July 26, 2003

 

I woke to Skyla's laugher; she was still outside, with her little horse, playing already. I called her inside.

"I want you to come in for a bit."

"I don't want to." She said, "I want to play with Cookies." She told me.

"You played with her long enough. I even let you sleep out there, now come on." I told her firmly reaching out to pick her up.

"No!" She said pushing my hands away. Along with backing up.

"Skyla come on. Let Cookies and Bella have sometime." Skyla folded her arms and told me no again.

"If you don't come with me you’re not going to be able to play with her until tomorrow." Skyla ran over to the little filly taking hold.

"I'm staying out here!" She told me. I just sighed and walked over quick enough I could grab her. I took her in and made her sit in the corner for a bit before I went and checked on Shanda. She seemed to be doing better, but was still sleeping. The fever had found its way back. So I rubbed some more of that fever breaker over her. Then left.

"Sky, you can go play outside now, but you are to stay away from the horses. If you go near them I'll put you back in that corner." That little girl didn't move she stood there. I felt bad; I knew what she wanted; she wanted to play with her new found friend. But lately she hadn't been listing to well, I knew it was the typical thing for a child her age to be doing, Understood that she was just testing me. As much as I wanted to I knew I couldn't back down.

I walked back into the bedroom to sit with Shanda, for awhile. As I watched her sleep I wondered what I was going to do with them through out the winter. I couldn't send them outside, that’s when it hit me. I jumped out of my chair. And called Darlita telling her to stay with the younger ones, I had something that I had to do. I ran outside and saddled up one horse, and hitched two of my strongest to the wood wagon, and headed out to the woods, where I searched for the thickest and best logs. I would work on the project without their knowing. Somehow.

I started right away mixing the mud, and stone to make a concrete, I would add another type to my list to make sure I brought back. To make sure it would keep out the cold. I managed to lay out a frame before dark started to settle, I thanked Darlita, for making sure everyone and everything was feed. I looked on the step there sat Skyla her temper showing. She didn't have much of one but when it showed you knew it.

"Come on, it’s getting late, its almost time for bed." The little girl shook her head. She made no sound, and kept looking away.

I went to pick her up and she pushed me away again. 

"Skyla, you don't want me to pick you up, that’s fine, but you can tell me, instead of pushing." She folded her arms and looked away nose wrinkled. Again I reached for her, and this time she got up and ran.

I sighed and went for my horse, knowing that I would be able to catch her better if I did that. When I caught her I took her into the house and told her to get onto bed. I was starting to regret giving her that little horse. Later, Darlita said that she had refused to eat, so she put the dish up. I told her she did the right thing and that she'll learn that it’s not good to skip a meal just because of her wanting her way. It wasn't going to happen. I also told her if she came down for something that she was to come and get me.

After checking on the baby, I went into the room and too my surprise Shanda was up. She was walking around the room.

"Sweetheart, you need to stay in bed." I told her gently. She reached up at me. I went ahead and picked her up. And sat with her. I noticed that everything was starting to go away. Little by little.

"I'm going to have you stay in here just a day or two more, so that we make sure that’s gone. You did really well with this. I don't think that I could have done that well." The little girl smiled. I let her lean back as I held her. Seeing it was getting late, I laid back on the bed, with her in my arms still and fell asleep. I knew that these days were going to have to stop. That soon, she would be too big to stay in my bed. Even know I'd have my baby to hold. But still. I wanted my other little ones to share this as well, I enjoyed this time. I love just staring at the faces of all the sleeping children.

Just deciding to let myself be taken in by the moment I fell asleep with my little girl.

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