Chapter 2
After
my grade 4, my folks told me that we were moving away at a place call Laval. I
had to admit that I had never been happier, cause it was like the life was gave
me a 2nd chance to start all over away. New place, new house and definitely new
friends, but at the same time I didn�t realize that it could chance my life
completely.
There was nothing new in grade 5, beside the facts that I had made and lost some
friends and I had to redo the grade again, but I didn�t give a single shit. In
grade 6 would be impossible to forget, cause it was the first time I had stood
up to someone and that person name was Alexandre. I didn�t give a shit that he
was teasing and picking on me and all that crap. Since my little brother, Andy,
just started his grade one, it seemed that Alex was scheming something. Instead
of teasing day after day like he use to, he took Andy as the target, thought
that I wouldn�t react. I didn�t really, cause I figure that he would stop,
but he didn�t. At lunch break, I was with my best home girl, Maria, and Andy,
Alex started to make comments about my little bro and I had enough. I didn�t
think twice about what I was going to do, but one thing led to another, I
started to smack him across the face and beat the dude up. Good thing that I
didn�t get in trouble or anything, but ever since that beating, he started to
be nicer towards my little brother and me. He even tried to match me up with a
guy I liked by that time, Michel. Typical situation I might say!
Finally, I had started my junior high at St-Jean. I had change a lot mentally
and physically, but I was still the same shy girl, but DAMN was I a big fat girl
at the same time. I was like 5�2 and 140 pounds� not good! When I first put
my foot on the school ground, I felt that I was going to do something that I
won�t like at all, beside the fact that I never stop judging people from the
way they look and all. I had a funny reunion with Jean-Michel then. He was in
grade 6th and I was redoing my grade 5th and he was my big time crush and we
basically spend the time flirting with each other. Believe me I asked myself,
why a totally hot guy like him would spend his time with a fat bitch like me?
But anyways some people said that he had a thang for me also, but I didn�t
listen to the shit, cause he had girlfriend then and he was REALLY faithful guy.
Rumor going around school that we were a couple and all, cause we were basically
ALWAYS together. Me, him and my crew didn�t give a shit, cause we knew the
truth and all.
As months passed by, I was happy but deep down, I was crying out for help.
Despise that facts that I had great friend, my home girl and Jean-Michel by my
side, I wasn�t satisfy at all. I didn�t love myself. Every time I looked at
myself in the mirror, I saw the fattest bitch of all. It didn�t become an
obsession until the summer of 1998. I had decided to finally stop ALWAYS eating
every time when I was down. So I started to exercise non-stop and eat less�
VERY less and I did see some results by the end of the summer. I lost 30 pounds
in 3 months. Weird and sound impossible, but I did. Also, I didn�t wore ANY
shorts or bathing suit during that time, cause I was so ashamed of my legs�
BIG legs.
That wasn�t all, in the month of February 1998, I had pick up my first
cigarette that I saw laying on the cafeteria floor which was still new. I
didn�t know what draws me into it and I knew that it was bad for me and all
the consequences that�s come with it, but I did smoke it anyways. Because of
that shit, I had kept it till grade 9th and almost lost my home girl from it. I
remembered that we had a fight about it and we both gone to our separate ways
crying. Also that I remembered that she once left a letter in my bag saying that
she doesn�t like it when I smoke and that I had change a lot from it. None
only that one friendship had change also� a BIG change. She also gave me an
ultimatum and it was that I had to choose my cigarettes or lose my friendship
with her. Believe me it was hard as shit. I don�t wanna lose my friendship
with my home girl and definitely stop smoking. We had a calm talk about it, and
Maria said that even though she doesn�t want our friendship to end, but she
would try to accept the way I am. It took us a long time, but we did make it.
In the month of April, I was rethinking about what my �uncle� had done to me
about 8 years ago and kept it all inside of me. But I had lose that fight when I
broke down into tears and blurted it out to my friends, during lunchtime. Maria
almost lost conscience and her mind went blank afterward, but Julie caught her
before she could land on the ground. My other friends became shock as well, I
could see their jaws on the floor. From the look of their faces, something tell
me that they believed it could happen to anyone, but NEVER to someone they know.
I didn�t told any adults, cause I was scared. Scared of what? That they
wouldn�t believe me.