First I must restate my constants:
- I love Jill.
- I will always have an active affection for her.
- Jill is a mother now.
- Jill is insecure.
- Jill does not care enough about other peoples feeling enough to hold them above her own.
- Jill is afraid to face her problems.
Now, I must state the variables:
- Jill is "married".
- I have an unstable relationship state.
- She has an unstable financial state.
- I have an unstable financial state.
- Her husband's tolerance of her.
- Jill's tolerance of her husband.
- My tolerance of her.
- Our desire to maintain a relationship if any.
By analyzing these factors and applying the scientific method, I come to the following conclusions:
Conclusion 1:
Although I love Jill, her attitude does not change. Her child, self, money, and her husband will ALWAYS come before me in her life. Any attempt to pursue a bi- lateral relationship will fail. Therefore, knowing the futility of trying to remain apart, the optimal situation for our relationship to exist in is far enough apart to allow for us to live our individual lives, but close enough to satisfy our needs to remain in contact.
Error:
The degree to which our distance is satisfactory for the both of us has yet to be determined. Also, my partner and her husband become factors.
Conclusion 2:
Although I love Jill, our love can never be absolute. Knowing that, there are constant problems that will never change. The optimal situation for me would be to seek a relationship with whom I at least have the opportunity to share an absolute love and with out said problems.
Error:
I have yet to find said woman. As I am not certain what truly inspires my affection, only attention. It is not possible to seek out this person, I can only hope for chance and fate.
Summary:
Although I love Jill, true love, and true happiness must be found in a true woman. Although I can not place the entire fault on the individual, a great deal or the responsibility of the situation must fall on her shoulders. I shall continue to live my life as I have been h ping to find that special person that I can commit to. I shall continue to work hard(er) in my studies and pursue my goals and dreams. Our love will not change, but I cannot allow it to dominate my life, personal or otherwise.