Gilligan is a fool.
The Professor cannot help him.
The Captain likes his little buddy,
likes to swat him with his cap.

Agent 86 dials 411 on his EarthShoes.
He sits in an underground vault covered with graffiti.
Seniors from the state university stare at him
through a one-way mirror and jot down notes.

Marcus Welby loosens his tie,
kicks off his shoes, and
hunts for a surprise in
a box of CrackerJacks.

Herman Munster is a shining star
on Mockingbird Hill.
With Fats Domino, his foolish neighbor,
He's living there still.

A man barks like a dog
about to chase a bone covered with dangling,
fresh meat, recently cut at the butcher's shop.
"Mrs. Ebelstein, Come on down!"

PT commander McHale is Poseidon of World War II.
He drowns a Budweiser,
opens a crate of stolen souffles
and brings up Lola from the deck below.

I am Max Headroom.
I am Max Headroom.
I am Max Headroom.
Only one of these gentlemen is really Max Headroom.
Do you know who - who?

Wally and the Beaver drool over the centerfold
just before the camera crew returns from coffee break.
They hear them coming.
Boy, was that close.

Mr. Rogers can sing and rhyme.
Mr. Rogers is a friend of mine.
Mr. Rogers can say lysergic acid diethylamide three times fast.
Can you?

I point my remote control device at my television set
to change the channel. Click.
Walter Conkrite appears.
He says our boys are still fighting.
He says over 200 casualties this week alone.
He says that's the way it is.

I point my remote control device at my television set
to turn it off. Click.

I disappear.

- Bob Miller