TO PITY CITY
Oh, good...You have arrived! Maybe I should greet you with " Oh, how sad that you have arrived but I was expecting you!" You must be feeling really sad to come and wallow in Pity City. I understand as, having been such a frequent wretched visitor here, I decided to share my cool, catastrophic city with you.

The rules are simple - you must be sad to come here and depressed to take up residence and can not leave until you laugh and/or feel better. There is No rent as you are miserable enough and that is why you are here! You can stay as long as you want but, sooner or later, most people move on. On the happy plus side of which there are not many, the food here is really good. It is filled with carbohydrate comfort foods and desserts. My very favorite food is chicken franchese pizza and my favorite dessert is tiramisu dripped in chocolate!

I know everything here is dark and you are lost. You probably followed the Trail of Tears to get here or took the Rocky Road or sneaked into the Dejected Drains? I hope you did not come here by way of our Inconsolable Airways or our brand new Gloomy Gliders as they often employ such a sorrowful staff!

Let me explain the layout of the city to you. The main drag is Hell On Earth Highway and do not get caught here at night. Intersections are Woebegone Way full of weeping willows, Temper Turnpike, Lonely Lane, Crying Court, Cut Your Nose Off To Spite Your Face Circle, Senseless Street, Tearful Terrace, Receding Road, Trailer Park Trail, Mournful Median, Pathetic Place and Barren Boulevard. My name is Judyful and I am the current Mayor of Pity City and I do not want to hear any complaints from any visitors because you chose to come here as I did not send out personal invitations to this unique city. If I were to send out invitations to Pity City, I can not even imagine what stationary or envelopes or stamps I would use. Well, yes, I do! The invitation would be a card with an eye on it that was reddened from crying and silver tears would cascade down from the eye. The color of the card would be black and the envelope would be grey. The stamp would be a broken heart. The official song would be HeartBreak Hotel and the official flower would be a wheeping willow (I know it is a tree and not a flower!) and the official bird would be a buzzard. There would be no currency as I don't believe that miserable people should have to endure poverty too!



What is there to do here, you ask? Well, most people just hole up somewhere and cry a lot and feel sorry for themselves for the first hour after they arrive. No one is forced to do anything they do not want to do as that is just plain cruel. The city has some attractions you can visit such as Crying Canyon - yes, it is a canyon that actually cries and is visited often as misery loves company! Another favorite attraction is our newly renovated Misery Museum with a whole section devoted to Hurricane Katrina and my heart goes out to anyone who was affected by that. A lot of people start to feel less sorry for themselves after they visit the museum, so please put it on your list of things to do when you start to feel a little better or have taken up residence here too long.








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