Slice of Life
Hansei
Shinta stared at the tiny object on the table. His arms were crossed beneath his chin; his hair was loose and damp and flowed across his shoulders, over his arms, to spread on the table. He blinked, and stared some more. Afternoon sunlight splayed over his fine, porcelain features.
Aoshi had given this thing to him. He had done it to be nice; it was a treat. Aoshi had brought home an entire bag of the things and had left again before Shinta had realized what it was.
Just a bag of candies.
They were small and round and white. They were sweet and soft enough to chew.
Shinta reminded himself not to be angry with Aoshi. There was no way Aoshi could have known, because Shinta had not told him.
~~~~~
�No less than fifty,� Rumi stated.
Hiroku Masafumi scowled darkly at her. �Thirty-five, not a sen more!�
�He�s a virgin!�
�I�ll have to teach him everything! Forty!�
�Forty-five, because I will have to pay a doctor to see to him later.�
�Forty-three.� They stared at each other for a moment, then Rumi sighed.
�Done, Hiroku-san.�
Hiroku opened a small bag at his side and removed a few ryo. He then pushed it across the table. �Forty-three ryo, Rumi-san. More than you would make on any of your whores in a year.�
Rumi�s scowl darkened. �I will send him to you.�
Hiroku waved a hand. �I will fetch the boy myself.�
He left Rumi and found Sakura kneeling quietly in the hallway. He held a doll in his hands, and he was staring down at it in wonder. Hiroku pulled a candy out of a purse on his belt. �Sakura-chan?�
The little boy looked up. His wide, violet eyes shimmered. Hiroku knelt beside the boy and extended his hand. �Would you like a candy, Sakura-chan?�
Sakura smiled and nodded. �Arigato.� He took the candy and put it in his mouth. Hiroku�s eyes devoured the path of fingers and confection; his mind twisted the innocent gesture into something seductive, alluring.
�There is more in my room, Sakura-chan. Would you like some?�
Sakura was smiling brightly now. �Hai!�
Hiroku stood and waited for Sakura to rise. He led the child down the hall.
At some point, Sakura reached up and tucked his tiny hand into Hiroku�s.
~~~~~~~~~
Shinta refused to think about what had happened in that room. Nothing�nothing!�ever compared to that. Except the next year, when Hiroku had come back, bringing more candy with him. He had stuffed them in Shinta�s mouth and�
Shinta shuddered and glared at the candy. It seemed to stare right back.
How the hell an a ball of bean paste be threatening? he wondered. He tossed his head. The feeling of his hair sliding across his arms distracted him for a moment. Aoshi loved his hair. Aoshi would slide his hands through it just because or pull on it when they were making love.
But the candy was still sitting there.
He would eat it. He really would. He would just pick it up and put it in his mouth and that would be it.
He shuddered and buried his face in his arms so he wouldn�t have to look at it anymore.
Open your mouth!
He flinched without knowing it. He hadn�t wanted to . . .
Eat the candy, Sakura-chan. Eat it. Swallow.
He was thirteen the first time Hiroku brought friends.
Yuushi, it�s your turn. Katsu goes next.
Fourteen when Hiroku shoved his cock so far down Shinta�s throat that he couldn�t breath. Shinta had passed out thinking he was going to die, strangled on Hiroku�s genitals, and wondering how much Hiroku would have to pay for this.
Not deep enough, whore!
Swallow the candy! Swallow it!
At fifteen, Hiroku brought friends again. They had used their katanas and daggers.
Aoshi had bought him before the visit the next year. Aoshi had taken him from the Room and wrapped him in a blanket and carried him across Edo. Aoshi. Aoshi.
Shinta loved Aoshi.
Tears began to fall more rapidly now, pooling on the table before being absorbed into the wood. He wondered how long the wood would hold the taste of tears. If the floors of those room in which Hiroku had raped him still held the taste of his blood and his tears.
Shinta forced himself to lift his head, to lift his eyes. To stare at the candy on the table.
�You can�t hurt me anymore,� Shinta said. His voice sounded weak, even to his own ears. He needed it to be strong. He needed to say it like Aoshi could say it. He sat up straighter and glared at the candy. �You can�t hurt me anymore!� Because Aoshi was there, and Aoshi would never, ever let anything like that happen to Shinta. Aoshi would cut off his own thumb before allowing Shinta to be hurt.
�You can�t hurt me anymore. I . . . I have everything now. And you have nothing.�
Oh, he had Aoshi. They had a house with a garden, and a large futon they shared. He closed his eyes.
�You�ve never been here. You�ve never seen this place. You�ve never seen the way . . . the way he looks at me sometimes. He�d kill you, if you came back and I said so. He�d kill you if I asked him to. If he thought it might help me. He�d hunt you down and cut off your filthy stinking head.�
Shinta reached out and took the candy between his fingers.
It was just a candy. Nothing more.
He put it in his mouth.
The taste brought back more memories, but those were drowned. He remembered Aoshi�s green eyes, and how they shined sometimes, and how he had whispered, �Anything, Shinta, anything.�
He chewed slowly. Chewed the candy and chewed on memories that rose bitter and thick like bile. Of hands where hands had no right to be. Of forty-three ryo exchanging hands every year on that one day, and the beginning of his own hell shortly thereafter. Of Rumi not caring, and Yoko not understanding.
Aoshi saying he didn�t have to pretend anymore.
It took a long time, really. But he swallowed the candy, and when it was gone and he did not feel it lying heavy in his belly, he began to laugh. He was still laughing when Aoshi returned, and though his heart nearly froze in his chest when Aoshi held one of the candies in his fingers and urged Shinta to eat it, he did.
He opened his mouth, took the candy, smiled, chewed, and swallowed.
And just like that, for Shinta, Hiroku Masafumi began to die.
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