Here�s how it went. There�s a scale in the hotel bathroom so on Sunday morning I weighed myself. And guess what? I�d lost 6lbs! So you know I had to celebrate by having a McDonald�s quarter-pounder with cheese meal, super sized.
Monday I went to training and it was pretty much an orientation. We were introduced to our trainers and fellow trainees, had boring seminars about what the job entailed and it just plain sucked� I think it�s fair to say that this whole �growing up and finding a job� thing blows! I cannot imagine that for the next 40+ years, Monday-Friday from 8am-5pm, I am going to be working as some boring ass job. What da hell? Why am I not tall and skinny? Or at least have a good singing voice? Something tells me that being a model or a pop star might be more fun that this bullshit job.
I apologize for digressing. Anywayz, Tuesday was boring, I received emails from Tracy and Amber telling me that Janelle is on the warpath again. Someone should kindly send that chick some prozac because I am convinced she needs psychological help. She is way to insecure to be normal. Apparently, she wants to have a baby and �Timmy the dog� doesn�t � he thinks they aren�t ready which in her mind means �You don�t love me enough to have a baby with me.� Like HELLO!?! The fool married your crazy ass, isn�t that enough proof that he loves you? Sometimes people just love pissing me off. He tried to explain that they are still very young and he doesn�t feel they are emotionally and psychologically ready to bring children into this world, and I must admit that I actually agree. Don is a well-adjusted twenty-three-going-on-thirty year old but Janelle needs to get her shit together before she considers bringing children into this world. This fiasco meant that I spent Tuesday evening attempting some damage control. Who knows if it worked?
Now here�s where the Sex and the City part comes in. I went on FOUR dates this week. Yeah, you read that right �FOUR dates. Which means I was out with a different guy on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And boy was it interesting to say the least.
Wednesday
On Wednesday I was out with Jeremy. Jeremy happens to be one of the finest men I have seen in my life �a real pretty boy. A good description of him would be a finer Boris Kodjoe, and you know how fine Boris is. I noticed him the minute I entered the room for the boring Seminar and it was his fine face that kept me from nodding off to la-la land. He didn�t seem to notice me so I made it a point to change that fact and as we were leaving the room I bumped into him and struck a conversation. Luckily for me, he�s from Brooklyn thereby allowing me to use the line �Would you mind showing me around?� I�ve always wanted to use that line.
So he picked me up at 7:30 pm and took me to this Spanish Restaurant in Brooklyn called �Allioli� � apparently, he wanted to show me the real New York (whatever that means). I figured that his ass was just broke and he couldn�t afford anything in Manhattan but to my surprise Allioli isn�t half bad.
The evening was going well, food was nice, atmosphere was nice, his personality seemed nice enough till I got to the question I tend to ask ALL my dates � it�s 2002 and you can never be too careful.
�Would it be okay to ask you a few questions?� I smiled sweetly.
�Sure. I�m an open book.� He pointed at us. �We are trying to get to know each other, right?� He asked curiously.
�Yeah I know, it�s just that they are quite personal.�
�Don�t sweat it. If I think you are getting too nosy, I won�t answer. Deal?�
I nodded my head. �Deal. O.K here goes.� He looked at me expectantly. I always feel embarrassed asking this question. �Are you homosexual or gay?�
He laughed. �Of course not. You? I know you ladies be experimenting and shit��
I denied it and continued with the questions. �O.K, what about bisexual?� He shook his head. �Alright, the last but not the least �Have you ever had sex with a man or thought of having sex with another man?�
He hesitated for a minute then said, �Well, you know how College can be. You gotta try stuff. So your answer is yes, I have thought about having sex with another man and on two drunken occasions, I mighta had sex with some guys.� He must have seen the disgust in my eyes for he added, �But those experiences only confirmed that I�m really straight �cos they weren�t much fun.�
Whatever. That�s why you had to have it the second time. Jeremy in the words of that bespectacled British woman, �You are the weakest link, goodbye!� Boy am I lame.
Thursday
I met this guy Frank at some corner store near my hotel and he seemed fine �nothing special, maybe 5�11, Caucasian with brown hair, casually dressed, just a guy. The thing is, I�d decided to have as much fun in New York without spending a whole lot of money so I figured that no harm could come from getting a free meal.
How wrong could I have been? Frank took me to this nondescript bar/grill and proceeded to make a fool of himself. First of all, he 'aint that bright.' The fool must have said the word �like� about 5 times in each sentence. As if that wasn�t irritating enough, the idiot turned out to be a raging alcoholic because in addition to drinking 3 pints of beer and a bottle of wine, he had at least 5 shots. By the end of the evening, he was being so obnoxious that we got thrown out of the joint. Thanks a lot Frank.
Friday
Friday was a good day. I got a free meal from Keith during my lunch break and I got a free dessert and movie from Derrick in the evening.
Derrick is this cool guy I met at lunch on Thursday and he works about 2 blocks from my �Training Camp.� He�s tall, cute �looks like Morris Chestnut� well maybe not that cute but cute enough. We saw �Reign of Fire� (I hated it � what an awful waste of celluloid) and had some ice cream together. He�s totally cool and I shall be meeting up with him next week. I think he could be my New York boy toy.
Saturday
I really should have quit on Friday because Saturday�s date was a complete waste of my freaking time. When the dude told me his name was Tyrell I should have run like hell because you know people named Tyrone, Tyrell or Tyreke have numerous problems. So I met this dude as I was walking home. He came up to me and started talking. Normally I don�t talk to guys I meet off the street� O.K I�m lying, normally I don�t talk to guy I meet off the street if they aren�t fine as hell and you guessed it, Tyrell is fine as hell �in a thuggish kind of way.
I wanted to hit the clubs so I suggested he take me clubbing. He took me to �Nel�s Niteclub� in Manhattan and everything was cool till the fool start groping me. I�m no prude and I don�t mind a little touch here or there, you know skimming my parts from time to time but full on groping? No thanks. If I just met you, you don�t have the right to grab my butt like you expect a genie to appear if you rub hard enough. At the beginning I nicely pushed his hand off but it got tired after a while, and that coupled with the fact that he was as hard as a rock and didn�t even bother concealing it, was more than I could take. I ended up hailing a cab and going back to my hotel. Men can be such fools!
So that�s the story of last week. This city sure is crazy, I wonder what next week will bring!
Femi, 5:30pm, Sunday, July 21, 2002.
