Chapter 1
My
troubles and problems started when I was a child and barely 4 years old. Most
kids lived for the joy and happiness, playing in the park and not worry about a
thing, cause they knew that their parents are there to protect them. But for me,
it was hard to find someone to protect you when you�re living in a constable
fear every day and night. Constable fears of my very own parents.
I was so afraid to move a single muscle, afraid that I would do something that
they wouldn�t appreciate and get punish or torture for it. Of course, it�s
normal to be punish for something after you done something bad like you don�t
listen to your folks. But the punishments they gave me, ain�t the ordinary at
all. It wasn�t like, I couldn�t watch TV for a week or no dessert after
supper for a day and those crap. The punishments they gave me leave painful
memories and scars for life� psychologically and physically.
Their ways to punish me ain�t a light slap on the wrist, but it involved
hitting, kicking, slapped your back with a belt or clothes hangers smacking on
your arms or legs until you fall down on your knees and cried. I admit that I
was a kid who could be very out of control sometime and kinda ask for trouble.
But deep down, it wasn�t my fault� it was in the blood of my father�s
side.
After here so-called �punishments�, it didn�t stop there. When they are
REALLY mad at me or even piss off for no reason, they locked me in my room,
which it was rare, but mostly in the �Dark Hole�, which was actually the
basement. I called it the �Dark Hole�, cause it was always dark and it
looked like you�re in a hole. There was only a freaking little window to light
up the place, but it wasn�t doing much help though.
They would leave me crying for hours and begged them to open up, cause I was
scared of the dark back then. But they always ignored my cries like nothing
happen. They sometime left me down there for a day if they were really piss off,
without any food, and sometimes go out and leave me alone like a dog. When they
decided to let me out, they sometimes find me unconscious or asleep. If they do,
they usually put me on my bed till I wake up or take me to the hospital if it
was really serious. When the doctors asked them the reasons why I was knock out
and had scars over my body, they gave out the same answers for the next 6 years.
They answered that it was because of the heat and play to ruff with my
�friends�. Like I had any at that time!
Any who, there was only one person who always made me happy and it was my cousin
Bobby, Bob for short. We were practically the same ages and we were known was
the �Chaos Kids� in our neirghbough. Basically, the facts we always get in
trouble. When there was something wrong happen and I did it, he always stand up
for me and took the blame himself instead of telling me off. It�s rare to see
a 5 years old to do that though. But you can say that he�s basically like my
very own brother.
At the age of 6, my little brother, Andy, popped out of my mom�s tummy. I was
so happy that I have a little brother who I can play with and all, but after a
few months had pass. My jealous for him grew more and more bigger each and every
day. My family started to neglected me, beside Bob of course, and seemed that
don�t care a shit about me, cause they ALWAYS look at Andy and said how cute
he was and ignore me completely. When I passed out or get hurt� that�s
basically the only ways I can get their attentions. I wanted him DEAD!
Despise my hatters for Andy and the fears of my folks; Bob�s dad was another
person that I�m afraid of every time he came to visit. Every time he saw me,
secretly, he always had to touched me in places I don�t want him to reach
either my butt, chest, rubbing my leg and reach between my legs. My mind went
blank into a total darkness every time I felt him rubbing against me with his
�lump� or I felt him getting inside of me. A fuck up feelings that all the
words in this bullshit world can�t even describe the fear, the scare and
what�s going through my mind. I didn�t do anything to stop him, cause if I
do� I was afraid to get beat again. He also threaded me that if I told anyone
what he done, that he would deny everything and tell my folks that I was being a
bad girl and they would punish me even more and worse. So I let me him do what
ever he wanted to do, so I won�t cause any trouble.
Then some of the worst things came when I started school. From grade one to
grade four, was hell for me. I was a loner and basically hanging alone and all
by myself. I had some friends, but they always made fun of me at the end. I got
pick on mostly everyday and I was the target to everyone. I didn�t told my
teacher, cause yet again I didn�t want to get beat up by the kids at school.
They called me �Chink Tock�, cause of my Asian background and always made
those almond shape eyes every time they saw me. Heck I�m not even Chinese for
God sake! But I let them walked over me and I acted like nothing happened
really.
But I would NEVER forget my main bully, Quincy. He always pick on me none stop
and if he wants something, he acted all nice with me until he gets it. And no
it�s not sex or anything, but mostly likely foods and candies. I can�t NEVER
forget the day when he beat me up really good that I ended up with a broken nose
and it was bleeding like shit and didn�t go to school for a week, cause I was
scared of him. Yeah my folks took action with the school and the guy, but
nothing had change when I got back. I was still get pick on and even worse.
During a winter, they were an ice pond on our school grounds, Quincy pushed me
by surprise and I land flat on my face with my mouth bleeding like shit and pain
on my leg cause other kids were falling on top of me. No one helped me, cause
they were laughing.
Really� I NEVER had a good decent elementary memories. The only things I
remembered where the bad stuff and damn kids can be so fuck up! I�m just glad
that was over and dude� I had burn EVERYTHING that remind me of that time.