Disclaimer~ I do not own DBZ, or Shrek..movie or book version.
In a large clearing not far from Gokus’ swamp, a gathering of villagers, saiya-jins, and soldiers could be seen. Most of the saiya-jins were either in cages, or being loaded into carts to be shipped off somewhere. The rest of the tailed creatures were standing in a long line with various villagers, at the head of the line; a large oak table was set up, surrounded by armed guards. At this table sat Juunanagou, captain of Lady Bulmas’ army. He was a shrewd, handsome young man whose piercing blue eyes glinted more ferociously than his polished sword ever could. At the moment, he was bored out of his skull. He stifled a yawn as the guard beside him called up the next villager. He really found the whole ordeal tiresome, Lady Bulma insisted that all the saiya-jins be removed from her lands because, as she put it, they ‘shed their annoying tail fur all over her perfect world.’ He rolled his eyes and handed the man twenty pieces of silver for the saiya-jin.
The man walked back down the line with a scowl on his face. “Lousy twenty pieces.” He grumbled as he passed by an old woman and her catch. Her captive was a saiya-jin in his early twenties; he had a sharp widows peak and long, wild black hair that fell down to his knees. His coal black eyes were wide with shock and fear as he watched the guards handle the other saiya-jins none too gently. He turned to the woman that he had served since he was a child and begged her once more. “Please don’t turn me in, I’ll never be stubborn again, I can change! Please, give me another chance!” He bit his lower lip as the old hag turned hateful eyes towards him. “Oh shut up!” She hissed, lifting a hand to strike him. Radditz backed down with a defeated sigh. He watched as the line got closer and closer to the table, till he was only one person away.
“Next.” Boomed the captains’ voice. “What have you got?” He raised an eyebrow in question as a young boy with bright blue eyes and lavender hair was set down in front of him. The man who had put the boy down smiled at him. “This little demi-saiya-jin.” Before Juunanagou could respond, the youth turned to him and stated firmly. “I’m not a demi-saiya-jin, I’m a real boy!” His words would have been believable if it were not for his shimmering, purple tail that twisted behind him nervously. Juunanagou stared at the boy as though he was the stupidest thing alive then flippantly remarked to his guards. “Five shillings for the half-breed. Take it away.” The old man took his money and walked away, ignoring the cries of the young boy as he was lifted and carried off. “No wait! Father, don’t let them do this!”
Radditz was horrified by the whole situation, but he suddenly heard the words of his own doom. “Next, what have you got?”
The saiya-jin glanced frantically around for an escape as his former mistress smirked at the captain. “Well, I’ve got a pure blooded saiya-jin.” Her confidence grew as Juunanagou smiled at her. “Right,” He began cheerfully. “Well that’s good for ten shillings,” His voice then lowered to a deadpan. “If you can prove it.”
Radditz was then struck with a flash of brilliance; the only way to tell a human from a saiya-jin was by the saiya-jins’ tail. He smirked to himself as he remembered that his mistress had cut off all but six inches of his tail when he had come into her service. He carefully slipped the little stub of fur inside his clothes as the old woman turned to him. “Go ahead big fella, show them your tail.” She frowned as Radditz gave her an incredulous look. The captain raised an eyebrow; he didn’t see any brown, fuzzy appendages sticking out of the man anywhere. “Well?” He inquired. The woman smiled nervously. “Oh, ha, he’s just uh, he’s just a little nervous. He’s really quite a strong saiya-jin.” She growled at Radditz. “Show them your tail, you bone headed dolt!”
Juunanagou rolled his eyes. “All right, I’ve heard enough, Guards.” The woman frantically waved her arms as the knights approached her. “No no! I swear, he’s a saiya-jin, he is!” She grabbed a lock of Radditz hair and waved it around near his thigh. “See! He’s a saiya-jin, the strongest damn saiya-jin you’ve ever seen!” She gave them all a weak grin. Juunanagou was less than convinced. “Get her out of my sight.” He ordered. The old woman put up a good struggle with the guards, grabbing onto Radditz and trying desperately to prove her story. There was a resounding ‘rip’ as part of his pants were torn, revealing his stubby tail. She smirked as everyone gasped. Radditz covered the upper half of his backside with his hands and blushed. “I’m exposed!” He yelped as he tried to pull his shirt down. A small saiya-jin laughed and yelled. “He’s exposed!” Juunanagou wasn’t concerned with the nudity though all he was worried about was the fact that, “He’s a saiya-jin!”
Radditz finally covered his butt with his shirt and turned to smirk at the captain. “That’s right fool! I am a pure blooded saiya-jin. You may have seen a demi-saiya-jin, maybe even a super saiya-jin, but you ain’t never seen, a Manx saiya-jin!” His smirked faltered as the guards walked towards him. “Uh-oh.” He turned to run just as Juunanagou yelled out. “Seize him!” The soldiers pounced on him, but he managed to throw them off and break away into the forest. His breath came in short pants as he ran, his pulse pounding as loudly as the sound of the armored foot steps behind him. He turned his head to see just how close the guards were, when he ran into something solid and furry. He let out a startled ‘oof’ and fell to the ground. Radditz blinked up at a tall, furry, pink saiya-jin, with sharp eyes and an unhappy frown. He was about to speak but the sounds of the guards made him duck behind the impressive saiya-jin instead. Goku narrowed his eyes as a troop of knights thundered into the woods. The captain cleared his throat and spoke nervously. “You there, Saiya-jins.”
Goku crossed his arms over his bare chest. “Aye.” He raised an eyebrow as the captain rambled on in a tremulous manner. Juunanagou pulled out a scroll with a large blue B on it, displaying it for the large saiya-jin as he spoke to him. “By the order of Lady Bulma, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated, free settlement, facility.” He gulped as the tall, hairy beast looked him right in the eye and smirked. “Oh really? You and what army?” Goku asked smugly as the captain finally noticed his men had all left him. He let out a small cry and ran back the way he had come, after all, a level four saiya-jin was not something that was to be messed with alone.
Goku snorted as he turned and walked past the awe struck saiya-jin. Radditz cleared his throat and smiled at the furry back. “Can I, can I say something to you? Listen you was really something back there.” He remarked as he ran to catch up with his rescuer. He kept the big saiya-jins back in front of him as Goku tried to turn and look at him. “Incredible.” He continued. Goku stared around in a bit of confusion, every time he tried to see the face that went the voice, he was met with scenery. He scratched the back of his head. “Are you talking to, me?” He shrugged his shoulders when he got no reply and turned back around to walk right into a body. He let out a startled yelp and jumped back from the grinning Radditz. “Yes I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you was really great back there man. Those guards, man they thought they was all of that! Then you showed up and bam! They was trippin over themselves like babes in the woods. See that, that really made me feel good to see that.” He rattled on, unaware of Gokus’ wide eyes. The taller saiya-jin had never met anyone that could talk so fast or so much before. He nodded somewhat uncertainly. “Oh that’s great.” He remarked, annoyed when Radditz spoke up again.
“It’s good to be free.” He sighed happily. Goku turned and rested a hand on the shorter saiya-jins head. “Now, why don’t you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?” He hinted; hopping the longhaired man would get the idea and go away. Radditz looked thoughtful for a moment as Goku walked on. “ But, uh, I don’t have any friends, and I am not going out there by myself!” He grinned and ran after Goku. “Hey wait a minute, I got a great idea! I’ll stick with you! You’re a mean, lean, fighting machine. Together, we’ll scare the spit outta everybody that crosses us.” He smiled at Goku, even though the taller saiya-jin was clearly unimpressed. Goku turned to Radditz and roared in his face as loud and as menacingly as he could. Radditz stared at him with his mouth hanging open, his eyes bugged and his head tilted back for a few, quiet moments. Then he grinned again. “Oh wow! That was really scary! And if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t work your breath certainly will get the job done, cause you definitely need some tic tacs or something, cause your breath stinks!” He made a face and then ran to catch up with his new pal, jumping up onto a tree and hanging over the edge so he was face to face with the annoyed saiya-jin. “Man you almost burned the hair outta my nose. Just like the time, mmff umph mnnff.” He continued to talk as Goku covered his mouth with his hand, desperate to shut him up. When he saw that wasn’t going to happen, he sighed and removed his hand. Radditz was still going. “and then I ate some rotten berries, man I had some strong gases eking outta my butt that day.” He grinned at his companions vexed expression. Goku raised his voice a bit. “Why are you following me?!” He cried as he pushed past the smiling saiya-jin. Radditz hopped off his branch and trotted after him. “Oh I’ll tell you why.” He jumped in front of Goku and blocked him, posing as he began to sing. “ Cause I’m all alone, there’s nobody here beside me! My problems have all gone, there’s no one to deride me!” He grinned again and started to dance.” But ya gotta have friends!”
Goku let out a short cry of anger and picked Radditz up by his shirt, lifted him up to his face and snarled at him. “Stop singing!” He dropped the large eyed saiya-jin off to the side and shook his head at him. “Well it’s no wonder ya don’t have any friends!” He exclaimed. Radditz flashed him that impish grin again. “Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.” He replied. Goku moaned in dismay. He tried once more to make the smaller man understand. “Listen, little fella, take a look at me! What am I?” He waited, as Radditz looked him up and down. “Uh, really tall?” He tried, scratching the back of his head and grinning once more. Goku growled at him. “No! I’m a level four super saiya-jin! You know, ‘Grab your torch and pitchforks!’ Doesn’t that bother you?” He asked. Radditz shook his head. “Nope.”
Goku was taken a back by this and blinked a few times before responding. “Really?”
Radditz continued to grin. “Really, really.” Goku shrugged, and said, “Oh.”
The shorter saiya-jin smirked at him. “Man I like you, what’s your name?” Goku stared at him for a moment, then off handedly spoke as he walked on again. “Goku.” Radditz made a face. “Goku?!” He shook his head and ran after his new friend. “Well you know what I like about you Goku? You got that ‘I don’t care what nobody thinks of me’ thing. I like that, I respect that, you’re all right.” He turned his attention to a large, run down looking house near a lonely swamp. “Woo look at that! Who would want to live in a place like that!?” He exclaimed. Goku gave him a meaningful look. “That would be my home.” He said as he walked down the hill. Radditz blushed as he followed behind Goku, he had to say something to make up for his rude outburst. “Oh and it’s lovely! Beautiful! You know you are quite the decorator, it’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget! I like that boulder, that is a nice boulder.” His grin faded as he passed by some very unfriendly looking ‘keep out’ signs. “I uh, guess you don’t entertain much, do you?” He asked. Goku cast a glance over his shoulder at him. “I like my privacy.” He commented. Radditz grinned again. “You know I do to, that’s another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face, you’re trying to give ‘em a hint and they wont leave, and then there’s that big, awkward silence, you know?” He could feel the sweat drip down his neck as Goku gave him another meaningful look; he tried to change the subject quickly with a direct question. “Can I stay with you?”
Goku stuttered in surprise. “Wha..what?!” He raised an eyebrow as Radditz repeated himself. “Can I stay with you, please?” Goku smiled warmly at the other saiya-jin. “Of course!” He said. Radditz blinked a little. “Really?” He asked hopefully. Goku frowned at him. “No.” There was a sudden flash of black hair and Radditz had Goku pinned to the front door. “Please!” He begged. “I don’t want to go back out there! You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak!” He paused to look Gokus’ pink, hairy body over and then continued. “Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we have to stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!!” He cried. Goku couldn’t take anymore. “Ok! Ok, but one night only!” He pushed Radditz off and opened his door, letting out a yelp as the saiya-jin rushed past him with a cry of “Oh thank you! Oh this is gonna be fun!” Goku stared at him as he jumped onto the reclining chair. “What are you, no, no!” He cried. Radditz just went on talking, as usual. “We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!” He nodded proudly as the other saiya-jin growled. At Gokus’ silence, he turned his head and looked around. “Where do uh, I sleep?” He asked. Goku glared at him and pointed a finger out the door. "Outside!"
Radditz tried not to show his hurt feelings in his voice. “Oh uh, I guess that’s cool. I mean, I don’t know you and you don’t know me so I guess, outside is best.” He slid off the chair and trudged past Goku. “Here I go. Goodnight.” He sniffled, as the door was slammed shut behind him.
Goku sighed and finally relaxed in his moment of peace and quiet, then Radditz voice echoed in through the door. “ I mean I do like the outdoors, I’m a saiya-jin, I was born outside.” Goku threw his hands up in defeat and walked away from the door as Radditz continued to ramble on. “Just by myself outside I guess.” He started to sing in a sad voice. “I’m all alone, there’s nobody here beside me.”
The hairy, pink saiya-jin sat down at his table to eat, he was only a little sorry for putting Radditz outside, but after all, it wasn’t as though the saiya-jin was living with him. He shrugged off the feeling and began to eat, unaware of the lonely eyes looking in at him from the window. Radditz sighed and stepped over to the porch, where he sat down and tried to go to sleep. Goku was about to take another bite of his dinner when he heard a rustling sound; he set his spoon down and stood up, glaring at the window. “I thought I told you to stay outside.” He growled as Radditz poked his head up and cried defensively. “I am outside!” Goku was more than a little confused now. He turned around and saw two little saiya-jins on his table, picking at his dinner. He snarled as he grabbed them by their tails and lifted them up to his face. “What are you doing in my house?!” He dropped the children as something slammed into his back. When he turned to look down, the sight of a beautiful, dark-haired woman, inside a glass coffin met him. He raised his eyes to see several young saiya-jins grinning at him. “Oh no, no, dead broad off the table!” He started to push her off when one of them yelled exasperatedly. “Well where are we supposed to put her? The bed’s taken!” Goku looked up in alarm. “Huh!?” He marched over to his room and threw open the door. A young saiya-jin rested on the bed and glanced up at him with a wry smile. “What?” He asked. Goku snarled and dragged the saiya-jin to the front door by the scruff of his neck. “I live in a swamp, I put up signs, I’m a terrifying level four saiya-jin, what do I have to do to get a little privacy?!” He ranted as he chucked the saiya- jin out of his house. His eyes widened in sheer horror as he beheld his once calm, quiet swamp. It was now over-flowing with saiya-jins of all shapes, sizes, and levels. “Oh no, no, no! What are you all doing in my swamp!?" He bellowed. There was a sudden gasp and everyone fell quiet in stunned fear. Goku tried to chase some of them off, but they ran into his house and shut the door. “No ,no, not there!” He sighed in defeat. Radditz took a step back at the force of the glare Goku leveled at him. “Hey don’t look at me! I didn’t invite them!” he protested. A familiar purple-headed demi-saiya-jin stepped forward to explain. “Well gosh, no one invited us.” He said snidely. Goku turned his glare onto the boy. “What?!” Another saiya-jin tried to explain a bit clearer than his friend had. “We were forced to come here.” He said sadly. Goku raised his eyebrows. “By who!?” He asked as the saiya-jin pressed on. “Lady Bulma, she shrieked and she screamed and she, signed an eviction notice.” He mumbled. Goku took a deep breath. “All right, who knows where this Bulma girl is?” He asked. Radditz waved his hand in the air. “Oh I do! I know where she lives!” He cried excitedly. Goku pretended to ignore him. “Does anyone else know where she lives?”
Radditz tried again, waving both arms this time. “Me! Me!” Goku cringed and tried once more. “Anyone?” He searched the crowd in vain as Radditz started to jump up and down. “Oh, oh pick me! Oh I know! Pick me!” Finally, Goku gave up and sighed. “Ok fine. Attention all Saiya-jins, do not get comfortable, your welcome here has officially worn out, in fact, I’m going to go see this girl Bulma right now, and get you all off my land and back to where you came from.” He announced to the stunned crowd. The swamp was suddenly filled with cheering voices as Goku turned to Radditz. “You, you’re coming with me.” He marched off as the crowd parted for him. The saiya-jins kept cheering while Goku and Radditz walked on. Radditz grinned happily. “All right, that’s what I like to hear! Goku and Radditz, two stalwart friends on a whirlwind, big city adventure! I love it!” He cleared his throat and began to sing. “On the road again. Sing it with me Goku! I can’t wait to get on the road again!”
Goku glared at him. “What did I tell you about singing?” He growled. Radditz smiled sheepishly. “Well can I whistle?” Goku felt his eye twitch as he kept walking. “No.” Radditz was unperturbed. “Well can I hum it?” He smiled as he heard Goku sigh. “All right, fine, hum it.” The humming of ‘On the Road Again’ echoed through the night as Goku and Radditz set out to meet Lady Bulma.
Part Three |