Synchrony - by Triste
"Hmm...bread, milk, snacks, dish soap..." Yoh glanced down at his list again, frowning slightly. "Do you think we forgot anything?"
"So what if we did?" Ren grunted, scowling at Yoh's back as he hefted the weight of the shopping bags in his arms. It wasn't that they were too heavy for him (and even if they were, he would never had admitted such a thing), it was that there were just far too many bags for one person alone to carry. Yoh had offered to help, of course, but Ren had ignored him and shouldered the burden on his own. Yoh had laughed and mentioned something about him being stubborn, and again, Ren had ignored him.
"You shouldn't talk like that," Yoh told him. "You know that Anna would punish us even if we left out one tiny item off the list."
"I'm not afraid of her," Ren said with a snort. "As if I'd be frightened of some woman."
"Anna isn't a normal woman," Yoh reminded him. "She has super secret powers and that's what makes her so scary."
Ren just rolled his eyes. "You're pathetic..."
"I'm not pathetic. I just don't like pain." Yoh laughed and folded the note up, stuffing it in his back pocket and tilting his head back slightly so that he could stare up at the sky. "The clouds sure are nice today," he commented, sighing dreamily.
Ren just made an irritated sound and pushed past him as he continued making his way back to the inn where they were staying. The sound of Yoh's voice made him pause, though, and he waited impatiently for whatever the other was about to say to him.
"Na, Ren...don't you like watching the clouds?"
Another irritated little noises slipped past Ren's lips and he resisted the urge to kick Yoh into moving again.
"Why are you asking me such a thing?" he asked, feeling vaguely annoyed with Yoh's spacey attitude.
"I was just curious," Yoh replied, not taking his eyes off the sky above. "You like watching the stars, after all. I thought you'd enjoy looking at clouds as well. Or do you prefer the night instead?"
Ren chose not to answer his question. "I thought you were worried about punishment from Anna?"
"I'm always worried about punishment from Anna...but the sky looks so pretty today, don't you think?" Yoh turned and smiled at him and Ren found himself looking away after a second or two, unable to look into those warm dark eyes for very long without feeling uncomfortable.
Not that he'd felt truly comfortable around Yoh anymore...not since what had happened between them the previous night when Yoh had come into his room and...
Ren turned away, cursing himself when he felt his cheeks growing hot. He didn't want to remember the way it felt to have Yoh's arms wrapped loosely around him, didn't want to remember the way it felt to have Yoh's lips against his neck, didn't want to remember any of it full stop.
It was too distracting and it made him feel awkward. He didn't know how to act around Yoh anymore...
After last night, Ren realised that neither one of them had changed as people. Yoh was still Yoh and he was still himself. What had changed was the relationship between them. Yoh wasn't acting any differently to how he usually did. He himself wasn't acting any differently to how he usually did, but still...things had changed.
He couldn't just forget what had happened, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to...but he wasn't sure how to deal with it, either. So, he decided not to do anything at all. If Yoh wasn't going to mention anything about it, then he wouldn't, either.
"What are you thinking about?"
Ren almost jumped out of his skin when Yoh poked his cheek affectionately and he stepped back, startled, smacking Yoh's hand away hastily and dropping the bags that he'd been holding in the process.
Yoh blinked and his usual dazed expression gave way to one of surprise. There was even a hint of hurt in those calm eyes and Ren quickly looked away from them, pretending that Yoh didn't even exist as he bent down and retrieved his bags, checking briefly to make sure that nothing was damaged or broken before hefting them back into his arms again.
He hesitated for a second, but refused to give in to the temptation to look back over his shoulder at his companion, instead, choosing to start walking once again.
He was angry with Yoh for touching him like that and doing something so unexpected, but most of all, he was angry with himself. Angry for having seen that flicker of hurt in Yoh's eyes...angrier still for knowing that he was the one who had caused that hurt.
After all, Yoh hadn't really done anything wrong. He was a naturally affectionate and tactile person and it wasn't exactly the first time he'd touched Ren like that. Ren hadn't been able to help himself, though. Ever since last night, he'd been jumpy and unsure of himself. He hated not being able to feel confident and he hated feeling uneasy...
The thing that he hated most, however, was knowing that he'd hurt someone that he cared about so much.
Whereas Yoh found it easy to show his liking for someone, Ren found it a lot more difficult, and he often had to struggle to be able to express himself properly. He didn't think he could ever be like Yoh, relaxed and free and always so easy-going, nor would he want to be.
Yoh was Yoh. To him, everything was so simple.
To Ren, though, everything was complicated, especially Yoh.
Sometimes, he hated that easy-going attitude. Sometimes, he hated that kindness, that willingness to accept people for who they were. But at the same time, those were the things that made Yoh...Yoh. Without those things, he wouldn't be the person that he was, and really, Ren couldn't imagine him being any other way.
Just because he didn't want Yoh to be any different didn't mean that he was any closer to understanding him, though. And so, because he couldn't understand, he just grew frustrated with the way Yoh made him feel, and because he couldn't comprehend all of those emotions, he took that frustration out on the one who had caused him to feel such things.
He just didn't know how else to deal with it.
What was even more frustrating was the fact that Yoh accepted him, just like he accepted everyone else, in spite of all his faults and failings. Yoh accepted him even though Ren often tried to push him away. Yoh accepted him even when Ren was irritable and snappy with him, while anyone else would have either left him alone or picked a fight with him.
Yoh never fought. Yoh was always so calm, always so peaceful. He didn't even like competition.
Ren was the opposite. He was very rarely calm, very rarely peaceful. He lived for fighting, he lived to be able to prove himself and make people acknowledge his strength, and his aggressiveness was what had stemmed from all of that.
Yoh wasn't aggressive, though. He might be easy-going, but he wasn't afraid to stand up for himself, or for other people. He might be even-tempered, but he also refused to back down in the face of opposition. He was always so sure of himself, so confident in his beliefs...and it wasn't like Ren's confidence at all. Ren was confident because he had to be. He didn't like showing any sort of weakness and he needed to be strong. He, however, tended to value physical strength, while Yoh tended to favour the emotional.
In the end, that was probably why Yoh was so unflappable. Unlike Ren, he didn't feel the need to prove himself to anybody. He didn't mind showing his faults and that was part of what made him so...unique.
He really was like the wind...
Ren sighed heavily and came to an abrupt stop, squaring his shoulders and taking in a deep breath. It took a lot of effort to actually bring himself to say the words, but somehow, he managed.
"I'm sorry..."
He hated apologising. He hated having to say 'please' or 'thank you', but most of all, he hated having to say that he was sorry for something.
"Why are you sorry?"
Ren bit his lip, hesitating slightly before providing Yoh with his answer. "Because I hit you like I did. Because I was...harsh with you. I didn't...I don't...I don't mean to be..."
"I know."
Ren glanced over his shoulder, finding himself unsurprised to see that Yoh was smiling at him the way that he always did. He really shouldn't have expected anything different. He really shouldn't have expected Yoh not to accept what he'd done...
"That's just who you are," Yoh told him, still smiling. His eyes were slightly softer than usual and for the first time, Ren found himself unable to look away from them. "Besides...I know how shy you can be."
Those last few words were accompanied by a mischievous grin and Ren soon forgot all about looking into Yoh's eyes.
"B...bastard!" he swore, his cheeks growing hot again. "Are you making fun of me?"
Yoh just continued to look amused. "Now you're embarrassed."
Ren scowled. "How do you know?"
"You're blushing," Yoh told him sweetly. "And you're stammering. It's actually kind of funny."
Ren swore at him again and turned away, hurrying up ahead without waiting to see if Yoh was following him. After a moment or so, he glanced back to see that Yoh actually was following him, but for some reason, instead of walking by his side the way he usually would, he was lagging back by a considerable distance.
Ren knew that it was just Yoh's way of trying to make him feel less embarrassed, knew that he'd just tried to give him a little time alone to cool down, but he actually found himself growing more and more irritated instead.
"Stop walking behind me like some sort of meek woman!" he snapped.
Yoh laughed and hurried forward so that they could walk back to the inn together, side by side...just like always...
Dinner had been relatively uneventful. Of course, there had been the usual squabbles, but no one seemed to notice that Ren was feeling slightly more uptight than usual. It wasn't exactly anything new, after all. He was usually awkward around people, even the ones he called his friends, but as usual, no one bothered to comment.
It had been difficult, though, to refrain from looking in Yoh's direction. Ren had wanted to look at him, but he'd been afraid of drawing attention to himself. After all, no one else knew about what had happened between him and Yoh...
And so, he'd announced that he was turning in early. He retired to his bedroom and shut the door behind him...but he didn't lock it.
Ren tried not to feel foolish, tried not to think about Yoh. Just because he'd decided to make an appearance last night didn't mean that he wanted to repeat the experience. He was thinking too much about things, giving them more meaning than he probably should.
Ren didn't even know what he'd do if Yoh did decide to show up, wasn't even sure he wanted a repeat of last night's performance.
In the end, he told himself to stop being such an idiot, instead choosing to meditate for an hour or so.
For some reason, it didn't calm him down like it usually did. Instead of relaxing and just letting himself drift, he couldn't let go of the tenseness that refused to leave his muscles. It was as though his body unconsciously knew that his mind was waiting for something...
Or someone...
Abandoning his meditation, Ren instead chose to seat himself on the window ledge and stare up at the stars for a while.
That didn't help either.
Nothing of what he would usually do in his time alone seemed to have any sort of effect anymore. He couldn't seem to do the things that he enjoyed doing, simply because Yoh was occupying his mind so much and it annoyed him greatly.
It wasn't like he could stop thinking about Yoh, though. He wished that he could, but unfortunately, he didn't seem to have any sort of control on where his thoughts were leading. Not tonight...
Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. Ren could hear the others heading off to their rooms, could hear the sound of their voices in the hallway, bidding each other goodnight.
But still no Yoh...
Again, Ren scolded himself for being such a fool. Why was he even expecting Yoh like this anyway? Why was he waiting for him as though he had nothing better to do with his time?
His irritation growing, Ren forced himself not to think about it anymore as he stripped out of his clothing and pulled on a loose pair of pyjama pants, pulling back the sheets on the bed and easing his body underneath them. He shifted so that he was lying on his side, his back to the door and his eyes gazing out the window, staring at the stars, but not really seeing any of them.
He closed his eyes and sighed, eventually finding himself drifting in the place between sleep and wakefulness, when the door quietly creaked open.
Ren's eyes fluttered open, but he didn't bother turning over, or acknowledging the intruder's presence. It wasn't until the bed dipped down under the extra weight that he released the breath he hadn't been aware that he'd been holding.
"Yoh."
It was a statement, not a question, and the response he received was equally short.
"Ah."
There was silence for a minute or two, before Yoh decided to speak again.
"Would it bother you if I stayed with you for a while?"
Ren didn't even know why Yoh was bothering to ask such a question. They both knew what the answer would be. If Ren had wanted him gone, he would have kicked Yoh out a long time ago.
He just gave a non-committal grunt, which Yoh seemed to take positively and again, there was silence for a while.
Eventually, Ren pushed himself up into a sitting position and turned so that he was facing Yoh. Yoh's smiling face was bathed with moonlight and shadow and Ren allowed himself to stare.
"Why are you here?" he asked finally.
Yoh cocked his head slightly to one side. "Why?" he echoed. He closed his eyes briefly, as though he was seriously pondering his answer, when suddenly he grinned, letting Ren know to expect one of his usual carefree replies. "I'm here because I want to be."
Ren huffed and looked away. "That doesn't really answer my question."
"But I do want to be here." Yoh's grin faded, leaving a softer smile in its place. "Last night was fun...don't you think?"
Ren glanced at Yoh out of the corner of his eye, watching him almost warily. "That's why you're here? Because you want to do it again?"
"Would you mind it if I did?"
Again, Ren wondered why Yoh had bothered to ask such a question. Of course he wouldn't mind if Yoh wanted to have more...'fun.' Whether he actually wanted that 'fun' or not, though, was a different matter entirely. If Yoh wanted to touch him again, then he wouldn't stop him...he just wasn't sure whether or not he'd actually welcome that touch.
'Of course I wouldn't...I've only been waiting all night long for it, after all...'
Ren huffed again, feeling annoyed with himself. Now he was starting to get dependant on Yoh, and that was even worse than feeling weak...
He swallowed when Yoh reached out and cupped his cheek tenderly, trying to force his breathing to stay calm. He didn't know why Yoh was affecting him like this, but he did know that it wasn't unpleasant. It made him feel uneasy...it even frightened him a little...but he didn't want Yoh to stop what he was doing...
Yoh's face slowly came closer to his own and Ren just let himself stare into those warm eyes, sighing softly as Yoh's thumb stroked over his skin.
"You really want to know why I came here again?"
Ren wondered why Yoh was whispering, but he didn't bother to ask about it, just nodded in response to the other's question.
Yoh smiled and continued closing the distance between them. Ren could feel his pulse begin to quicken in response, and his swallowed again, trying not to go cross-eyed when Yoh came evermore closer to him.
The next time Yoh spoke, his voice was even quieter than it had been before and Ren had to strain to hear what Yoh was saying over the sound of his own laboured breathing.
"I came here because...there was something that we forgot to do..."
Ren's eyes widened in shock and he found himself tensing upon hearing such brazen words coming from Yoh's lips. He was still struggling to come to terms with what they'd done the night before. He wasn't sure about taking things any further. He wasn't sure about giving Yoh what he was asking for...assuming that what he was asking for was what Ren was thinking about right now...
He tried to stop himself from panicking, tried to keep himself from pushing Yoh away. He wasn't ready to take things further, wasn't ready to give Yoh what he wanted, wasn't ready to have sex with Yoh, wasn't ready to do something that he wouldn't ever be able to undo in the future if he wished to...
He'd never seen Yoh this way before, though. He was looking so serious, so solemn, so...seductive, and it scared him a little. He didn't know if he'd be able to resist this side of Yoh, didn't know if he'd find himself able to say the word 'no' if he had to...
Ren swallowed again and tried to speak. "W...what...did we forget to do?"
Yoh smiled at him and leaned in so that he could whisper into Ren's ear. "Last night when I came here...I forgot to kiss you..."
Ren blinked once, then twice, before the words finally penetrated his brain. "You wanted to...kiss me?" His slightly panicked expression quickly turned into one of fury and he scowled, shoving Yoh away and smacking him in annoyance.
"That wasn't nice!" Yoh whined, rubbing the spot that Ren had just hit. "Don't you want me to kiss you?"
Ren crossed his arms over his chest peevishly and refused to meet the other's gaze. "I just thought...I thought..." He huffed again, knowing that he was blushing terribly, but absolutely refusing to speak about what had been on his mind. "I thought nothing, all right? It's not important..."
Yoh caught Ren's chin in his hand so that he could look him in the eye. "You're embarrassed again," he said softly. "Is it because of me?"
"Of course it's because of you!" Ren snapped. "Do you see anyone else in this bedroom attempting to molest me?"
He got that tight feeling in his chest again, though, when he saw the hurt in Yoh's eyes, but he couldn't look away anymore. Yoh wouldn't let him.
"Do I make you feel uncomfortable?" he asked gently.
Ren hadn't meant to be so honest, hadn't meant to say what he'd been feeling, but he couldn't lie...not when Yoh was looking at him like that. "Yes..."
Yoh smiled again, but it was sadder than before and Ren wondered why that was. "When I touch you...do you not like it?"
Again, Ren wanted to lie, wanted to deny the way Yoh was making him feel, but it was impossible. "I...guess I kind of like it," he admitted.
"You 'kind of' like it?"
Ren pursed his lips slightly in annoyance, once again unable to properly express his emotions. "It's just so sudden!" he said defensively. "You've never done anything like this before!"
"No, I haven't," Yoh agreed. "Does that upset you?"
"Of course it upsets me! Why did you even have to ask?" Ren pulled himself free from the other's grasp and stared down at the sheets, feeling vulnerable and foolish and hating all of it. "I just...never said I didn't like it, though..." That last part had been mumbled out almost reluctantly and Ren fisted his hands in the covers, wanting to just say what he was feeling, but not being able to. "Yoh..." He glanced up hesitantly, meeting the other's gaze of his own free will this time, but still feeling far too shy. "I'm still me...aren't I?"
Yoh's smile was gentle as he nodded his head in response. "Ah," he said. "You're still Ren, just like I'm still me. That hasn't changed."
Ren cleared his throat awkwardly. "So...are you still going to kiss me?"
"Do you want me to kiss you?" Yoh asked.
Ren shrugged dismissively, pretending that he didn't care either way. "Do whatever you like."
Yoh laughed and Ren found himself scowling again, knowing that Yoh wasn't laughing at him, but still feeling upset and irritated by it. Eventually, he sighed and glanced up at the other, waiting for him to make some sort of move. Yoh was still staring at him, though, and Ren couldn't figure out why. It was making him nervous, but for once, he didn't say anything, just let Yoh look.
Yoh was still Yoh, after all. He was still smiling in the same goofy way that he always did, the way that made Ren want to both smack him and smile along with him at the same time.
When Yoh reached out again and placed his palm against the side of Ren's cheek, Ren didn't slap him away. Instead, he found his gaze shifting from Yoh's eyes to his lips and he suddenly found himself wondering what they would taste like.
He supposed that he'd be finding out soon enough...
His breathing quickened again as Yoh drew closer to him, bringing up his other palm so that he was framing Ren's face in his hands. Still, he kept on coming closer, letting his eyes flutter shut. Ren felt his own eyelids slide shut as well, his senses and his anticipation heightened even further until finally, he felt the gentle press of Yoh's mouth against his own.
He hadn't really known what to expect, but he thought that maybe he could handle something like this. He'd never been kissed by anyone else before, and as such, didn't really have anything to compare it to, but it felt...nice in a warm, non-threatening sort of way.
He could feel Yoh's bangs tickling against his cheeks, feel his thumbs brushing lightly over heated skin and it was...different. Nothing at all like what had happened the night before...
As always, Yoh was smiling at him when he opened his eyes again, although this time, the quirk of his lips held a slightly teasing hint to them. Ren found himself wondering what Yoh could possibly find so amusing, but then Yoh was Yoh, after all. He was able to laugh even in the direst of situations.
"Your lips are too dry," Yoh scolded gently and Ren felt his face darken yet again in an indignant blush. "Lick them a little," Yoh instructed him. "Like this."
Ren found himself transfixed by the sight of the tip of Yoh's tongue peeking out between his lips, flushing an even deeper shade of crimson as he awkwardly mirrored what Yoh was doing and wetted his lips a little, feeling foolish, but wanting to know what came next.
It felt better this time, when Yoh kissed him. The soft, slick pressure of his mouth made Ren's own lips tingle as tiny shivers ran down his spine. Their mouths parted briefly, giving Ren a second or so to sigh in disappointment before Yoh returned for more.
Ren's hands gradually released their grip on the bed sheets, automatically drifting up to grasp onto Yoh's shoulders instead. He realised vaguely that this was the first time he'd actually touched Yoh in any way. Yoh had touched him before, of course, and rather intimately, too...but he'd never returned the gesture until now.
There were far too many new sensations for him to keep up with, though. The soft scratchiness of Yoh's tee shirt underneath his fingers, the brush of his bangs against his cheeks, the moistness of his mouth...
Ren thought he might lose himself if this kept up, and the idea of it managed to frighten and excite him at the same time.
He didn't know if Yoh wanted to touch him again the way he had done last night, or if he'd even let him this time. He didn't know if he'd be able to bring himself to touch Yoh back, or if that was even something that Yoh might want from him, and although it was both frustrating and exasperating not being able to know, for once, Ren found that he didn't really mind all that much.
He didn't mind being kissed by Yoh, either, although he probably should. He'd never even considered the idea of kissing anybody before, never even really liked the idea of it until now. Like anyone who had never been kissed, he'd always found the notion of it vaguely distasteful, but there wasn't anything nasty about the way it felt to have Yoh's lips against his own.
Ren had never liked being controlled by another person, but Yoh was so gentle and reassuring that he wasn't even angry about the fact that Yoh was the one who had started all of this, the one who seemed to know most about what they were doing.
Of course, the fact that he actually trusted Yoh helped a lot. He'd always been so afraid of opening himself up to anyone and making himself vulnerable, but he knew that Yoh wasn't cruel or unkind. It was quite the opposite, in fact, in that he was almost too kind, at least in Ren's opinion. That was why he knew that Yoh would never do anything to hurt him, but it still unsettled him to let Yoh get so close...
And then Yoh was speaking to him again, letting his breath tickle against Ren's ear and making him shiver in response. "There was something else I didn't do last night," he said softly, nuzzling his cheek against Ren's before moving back a little so that they could look into each other's eyes. "I never stayed with you..."
Well, that was true. Yoh had stayed for a little while so that they could watch the stars together, but then Ren really hadn't expected him to actually spend the entire night by his side.
"Why do you want to stay with me?" he found himself asking quietly.
Yoh gave him his usual characteristic carefree grin. "Because my room is all the way down the hall and it's far too cold to walk over there in just a tee shirt and my bare feet."
Ren blinked once, then twice, then huffed indignantly, having expected a slightly more serious answer. Then again, he supposed he shouldn't be all that surprised. Yoh was Yoh, after all.
"Lazy bastard," he muttered, giving Yoh a half-hearted glare and pulling away from him so that he could lower himself down onto the mattress, turning over so that his back was to the other once again. "Do as you like."
"Sankyuu."
Ren huffed again as he felt Yoh shifting around beside him and making himself comfortable before drawing the sheets over them both and going still. For a while, all was silent. Ren stared out the window, trying not to concentrate on the fact that Yoh was lying in bed next to him and intend on staying that was until the night was over. He thought that Yoh would have tried to do something other than kiss him, but if all he really wanted to do was sleep...
Ren gasped in shock when he felt a pair of chilly feet nudge against his ankles and he wrenched his legs away violently, rolling onto his side so that he could glower at his bedmate. "What the Hell was that for?!"
"My feet are cold."
"Put some socks on!"
"I don't have any."
"Then borrow mine!"
"But if I get out of bed, the rest of me will be cold, too, and then I'll be sad." Yoh laughed and inched closer to Ren, pressing his feet against the other's ankles once again. "Besides, you're better than socks. You're all toasty warm."
Ren scowled, but didn't push him away. "Lazy bastard..."
"But I like being lazy! It's my life's goal, after all!" Yoh laughed again and moved closer still so that their bodies were pressed tightly against each other. He wrapped an arm around Ren's waist and tangled their legs together before sighing in contentment. "Mm, nice and warm..."
Ren couldn't argue with that. The fact that Yoh was taking such liberties with him made him want to twitch, but he didn't want to ruin the peacefulness between them. Besides, it felt nice to have Yoh holding him like this, even if his feet were cold. If they ever shared a bed again in the future, though, Ren was determined to make him wear socks.
"It's a nice night," Yoh said softly.
"Ah."
"The stars are pretty."
"Mm."
"You're pretty, too."
"Yoh, just shut up and go to sleep."
Yoh giggled, but didn't say anything else and again, Ren found himself thinking how nice it was for them to lay together like this. He could feel Yoh's chest rising and falling rhythmically against his own, and he remembered the way it had been last night, when their bodies and their breathing had fallen in synch with each other.
Before, that sort of intimacy had scared him. It still did, to a certain degree, but he couldn't deny the fact that it felt good in a way. The weight of Yoh's arm around his waist felt good. The way their legs were twined together felt good. The way his nose was pressed against the hollow of Yoh's throat so that he could inhale the other's soapy scent felt good, too.
His breathing slowed instinctively to match Yoh's and he found himself thinking that this was like meditation, in a way. He'd read about it before, but he'd never actually done this sort of thing until now. He'd never lain so close to someone like this before, never matched someone else's breathing pattern before, never felt someone else's heart beating in unison with his before.
Yes, it was frightening, but it was also kind of exhilarating. He couldn't imagine being so in synch with anybody other than Yoh. He couldn't imagine doing this with anybody other than Yoh. He couldn't imagine giving this sort of trust to anybody else, nor did he want to.
Although Yoh could be annoying sometimes, he knew how to appreciate the good things, which was why Ren knew that he wouldn't do or say anything to shatter the tranquillity between them.
And that was nice, too...
End.
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