Jay's Family

My Family

(Texas on the left, holding Marbles, and me on the right)

"... there are times when it's better to chop off poisonous [family] roots and start fresh, creating a new family, on different terms, with different values. ... It had taken me a long time to understand that there's more than one kind. That the only true family is the one that nurtures and protects. And that anything else is a lie." 'Ben Justice' in "Simple Justice" by John Morgan Wilson

By starting my family page with the quote above, it would seem that I am really ticked at my family of origin. I'm not, but my philosophy is that if the relationship system that you are calling 'family' isn't nurturing and protecting of you and your growth then it doesn't deserve the designation of family and you should be looking elsewhere for your real family.

When I think of family, I first think of my husband and partner, Texas (yes that is his given name and not a nickname) whom I met in 1983. He has been my primary source or nurture and support since then and I like to think that I have been at least a major source of nurture and support for him as well.

This seems to be a good place to put my pitch for same-sex marriage, right? The so-called "Defense of Marriage Act" that was the political football of 1996 was not about marriage at all. It was about denying the same civil rights to same-sex couples in the United States that heterosexual couples take for granted and can obtain simply by presenting their proof of identity and paying a trivial fee to a courthouse clerk. There are between 170 and 250 federal and state rights denied gay and lesbian couples in any kind of relationships. Such rights as:

automatic inheritance
bereavement leave
burial determination
child custody
crime victims recovery benefits
divorce protections
domestic violence protections
exemption from property tax on partner's death
immigration rights for foreign spouse
immunity from testifying against a spouse
insurance breaks

joint adoption and foster care
joint parenting (insurance coverage, school records)
medical decisions on behalf of partner
various property rights
reduced rate memberships, fees, and accommodations
sick leave to care for partner
social security survivor benefits
tax breaks
visitation of partner in hospital or prison
wrongful death benefits
and many others that vary based upon geographical location

Opponents of granting these rights to same-sex couples often cite the cost of providing them. But remember, same-sex couples are paying the same taxes and fees that the government and companies levy on all citizens. When rights are denied to a segment of the population that have paid (albeit indirectly) for the right, it is plainly theft. Treating all persons equally is what was guaranteed by the founders of the United States, but apparently our politicians believe that if the majority is in favor of continuing an injustice against a minority, then it is their duty to enforce that injustice. Speak out against injustice! Let your elected representatives know that you are tired of seeing legitimate rights denied to tax-paying, law-abiding citizens.

Of course I wouldn't forget to mention the 'kids' ... all right, so they are just cats, but we think of them as our children (you've never heard this before, right?). They are as much trouble as children and give us almost as much pleasure as children would. We have two, an 12-year-old shaded silver Persian (Marbles) and a 11-year-old red tabby Persian (Begay). They have very individual (and decidedly opposite) personalities. We frequently talk about adding a third to the household and attend a lot of cat shows looking for that 'perfect' last addition to the family but, so far, we have been able to restrain ourselves by pointing out to each other that one more will have us out-numbered.

Here are some pictures of them (and us). You may click on any of the pictures on this page to view a larger version:

Here Marbles endures one of his (semi-) bi-weekly baths. He got into a lot of trouble as a kitten that required baths to return to sociability (and our good grace) so we try to stick to a fairly regular schedule of baths for both the guys. We like to think that we have the cleanest cats on the block.

He looks very much like a marble slab I had in the kitchen when he arrived, so the name 'Marbles' seemed an obvious choice.

There are no hard feelings after the baths, because they both seem to really like being clean, but during the bath they often lodge such vocal complaints that we wonder if the neighbors ever think we are torturing them.

The first few years we had Marbles Texas worked at home, so he is really firmly bonded to Texas and sometimes exhibits stress when Texas is away. But he likes all people equally and when we owned a bookstore for a period of time he came to the store with us every day and looked forward to greeting all the customers (although he was a bit more reserved with children because they tended to be tail-pullers).

Here he is 'helping' Texas work by functioning as a paperweight.

Begay is a pretty solitary cat. He dislikes all people except Texas and I, and even with us he prefers to be the one to initiate contact.

Mostly he likes to 'hang out' in one of his favorite places, out of harm's way, and watch the world go by.

His name sometimes causes confusion at the vet's office, but there is an explanation. I am terrible at naming animals so I enlisted Texas' help in coming up with a name. I thought an Indian name would be appropriate because of his color and also because of the revered status gay Native Americans often had among their tribes. Texas came up with Begay and it stuck.

In case you're wondering . . . he is getting his toenails trimmed.

We got Begay (in part, at least) to be a companion for Marbles when we were both away from the house, but he immediately thought Marbles was his mother and Marbles didn't want any part of that so the tone was set for their relationship early on. They are amicable house mates, but that is as far as it goes . . . this is a rare moment when they shared the sofa for a nap.

The guys have their own equivalent of the Bear code . . . the Cat code:

Marbles: PS Sh G Y L+ W+ C-- I+++ T++ A-- E+++ H S++ V++ F- Q++ P B

Begay: PS Rt C Y L W C-- I+++ T A++ E--- H+ S V+++ F- Q+ P- B- PA- PL++

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	Here Marbles endures one of his (semi-) bi-weekly baths. He got into a lot of trouble as a kitten that required baths to return to sociability (and our good grace) so we try to stick to a fairly regular schedule of baths for both the guys. We like to think that we have the cleanest cats on the block. He looks very much like a marble slab I had in the kitchen when he arrived, so the name 'Marbles' seemed an obvious choice.
	There are no hard feelings after the baths, because they both seem to really like being clean, but during the bath they often lodge such vocal complaints that we wonder if the neighbors ever think we are torturing them.
	The first few years we had Marbles Texas worked at home, so he is really firmly bonded to Texas and sometimes exhibits stress when Texas is away. But he likes all people equally and when we owned a bookstore for a period of time he came to the store with us every day and looked forward to greeting all the customers (although he was a bit more reserved with children because they tended to be tail-pullers). Here he is 'helping' Texas work by functioning as a paperweight.
	Begay is a pretty solitary cat. He dislikes all people except Texas and I, and even with us he prefers to be the one to initiate contact. Mostly he likes to 'hang out' in one of his favorite places, out of harm's way, and watch the world go by.
	His name sometimes causes confusion at the vet's office, but there is an explanation. I am terrible at naming animals so I enlisted Texas' help in coming up with a name. I thought an Indian name would be appropriate because of his color and also because of the revered status gay Native Americans often had among their tribes. Texas came up with Begay and it stuck. In case you're wondering . . . he is getting his toenails trimmed.
	We got Begay (in part, at least) to be a companion for Marbles when we were both away from the house, but he immediately thought Marbles was his mother and Marbles didn't want any part of that so the tone was set for their relationship early on. They are amicable house mates, but that is as far as it goes . . . this is a rare moment when they shared the sofa for a nap.