I recall making the same observation almost a year ago; it is only a matter of time. It's only a matter of time before out desires become too much to bare. It is only a matter of time before we cross that line. And what then? Will anything have changed? She says I've changed. I used to be kind, sweet, and romantic. I say she is exactly the same, which is the same person who refused to stand up for me an profess a love for a man. A decision that still troubles me to this day.. The innocence I once held true and pure is now gone. The beliefs that I held above all else that two people could be true to each other, that one love could surpass all adversity; the belief in a true love....is gone from me. And she was the thief that came in on that fateful July night and stole it from me. Due to my analytical nature I can only hypothesize that if one woman took that away, perhaps another woman could bring it back. That is the only hope I have now. I presume now that the core difference in her and I has never been made clearer than now. There was a time that I doubted her love for me. Now I know that that is not the case. The love we share is one which many, if not most, will never experience. The difference lies in the willingness to fight for that love. The realization that we will be looked at oddly, the realization that our child would not look like us, the realization that our families would not approve of our union, these are the things that I was willing to accept and she was not. These factors tormented me once. These factors, that were completely out of our control and in an ideal world would not matter, are the same factors that at had me staring at a bottle of Albertsons Advil and a bottle of tequila. But I am a different man now. Scars left from such a powerful affliction as a young man have left me wise beyond my years.
If I have learned anything from my experiences (I'm sure some might argue that the fact that I'm even talking to this woman would point to the fact that I haven't.) it would be that love is not blind, but instead, blinding.