So I love my BOSS! She's soo sooo sweet. If this job was outside WI I think it would be perfect. I get to learn stuff and work with a wonderful boss and co-workers. Everyone is so sweet, and everyday someone brings in a treat. For example, on Monday, I got a slice of cake. Tuesday, someone brought in some chocolate. Wednesday it was cookies� I KNOW I'm gonna get real fat here but hey, isn't the winter fast approaching? Before I know it I'll be covering the blubber under thick sweaters and no one would be the wiser.
Linda went back to Detroit to handle her business and come the end of October she should be back here. Poor child. I always thought she was so strong but now I think she just has an amazing way of masking her feelings. May God be with her.
So Wednesday evening, Keith was telling me about this girl her met. The more he told her, the more I felt pangs of� of� you know, something that kinda make me want to say something bitchy to him. And no, it's not JEALOUSY!
"� and she wants to see the African exhibit. It's cool to be with someone with an open-minded approach to life."
"Whatever," I grumbled.
He laughed. "Oh, you don't agree?"
"I know she can't be that great. Probably ugly." What in the world was wrong with me?
He laughed again. "No� no� don't tell me you're jealous?" He appeared to be choking -he thinks he's just a barrel of laughs.
I laughed hard or maybe a little too hard? "Give me a break! Jealous of some architect-twig-bleached-boring-cultured wannabe? I think not. She sounds rather boring if you ask me."
"Well I guess I won't then."
"Then don't."
"So how's Linda doing," he asked, changing the topic. But for whatever reason, I just couldn't let it go. Why God why? Why do I sometimes act in ways I don't? Now this fool thinks I'm jealous.
"She really couldn't be that interesting."
"Linda?"
"No. Not Linda. Your woman"
"If you say so." He sounded like he wanted the topic dropped.
"� because if she was so interesting you wouldn't be talking to me now, you'd be talking to her."
"Femi. What's this about. Because she's interesting I have to talk to her and only her?"
"No, but if she's so wonderful and so beautiful, who bother talking to me?"
"Femi! That's enough!" Damn I guess I was getting on his nerves. "What in the world is wrong with you? I know you're not getting jealous."
I didn't say anything. Frankly speaking I didn't honestly know what to say.
"Remember, there's nothing between us. That's how you wanted it."
"I remember."
"And now you sound like you don't want me to be with anybody."
"I guess." LORD please tell me what is wrong with me.
"And that makes sense to you?" He was practically shouting at me at this point and I wasn't having it.
"You don't need to yell at me."
'I'm sorry but sometimes I feel like I have to because I don't think you hear me. In fact I don't think you hear anyone."
"Why are you getting mad?" I was curious.
"Why am I getting mad? Why am I getting mad?" he asked incredulously.
"You don't want to be with me, but you don't want anyone to b Does that make any sense to you? Does it?" Then he hung up. That boy be tripping sometimes.
So I had to have a chat with my girls about this and this is what they had to say.
"Typical," Amber said looking bored.
It didn't seem typical to me at all so I had to ask, "What do you mean by that?"
"Well," she looked at Trace and Janelle, "He isnt exactly light skinned now is he?"
"What?!?" I was shocked. 'What in the world r u talking about?'
"Girl, I know it, you know it, in fact," she gestured to the rest of the room, "You only like light skinned guys. And aint no big deal, we all have our preferences."
"That's rubbish," I protested. "It has nothing to do with that. Besides, Tommy isn't exactly light skinned"
"Exactly," Janelle piped in.
"What da hell do you mean by "exactly?" Janelle gave me one of her you-know-what-I-mean looks.
"If it's not about his skin color, then what's stopping you?"
For real diary, what is stopping me? I know you must be bored reading week after week about what a good guy Keith is but how I'm not interested and I bet you're thinking "get on with it. You know, you're gonna end up with him." And you know what? I think you might be right. It's kind of different with Keith you know. I don't want to throw my own pity party but I've been seriously hurt in the past, and I don't want to go through that again. And Keith is the type of guy I couldn't have a half-assed relationship with - he'd demand that and he deserves it. So If I decide to try it with him, I'd be putting myself in a very vunerable position. In a position that allows my already fragile heart to get shattered. Again (boy am I poetic) But u know what, my friends are right -not about the light skinned thing. For real sometimes you need to figure out stuff on your own cos your friends sure can spew some crap sometimes. Back to the topic. Yeah, Keith's a good guy and I think he could be really good 4 me. So you know what? I called him on Saturday afternoon to tell him this.
"So what do you think?" I asked nervously
"About?" The asshole was being coy? Why in the world did he want to torture me like this?
"About what I just said."
"Oh that. Were you expecting me to start jumping for joy?" Well I guess I kinda was.
"Of course not. I was hoping..."
"Yeah, keep hoping," he interrupted. "Sometimes I don't think you're ready for the kind of relationship I need and want.'
My heart sank. This sure wasn't the way I thought it was going to go. "Of course I am. Trust me," I pleaded.
"Well, I'm not so sure. I don't think the offer is still on the table. I just feel that this whole thing is thoroughly insincere -brought on by the existence of another woman. What happens when my attention is fully on you? Am I going to bore you? I don't think I can take that chance. So about all this,? I'm just going to have 2 think."
Yep folks that was it. Till next week!