This Is Love
By: Hatti Lee* AKA Amalthea* AKA
Saiyajin_Peach AKA Saiyajin Peach 18
Authors Notes: Here's yet another song fic by yours truly. I think I'm getting better. I tried my best to keep this in first person, in Vejita's point of view. I hope you enjoy it! ^_^ Oh, and don't forget to review!
Warnings: If you haven't figured this out already, this fic is yaoi, which means male/male intimacy. So, if you're uncomfortable with that, or if you're just plain narrow-minded, I suggest you go elsewhere.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball Z or it's characters or the song "Make Yourself" by Incubus. So, I'd appreciate it if you didn't sue me. ^_^ It's not like you'd get much anyway.
Okay, if there's anyone left… On with the fic…
If I hadn't made me
I would've been made somehow
If I hadn't assembled myself
I'd have fallen apart by now
If I hadn't made me
I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow
These damn humans! They don't know what the Hell they're doing. They think they can run around being happy and "normal." They don't know shit! They've all been influenced by the peace that Kakarotto has created for them. They know nothing of real war. Who gives a fuck who your leader is when you may not have a planet to stand on?!
They know nothing of pain. My brats, that woman, even Kakarotto's friends… None of them know what real pain is. If any of them had lived through what I lived through, they'd all be dead.
I almost went the wrong way… I almost became what I hated the most. It was you, Kakarotto, that showed me the way. I'm a prince and my pride would've never allowed me to bow down to Freeza. I would've died before that, actually, I did. But instead of giving in, I would have become something worse. Stupid!
You saved me from that fate, Kakarotto. I can never thank you enough, actually, I've never thanked you, and I never will. My pride won't allow it. That's why I've decided to return the favor. It's the least I can do. I have to look out for you; I am your prince after all.
These humans are ruining you. Don't you even remember your heritage!? Fuck! Of course, you don't. That damned head injury.
If only you knew what you were, if only you knew how great you are! You're the strongest being in the universe! Yes, it's taken years for me to accept it, but I have. I'm still your prince though! Like I was saying, you're the strongest being in the universe, yet you allow that bitch to nag you like a child! If we were home on Planet Vejita, she'd be killed for raising her voice to you!
But still, you allow it. The only reason I could come up with for some time was that you love her, but I know now that's not it. The way you watch me, always staring. I know you don't love her.
It's the fact that you've been surrounded by these pushy humans for so long! You've known Bulma your whole life! No wonder you're always doing as your told! You're a Saiyajin, be a Saiyajin.
If you let them make you
They'll make you paper-maché
At a distance you're strong
Until the wind comes then you crumble and blow away
If you let them fuck you
There will be no foreplay
But rest assured, they'll screw you complete
'Til your ass is blue and gray
I see you at a distance, training with you're brats. That's another area you're better in… Being a father. You really are a wonderful father, even if it's not the Saiyajin way.
Finally, they leave, heading for home I suppose, and I approach.
Kami, the way you say my name! It's like you really care. I contemplate what all I should say as you continue grinning at me like a fool.
"I can't stand it anymore." With that simple sentence your smile fades.
"Not this again! I told ya, I'm not a Saiyajin."
"Of course you are! You don't deny it in battle, when you need it!" My voice rises in volume as my anger from the whole situation builds. You simply stare at me having heard this speech several times already. Then, I notice your eyes falter for a moment, quickly giving me a look over, and I fight the heat that I can feel building as it always does when you look at me like that.
"Jita, I'm sorry but I just don't know how ta be a Saiyajin. I'm not denying it." Your eyes narrow as you speak as if considering each word. I know this is hard for you, but I have to make you understand.
"Don’t' you get it… They're using you, they need you." You're confused by my statement; it's obvious as your head tilts slightly to one side like a dog. I know it's fucked up for ME to think this, but you can be so cute.
"You're strong, Kakarotto. Without you, this planet would be nothing but ashes, without you, they'd all be dead. Don't you get it?" I try to keep calm, reminding myself of your wit, or lack of. Why do I care?
"You don't understand. These humans, they're my friends, my family. I know you've had it rough, but try to relax. You'd find that it's so much easier to be happy if you had someone to laugh with." I think my face has gone numb. You're little speech actually made sense. Kami, it's surprising how funny you can be sometimes. I used to long to be near you just so that I could be amused by you, but that's not all I long for.
"Baka!" I hiss, "These humans are making you weak! You're a perfect warrior now! Imagine what you could be if you didn't have human flaws!"
"Human flaws?" I’m not surprised by your confusion and try to keep calm as I explain.
"Yes. You're inability to understand real pain, your mercy, your carefree spirit-" I'm unable to finish my long list since you suddenly cut me off.
"But, isn't that what ya love about me?" Again, my face goes numb. You really are hitting the nails on the head today.
Love. It's a secret fantasy for me. I'm not sure exactly what love is, but I know I want it. I want it with you. However, I can't let you see my reaction, how this has affected me, and I blast off to no where in particular.
I shouldn't have runaway. As much as I boast, I can be a real coward sometimes. Growling, I tense up as I detect your ki nearing. I should have known you'd follow me. Trying to be so caring and concerned… Just like a human.
Why did you have to say love? That one word can cause so much confusion in me. It's like a whirlwind inside of my head. Then, you're there, your boots tapping as you land in the small clearing surrounded by lush trees.
"Jita… Did I say something wrong?" I glance up at the way you said my name and you're looking down at me with that look on your face.
Growling, "Why do you have to do that?" You detect the frustration in my voice and plop down to the ground, sitting cross-legged across from me.
"Do what?" And then there's that cute puppy dog confusion look of yours.
"The way you look at me!" My outburst has you smiling and I feel embarrassed, but I'd die before I let you know that.
"I don't know, but I love looking at you. You just look so good." Kami! Why'd you have to say that! I feel my body heat up and I avert my gaze anywhere other than you.
"Do you really want me to change?" The question surprises me but not near as much as the pleading in your voice. I turn the simple question over and over in my head, growling as I try to think of a way to answer without sounding too sappy.
"Yes… No… I just think you should be more respected. Kami, Kakarotto, you're the best at everything you do! You should be respected." I hope that sounded good.
"But I am who I am. I wasn't shaped at all. I only wish that you'd had it that way as well." My mind is racing. Is it me? Am I the one that seems strong but weak on the inside? I don't understand.
I'm not sure how long we sat there in silence. Finally, I compose myself once again, having lost myself in confusion. Glancing up, I find you staring at me again and let the anger play across my face rather than blush.
"Jita," you lean closer, too close, whispering, "You look so good… Can I taste you?" My heart skips several beats and I forget to breathe. Taste me? Are you really that innocent? Of course you are. You're everything I'm not. Kami, yes! Please, taste me, Kakarotto! I can't bring myself to say it and press my lips to yours instead.
Your taste is unbelievable! I slide my tongue past your waiting lips, taking control as I practically climb onto you. I just can't get enough of that taste! I don't want to think about this. I know I've always yearned for you and that recently, you've been yearning for me as well, but I never imagined it would go this far!
All I had intended on doing was returning a long past favor. I wanted to save you from your weakness, but it seems you've saved me again. All this time it was me not being myself. Like I said before, you're perfect.
As your curious hands join mine in their endless roaming, we find ourselves lying on the forest floor. And with each more passionate kiss, I begin to understand why those love scenes in cheesy human romance movies always fade to black… Why the paragraph always ends just before the act itself in Bulma's nonsense romance novels. It wasn't because the reality of sex was too scary or too "dirty." It's simply that belonging with Kakarotto like that… Is too intimate to describe. Too close for any words or images to do it justice. It's something for only myself and Kakarotto to know.
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try and make yourself?
I awake first. What happened? Oh Kami, how could I have forgotten. Even if it had been for only an instant, that had been the most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my entire life. I tighten my arms around you, looking down with some difficulty at your face pressed against my chest, your arms wrapped around my thin waist.
You blink a couple times, reality coming to you as you yawn and stretch, your eyes finally fluttering open. I will never forget it. Watching you awake from our first night together… It has to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but I’ll never let you know that. My pride won't allow it.
"Nnn… Mornin', Jita." You manage, yawning again as your hold on me becomes almost too tight, your whole body pressed against mine. I stay silent. What is supposed to be said at times like these? Does anyone know?
"I don't wanna let you go." A whisper in my ear. Of course, you always know exactly what to say. Still, I stay silent.
"You think Chi-Chi would be mad if I decided to move in with you?" You say it through a chuckle and I can't help but smirk at what that psychotic woman's reaction's going to be. After a few moments, things solemn up again and I choose now to speak.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" The doubt and nervousness is obvious in my voice and I berate myself for it. Why am I letting this fool make me act this way! You lift your head, turning to look me dead in the eyes.
"Vejita, you're too hard on yourself-"
I interrupt you, "I know, I know… Relax." I mimic. You place a finger on my lips and I start to protest when you begin speaking in a tone I've never heard escape your lips. Of course, I've heard many new sounds escape your lips in the past twenty-four hours, but this was different.
"You're my prince… I love you," you chuckle as my shock and continued nervousness is evident on my face, "Is it that surprising? I've always wanted you. If anything, I should be worried about you. You let these 'humans' get to you too much sometimes. They're making you into that hard, uncaring person you've always want to avoid being."
"Stop." It's the only thing I'm capable of saying. Why are you always so right!? Am I so blind? Maybe I do need someone after all, because it's obvious I need you. Without you, I'd be dead, or worse, that which I've always despised.
"It doesn't matter if you don't love me, Jita. I just want us to be together. We can take care of one another-" I cut you off with a kiss since it's all I can do to quiet you. This is too much to compute and I need to think.
After some time, we part, only you panting for breath. I feel I've won something and smirk. You continue panting lightly, a seductive light gleaming in your inky eyes. You've always been a good loser.
"I… I do love you… Even though I'm not sure what love is." I say in an unusually soft tone, and of course, you start grinning.
"This is love, us needing to be together to survive. This is love."
I can't help but smirk as I press my lips to yours again, you're always right.
If I hadn't made me
I'd have fallen apart by now
I won't let em' make me
It's more than I can allow
So when I make me
I won't be paper-maché
And if I fuck me...
I'll fuck me in my own way
Things are different now. Kakarotto and I are living together in a capsule house in the forest and life is great. Would you have been able to imagine me saying that a year ago? Life is great! I hate my past, but I've come to learn that the past is just that, the past. Kakarotto is helping me to see the good in these humans, however, I still say they're as weak as Hell!
I am myself. I will not give into that evil force that lurks in the back of my mind, reminding me of the power I could have. What's all the power in the world without Kakarotto? Hn. I'm becoming too soft.
No one knows of our relationship yet. I think Kakarotto's afraid for that harpy of a woman to find out. Hell, who wouldn't be?! I'm sure they suspect something since we're always in one another's presence, but I could care less and frankly, neither does Kakarotto. Ha! I just wonder what they talk about after a day of watching that fool hang all over me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining… I love his touch, his presence… I love him… This is love.
But if you really want to live
Why not try and make yourself?