I’m not sure what it is that wakes me…all I know, for a few seconds at least, is that I’m terribly disappointed to be no longer dreaming. It was a really great dream, one of those ones where I'm in the middle of this huge fight with everybody I've ever known in my life...and I'm kicking some serious ass. I love that dream. So it’s with some reluctance that I gradually become aware of my surroundings.

I can feel a faint residual warmth from the dying fire, the dull glow of the embers pricking at my eyelids. We’ve been out in these woods for three days now, looking for the five-star dragonball. The tracker says it’s in the area somewhere, but we can’t see it. And Kakarot won’t let me or Vegeta just vaporize everything for a half a square mile or so, so we’re forced to do stupid things like dig holes and swim around the bottom of the one swampy, brackish bit of ‘water’ here. I am personally shocked that Vegeta is putting up with this…he may have changed some, but he hasn’t become that patient.

On the other hand, he may just be sticking around to humor Kakarot. That seems to be the more likely answer…the electricity crackling between the two of them has been considerable. And considerably antagonizing to me…after a week and a half away from ‘home’, I have gotten at least one thing sorted out. I’m still very much in love with Vegeta. I’m fairly sure they’re fucking by now…they keep sneaking away from camp when they think I’m not paying attention, and Kakarot has been coming back giggly. It’s maddening, and I find my temper getting shorter and shorter, a dangerous situation. Not for them, of course, but for me. I’m having increasing difficulty in stopping myself from either jumping on Vegeta, or challenging my brother to some sort of ridiculous duel. I’ve been hanging around these humans far too long…

Finally I open my eyes, staring up at the brilliantly star studded sky. So not only have I been awoken from a really brutal dream, I now am so obsessed with a relationship no longer available to me that I’m going to sit here and brood, instead of returning to said dream. I sigh softly, breath floating invisibly away in the night air. Then I hear it, the noises that probably woke me. A slight rustle, and someone’s voice, barely on the edge of my hearing. I turn my head slowly, and witness something both rage- inducing and impossibly arousing.

There’s a small grouping of rocks near our campsite, maybe six paces or so from the fire. I can see Vegeta draped across one of them, on his back. His head hangs down the side facing me, and I can see the graceful curve of his neck and chest, the tops of his thighs barely visible before disappearing over the other side of the rock. His hair barely brushes the ground, and his eyes are closed, the lashes fluttering gently along the high arch of his cheekbones. His mouth hangs open, and the amber flicker of the campfire paints his skin a glowing gold, gleaming with sweat and lust.

On the other side of the rock, between his legs, bobs a familiar chaos of ragged black hair. My brother, working diligently on our prince, his large hands trailing patterns of desire over Vegeta’s skin, his tongue lapping busily at a half concealed erection. He is the source of the rustling, and our prince the origin of the low moans. I stare at them in shock, horror…and lust.

It’s no surprise I’m instantly hard at the sight, and I bite down on my tongue to stop from making noise, slitting my eyes as I watch them. Vegeta arches his back a little more, his delicate tongue coming out to slither over his lips, taste the air. My brother slides one hand down to grip his hip, kneading the flesh there into rosy perfection. Almost unconsciously, I slide my hand under my bedroll, down my abdomen, down the line of my hip. I turn my body towards them slightly, bunching the blankets a bit so that the motion of my hand is hidden by the heaped cloth and leaving the back of my thighs open to the air.

Kakarot moves his hand again, this time pressing along the inner line of Vegeta’s thigh, pushing his legs farther apart in a truly wanton sprawl. Gods, but my prince’s face is beautiful as he writhes under his lover, rhapsody flickering across his harsh features. I slide my fingers experimentally along the length of my own aching erection, suppressing the slight shiver that trickles through me at the sharp pleasure. But I cannot draw this out…not with the chance of one or the other looking up at any moment. So I take a firm grip, setting my teeth to my lower lip to stifle any noises I might make.

Gods, Kakarot’s head is dipping lower, and he’s doing something that makes Vegeta squirm, his hips sliding on the rough granite. I breathe heavily through my nose as I twist my broad palm over the head of my cock, bright flashes of pleasure rewarding me. I quickly lick the tips of my finger before returning my hand to work, watching sable spikes quiver rhythmically over the shuddering form of my prince. Now I can hear him, the soft, wet noises of mouth and tongue, and somehow this is almost more than I can stand…I move my hand roughly over my own erection, no longer caring to draw this out, only to relieve myself of this knife-edge walk between agony and ecstasy.

It’s impossible not to fall into my brother’s rhythm, and I stroke myself to their beat, breath becoming harder and harder to control, ragged pants barely restrained by my bared teeth. As I see the powerful muscles of my prince’s shoulders begin to clench, I squeeze down on my cock, my orgasm as painful as it is pleasurable. And at the very moment of least control, the tightening of all my muscles, I see my prince’s eyes fly open. Inky depths stare back at me wordlessly as I watch Vegeta’s completion ripple through his body in lazy waves, darkening his face in a dusky flush.

I instantly slit my eyes again and hold completely still. It’s hard, so hard, but I feign sleep, hoping to all the spirits of this wretched planet that he hasn’t noticed I’m awake. He’s still staring at me, but I don’t see the light of recognition in his eyes, just drowsy lust…but then they flick upwards a bit. Over my shoulder, to…what?

Oh Gods. Betrayed again by my own body, I can feel my tail snapping lustfully above me like a warrior’s pennant in the breeze. I can barely school it into obedience when Vegeta’s eyes trail down to my face again…and suddenly his teeth are bared in a deliciously wicked smile, a knowing smirk that is one hundred percent pure arrogance. Gorgeous.

Kakarot emerges from between Vegeta’s legs, licking his lips languidly, and looking down at our prince. He doesn’t look my direction at all, and I turn over, away from the two of them and squeeze my eyes tightly shut, my tail wrapped consolingly around my waist. //What do you want from me, Vegeta?//

* * * * *

The little stream that feeds into the brackish pond near our campsite is a poor substitute for the waterfalls near Kakarot’s house. But it’ll do in a pinch, especially since I’ve woken up sticky, annoyed, and with what feels like thirty Nameks jumping on my head. Kakarot’s snoring over by the rocks, and Vegeta’s nowhere in sight. I sigh and pull on a pair of shorts before padding the 200 feet or so over to the stream, and flop down on the grassy bank, sticking my bare feet in the chill water.

If I were standing in the stream, it would come to about halfway up my calves. It’s a tiny little thing, but the cold water feels nice trickling through my toes, and I lean forward to splash some across my chest and stomach, cleaning off the residue from last night’s…activities…from my skin. My tail curls out from behind me to dip into the refreshing water as well, and I shake it, spraying little droplets everywhere. Even the memory of my brother and the love of my life getting it on can’t deter the small smile that sneaks onto my face.

I let out a huge sigh and flop back onto the bank, cushioning my head on my forearms, staring up at the starkly blue sky. Maybe today we’ll find that five-star dragonball. I don’t hold out a lot of hope, but these days I don’t hold out a lot of hope for anything. I close my eyes and let the sun warm my face, trying not to think, about anything. Thinking only gets me in trouble, remembering only brings me a whole lot of pain. So instead I try to just let my mind drift, like the clouds overhead, listen to the almost imperceptible hum of insects in the grass, the soft whisper of wind in the trees.

A shadow falls over my face, and I open my eyes in irritation at the interruption. And find myself looking straight up at my prince, who has somehow managed to sneak his way over here, and now stands above me, smirking. A wicked, thoroughly arousing smirk. I groan, and close my eyes again.

“What do you want, Vegeta?”

“Hmm,” his voice floats down to me, amused. “Just wanted to say good morning. Raditz.”

“Well, you’ve said it. Now go away.” I keep my eyes tightly closed, laying one arm over them in exasperation.

“I don’t believe I will,” Vegeta replies, and I hear him settle himself next to me, then idle splashing from the stream. I do my best to ignore him, but now, over the earthy tang of the grass, I can smell his sweat, lying tantalizingly on his skin, soaked up by the form fitting lycra of his spandex shorts and soft cotton of his loose tank top. I groan again.

“Oh, just please go away,” I moan, but now he’s the one ignoring me. Damn him. Impatient, irritated, with myself more than him, I open my eyes again, and pull myself to my feet.

“Sit down,” he snaps, looking up at me, narrowing those inky black eyes, and my body obeys even as my mind rebels. I settle for crossing my arms over my chest and doing my best to look put out.

“Don’t see why you want me to stay,” I snort, pointedly not looking at him. “Seems like you and Kakarot have got things well in hand.”

“What are you, a child?” Vegeta sneers. “Since when do you care that I’m fucking your brother?”

“Since…” I sigh, and lean my head into my hands, letting my hair fall into place over my face protectively. “Since I don’t know…” I want to say, ‘Since forever’. But honesty isn’t always the best policy with my prince.

“So you do care?” He sounds more curious than anything else.

“What do you want me to say, Vegeta?” Suddenly I’m tired of this whole charade, this game we play of dancing around the past, never talking about it. “Yes, I care. Yes, you broke my heart however many years ago it was to you. Yes, I never got over you, even though I thought I had. Yes, I still want you so badly it hurts. Good enough for you?” I look up at him, truly angry now, pissed off at the way he’s rubbing this affair with my brother in my face.

“Maybe.” His face is infuriatingly blank, calm, like this means nothing to him. Probably does mean nothing, just some old lover who’s still holding a torch. Well, fuck him. I stand again, practically snarling down at him.

“Look, I’ll stick around for Kakarot’s sake, but I’m fucking fed up with your…your stupid innuendoes, and the time you spend off with Kakarot. Why don’t we just find the damn dragonballs, and then we can all go home where you’ll be free to fuck my brother stupid all day, every day, if that’s what you want. Until then, leave ME the fuck alone!”

I snap my tail furiously around my waist and leave him blinking at me, stomping off into the small stand of trees near the campsite, further up the stream. Thankfully, he doesn’t follow me, and I find myself alone again. Gratefully, I sink to the ground, and lean up against a small birch. Fucking prince. Fucking brother. Sometimes I hate my fucking life.

I’m sitting there maybe twenty minutes this time when, once again, I’m interrupted in my search for solitude. This time it’s my brother. “Raditz?”

He’s standing about ten feet away, just looking at me curiously. “Yeah, Kakarot, what?” I ask, and I don’t bother to hide the annoyance.

“You and Vegeta fighting?”

“Not fighting so much as him pissing me off, me yelling and leaving. Why?” I brace myself for the inevitable barrage of questions. But none come. Instead he just walks over and sits down next to me.

“Just worried about you.”

“That’s supposed to be my job, little brother,” I remind him gruffly, and he smiles at me, one of those smiles he’s got that seems to just light up his face with this almost ethereal glow. He shares that expression with his sons. Gods know where he got it from, I never look like that, certainly, and Father never did either.

“I know. Just thought I’d try out the role for awhile. It’s kind of a pain in the ass, isn’t it?”

I don’t want to laugh, really I don’t. But my body ignores me and gets on with it. “Yeah, sometimes. But it has its rewards.”

“Such as?” He’s got his eyebrows raised in honest curiosity.

“I dunno. I get to feel superior. I can tell you what to do sometimes. And, just…I don’t know.” I don’t know how to explain the way I feel when I’m acting as a proper big brother. It’s not like having kids, but that sense of belonging becomes so powerful then. Saiyans are a naturally social race, kind of like dogs. We want to belong to a group, and we like things to have a strict hierarchy, an order, even if we do have a tendency to challenge that order at every opportunity. Kakarot is part of the group I belong to. And I realize I want the role of big brother, to take care of him, watch out for him. It’s funny, he’s so much more powerful than me, the thought of me protecting him is completely laughable. But there it is.

“Were you fighting about me?” I look over at him, surprised at the astuteness of the question.

“Kind of.”

“Why? Is it because me and Vegeta are sleeping together?”

I consider how to answer that. I haven’t really taken the time to analyze these feelings myself. “Some of it,” I say, honestly. “It’s more than just that, though. He can be…Gods!…so aggravating sometimes. He just likes to…I don’t know, smack me in the face with it.” I pick idly at some dead leaves on the ground. “I still…I still really care about him.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured.” Kakarot lays one hand companionably on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “He still cares about you, too, you know?”

“I doubt it.” I’d rather not hear lies to assuage my melancholy.

“No, he does. I can tell.” Kakarot leans forward earnestly, catches my eyes with his.

“Kakarot. I’m a total nobody. It’s been, what, twenty years or so for him, since he even talked to me? I’m nothing compared to you guys.” I don’t enjoy the self-depreciation schtick, but it’s true. Let’s be realistic here.

“Raditz. You’re one of the last three full-blooded Saiyans alive. You are the last that recognizes him as a prince, the last real tie to his past. That means an enormous amount to him, even if he won’t say it.”

“So he cares about my position in the world, not me.”

“Do you think he only cares about me because of my power?”

Good point. I look over at Kakarot, frowning. “Well, no…but that’s different, anyway. You are your power, you have it because of your hard work, your…I don’t know how to put it, the way you stand up for everything, never back down.”

“You are a Saiyan,” he shoots back seriously. “It’s in everything you do, every little action. And he knows that. And it’s not that way with all of us, I think. Something about you, and just you, reminds him of home.”

It’s something to consider. But I don’t want to consider it now. I just want to find the dragonballs, get on with this stupid quest, not have to analyze anything or anybody. Not yet. Not today. “Okay, Kakarot,” I concede, laying my hand over his with a crooked grin. “Fine. Just keep him away from me today and maybe I’ll even remember what you said.”

“Good,” he answers, grinning back, and I’m surprised at the little thrill that goes through me at having pleased him. He lets his hand drop from my shoulder, and I find myself missing his touch, and leaning slightly towards him. He looks a little surprised himself, as he notices that our faces are only a few inches apart. I watch his open, dark eyes go wide, and his lips part in a little ‘o’ of realization.

It seems so perfectly natural just to sway forward those few inches, to lightly dust his lips with mine, and it feels so good because I’m the one initiating it, and there’s no confusion here, no shoulds or shouldn’ts, no wondering what’s going to happen next. Just the delightful feel of my brother’s lips parting slowly under my tongue as he lets me slip gently into his mouth, and then the weight of his hand on the back of my neck, pressing ever-so-lightly as he kisses me back.

It has none of the desperate passion I so often found in the kisses of my few lovers. It’s simply sweet, and open, and decidedly soft, and he tastes like honey, my brother tastes like wild clover honey, thick and sticky and lovely as his tongue moves languidly over mine, and his eyes flutter closed, and I feel the slow exchange of heat between our bodies, and the buzz of insects and the faint birdsong forever cements this moment in my mind, the first time I kiss my brother. I love him so much.

Part Nineteen | Back
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