| "There's too much urinary freedom in this society. I'm proud to hold it in. It builds character." |
| "You get within fifteen feet of that woman, she'd have her finger on the mace button."-Jerry to George- |
| "Why do I always have the feeling everybody's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?" |
| "The key to eating a black and white cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet, still, somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie. All our problems would be solved." |
| "I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?" |
| "Mmm... I love this artificial flavoring. I like it better than butter. I think it's more consistent." |
| "Ya know, I don't get it. I'm not allowed to ask a Chinese person where a Chinese restaurant is? I mean, aren't we all getting a little too sensitive? I mean, somebody asks me which way is Israel, I don't fly off the handle." |
| "Sex to save the friendship" |
| "Hello Newman" |
| "I know the chunky that left this chunky" |
| "It's amazing how shopping makes me have to go. How does my bladder know I'm in a department store?" |
| "You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place." |
| "People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public." |
| "Generally speaking, you don't need any extra incentive to murder a dry cleaner." |
| "Newman never stops seeing anybody. Newman will see whoever is willing to see him." |
| "Its not a lie, if you believe it" |
| "I am Costanza, Lord of the idiots" |
| "Pulp can move baby" |
| "My mother caught me" |
| "Hey its George, I got nothin to say" |
| "It's a different world when you're with a cool guy." |
| "For me to ask a woman out, I've got to get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks." |
| "Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year." |
| "I'm trying to live my life!" |
| "We're like rats in some experiment." |
| "Whats typical, gimme typical, gimme some typical" |
| "Congical visit sex, that is happening" |
| "She just dislikes me so much, its irrestible" |
| "I was in the pool, I was in the pool" |
| "Big hefty stinking fopar" |
| "If I am not in front of my building at 6:15 when my parents get there, they are going to put me on an aggravation installment plan that will compound with interest for decades." |
| "I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum." |
| "She just took credit for my salad. That's not right." |
| "I think I would like to play with dolls." |
| "Maybe he's an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle."
"He's a mystery wrapped in a Twinkie."
- Elaine and Jerry |
| "Perhaps there's more to Newman than meets the eye."
"No, there's less."
- Elaine and Jerry |
| "What's in the big salad?"
"Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs."
- George and Jerry |
| "What's the difference? We'll all be dead eventually."
"Does that bother you?"
"Yeah, it bothers me. Doesn't it bother you?"
"Not at all."
"You see, now that bothers me even more than dying bothers me, because it's people like you who live to be 120 because you're not bothered by it. How can it not bother you?"
"Well, I once saw this thing on TV with people who are terminally ill. Everyone of them believed that the secret of life is just to live every moment."
"Yeah, I've heard that. Meanwhile, I'm here with you in a parking garage in Jersey."
- George and Kramer |
| "Fish... What do they do?"
"What do *you* do?"
- George and Elaine |
