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My desire to cross-dress has been around for as long as I can remember. A secret never shared with anyone. I knew I was different than other boys. Sometimes I didn’t want to play rough. I felt very comfortable being around girls and women. My greatest fear was getting caught. It seemed to be a never-ending cycle. The desire to dress and the guilt afterward. Maybe I needed psychiatric treatment? I grew up and married. For a couple of years I left cross-dressing behind. Then on a business trip I bought a bra, a skirt, blouse and some shoes. My wife found some of these items I’d carelessly left lying around. I managed to lie my way out—no they didn’t belong to another woman. I’d found them and brought them home. Maybe someone would want them. …Another in a series of lies... I just tried to fit in with the other guys at work—grew a beard. …Drove a pickup… Curiosity about the Internet opened up a new world to me. I visited all the usual trashy sites. One day I did a search on cross-dressing. The desire to cross-dress was something you were born with. I wasn’t crazy. There were others like me out there—many others. I started sending e-mails to a couple of t-girls. One who was particularly nice was Debbie. She was always willing to answer my many questions. She suggested that I join a support group in my area and that I should tell my wife. Tell her my secret? The thought scared me to death. What if she didn’t understand? What if she decided to leave me? I wrestled with this for weeks.
I wrote down the main points I wanted to cover. Finally I had the nerve to tell her. It was on a three-day weekend. It went something like this. Honey, I love you very much. I have something I want to tell you. I am a cross-dresser. I like to dress in women’s clothing. She was completely shocked. She acknowledged wondering about a black bra found in the laundry. I told her I had found out that this is something you are born with. Her defensive posture was immediate. Where did you find this out…On the Internet…? The Internet is nothing but porn anyway. This is nothing more than some type obsession. You could quit if you wanted! You just don’t want to! Emotions ran high to say the least. We talked all night till we both were exhausted. My wife had been married before. She reacted like her marriage was ending. She didn’t know me anymore. No, I didn’t want to become a woman. No, I wasn’t gay. Where would this all end? I felt like such a jerk for turning our world upside down. I had to be the most stupid man in the world!
The next night the discussion continued. I told her I wanted to join a support group and was willing to talk with a psychiatrist. Whatever you do I must emphasize at this point—be honest! My wife got the wrong idea about the support group. It, in actuality was a social and support group. Not like AA or Overeaters Anonymous. For a few days we walked around like someone had died. Our old relationship had succumbed. Things to this day are completely changed. I am still working on rebuilding her trust. I had to tell her about things done in secret—buying clothes—spending excessive amounts of money. My wife and I both went to counseling. She learned that I needed to express myself periodically by cross-dressing. I went to my first social and support group meeting. I was scared to death. It was good for me to meet others like me. I’ve made several good friends. One of the more difficult things has been accepting limits. We compromised on several issues. I can’t go out and spend money willy-nilly for Linda’s wardrobe. She didn’t mind if I bought some things a couple of times a year—as long as she knew about it. I couldn’t tell the children and she didn’t want to see me dressed.
It’s hard to stay home when other girls are out. Other spouses are more accepting. Jealously is self-defeating. I tell myself this when I feel sorry for myself. Many live under worse circumstances that I. Honesty is still the best policy. The ideal thing is to tell your significant other in the beginning. If they can’t deal with it initially, at least you’ll know and can move on. Dishonesty only brings down ones self-esteem. I feel better since I shared this part of me. It wasn’t and still isn’t easy-- every day I have to earn my wife’s trust. Talking to other girls helps a lot. For me this still doesn’t happen often enough. Chances to get out still are too few and far between. I savor each experience like a glass of fine wine. I do like to sit around my rec. room in the evening wearing a pair of short shorts and a pair of heels. My wife knows it and tolerates it. We talk about clothes together. Now if she would only buy some things for me. Linda has found her look and personality. She continues to surprise me. She is a lot of fun to be around. You couldn’t ask for a better friend.
Linda Ann
If you'd like to contact Linda Ann you can send her an email here: Linda Ann