The Three Little EVA-pilots
By Ka-Wing Tam
<gaurry_gabriev@yahoo.com>

A Neon Genesis Evangelion/Three Little Pigs fanfiction

Note: It was supposed to be based on the Three Little Pigs, but it's not
that obvious. Both the Three Little Pigs and Neon Genesis Evangelion do
not belong to me, but hey, you all know that already, right? 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time there were three little EVA pilots who were called the 
First Children, Second Children and Third Children. They were not 
brother and sister but they lived in the same house and learnt the same 
things. A scientist called Dr. Akagi Ritsuko took care of them and 
taught them a lot of useful stuff, like how to fight angels, how to 
produce an AT field, how to build a 400-foot fighting machine with 
chewing gum and other assorted items, how to make LCL out of four 
gallons of coca-cola and saliva, etc. Then came the fateful day the 
three had to leave their mentor.

"Children, come here," Dr. Akagi called them together. The three 
Children scampered towards her eagerly and she took a deep breath. 
"Children, I am too old and tired to take care of you. I have taught you 
everything I know. Now it is time for you to go out into the world and 
take care of yourselves." She picked up three cans of paint. "And here 
are three cans of paint, one for each of you, to start you on your 
journey." She smiled.

The three Children looked at their paint. 

"Paint? You're kicking us out and all you're giving us is paint?" the 
Second Children, who was also called Asuka, refrained from saying. 
Instead, she whined, "But, Dr. Akagi... I don't want to leave!"

The Third Children, also called Shinji, timidly agreed. "H-h-how are we 
going to survive on our own?"

Dr. Akagi rubbed her temples in frustration. "Ung...! You'll survive. 
Just remember everything I have taught you. Now, shoo, shoo." She pushed 
them out the front door and slammed it shut. 

The three Children were left all alone in the world. It was a horribly 
melodramatic moment. They stood tall, staring dismally at the cold, 
cruel world at their feet. They hid their tears and gnashed their teeth 
and glared angrily at the sun. That was all the helpless little Children 
could do. But, by God, they would do it bravely, wouldn't they? 

"ARGH!! Noo! I caaaan't doooo iiiit!" wailed Asuka. "How are we going to 
take care of ourseeeeeeeeelves!!!!!!!?"

"Well, the first thing to do would be to build an EVA," said the First 
Children demurely, also called Rei. "It is the safest place to hide in 
during an Angel attack, as I recall Dr. Akagi telling us."

"Of course!" said Asuka loudly enough for anyone within a two-mile 
radius to hear. "I knew that! Now, to build an EVA, we must appoint a 
leader! I nominate me! Any objections?"

There were no objections. 

Asuka smiled in satisfaction. "Okay, then. Rei can get the necessary 
material to build an EVA, and when she comes back, Shinji can build it!"

"What?" Shinji did not like the idea.

"It?" said Rei. "But..."

"Just do it!" shouted Asuka.

Rei coughed discreetly. "...One EVA won't be enough for the three of us. 
We have to have one each."

Asuka blinked. "Oh. I knew that."

"So..." said Rei.

"So..." said Shinji.

"So..." said Asuka. "Go and get enough material for three EVAs, then! 
And Shinji can build all three of them!"

Shinji protested loudly. "But what are you going to do?"

"The leader is merely in charge of delegating tasks," explained Asuka 
patiently, as if talking to a three-year-old. "A leader is not required 
to do any actual work."

"But that's not fair! Who says?"

"Dr. Akagi says. You can go and ask her if you want. Rei, what are you 
doing?"

The First Children was standing there with a puzzled look on her face. 
"That's funny... I don't remember what Dr. Akagi said was good material 
for building EVAs... ? Something about household appliances or cooking 
utensils?"

Asuka's jaws slammed to the ground.

"...I can't remember either," said Shinji. "Did she ever tell us what to 
build an EVA with?" 

Now it was Asuka's turn to think. "Now that you mention it, I don't 
think she did. Not anything specific. What was that pet phrase of hers 
she was always saying...?"

"'Anything that occupies space is useful, whether it be household 
appliances, cooking utensils, or plain garbage,'" recited Rei. 

"That's it!" Asuka hit her palm with a fist. "Anything that occupies 
space... that means basically everything can be used to build an EVA! 
Come on, let's go!"

"To where?"

"Where else, boofhead? To find something suitable to build our EVAs 
with! Now move!"

After three hours of wandering in search of their fortunes, Shinji was 
tired. His arms ached from carrying all three cans of paint. Staring up 
at the hill in front of them, his heart sank. "Can we stop for a while?" 

"It's just a little way longer. Stop whining," muttered Asuka.

"A little way longer? To where?"

Asuka didn't answer.

As luck would have it, a person dragging a garbage bag behind him 
emerged on the path ahead.

"That person appears to have an excess of useless items," noted Rei.

"Aha!" said Asuka. "A victim!" She rubbed her hands gleefully. As they 
waited for him to get closer, they saw that he was a boy of about their 
age. He looked vaguely familiar. 

"Fourth Children?" exclaimed Asuka, remembering. The boy looked up and 
recognition darted across his face.

"Touji!" cried Shinji happily. "Where've you been all this time?" He 
took the opportunity to drop the paint and rub his aching arms.

Touji grinned and jogged down to them. "You mean after you trashed my 
EVA and Dr. Akagi made me leave because she thought I did it?"

Shinji blushed guiltily. "Ah--"

"No hard feelings, mate." Touji clapped him on the back. "It's good to 
see you after so long. Hikari's forced me to help out at the hospital, 
you see, and I'm just disposing of some old bandages."

Asuka was already digging through his stuff. "Really? What's this?" She 
pulled out a sheaf of dog-eared papers.

Touji turned bright red. "Hey! Don't touch those!"

"What? Sensei's handouts?" chuckled Asuka, scanning them.

Touji fumed. "Don't tell anyone, okay? It's just some homework." Asuka 
smirked and considered keeping some to blackmail Touji in the future.

Rei walked over and looked inside the garbage bag. "Do you still want 
all this?" she said to Touji.

"What? That junk? Nope, I was just throwing it away."

Rei nodded. "Can I have it?"

"Sure, I guess. But what would you want with bandages and handouts?" 

Shinji's eyes widened. "To build an EVA?" Say, that was an idea...

"Correct," said Rei. She picked up the bag and emptied the contents all 
over the ground. They stared at the pile of bloody bandages and dusty 
handouts.

"Uh, Rei?" said Asuka. "You sure you want to use all that?"

"Yes," said Rei. "Why not?"

Touji glanced at his watch. "Whoops. Look at the time. It's been great 
meeting you guys but I have to get back or Hikari'll have my ass. See 
you around!"   

"See you, Touji," waved Shinji. Asuka turned back to Rei.

"But... it's just a bunch of bandages and paper..." explained Asuka. 
"You can't build a highly intricate super-technological humanoid 
fighting weapon with that... that garbage."

"Yes I can," insisted Rei. "Weren't our old EVAs made of that?"

"What?"

"Garbage."

"No they weren't."

"Yes they were," said Rei stubbornly. "Or how come they fell apart so 
easily all the time? Besides, I am quite fond of bandages and handouts." 

Now that Asuka thought of it, Rei did have a hang-up on her old 
bandages. Probably because she was wrapped in them all the time and 
never had to go to school and Shinji always had to bring home her 
handouts for her. She gave in. "Okay, okay, build your EVA with that 
junk! Me and Shinji are going to keep looking for some better stuff!"

"We are?" said Shinji, who, frankly, was quite satisfied with the 
bandages. 

"Of course we are! Now move. See you around, Rei. We'll come back and 
visit you when we've finished our EVAs." She picked up two cans of paint 
and shoved them in Shinji's hands. "There, Rei, that last can's for you. 
See? Blue, your favourite colour." 

"Thank you."

"But--" said Shinji.

Asuka grabbed him and dragged him up the hill path.

"Goodbye," called Rei after them. Then she began to build her EVA out of 
cloth and paper to protect her against the Angels. After a few minutes, 
she was finished. EVA-00, built by the First Children, stood proudly 
before her. It was white and bandaged and bloodied and papered. 

"Hmm... lacks a certain something," mused Rei. She spied the can of blue 
paint. 

After a quick paint job, it was done. "So that was what our old EVAs 
looked like under their armour," said Rei disappointedly, thinking of 
EVA-00 without the paint. "Ah, well." She climbed in and started it up. 

Meanwhile Asuka and Shinji were still travelling in search of building 
materials. "Asuka... I'm tired. Can we stop, please?" said Shinji.    

"Stop whining! We're nearly there!"

"Nearly where?"

Again, Asuka didn't answer. 

They walked in silence. It was suddenly broken by singing.

"Singing?" said Shinji. "That's not singing. It sounds more like 
screeching to me."

Straight ahead, there was a woman sitting at the side of the path, 
yodelling drunkenly. She was surrounded by many many empty aluminium 
cans. Strangely, she looked familiar too. So did the aluminium cans.

Asuka felt a sinking feeling. "Misato?!"  

Shinji gulped. "H-her? We have to get out here!" They turned and ran. 
But of course Misato had already seen them.

"Ash-ashuka, Shinji," Misato belched. "Long time no shee!"

The Children halted in mid-run like hunted deer caught in headlights. 
Asuka hung her head and slowly turned around. "Heeeeeello, Misato."

They approached her cautiously in case she suddenly decided to throw 
unopened beer cans at them or bury them in a bear hug. Actually, Shinji 
didn't mind having the bear hug, but he always ended up nose-bleeding 
and having Asuka bash his head in afterwards.

"What are you doing here, Misato?" said Shinji cautiously.

"Wha-?" said Misato dumbly. "Oh, here. I got -hic- I got thrown out of 
my apartchment 'cos I -hic- didn't pay my rent." 

Asuka managed to look suitably sympathetic. "You could always stay at 
Dr. Akagi's, you know. There's a lot more room now that we're not living 
there any more."

Misato brightened substantially. "Do you really -hic- think she'll let 
me shtay after -hic- what happened lasht time?"

Asuka pretended to think deeply. Shinji didn't.

"I doubt it,"  he said, thinking of the now non-existent living room, 
Persian carpet, cat and state-of-the-art kitchen. 

Misato's face fell. "Really?"

"Dr. Akagi's still really mad about the broken computer," continued 
Shinji. "She's even started calling it the Two Magi now."

Asuka wrapped her hands around Shinji's mouth. "He was just kidding! 
I'll bet Dr. Akagi's getting really lonely right now and you be just the 
thing to cheer her up!"

Misato brightened again. "Really?"

"Yeah. Why don't you go and see her right now?" suggested Asuka.

"What a good idea!" Misato stood up sluggishly and heaved a six-pack 
into her arms. She started lurching unevenly along the path, leaving 
Asuka and Shinji to stare open-mouthed at the mountain of remaining beer 
cans. 

"Oh, Ashuka?" called Misato, turning around.

"Yeah?" she said, looking up from the mess.

"Take of the resht for me, that'sh a dear."

"You don't want these any more?" said Asuka, gesturing to the mess.

"Nah... they're all emptchy anyway," and with that she was gone.

"See, now look what you've done," said Shinji. "You just had to get her 
to leave and make us clean up after her."

"Relax, it's not that much of a mess," said Asuka. "Besides, Dr. Akagi's 
is better than living out here in the open. You wouldn't want her to 
stay like this, would you?"

"Maybe, if it'll get her sober."

Asuka didn't answer, looking thoughtfully at the mound of aluminium. 

"Asuka?" said Shinji. "You're not thinking...?"

"Why not?" said Asuka. "If Rei can do it with paper and bandages, why 
can't I do it with beer cans?" 

"There's not enough beer cans for the two of us, though," said Shinji.

"Who ever said I was going to share?" replied Asuka. "Now scram! Leave 
me to build my EVA in peace."

Shinji looked at the beer cans, then scowled at her. "You meanie."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Whatever. And leave me a can of paint."

Shinji scowled again. "Good riddance then. One can of paint is so much 
lighter than two. And I'm taking the purple!"

"I don't like purple," said Asuka. But Shinji had already stomped off in 
a huff. "I'll come and visit you when I've finished," she called after 
his retreating back. Shinji hmphed loudly enough for her to hear.

Asuka commenced work on EVA-02, and when she finished, a towering menace 
of a weapon stood tall and glinted aluminiumly in the sun. It looked 
like trillions of beer cans stack on top of each other. Asuka frowned 
and poured the can of red paint over it. 

"There, looks much better in red," she smiled. 

Now for the LCL. Asuka shook a can of beer, cracked it open, poured it 
into the entry plug and spat repeatedly into it. 

"Gross," she thought. "But at least it works."

Shinji stomped angrily along the path. Now where was he going to find 
suitable building material for an EVA? All he had in the world were the 
clothes on his back and a rusting can of purple paint... wait a minute. 
Why hadn't he thought of it earlier? Use the can to build his EVA! Heh, 
that was brilliant. Even Asuka hadn't thought of it. Shinji smiled 
smugly. It was only when he got started that he realized the scrap metal 
from one can of paint wasn't enough to reproduce a 400-foot robot. 

A man appeared on the path ahead. He was pulling a huge tank behind him 
that rattled loudly and jumped into the air every time it hit a bump. 
When he saw Shinji, he choked, turned and ran.

"Father?" gasped Shinji. "Hey, wait! Where are you going?" He took off 
after him. His father had had a head start, but the years were catching 
up with him and so was Shinji. Soon Shinji had overtaken him. He leapt 
forward and knocked him to the ground. Father and son rolled a short 
distance and came to a stop.

"You know, since I haven't seen you for so long, it might be decent of 
you to at least say hello," said Shinji, looking at his father.

Gendou buried his head in his hands and groaned. "Oh, Shinji. If you 
knew what I've been up to all these years, would you still call me 
father?"

Shinji didn't reply. They hadn't seen each other ever since Shinji's 
mother's accident.

Gendou lifted his head dismally and gestured to the huge tank he'd been 
pulling. "You see? Do you know what that is? It's all that's left of ten 
years of experiments and research and toil. I put my whole heart into it 
and now it's failed."

"What is it?"

Gendou shook his head. "It was a desperate attempt to bring your mother 
back, to build a shell for her soul trapped in that entry plug. But the 
entry plug burst and now all that's left is the shell."

Shinji looked up sadly. "That's why you left me? For this?"

"Yes. To bring your mother back. But everything's gone. All gone. All 
gone. All gone. All gone. All gone..."

Shinji realized his father was rambling and he couldn't get any more out 
of him. Curiously he walked up to the tank and looked inside. His heart 
leapt in happiness. It was metal, scrap metal! There was a whole 
endoskeleton too... too bad his father had taken it apart.

"Hey, father?" he called. "Do you still want this stuff?"

Gendou burst into tears. "No, take it, take it! I cannot bear these sad 
memories a moment longer!" He leapt up and disappeared into the forest.

"Hey father!" Shinji started after him, but decided to give up. Better 
to build the EVA first, then find his father with the tracking system. 
And Asuka would be sooo jealous.   

Unknown to the three EVA pilots, they were in grave danger! For a Big 
Bad Angel was stalking the vicinity. 

The Big Bad Angel, also called Kaworu, hadn't struck in days. It was 
time to, but he kept putting it off. Finally, his boss got mad and gave 
him an ultimatum. So Kaworu had no choice.

Right now, he was flying around in search of possible targets and 
grumbling. Life was so unfair. This was such boring and degrading work 
for a Big Bad Angel like himself.

Wait! Was that the hum of an EVA that he heard? It was, it was! Kaworu 
jumped for joy. His first victim, so soon! 

After teleporting a couple of times, Kaworu finally spied a blue EVA. He 
frowned a little. The paint job certainly had a lot to be desired... 

He flew towards it and took a few deep breaths, preparing his speech. 
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the words out. Finally 
he radioed his boss. 

"Do I have to say this? It's just so...so..." 

"JUST DO AS I SAY," said His Eminence. "EVERY ANGEL MUST GO THROUGH THIS 
STAGE."

Still, it was humiliating. Kaworu took another breath and rapped on the 
EVA's chest, steeling himself. 

"Little pilot, little pilot, let me in, let me in," he crooned, gagging. 

Rei glanced up sharply. Those ludicrous lines... it had to be an Angel! 
She racked her brains. What did Dr. Akagi say to do in situations like 
this? After a few seconds, she remembered. 

"No, no," she called back, even though she didn't understand what she 
was about to say. "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin."

Kaworu couldn't believe his ears. That someone was willing to respond to 
such a ridiculous speech in such a ridiculous manner. Still, he had to 
go on. "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your EVA's head in." 

Kaworu took a deep breath, blew, and a bundle of paper and bandages 
which used to be EVA-00's head promptly flew off.

Inside the entry plug, everything was a mess. "Thank God I didn't fix 
the neural feedback system properly," said Rei to herself. "Eject entry 
plug." There was a -pwoof- and Rei leapt out of the EVA. She took off at 
full speed without looking behind her. 

Fortunately for her and unfortunately for Kaworu, he didn't notice her 
disappearance and continued breathing in and blowing out till his face 
was blue. Various other body parts fell off EVA-00 and more bandages hit 
the ground. It was ten minutes later when Kaworu finally realized Rei 
wasn't there any more, and by then he was too tired to give chase.

After about half an hour of running, Rei looked up and saw the 
silhouette of a tower of red aluminium glinting in the sunlight. On 
second glance it proved itself to be EVA-02.

"Asuka," called Rei. "I have bad news."

Asuka poked her head out. "Oh, it's you," she called. She looked around. 
"Where's your EVA?" 

"It is destroyed."

"What? So soon?"

"There is a Big Bad Angel in the area and it blew my EVA's head off."

A look of shock crossed Asuka's face. Then it disappeared and was 
replaced by her usual confident smirk. She opened her entry plug. "Come 
on then, get in. You'll be safe in my EVA-02. I told you that bandages 
wouldn't work, though." 

Rei ignored the comment and looked doubtfully at the entry plug. "Can 
two pilots be in the same entry plug at a time?"

"Of course," assured Asuka. "It's worked twice before."

Rei was convinced and she climbed into the entry plug. "What is your EVA 
made of?"

"Beer cans."

"And you have made LCL too. I am impressed."

After a long silence, Asuka looked up. "Is it coming?" she asked.

"Yes, I can hear it," said Rei.

Kaworu was breathing heavily and flying all over the place. "Drat that 
EVA...! But what is that I spy on the horizon? The shape of another EVA? 
My, my! What luck! Two EVAs in one day? This time you'll not get away!" 
Kaworu gagged again at his horrible choice of words.

Somewhere up there, his boss nodded in satisfaction.

Soon Kaworu was only a few inches from EVA-02's chest. He listened 
closely for a while. "Aha. I sense two pilots in there. This is getting 
better and better." He rubbed his hands eagerly. This time it'd work. 

He rapped EVA-02's metal surface confidently. "Little pilot, little 
pilot, let me in, let me in!"

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Is he for real?" she said to Rei.

"Hush! Remember what Dr. Akagi taught you," said Rei.

"Do I have to say it?" Asuka whined. "Can't you say it for me?"

Rei of course refused. She might be stoic but she wasn't stupid.

Asuka grumbled, "All right, all right!" Raising her voice, she 
continued, "No, no, not by the hair on my chinny chin chin."

Kaworu smiled evilly. "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your 
EVA's head in!"

"Oh, no you don't," muttered Asuka. She concentrated. "AT field!"

"Whoa!" said Kaworu as a wall of energy smacked him in the face. This 
was harder than he thought. He took several quick deep breaths, one on 
top of the other, and blew.

"Ouch," said Asuka and Rei in unison. There was a twinge of pain in 
their necks.

"What was that?" said Rei. 

Asuka looked around in a rage. "How dare he!" she cried. "My precious 
EVA-02! Luckily the neural feedback circuits've shorted out in the LCL,
or we'd be fainting all over the place by now."

"Shorted out?" said Rei suspiciously. "How? What is your LCL made of?"

Asuka decided not to tell her. "We'll talk about that later... Eject 
entry plug!"

Again, the two pilots landed safely on the ground and escaped while 
Kaworu caught his breath back. Too late did Kaworu notice that they were 
gone, and he cursed his bad luck. He radioed his boss.

"Do I have to do this?"

"TRUST ME," came a voice. "THE NEXT ONE'LL BE A TREAT, I PROMISE."

"It was all your fault," panted Asuka. "Now what do we do?"

Rei thought fast. "Let's find Shinji and take shelter in his EVA."

"That idiot?" said Asuka. Well, it was better than nothing.

Shinji was finishing the last touches on EVA-01 when he heard pounding 
footsteps approaching him. He turned and gulped. Them?!

"No, Asuka!" he declared bravely. "You're not having my EVA!"

"I don't WANT your EVA, you idiot," panted Asuka. She groped at the 
entry plug switch. "Let me in!"

"But-but-but it's not finished yet!" stammered Shinji.

"It's just a stupid paint job!" shouted Asuka. Then she stood back a 
little to look at it. It did look rather impressive. 

"Quickly, Ikari-kun," said Rei. "A Big Bad Angel is approaching."

"Hey, don't you think it's lacking a certain something?" Asuka commented.

Shinji stared at the almost-empty can of paint and his almost-finished 
EVA-01. Then he raised his eyes to the sky. "It's coming!" he cried. 
"Quick, get in!"

"Wait a minute," said Asuka. She grabbed the can of paint from Shinji's 
hands and twisted it into a long metal bar. Then she planted it halfway 
into EVA-01's head. "There, looks cool, doesn't it?"

Shinji looked at it. "I think it's not pointing out at the right angle."

Rei agreed. "It is a little to the left, don't you think?"

Asuka fumed. "If you're so clever you fix it!"

A huge shadow loomed above them and instinctively they looked up. 

"The Angel," said Rei. Swiftly she ducked into the entry plug.

"Argh! Quick! Get in quick!" shrieked Asuka. She pushed Shinji out of 
the way and clambered inside.

"Hey," protested Shinji. "It's my EVA, I should get to go in first!"

A low whistle made him turn round. The Big Bad Angel was leering at him.

"You know, He was right," murmured Kaworu. "You ARE a treat..." 

The glint in his eyes was too much for Shinji. It was hard enough for a 
wimp like him to bear getting that look from a girl, but from a boy?! 
Kaworu winked and blew a kiss. 

Shinji screamed and leapt into the entry plug as though his pants were 
on fire. 

Kaworu tsked. "Shame. We would've made a great couple." He flew close to 
EVA-01's chest cavity. "Little pilot, little pilot, let me in, let me 
in," he moaned in what he hoped was his most sensual tone of voice.

"Aye-tee-aye-tee...aye-tee fi-fi-field!" Shinji squeaked in reply.

"Idiot!" said Asuka, smacking him on the head. "You're not supposed to 
say that!"

Shinji made an effort to stop his teeth from chattering and mumbled, 
"No, no, n-not by the hair of my ch-chinny chin chin."

Kaworu sighed wistfully. "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blooow 
your EVA's head in!" 

Now that Shinji had finished his lines, the only thing left for him to 
say was, "AT Field!!"

Kaworu dodged. "Huh, not getting hit by that thing twice." He took a 
deep breath (it was coming rather short, now that Shinji's face was 
etched forever into his soul) and blew.

Rei and Asuka automatically ducked their heads. To their surprise, they 
felt the blow, but no permanent head injury came.
  
"Hey! Your EVA really works!" exclaimed Asuka. "What's it made of?"

"Scrap metal from my father's lab," said Shinji proudly. "Guaranteed to 
last titanic shipwrecks, Angel attacks and meteorites!"

"You are so lucky," said Asuka enviously. "You should've let us use 
some."

"Who ever said I was going to share?" smirked Shinji. Asuka pounded him 
into the control panel.

Outside, Kaworu didn't understand it. "Its head should be pieces by now. 
What's going on?" He took some more breaths and blew. EVA-01 shuddered 
under the attack but didn't fall apart. 

After 30 minutes, EVA-01 was still standing unscathed and Kaworu was 
thoroughly tired out. He had tried every breathing technique known to 
man. He'd gusted, wheezed, bellowed, puffed, blustered, squalled, 
whistled and spat. At one point he'd gotten so desperate he'd resorted 
to his fists. His knuckles got badly scraped, but EVA-01 didn't have so 
much as a dent. Kaworu felt like crying.

"The one I want, so near and yet so far..." He looked the EVA up and 
down. Then he thought of something.

After a long moment of silence, the pilots were getting edgy inside the 
EVA. They couldn't see the Big Bad Angel anywhere on the screen. 

"Is he gone?" said Shinji.

Rei cocked her head. "No. I sense him. He is still near." 

"Why isn't he attacking?" said Asuka.

"Shh!" said Rei urgently. "Listen!"

They perked their ears. There was a faint scrabbling sound coming from 
outside. Then a couple of scratching noises and a long screech. Then 
something long and purple fell past the screen in front of them and hit
the ground with a loud thud.

"What was that?" shouted Asuka.

Shinji looked down in horror. "My horn! He tore my horn off!"

Asuka was hurt. "I know I didn't put it on straight, but did he have to 
destroy the thing?"

Suddenly there was a loud whirring sound. The pilots' heads started to 
shake on their necks. "Ow ow ow ow ow!" came three voices in unison.

Asuka rubbed the top of her head painfully. "Feels like someone's trying 
to drill a hole in my head."

"Same here," said Shinji. "What's going on?"

"I think the Angel is trying to drill a hole in EVA-01's head," said Rei 
simply. 

"You think?" said Asuka sarcastically. "So now what?"

"Judging from the angle the drill is entering, he is aiming for our 
entry plug," said Rei. "At this rate, he will reach the surface of the 
entry plug in five minutes. It will take him two minutes to drill 
through the plug itself. So we have seven minutes to do something." 

"Why don't we just get out of here?" shouted Asuka.

"Eject entry plug!" shouted Shinji. Nothing happened. "Argh! It's not 
working! I think the Angel cut through the emergency circuits."

"Try producing an AT field," suggested Rei.

Shinji closed his eyes and concentrated, but every few seconds the 
Angel's leering, winking face broke into his thoughts and he gagged. 
"I'm sorry, it's no use."

"Maybe we can spray it with pressurized LCL once it breaks through," 
said Asuka. "Shinji! What's your LCL made of?"

Shinji flushed and stammered, "You're better off not knowing."

"Can't be much worse than mine, then," said Asuka.

Rei turned green. 

Asuka continued, "Is it gross enough to make him leave?"

Shinji thought. "I don't know," he said finally. "It's worth a try."

For the next five minutes they waited, the whirring and drilling coming 
closer and closer, and the whole time feeling as if a drill was 
travelling down their throats. Suddenly Rei tensed. "It's here."

The entry plug shuddered under the assault and the three were bounced 
around in the LCL. The noise was intense. "Where?" shouted Asuka.

"Above," said Rei. She kicked and propelled herself to the spot at the 
plug where the drill would break through. Feeling the metal, she said, 
"It's pretty strong. We still have some time."

The three pilots allowed themselves to sink to the bottom of the plug. 
Looking up through the hazy fluid, they could faintly distinguish the 
cracks that were beginning to appear in the metal. 

"Ready, Shinji?" said Asuka.

Shinji swallowed. 

"Now!" said Rei.

Shinji clenched his teeth. "Increase LCL pressure!"

There was an inaudible rush and they felt themselves pressed hard 
against the walls of the plug. The pounding in their heads increased 
unbearably. It was getting harder and harder to see or breathe or hear. 
Shinji felt like screaming. 

Finally when they thought they could bear it no longer, there was a 
resounding crack! thud! A huge explosion rocked the entry plug. 

Kaworu swore horribly when a jet of LCL smacked him headfirst and sent 
him to kingdom come. "I'll be back for you, Shinji my love!" he called. 

Light filtered into the entry plug through the hole in EVA-01's head. 
Shinji found he could suddenly breathe and see again. Half the LCL had 
spurted out of the plug. He looked up at the yawning hole in his EVA. 
Above them the sky was blue and fluffy. There was no sign of the Angel.

"Hey! We did it! The Angel's gone!" he called to the others. 

Asuka and Rei slowly sat up and rubbed the aches out of their bodies. 

"Hey, Asuka," said Shinji happily. "Is my EVA something or what?"

Asuka glared. "Or what," she muttered. "Did I hear that Angel saying 
Shinji my love?"

Shinji blushed and began stuttering incoherently.

"Ew, sick. Get away from me."

"Asuka, I promise I'm not like that!"

Asuka was not convinced. "It said it was coming back. Well, there's 
nothing to do about it except share your EVA until it returns, I guess."

"Wha-? But why? Don't you have your own?"

"They got trashed big time. And you can't expect us to build them all 
over again, can you? And Rei wants to stay here too, don't you, Rei?"

Rei recalled all that paper and bandages, and quickly nodded.

"See?" crowed Asuka.

"But I don't want to share!" said Shinji unhappily.

"Now, about that horn..."

"Were you listening to me? There's not enough room for all four of us!"

"Maybe if we... four of us?"

"Yeah. Me, you, Rei and my mother."

"Your mother?"

THANKS FOR INTRODUCING US, SON. YEP, I'M SHINJI'S MOTHER. HOW DO YOU DO?

"Your mother?" repeated Asuka.

"Your mother?" echoed Rei.

THAT'S RIGHT, GIRLS, AND IF YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW YOU'D 
BETTER SHAPE UP A BIT.

"..." said Asuka.

Rei coughed meaningfully.

OH, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU. I DON'T GO FOR INCEST. I WAS TALKING
TO THE OTHER ONE. 

And so the three Children and Shinji's mother lived happily ever after.


THE END