Chicago is a shithole city. I know everyone says that about a specific town or city, but I�m serious about Chicago. It�s not because of the weather, or the �club scene� which is what people usually mean when they talk about why they hate a certain city. It�s also not because of the constant flight delays at O�Hare, or those God awful Marquette Park accents people talk with. The reason why Chicago could easily be the world�s biggest colostomy bag is because it�s probably the most unproductive city ever. Everything in Chicago is about as twisted as Deion Sanders� attempt at a rap music career; particularly the Chicago Police Department. If you were to give Barney Fife a mustache and clone him a couple hundred times, you would get these guys. What makes them such an incompetent bunch of pistol wielding jackasses? They think that their primary job is to push around and bully the public instead of helping them. For example, one of the times when I called the local police headquarters to kindly let them know that people driving in the area I lived in were regularly going the wrong way on streets that were clearly marked �one way�, constantly ignoring stop signs, and that a pedestrian was just run over and killed the previous day because some egotistical retard in a Jaguar thought that getting through the red light was more important than a middle aged man�s life. He was also too important to stop and get out of his car to help the man he hit. I told all this to the police department hoping that they could possibly put a few extra patrol cars in the area to look out for this sort of thing, give out a few tickets and possibly deter more drivers from doing these things. This is what the conversation sounded like:
Reasonable Clone: Yeah. There is a problem in my area. People are constantly blowing through stop signs like they don�t exist, and I think the police department should have some patrol cars keep a sharp look out for this sort of thing before more people � possibly me � get hurt.
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: Listen. Our department is too busy with gangs and drugs and �stuff� like that. We don�t have time to sit at intersections and wait for people to blow stop signs and write them a ticket!
Reasonable Clone: It�s not like it will take a long time. I guarantee you that if you sit at any intersection in this area for just ten minutes, you will have enough money to buy lunch for your entire department.
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: What I�m saying is that we have bigger crime to deal with. We�re not concerned with minor traffic violations.
Reasonable Clone: There are no degrees of crime. All laws that are broken should be followed by consequences that fit the offence.
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: What the fuck do you want us to do? Spend all day sitting at a street corner and nailing everybody who blows the stop sign?
Reasonable Clone: You can�t catch everybody, but you can make an example out of some people which may make others think twice before ignoring the next stop sign they see. You can have someone sit at a given spot for about twenty minutes a day. He catches some people, writes each of them a ninety dollar ticket and the word gets around that the police are cracking down on these offences. I don�t see any complication.
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: You think we have time to do that?
Reasonable Clone: You seem to have enough time to write tickets to people with no city sticker, or those who park on the street during the monthly street cleaning. You�re able to pull over plenty of teenagers for playing their rap music too loud and spend a half hour searching their car only to usually come up with a small bag of marijuana at best. And for some reason you�re always able to get to a parking meter within five minutes after the time expires and write a thirty dollar ticket.
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: Pulling over gangbangers and searching their cars is different than waiting at an intersection for someone to blow a stop sign.
Reasonable Clone: I didn�t say gangbangers. I said teenagers.
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: Whatever! But if we pull someone over and search their car, it�s because we think that they might have intent to hurt someone.
Reasonable Clone: Hurt someone? Would getting plowed into by a speeding SUV tickle?
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: I told you! We don�t have the fucking time to do all that!
Reasonable Clone: What about the half hour you police spend hanging out at the White Hen drinking coffee and talking with your co workers after you�ve just triple parked your squad car across the handicapped zone?
Obese stench-hoarding desktop cop: Goodbye! *Click* |
