| The Blair Slayers Project |
| A spoof in one act |
| Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis hiked through the sparse undergrowth. "You mean to tell me that THIS is that village's so-called 'Cursed Forest'?" Lina huffed, looking around at the skinny trees and dappled light. "This is NOTHING!" "But Miss Lina," Amelia whined, "they said there was a horrible thing in here. They said that people have gone in here and never returned!" "Yeah, they just kept going so they could get away from the in-bred little hole of a village!" Lina snarled. "Not a decent restaurant in the place!" "There may be some truth to the story," Zelgadis put in. "Bandit murders or Mazoku attacks could explain the tales. Lower Mazoku do tend to be both territorial and violent." "Mazoku? You mean there are Mazoku in here?" Gourry asked. Zelgadis nodded, "It's a possibility." Lina tossed her hair back from her face. "Whatever. Not like a lower Mazoku can give ME much trouble." They wandered deeper into the pathetic forest. As night began to fall, they elected to set up camp near a stream. Two tents were quickly erected, and a small dinner was eaten. It had to be small -- the stream barely supported itself, let alone any decent fishing. Grumbling, Lina picked at the bones of the scrawny trout she'd devoured. All that travel to get to the village, only to find a big dud. From the lay of the land, this so-called forest was nothing special. "Mr. Zelgadis, tell us again what the people of Burkittsville said?" Amelia asked, scooting closer to the fire. Zelgadis shrugged. "They say that over a hundred years ago, a woman was exiled into the woods for being a witch." At Lina's snort of amusement, he turned to her. "They specifically mentioned blood drinking. That indicates vampirism or demon possession. Anyway, the woman supposedly died out here, after putting a curse on the village that killed her accusers and half the village's children." "Oh, that's awful!" Amelia cried. "About fifty years ago, a man killed several children, claiming he was instructed to do so by the witch," Zelgadis continued. "Convenient excuse for a nutcase." "Humph," Lina grunted. "All I can say is, we better see some action, or I'm gonna go back there and beat the pants off all those people who lied to us." She rose and went into her tent. Amelia sighed and followed. Zelgadis turned to Gourry. "I'll be first watch. Gourry? Gourry!" "Huh? Oh, sorry, Zel." "Did you even hear me?" "Did you say something? "I said, I'll take first watch." "Oh OK........zzzzzzzzzzzz." It was pitch black when Amelia shook Lina awake. "Gaah .... Amelia!" "Hush, Miss Lina!" Amelia whispered. "I think I hear something outside!" They heard a rustling sound off to the side oft he tent. Amelia's eyes grew round with fear. She clutched Lina's arm. The rustling came closer. Suddenly, there was a thud and a grunt right next to the tent. Amelia squealed in fright, but Lina jumped up and flung open the tent. "FIREBALL!" "OWW! Damnit, Lina!" Lying in a now charred heap was Zelgadis. He held the charcoal remains of a rabbit in his hand. "Do you have to react to everything like that?!?" "What were you doing?" Lina demanded. "I spotted a rabbit. I thought rabbit stew for breakfast sounded good. But now that you've burst it to coal...." He tossed the inedible mess away. "What are you doing up?" Lina turned, eyes twitching. "AMELIA!" she snarled. "I'm .... I'm sorry, Miss Lina!" The tents didn't provide much protection from the morning sun. Notlong after sunrise, the four emerged from their tents. Well, at least three did. Gourry apparently had had a nice nap on the ground. Durning his watch. "What the heck are these?" Lina asked, pointing out the small piles of rockes placed around their tents. "What, did you get bored last night, Gourry?" "Huh? I didn't do that, Lina." "Well, who did?" "Who cares?" muttered Zelgadis, trying to get the fire started again. Coffee, he needed coffee. "Maybe it was the Witch!" said Amelia. Lina bonked her on the head. Don't be stupid! There are no such things as witches! You're either a sorcerer or you're not. Besides, the old hag couldn't still be alive, right, Zel?" Blinking up at Lina, surprised that he'd been consulted, he answered, "The legend distinctly mentions that she died. So we would be dealing with a ghost. Theoretically speaking." "So there! C'mon, lets eat and start hiking. We want to try and fing that house today." "Say, are we lost?" "SHADDUP, GOURRY!" "Miss Lina, maybe I should read the map." "I can read a damned map!" ............... "WELL?!?" "Did I say anything?" "You LOOKED it, Zel! So spill!" "Just thinking that a quick Levitation would be in order." General pause. "GAAAAA!!! Of course! Levitation!" "Do you see it, Miss Lina?" "Straight that way! About 2 miles!" The grove clearly could not be naturally occuring. The little stick sculptures hung from trees or stood self-contained. Zelgadis discovered that the twine used to hold them together was in fact manufactured, rather than dried vines. "And your point is?" Lina asked, foot tapping and arms crossed. "My point is that someone is doing this deliberately. And fairly recently, since the fibers show little signs of decay." "And that means?" Irritated, Zelgadis said, "That means that someone has gone to a great deal of trouble to place evidence that this ghost exists. Someone with access to linen." He looked at Lina expectantly, waiting for her to make the connection. "Someone from a town!" Lina exclaimed. Nodding, Zelgadis suggested, "Let's camp over here tonight. We'll check out the cabin first thing tomorrow, but I'm interested in seeing what might be going on here." Zelgadis woke up in darkness. He instinctively knew it was time to change the watch, but Gourry hadn't some into the tent. Rising, he stepped out into the cool night air. Gourry was nowhere to be seen. PRobably off attending business, Zelgadis thought, and he stirred up the coals of the fire for a bit of light. Hours later, false dawn appeared, yet there had been no sign of Gourry. Seriously concerned now, Zelgadis risked life and limb to wake Lina. "OK, OK, I'm up!" Lina whined. "Hey, Amelia, rise and shine! Amelia?" |