Discoveries Paper
Human Services 303
This quarter has provided me with a vast number of new learning experiences and discoveries about myself through the interpersonal systems that have come about. My journey through these experiences will begin in week 2 of my discovery�s journal. Join me as I weave my way through this quarter building on a pre-existing relationship with my classmates, and create a new interpersonal relationship with my amazing dyad partner, Sharon.
Week 2, January 15 � January 21
Sharon and I had arranged a time to meet at one of our local favorite spots, Dairy Queen. Prior to my meeting I was feeling little sense of responsibility to our project and presentation. I really didn't know whom this person was besides from an imagined schema that I had tucked away in my head from our cyber class together the quarter before. When I met Sharon that Saturday, I found that the person I had imagined was different from the real thing.
It was at this moment in time that I realized we would have an exciting and healthy dyadic relationship. Our interpersonal communication flourished at this point and we began to realize what it would take to create not only a healthy relationship, but also a healthy project.
Week 3, January 22 � January 28
What created our healthy interpersonal communication you might ask? Well, I began to digest and interpret what had happened the previous week with Sharon and I, and came to a concoction for healthy interpersonal communication. The number one, and to me most important aspect of positive interpersonal communication, is respect for the other individual. I found that I had the utmost respect for Sharon, and wanted to listen to what she was saying because I knew I could learn from her. The second ingredient is compassion for what you are doing. In this case Sharon and I were working to create a project that our classmates, as well as ourselves, could learn from. Another just as important aspect was the equalization of roles. What I mean by equalization of roles is that neither one of us took the lead role for the extent of the relationship. Throughout our meeting, there were times that one of us would sit back and listen while the other one took the lead role. To top off this mixture, we added a shot of active listening. Through our verbal and nonverbal communication we supported one another in their views and ideas. Like Poindexter, Valentine and Conway (1999) said, �Without active and accurate listening, the helper will not be aware of the other person�s feelings, thoughts, ideas, desires, decisions, or expectations� (p. 66). These communication skills added to the essential characteristics of a successful dyadic system.Week 4, January 29 � February 4
Reading Flick�s From Debate to Dialogue this week really opened my eyes to a new area of discussion. Not only did I realize how I had just recently created my own mind model for Sharon, but I could associate the understanding process that Flick described to my dyadic relationship . The understanding process is a crucial element of a dyadic system. �By deeply understanding and accepting the ways in which we are different, we kindle relationships and inspired ideas and actions� (Flick, 1998, p. 47). I applied this to a live situation this week. I had been having some issues with an individual and decided to use what I had learned from Deborah Flick.
So what you must be wondering is where change is initiated in interpersonal systems? BINGO! �Linda� as we will call her, and I had not been seeing eye to eye in regards to her filling my job position I will be leaving at the end of March. Throughout our conversation on the phone I found myself getting annoyed with what she was saying. I was at the end of my rope when this name just popped into my head, Deborah Flick. Linda and I have been friends for a few years now and she has seen first hand what has gone on at my job and knows the reason for me leaving. She thinks that she will be able to change the situation and this is what fueled the flame. I can honestly say that because I stepped back and accepted our differences, our friendship was saved. I began to realize that there were many different circumstances surrounding the decision she had made. Now I respect her decision while respecting my own feelings. Our relationship changed because I took the time to create dialogue with Linda to better understand the decisions that both of us had made. Through continued dialogue instead of debate, we will be able to maintain the sense of satisfaction with our decisions.
Week 5, February 5 � February 11
As I was reading David Brandon�s Zen in the Art of Helping (1976), I could not help but stop, put my book down, and sit shocked from what I had just read:
I was writing a book with a friend who was very physically handicapped. Anne had been a Beauty Queen until paralyzed in a car accident. I asked her very carefully what it was like to be handicapped.
�Funny� was her reply.
�But you can�t mean funny��
�Yes I do � when I was a little girl, I used to dream about being a fairy princess who was waited on hand and foot. And it came true� (pp. 66-67).
I was blown away by her response. I discovered that it�s not about what happened to you, it�s about what you do to happen to it. Anne looked at the situation she was in and found something positive to feed off of. Through Brandon�s situation with Anne, I began to realize more than ever the importance of finding something positive in every situation. I also discovered once again that it is so important not to take anything for granted.
A daisy + a mound of dirt = a dyadic relationship. This dyadic relationship works in ways that interpersonal systems do. The mound of dirt nurtures the growing flower giving it the encouragement and nutrients it needs to grow big and strong. In turn, as the daisy dies away, it re-fertilizes the dirt that just allowed it to become a beautiful flower on earth. This is a give and take dyadic relationship, each one depending on the others role for survival. Interpersonal systems are more complex and horizontally directed. Two individuals combine together to obtain a goal and then move forward until the goal is reached. For the most part, when these goals are met the relationship disintegrates and the individuals move on to their next interpersonal relationship.
Week 6, February 12 � February 18
�One moment-not to talk, but to act-not to change the world, but to make it better. It�s all that can be done and not only is that enough-that�s brilliant� (Parent, 1996, p. 353). Parent brought out the essence of human services. He made me realize that I will be making a difference in the larger society by changing the life of one individual. So, changing the life of one individual has changed society. What I do through interpersonal relationships and dyadic partnerships effects what goes on in the larger system. This profession is about making a difference in the life of the individual you are dealing with at that exact moment in time.
Week 7, February 19 � February 25
This week has given me a time to reflect on what I have learned over the past few weeks. Piece by piece I am beginning to understand the importance of communication in the larger system. Through my internship I am learning that it takes a system to help a student succeed. While putting together a summer tutoring program, communicating with the district is crucial for the success of the program.
If there is a break down in communication than the system fails. It is about knowing what you want and who to contact to get it. When respect for the other individual is lost there is a breakdown in communication also. All individuals in a system want to be respected for their views and feelings. A common goal needs to be set so that all individuals realize their roles in the relationship. Flick�s (1998) dialogue is key to building a successful relationship: �Being listened to and understood builds trust and willingness to subordinate one�s individual interest to that of team accomplishment� (p. 100). A successful group stems from skilled communication within that group.
Week 8, February 26 � March 4
Sharon�s and my dyadic relationship grew stronger this week. After taking a minor detour on our presentation we met at our faithful DQ to re-route back to the main road. While talking about our loss and grief project with Sharon I began to realize that I was beginning to feel some loss of my own, a loss that I had never consciously experienced before. Our chapter in the Skills book was beginning to make more sense than ever. I would soon be losing an amazing dyadic partner.
�Losses may occur from positive and desired events, such as childbirth, and marriage� (Poindexter, Valentine & Conway, 1999, p. 292). I won�t be losing Sharon as we both will be graduating to a larger group of five, but I will be losing our interpersonal relationship together as a dyad that we have together created to be something I am proud of. More than ever I will see directly how smaller systems moving together will effect the outcome of the larger system. Every loss is a gain, and every gain is a loss.
Week 9, March 5 � March 11
With the dyad projects accomplished I saw how my dyad fit into the class. Sharon and I worked to bring the knowledge we gained from our research to our classmates, while our classmates did the same for us. It was a cycle of learning where we all contributed to educate our group as a whole. We each had a part to play in making this a successful class. By fulfilling these obligations, we created a strong system that is one step closer to going out to take on the world. The collaboration between students, teacher and textbooks provided the median to make this change.
Throughout the quarter I have realized a lot about who I am and the place I have not only in my dyad and class, but the place I hold on earth. I believe Mother Theresa said it best, �So that the place is different because I�ve been there-not to change the world, but so the world doesn�t change me� as cited in (Parent, 1996, p. 354).
References
Brandon, D. (1976). Zen in the art of helping. New York: Dell.
Flick, D. (1998). From debate to dialogue: Using the understanding process to transform our conversations. Boulder, CO: Orchard.
Parent, M. (1996). Turning stones: My days and nights with children at risk. New York: Ballantine.
Poindexter, C., Valentine, D., & Conway, P. (1999). Essential skills for human services. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.