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| A new Fast and the Furious movie will be coming out this summer (summer 2003 in case you're coming here a few years from now, and I haven't done anything to my website and just let it sit on line to rot like I should have done years ago). This is not only going to be a summer where every time we change the channel we see previews for the movie; it's not just going to take up space in the theaters that could be screening movies which are more productive. For God's sake, I would rather sit through a Pauly Shore movie. This Fast and the Furious sequel, 2 Fast 2 Furious, is going to prompt an already too big nation of idiots -- who think that their Toyota Corolla is a sports car, and prove it by painting them with racing stripes, attaching wings to the rear, and buying an exhaust pipe the size of a garbage can -- into an even bigger nation. Why do I say they're idiots? Because they drive ridiculously fast in their Mitsubishi Diamantes accomplishing nothing except getting to the next red light quicker than all the other partially educated motorists. I don't care how many movies they make; a Honda Civic is not a sports car. Below are exact examples of what I'm talking about: |
| This fin at the end of the car is called a spoiler - or as I call it, mullets for cars. Do people think this makes their car look "cooler?" It looks more like a pathetic attempt to make the car fly one day. The spoiler's design is to pick up wind resistance, so the rear end will push harder on the ground to give the tires more friction. The funny part is that these "street racers" are all front wheel drive, and the extra friction on the rear wheels actually makes the car go slower. If you really wanted to show how intelligent you were, you would reverse your car's drive. But no, that's too much work. You'd much rather just give your car some huge wings to compensate for your small genitals. |
| They actually "souped up" a station wagon. What are they going to do with this? Race the kids to soccer practice? |
| This just looks ridiculous! Who would actually drive a Topaz anyway? Well, he did a good job of distracting us from noticing that he drives a piece of shit. I think I'd rather drive a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe to work than this box shaped turd with wheels. |
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| The only thing more impressive than someone willing to turn a Ford Escort in to a street racer, is that the Escort actually made it to the auto parts store without the engine stalling. Good luck racing a car that only runs for 45,000 miles, prick. |
| Don't worry, all three of the people who visit my site regularly, I'll put more up soon enough. |