So Week 19 was supposed to be exciting because it was my last week in New York but in all honesty, I just felt terrible because I was so lonely. For real. Keith wasn�t around to keep me company, Anita was dating her gay boyfriend and I was left alone with the television. This, of course, gave me ample time to think about my life and where it wasn�t going. Seriously, I was really affected by that �bitch� thing. I am not a bitch. I think it�s �last child syndrome.� I�m the youngest child and used to getting my own way so I guess an uneducated person may confuse this with bitchiness �not fair.
So as I was pondering away, I decided that I needed to explain my side of the shenanegans to Keith. Seriously. When you commit a murder, premeditation is the difference between life and death. Shouldn�t it make a difference here? I never meant to be mean to anyone, least of all Keith. Keith�s been very nice to me and maybe in my own little way I took him for granted but I never ever meant to hurt him. Besides, I really can�t understand why he�s being such a freaking baby. Did we ever date? NO! NEVER. All we did was hang out together and have some laughs. Nothing deep, nothing emotional, least of all, nothing romantic� I mean come on, am I supposed to date a guy who lives thousands of miles away? Seriously. Yeah, I know it would be helpful in terms of sticking to my celibacy nonsense (which, by the way, I�ve been rethinking � I�ll save it for another day) but what�s the point of having a dude so far away? I might as well just have a friend. The absence would cause him to cheat on me and the whole thing would end up in a mess. So you see, I was sparing us a whole world of heartache by never considering such a thing. And no, I�m not twisting things to make myself feel better. No, I�m not.
Anyway, these sentiments occupied my thoughts since speaking to Amber and Trace and I was so consumed by them that I was inspired to contact Keith and explain myself to him �there�s no point having an enemy in New York. Really, when I visit the Big Apple in the future, wouldn�t it be nice to have a place to crash? So I called him on Sunday evening �no response. Emailed him on Monday �nothing. Called him Monday night �nothing ( I have a feeling my number�s been blocked from his phone). Tuesday evening, while at the cybercafe, I saw him on MSN. The minute I clicked on his name and typed �Hi K� his dumb ass logged off! Imagine the indolence. What a big ass baby. I was so pissed that I logged off and went to his house. Adrenaline sure does work wonders because a minute earlier I'd been very tired and anticipated an early night.
Before I knew it, I was at Keith�s doorstep. I knew he was home because I could hear Larry King yapping about Elvis. I rang his doorbell. I heard someone approach the doorbell so I smiled into the peephole. About 10 seconds later, I noticed the sound of the footsteps get fainter. I was so irritated that I began hitting the door and screaming � I know you�re in there, let me in! I�m not leaving till you do.� As I think back to that day, I wonder what possessed me because I sounded like some hysterical woman � I guess I don�t like being ignored because after all, doesn�t the world revolve around me? Just kidding (I think).
After about 5 minutes of this, his neighbor opened her door and gave me a I-know-you-didn�t-come-to-create-drama look. That was my cue to sit on his step and wait. I guess I must have fallen asleep because before I knew it, I woke up to Keith tapping my shoulder. I looked up at him and then at my watch and noticed it was 12:11am �hey, I said I was tired!!
In the most bored of voices, Keith said, �Are you planning on sleeping here? My neighbor just called to tell me that you were obstructing movement on the staircase. She was about to call the police. If you know what�s good for you, you might want to head home.�
How rude! Lord, he�s such a fucking bastard! Who knew? As I was contemplating just heading home because for real, I didn�t need that kind of disrespect and no one could say I didn�t try to make amends, he said �Is there something you wanted?� In a nonchalant tone.
I turned to him. �If this is how you�re going to be, I guess not.�
�Whatever,� he said as he shrugged his shoulders, and walked to his door.
�Gosh!� I exclaimed, �what in the world is your problem?�
�My problem?� He turned to me with a raised eyebrow.
�Yes, your problem,� I said as my voice got louder. �I apparently, without any knowledge or malice, offended you. I try to make amends and all I get is a fucking cold shoulder. Yes you do have a freaking problem. I wonder why I bother.�
�Me too. I wonder why you bother. Just let it go. You and I are not supposed to be friends. I know this because if we were you would have treated me with some common courtesy. But did you? N.O. I take time of my busy schedule to make your stay here memorable and interesting but all you do is spit in my face.� He laughed and said to himself in a lowered voice, �and I�m the one with the problem.
�Listen, your actions have displayed to me what I was too blind to realize, you are not the kind of person I need to know. You are not considerate and that�s the most important quality I require of my friends. And you know what? I don�t want an apology because I know it�s just your way of making yourself feel better. It has NOTHING to do with me. Nothing. Because it doesn�t, why should I waste my time with it? Simply for your satisfaction and to help relieve your guilt? Why should I do that for someone who doesn�t give a damn about me?�
I couldn�t believe what I was hearing. What da fuck?!?! To make matters worse, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. With all the energy I could muster, I fought them back and in a choked voice said �I�m sorry that I made you feel that way. I never intended to hurt you like that. But I guess it�s too late. I�m sorry.�
I guess I wasn�t too successful at sounding brave because I noticed Keith�s expression soften and as I turned away from him and started down the stairs, he grabbed my right arm and said, �Wait a minute, why don�t you come in for a second?�