- Shave, change gender, bleach hair blond, change name to
"Desiree" and move to Paris to pursue my dream of being a
dancer!
- Unplug flashing neon "Osama's Place!" sign.
- Redeem gift certificate for Honey Baked Ham before it expires.
- Order another gross of Change of Address cards.
- Delete Pakistani prime minister from my AOL Buddy List.
- Trim beard down to sassy goatee to look more "dangerous."
- Quit smoking opium. Man, the crazy stuff I do when I smoke opium!
- Order some gingham curtains from Pottery Barn to brighten up the cave.
FOLLOW UPS......
- Stop by Toys 'R' Us and pick up some more friggin' Pokemon crap for the kids.
- Complete metamorphosis into adult housefly.
- Have Cosmo subscription forwarded to Hindu Kush bunker.
- 11:30 Eat Fruit Rollups while watching "Friends" via bunker
satellite.
- Pitch "Who Wants to Marry The World's #1 Most Wanted Man"
concept to FOX.
- Devise plan to get in the pants of that capitalist dog, Britney Spears.