April
27, 2004
“Mamma, I hurt.”
“I know Tanni, just
stay still.” She looked at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen. I ran my
hand through her hair. Soothing her. She stared at me
for a few moments then spoke,
“I’m sorry for
sneaking up on Joy like I did that wasn’t a real smart move. I didn’t know that
she was using the knife though.”
“I know it was an
accident, and I’m not angry, just relived that your going to be alright.” I
told her smiling at her the tears not even holding back. Gently I picked her up
and headed to the rocker that was still in there from my own stay. Slowly I
moved back and forth with her
just talking to her telling her how things were going to be
different from now on. Mamma was going to start dealing with her own things, so
that she can help everyone else better. Tanni looked at me grinning,
“Watch this, Tanni,”
I told her walking to the mirror and looking into it and saying the things that
Ursa had been trying to have me say for the past several days, and I had been
to scared to say.
“Mamma, why are you
crying?”
“Baby, this is the
first time that I had actually said that to myself willingly.” Tanjia then raised her arms the best she could and hugged
me the best she could.
“Thank you Princess.
I needed that.” I told her kissing her forehead. Ursa cleared her throat,
“I knew something
would get you to start doing that on your own. “ I stared at Ursa, as Tanni
turned my head to her face, the cub kissed my lips
saying
“I’m happy too
Mamma.” Tears fell harder as she did this. As well as the shock that
overwhelmed me. None of my kids have ever done that to me. Looking
at her, I told her that she needed to lay back down for a bit,” Tanni not being
one to fight or argue, nodded.
Grubbi walked in at that moment with some food and drink for Tanjia, I looked at her and asked her if she wanted me to feed
her. She nodded yes, I did as she wanted, Tanni
proving to still being one of my best eaters, finished that and asked for more.
I looked at Grubbi asking if she was able to. He nodded and gave her more by
the time she was done, they were starting to wonder if
she could out eat Buddi. Ursa shook her head and said no one could out eat
Buddi.
“What do you mean by
that?” Buddi asked poking her head in.
“We were
teasing. Ursa said pulling him to her
lap as I held my own. I stroked my daughter’s hair gently as she started to
close her eyes and starting to drift off.