Landlord - by Triste
It started off innocently enough. It was just another lazy Sunday afternoon where Ren read his morning paper and tried to keep Hao from molesting him until he'd finished doing the crossword puzzle. Hao entertained himself by making inane little comments every now and again as he lay with his head in Ren's lap and fiddled with the fastening of his pants and Ren replied to them with vague, "Ah's," and, "Mm-hmm's," without really listening to what the other was saying.
He had just barely gotten halfway through solving some of the questions when Hao sat up suddenly and curled himself around the younger boy, breathing into his ear seductively. "Ren..."
"Ssh," Ren said absently, batting the other away. "I'm trying to figure out 23 across."
"Ren..."
"I told you, be quiet."
"Ren..."
"Ah?"
"I have a fantasy."
"Mm-hm?"
"Wanna hear how it goes?"
"Hmm."
Hao grinned sneakily and attached himself to Ren once more, stroking his thigh and teasingly and moving his hand dangerously close to Ren's crotch. Ren frowned, but didn't look up from his paper. Hao pouted slightly at being ignored, but refused to give up on his seduction, leaning in so that he was nuzzling the other's neck and nibbling at his earlobe.
"I've been thinking about this for a while now," he said, letting his other hand slip under Ren's shirt and roam over his bare skin. "Actually, it was the shorts that started it all off."
Ren sounded vaguely distracted as he scratched down an answer to one of the clues. "Shorts?"
"Mm-hm. Those hot pants of yours."
Now Ren's attention was caught. "Hot pants? I don't own any of those and even if I did, I wouldn't be seen dead in something so...so..."
"Slutty?" Hao suggested. Ren hmph'd in irritation while Hao just chuckled. "I think they're sexy. But anyway, I was talking about your school uniform...you know, the one with the yellow blazer and the really short shorts?"
"I thought you said they were called hot pants?"
"Well, they look short enough to be hot pants."
"Is there going to be a point to this rambling conversation?"
"I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it. Anyway, the point is, I like your short shorts. I like your legs. I think you should show them off more."
Ren sighed irritably. "Hao, you said you liked everything about me, especially my ass."
Hao leered. "Yes, that's true. I like that part best of all."
"So my amazing intellect doesn't interest you at all then, does it? Or my prowess with weaponry? Or my astoundingly impressive oversoul?"
Hao blinked. "What does any of that have to do with your cute little backside?"
Ren glowered at him. "Is that the only thing you have on your mind?"
"Pretty much."
"Whatever happened to your plan of killing off every human being on the planet and creating a world for only shamans?"
"I got distracted."
"By what?"
"By you!" Hao smiled widely again and squeezed Ren even tighter. The younger boy grunted in discomfort, but Hao refused to let him go or even breathe easily for a while. "Besides, we belong together, you and I. I said that I would make you mine and I did. I'm like your landlord in a way."
Ren looked at him sceptically. "Landlord?"
"That's right. Your body is like my property and I occasionally let it out to your friends."
"What the Hell do you mean by that?!"
"Well, I want to keep you all to myself, since you *do* belong to me and everything, but I know how lonely you would be without your friends, so every once in a while, I allow you to play with my baby brother and the rest of your little cohorts. In return for that, you give me...well, your cute little behind!"
"The way you talk about it makes it sound as though you're a God damn pimp who likes whoring me out to Yoh and the others! Do I *look* like a prostitute to you?!"
"Well, how much would you say your ass is worth?"
"Excuse me?" Ren looked dangerously close to exploding with rage and so Hao decided to calm him down a little.
"Okay, okay, forget about that. Let's talk some more about my fantasy."
"I don't want to hear it! You're going to tell me that you want me to dress in slutty shorts and stand around on street corners and sell my body to horny businessmen while you watch, aren't you?"
"Actually, I was going to say that the thought of you in a skirt turns me on like nothing else does, but-"
Hao was prevented from saying anything else when Ren landed a solid punch to his face, which sent him reeling back in shock.
"Are you making fun of me, bastard?!" Ren yelled, leaping to his feet and shaking his fist at the other boy.
"I'm not making fun of you!" Hao said defensively, rubbing his nose delicately before deciding that nothing was broken. "I'm just telling you what turns me on!"
"And I said I don't want to hear it!" Ren glared viciously and crossed his arms over his chest, turning his back on Hao. Hao sighed and wrapped his arms around Ren's waist, hugging him from behind.
"I love you," he said sweetly. "Let's have sex."
Ren twitched in his embrace. "Is that all you ever think about?"
"No. Sometimes I like to think of how you'd look in a skirt."
"Do you want me to hit you again?"
"No, I want you to wear girl's clothing for me."
Ren twitched again. "Just be grateful for the fact that you've already locked my spear away where I can't get to it right now, otherwise I'd have torn you to pieces."
"It's good for the two of you to spend time apart," Hao told him soothingly. "Now, if only you'd start taking those anger management classes..."
"I do not need to learn how to control my temper!" Ren snarled, turning around so that he could glare up at the other venomously. "Dammit, you're pissing me off. Give me back my spear or I'll kill you."
"On one condition. Wear a skirt for me first."
"I don't like women. Why would I want to dress like one?"
"Because I think you'd look cute."
"If anyone should be dressing up as a female here, it's you. You're the one with the long girly hair after all."
"Okay then, we'll both wear a dress! People will think we're a lesbian couple!"
"Why would anybody think that?" Hao grinned. Ren just sighed tiredly. "Remind me again why I decided to go out with you in the first place?"
"Because you couldn't resist my seductive advances?" Hao said smugly.
"Oh, is that what you call it? I'd say it was more along the lines of stalking and pestering and harassing and-"
"Seduction, Ren. I was seducing you. And it worked, didn't it? You're here with me now, after all."
"I'm here with you because you're ridiculously possessive and clingy and don't like to let me go within three feet of your presence. And I don't remember anything about seduction when we first got together. You were sitting on my window ledge like some sort of creepy stalker owl and I let you in because you looked so pathetic out there in the rain. Then you thanked me by tying me down to the bed and-"
"Worshipping your beautiful body?"
"You wrote 'Hao's Whore' on each of my butt cheeks in permanent ink."
"I just want people to know that you're mine!"
"And how many other people get to see my behind apart from you?"
"That's a good point. Maybe I should have written it on your forehead instead..."
Ren growled in frustration. "Are you ever going to stop annoying me for more than five seconds? I have a puzzle to finish, you know. I still have to beat my previous time of completing it in under three and a half minutes."
"Crossword puzzles are boring. Cross-dressing is much more fun!"
"Wear your own dresses. I'm having nothing to do with your strange fetishes."
"Will you wear a dress for me if I leave you alone long enough for you to finish your paper?"
"No."
"Will you wear a dress for me if I let you finish your paper and do your housework for you?"
Ren looked outraged. "Don't even think about doing my chores! Everything has its place and I don't want you messing anything up."
"Sorry, I'd forgotten how much you live for housework." Hao nipped Ren's neck teasingly and finally released him from his embrace. "Are you sure you won't wear a dress for me? I could steal a couple of them from Anna."
"Why would you want two?"
"So that we could each wear one, of course!"
"You're not going to leave me alone until I say yes, are you?"
"I'll give you back your spear if you do. And I'll take you to that Chinese restaurant you love so much. You could even act out that fake orgasm scene from 'When Harry Met Sally' for me."
Ren blushed a rather fetching shade of scarlet and Hao laughed merrily as he kissed the shorter boy on the forehead.
"It'll be like our first official date together. We can wear women's clothing and eat Chinese food and masturbate underneath tables in the middle of a crowded restaurant. It's going to be great!"
Ren's blush refused to die down. "You really have no shame, do you?" he hissed angrily.
Hao only chuckled again and nuzzled Ren's cheek playfully. "And that's why you love me so much."
"Who said anything about love?"
"You're going to wear a dress for me, aren't you? If that isn't love, then I don't know what is."
"Don't push your luck."
End. (Or is it? ^_~)
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