dr. Barwin for Dec. 18th and I have to call today for Dr. Bourget.
Take care all...
Oct 30, 1997
Well had a wonderful time last night at the PFLAG meeting, Derrick could not make do to the fact he is under going major surgery last Friday. I will give him a call today to see how he is doing and also to drop off a get well card and plant from PFLAG.
The group from Ottawa was down again and we also had a small birthday party for Paul who turned 29 yesterday. He was reading an article that his best friend from high school wrote and found out that his friend was gay. He was a little emotional becuase all this time they could have been more then friends.
The meeting was so wonderful and fun, we were all laughing most of the night. There were three other student(gay) from the college there and two of them came out to their class months ago and last weekend at a holloween party the class was having they dance together and kiss. That confirmed to the class that they are really gay.
My article came out in the standard freeholder and it was wonderful. The only problem was they got my phone number wrong. I called the lady who's number is in the paper and apologize and asked her to give my number to anyone who called. Also told the newspaper of the error and to please correct it.
Well take care till next time...
Oct 31, 1997
Had great time talking to people so far and looking forward to the party tonight at the school's pub. Going to wear my black dress that I have not had an opportunity to wear yet. Just maybe I could win some prize money.
I will come in tommorrow and write what happens tonight.
Take care all and have a great holloween...
Nov. 3, 1997
Well its November now and here is how the rest of the day went after school.
I went home and change to pick my daughter up. She was dressed as a witch and she was very lovely. Wish I had a picture of her. We visited her grandparents and great grandmother. We did around my grandmother's area then around hers. She ending up with two and half bags of candies and chips.
I told her this was the last time she would see me until she was older. Because she was having to hard of a time with her mother's new boyfriend and wanted for her mother and I to get back together. She cried and I tried my best to comfort her. Her mother dragged her back into the house before we could even finish talking. The was very rude of Marta to do that. I will be keeping a close I on them to see that Marta does what she promised me on the souls of her dead parents.
The party on Friday night, Halloween.
I arrived at 7:30pm, the party starts at 8:30pm, wanted to help set things up. The place was a mess and there was no one around. So I started cleaning up and rearranging the chairs. Later about 8:00pm a few guys showed up to set up and they wondered who cleaned up the place, I told them me. And one of them said "thanks your a sweet heart". As far as I know none of them knew I was a male. But hey, I not much of a male anyway.
The people who I wanted to talk to never showed up and I sat by myself for a few hours. A couple of girls figured me out and wanted to know who I was. I said my name is Michelle and I am a six semester Micro student.
I was disappointed by the Student Union for picking this one guy who took about 5 minutes to put on a wig and dress and he won the $50.00 third place prize. The Union did not even give me a second glance. The first and second place costume deserved to win because they spent a lot of time on their outfits.
I say that a guy dressed as Homer Simpson (Marge won first place) was someone I knew. So I yelled his name and he turned around and looked at me. He said he knew I was a guy because no girl would just dress in a black dress for Halloween. He could not figure out who I was, because I would not say a word. So I told him I was (name of former roommate goes here) former roommate and he said with open eyes and mouth. WOW Andre you look great. Then I joined him and his friends for the rest of the evening. I left about 11:45pm. Slightly angry at the Union for picking that guy over me.
That all for now....
Nov 5, 1997
Well on Monday night Marta called me and asked for help on her system. She could not follow simple instructions over the phone. This is a lady who does not want me to see Katrina but asked me to come over and help her. Is she a B.... or what. Then after I fixed the problem she wanted the washer stored at my parents house to give to her boyfriend to do his laundry. First I said yes but I want the dresser set that my grandmother gave me that she still has. She said she would think about it.
On the way home I thought, "The hell with this" I am tired of given in to her all the time and getting nothing but aggravation from her. I left a message for her Tuesday that she can not have the washer until she gives me the dressers. And that I did not trust her to give them to me next year when she moves in with John.
She accused me of this and that and was not polite at all. I reminded her of her promise, on her parents souls, for this weekend. If she does not bring Katrina to visit her mamere then the deal is off and I will apply in court for full custody or partial custody.
Also last night some inconsiderate jerk wiped out 3 hours of work at school so he/she could put up Internet Explorer 4.0 which takes over the system and screws everything up. So now I have to figure out how to install it on windows NT without having supervisory rights after the installation. Going to be hard, because I no longer trust people in school not to destroy my work on Windows 95.
Nov 10, 1997
Well on Friday the 7 at work, Nancy seemed more upset with me. I guess she is a racist. But that's my opinion. But at 10:00pm that night I got a call from Joanne (not joanne Law) but my supervisor and I was told that they no longer needed my services. I asked if Nancy still had the job and they said yes. I asked why. They said she does good work, A lot of application. I did more than her and told them this and their reply was, "well". So I was FIRED because Nancy told them about me and they and her could not handle it. That night to people called me maam and I liked it. But Nancy looked upset. Tough for her. I will call the company today and tell them how I was treated and be ready for a lawsuit. I not going to put up with racism from any body, any where and any time.
But now for good news. I spent Saturday as Michelle and had a wonderful time. Went shopping in the morning and visited Julie and her family( 3 kids and no father's). Had a wonderful time and shown her my new earing I bought that day and she loved them and wanted some of her own. We went shopping and she bought three pairs that day. Two like mine and another with a crystal. One set was for her daughter.
I left her home and arrived at home about 4:00pm. Had to cook some macaroni salad for the social that night. Debi picked me up at 5:00pm and we left at 5:15pm. Arrived about 7:10pm (got lost for a little while) at the social and we all had a wonderful time. There was 29 people there that night. About half I never seen before. Wish I could have stayed longer but Debi wanted to go home. It was 12:30pm by the time I hit the bed for a great night sleep.
On Sunday I got dressed again, woke up at 10:00am. After doing dishes and such, went to Julie's again to do some baking. She was cleaning house and I helped. A friend of her's ame over with coffee. He stayed a while then left. Julie and I went shopping for groceries and came home. We stopped on the way to buy the kids a ice cream cone. They were really happy. It was too late to do baking so we watched the end of "HOOK" and I left at 4:15pm. Got home had dinner and just relaxed the rest of the day.
Well thats it for now...
Nov 13, 1997
Had a great morning yesterday but a rotten afternoon. When I arrived home there was a package from the government for my name change and they said they wanted the original birth certificate even though I phone and they said they wanted a photo copy. Got really depressed and cried for over an hour. Gave Julie a ride home then bought my groceries. Car broke down and paid $15.00 for a boost, broke down again on the way home and a nice guy gave me a boost. Just enough to get home. I need a new battery and alternator. Can not afford the $500.00 for the repairs. Going to be walking for a long time to come.
PFLAG meeting last night, decided I had to go to cheer me up. Had a wonderful time and a lot of us went to Denny K's again and Derrick bought for me. I ordered a hot dog and small fry and drink. Told them about the cold dog I had last time and the young guy who served me gave me two dogs this time and a super large fry.
Today I did not go to school but got dress and went to the MPP's office for him to sign my name change and they would send it out. I decided today is the day to go FT. Can not wait for the name change to arrive, figure they will screw it up again anyway.
I am school since about 3:00pm and talk to Dana at the Student Union (SU). Told here I am now FT and please not to call me that male name anymore.
Nov 20, 1997
Well yesterday I bought a new outfit and wore it today at school. It was a valore long skirt and matching jacket. The shirt was a pull over with a high neck in a slight off gold colour.
The other thing that happened yesterday a group of 4 teenagers insulted me from across the street and I just ignored it. But when they threw snowballs at me that is when I would not stand still. So I got a good look at them and went into the store and called the police. They said there are more important calls to handle first. Then I told them that this was a racial hate crime because I am a transsexual and the police were there in lest then 3 minutes. The teenagers got on a bus, the bus started to leave and I had another bus driver hold that bus because the police were coming to talk to someone on the bus. I pointed out the teenager that I could see clearly and the police went over to the bus. The teenager kept laughing until the police called him of the bus. Then a lot of them stopped smiling.
The police let him go with a warning, since I was not actually hit by the snowballs. And also said to me, I aksed the boy his age and he responed 19. The police officer said what, 19 years or months. Act your age. He is now on file.
I will write a letter to the chief of police about the incident and thank him for the fast response once they knew it was a hate crime. Since the police station was only a block away.
That's it for now...
Nov 26, 1997
Well yesterday was the fashion show. Only two other girls showed up besides Laura from Weekenders and Joanne and myself. But we had a great time and both girls booked shows for next year.
The low point was five students(low class degenerates) who were playing video games at 4:00pm stole a box of Tim Horton's timbits when I was not looking. Hope they choked on them. To steal from a non-profit organization and the Student Union is pretty low. This will be mentioned in the next school paper.
Well tonight in the PFLAG meeting and tommorrow I will be on CJSS live talk in show.
Take care all...
Nov 27, 1997
Had a great day. Spent the morning at 9:00am on CJSS. A local radio station doing a live call in show on Transsexuality and my situation. We had 8 callers and all were female. One caller did not like the fact that OHIP pays for the operating and I remarked back that I did not like OHIP paying money to help smokers out. The host loved my comment on that one.
We also had a great time last night at the PFLAG meeting. Lots of kidding around as usual. The meeting broke up an hour early and so we went to Denny K's for a snack. Lots more chatting and this time I learned a few things about gays. It was a fun time all the way around.
Till next time take care all....
Dec 8, 1997
Well it is December now. Sorry for not updating sooner. We had a security system breakin and it has been taking over a week to plug and fix all the damage the hacker has caused.
The great news is as of December 2 1997 I am afficially Michelle Mary-Ann Brodeur. This feels wonderful.
Not much of anything else has happened over the last week or so.
So take care all...
Dec 15, 1997
Well we had our christmas Party for Gender Mosaic in Ottawa at Wall Street restuarant. It was a great time for all. 72 people attended. From Ottawa, Cornwall, Montreal and other area's. The staff was very nice to us and the food was great. The owner even gave out, for our 50/50 draw 4 bottles of wine and some gift certificates. The sad part is that Debi got food posioning on Friday and could not make it. That left Derrick and I without transportation but fortunately my brother lent us his car.
That all for now...
Dec 16, 1997
Well I just can not take not seeing my daughter anymore. So I am taking Marta to court. This is her fault and not mind. If she would let me see her then everything would be fine. It should be a interesting court case. On Thursday the 18th of Dec. I will be requesting access to Katrina for Christmas and New Years. On Jan. 7 /1998 we have another court case for joint custody. She will have to represent herself and I will represent myself. Legal aid will not pay for lawyers. Besides I can talk when I have too.
I found out today that Marta did not take Katrina on Saturday to the Christmas party here at school. I paid for everything and she would not take her. This will be mention in court.
Well wish me luck, I will update this Friday and will not be back until January.
Take care all.
