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ER
"Twilight Zone II: Problems, Aliens and Death"
Part One
(Int. Doctor's lounge. Ross is sitting on a couch with his head in his hands. Enter Greene)
Greene: Somebody's not too chipper today.
Ross: (without looking up) Don't make fun, I'm not having a very good day.
Greene: What's wrong this time?
Ross: It's Carol.
(Greene walks over to Ross and sits next to him)
Greene: What did she do this time? Forget to say "I love you" when you woke
up this morning?
Ross: No, it's not as easy as that. She. . .(begins to sob)
Greene: (puts his hand around Ross's shoulders) Aww. It can't be that bad.
Ross: She dumped me, Mark. (puts head against Greene's shoulder and begins
to cry)
Greene: She did what? I'll kill her.
Ross: No, Mark, don't do that. Then I'll have to throw myself in front of the el
just to be dead with her. And you don't want to look at my severed corpse at
my funneral, do you?
Greene: No, I guess you're right. So, why did she dump you?
Ross: (looking up) She said that she wants to try new things.
Greene: What the heck is that supposed to mean?
Ross: She found somebody else.
Greene: Who? I'll kill him.
Ross: Maggie Doyle.
Greene: The lesbian?
Ross: Yeah. She dumped me so that she could go out with the lesbian. I'm so
upset Mark. What am I going to do without her?
Greene: Well, I am just going to have to introduce you to some of my women,
aren't I?
Ross: I don't want any of your women, Mark. I just want Carol back.
Greene: Aww, hush. I know. I'll have a little chat with her, and see if I can
straighten things out, literally.
Ross: (trying to smile) You'll do that for me?
Greene: Sure. What's a best friend good for if he can't get your girlfriend away
from the girl who stole her.
(Int. Cafe. Carter sitting at table drinking a cup of coffee. Enter Edson)
Carter: (without looking up) Good morning, Dale. (takes a sip of his coffee)
(Edson sits down beside Carter and puts his hands upon the table)
Edson:(looking sad) I have something to tell you.
Carter: (smiling, but still not looking up) You have replaced me with a woman.
Edson: No, it's not quite that simple.
Carter: You're already married.
Edson: No, it's not that either.
Carter: You are really an alien from outer space here to suck the brains from all
the doctors in Cook County General so that you can bring them back to your
home planet and share them with the other brain-suckers of your community.
Edson: No. I wish that was the case.
Carter: (lifting his coffee) Well then, what. . .
Edson: (interrupting) I'm being transferred.
(Carter looks up at Edson for the first time, and drops the coffee cup. It shatters on the floor)
Carter: (shocked) You're being what?
Edson: Transferred, moved, sent away. So-long-Dale-it-was-nice-knowing-you.
Carter: They can't do that.
Edson: Well, it seems they are.
Carter: Where. . .
Edson: Antarctica.
Carter: (angrily) Who needs a surgeon in Antarctica?
Edson: Apparently, that's where they are sending me. Some sort of secret
military base, where a lot of atomic bomb testing takes place. I guess they'll be
needing a surgeon to patch up the people who get injured from the bomb drops.
(Carter blinks, and takes Edson's hands into his. They turn to face each other.)
Carter: No, this can't be. Not now. I'll kill them.
Edson: You can't kill them. If you do that, then you will go to prison, and there
will never be any hope of me seeing you again.
Carter: You're right. But what am I supposed to do? Just sit here like a lump
and miss you for the rest of my life. I'm too strong to do that. I'm coming with
you.
Edson: John, as much as I would love for you to come with me, you can't.
There is only room for one in the raft that's going to take me to Antarctica.
Unless you want to swim behind it, but I wouldn't want to put you through that.
(Carter takes his hands away from Edson's)
Carter: Fine then! Leave me! See if I care. I'll find somebody to take your place.
You know, since you are leaving, I should start looking now, shouldn't I?
Edson: Please, John. Don't take it like that. I'm, I'm sorry. I never meant for this
to happen.
Carter: Well, if you weren't such a weak little nothing, maybe this wouldn't have
happened to you. Maybe they would have left you alone, because they knew
you wouldn't stand for a transfer. (stands up) You don't deserve to breathe the
same air as I do. Stay away from me. (leaves angrily)
(Edson sits at the table, looking down. Tears begin to fall down his face. He wipes them away,
stands and exits)
(Int. Admin desk. Lewis standing, looking bland. Greene approaches and stands in front of her)
Greene: Hey, Susan. Have you seen Carol?
(Lewis shrugs)
Greene: Oh, don't tell me you are upset too.
Lewis: (crying hysterically) Oh, Mark! Little Chloe's father wants her back. (falls
into Greene's arms) I don't know what I am going to do!
Greene: (wraps his arms around Lewis and strokes her hair) I didn't think Little
Chloe had a father. I just thought she was just a miracle of science.
Lewis: No Mark, she has a father. And he wants her back. I'm not ready to lose
my baby.
Greene: Who's the father?
Lewis: Michael Jackson.
Greene: (shocked) Michael Jackson! But I thought he couldn't have kids?
Lewis: Well, apparently he can. He is the father of Little Chloe and he has the
money to prove it.
Greene: I didn't know you had sex with Michael Jackson.
Lewis: I must have, since he says he is the father.
Greene: What are you going to do?
Lewis: I don't know Mark. I guess the only thing I can do is take him to court to
prove that I am a better parent that he can ever be. I would never molest my
daughter.
Greene: Neither would he. Now if you had a son. . .
Lewis: Stop trying to be cute, Mark. This is serious. I'm going to lose this
custody battle. I won't be able to live without Little Chloe.
Greene: I'm sure that any judge will be able to see that you are the better parent.
Besides, who listens to Michael Jackson anyway.
Lewis: I hope you're right Mark. I hope for Little Chloe's sake, that you are
right.
Greene: I'm always right. (smiles)
(Int. Supply Closet. Doyle and Hath are getting supplies together)
Hath: (looking through boxes) We'll need ten of these, five of these, and seven
of these.
Doyle: You're so cute when you count.
Hath: (looking up) I know.
Doyle: So what made you decide to dump Doug? I mean, you guys have been
going out since before I came here.
Hath: I just felt it was time for a change. Besides, I think you are much more
interesting. You won't ever take me to the opera, will you?
Doyle: (laughing) Doug took you to the opera?
Hath: Please, don't remind me.
(Doyle puts her arms around Hath's waist. They look at each other, smiling)
Doyle: I won't. Don't worry. (She kisses Hath)
(Enter Weaver)
Weaver: Hey! We have rooms for that, you know.
Hath: (laughing and turning towards Weaver) I'm sorry, Kerry. We couldn't help
ourselves.
Weaver: Do you think I could join in?
(Hath and Doyle look wide-eyed atWeaver)
Weaver: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Sheesh! Everyone always takes me so
literally. (takes a box from the top shelf) Well, you two have fun. I am going to
bring these to Dr. Anspaugh. (she winks at them, then exits)
Doyle: Do you think Kerry has a thing for Anspaugh.
Hath: That wouldn't surprise me. Everything about this place is messed up.
Doyle: (pulling Hath close to her again) Everything, except us. (smiles.)
(They kiss again)
(Ext. Roof. A large, circular shaped craft lands there. Two gray-colored aliens exit the ship, looking
like they just came out of the X-Files. The first alien is Donner and the second alien is Jenner)
Donner: Where are we? Did you get us lost again?
Jenner: (looking at a map) Well, I did make a u-turn at the Alpha Hydro star
cluster, but that should have been right, according to the map.
Donner: (looks at the map) You're holding it upside down, you idiot!
Jenner: (turns the map the right way) Well, then, we are lost. But not to fear. I
can tell you in a moment, exactly where we are. (studies map) Earth.
Donner: Earth? Why would we want to be on Earth?
(sirens blasting from ground)
Jenner: Well, this is a hospital. I can tell from the sirens. You can have one of
the doctors take a look at that hangnail.
Donner: (putting his arm behind his back) Leave my deformalities alone.
Besides, who on Earth is going to want to look at an alien's hangnail. They'll
probably just shove us off to Roswell.
Jenner: Don't say that. That only happens in the movies. In real life, humans are
just as friendly as everyone else in the universe.
Donner: Except for the Flease.
Jenner: (shuddering) Please, don't remind me.
(Int. Anspaugh's office. Anspaugh is sitting at desk reading over charts. Enter Weaver.)
Anspaugh: Kerry, so nice to see you. How are you doing?
Weaver: I'm doing very well. And how about you?
Anspaugh: Same ole, same ole. We need something exciting to happen in this
ER. Everything that comes through the doors are so predictable. I want
something unpredictable for once.
(Weaver limps over to the desk and sits in a chair)
Weaver: Well, be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
Anspaugh: Well, I am careful, and I know what I want. Excitement, something
new and interesting. Wouldn't you like that too, Kerry.
Weaver: Yes. I guess so. But this job is so fulfiling already. Who could ask for
more?
(Anspaugh stands and circles around desk, to sit in a couch that is across from the desk)
Anspaugh: Well, I could. But enough about me, what about you?
Weaver: (limps towards the couch and stands in front of Anspaugh) I'm doing
well, as usual. Nothing new in my life. Well, almost nothing.
Anspaugh: You know, Kerry, I have been wondering. What is wrong with your
leg?
Weaver: You know, I don't know that. (limps to desk and leans crutch against
it) I have just been using this thing for my whole life. (does a cartwheel and
lands with her legs spread over Anspaugh's lap) I don't really need it.
(Anspaugh looks shocked. He says nothing, and looks into Weaver's eyes. She puts her hands
around his neck, and starts to lean towards him. They close their eyes, positioning their lips for a
kiss. Suddenly, an intercom blasts)
Intercom: Dr. Anspaugh. Dr. Anspaugh. Please report to Trauma 1. Dr.
Anspaugh to Trauma 1.
(Weaver removes her hands from Anspaugh and moves off him. He stands and walks to the door)
Anspaugh: We will continue this discussion later, Kerry. (smiles)
Weaver: (smiles) I know we will.