Making breakfast for Sempai is the most wonderful thing in the world, thought Maya, as she sliced fruit and put the finishing touches on the clear fish stock soup. Well, besides one other thing, then she blushed. She poured the soup into two bowls and put the sliced melons and mangos on large plate. "Sempai, breakfast," she yelled.
Ritsuko emerged from the bedroom, looking very grumpy. Maya looked concerned, "Nicotine patch not working?"
"It's just not the same. I keep wanting to eat something." Ritsuko popped a diet pill into her mouth.
"Sempai, those are so bad for you."
"Well, you don't want my figure ruined, do you, Maya?"
"I don't want you to substitute one addiction for another. If you gain a little weight, but you live ten more years, well I'm happy." Then Maya frowned, "It's for that man, isn't it?" A little pout formed on her face. "You're staying skinny for Commander Gendo!"
"Oh, God, not this again. I only suck up to him to get things done."
"Yes, it's the sucking part I hate."
"Maya!"
"I'm sorry. It's just that he's so. . . he's so. . ."
"Yes, I know. But I know you're the only one who really. . ."
The phone rang. Maya picked up and said, "Hello, this is Maya Ibuki."
"Maya. . ."
"Mom?"
Ritsuko rolled her eyes.
Maya blushed a little. "I'm about to go to work. I don't have much time to talk."
"You skipped on the last matchmaking session. You were supposed to go meet the potential match I set up for you."
"Mom! I hate them! All that smiling and grooming for some guy I have no interest in! I'm happy with where I am." She watched as Ritsuko took out a cigarette and tried to light it. "Stop that!" Maya snatched the cigarette away from her beloved. "No, Mom, I was talking to my roommate. She was about to smoke while wearing the patch!"
"Maya, is there something you're not telling me?"
"Me?"
"Is there someone else I should know about?"
"I'll talk to you later." Maya hung up the phone. She shook her head. "I can't believe my mom's already worried about me finding someone to marry. It's so insane."
Ritsuko considered it for a moment. "Just take a dummy boyfriend to your parents' house for a visit. They'll calm down for a while at least. Then once they pressure you, say you broke up with him."
"I can't do that forever."
"It's just until the Angel problem is dealt with."
"Mmmmmm. Who should I take? I can't take Shigeru. Oh, I know! Oh, I know! Makoto Hyuuga!"
"Why him?"
"Well, he won't put the moves on me and he's presentable. Also, he's more likely to be willing to play along. Another factor in his favor is that he's got his heart set on Misato."
"Could work." Ritsuko said, nodding. "It's just like you to come up with him."
Maya blushed at the rare praise. "Well, you taught me everything I know. Oh, eat the soup before it gets cold!"
Then they sat at the breakfast table and drank the soup. Ritsuko then frowned and said, "Where's the coffee?"
"Uh, the coffee machine's broken."
"Maya!"
Maya walked up to Hyuuga in the lunchroom. "Hyuuga, could you do me a favor?"
"Could you come with me to my parents' house and pretend to be my boyfriend? They've been pressuring me to show up to a matchmaking session."
Makoto groaned. "Me? Why not Shigeru?"
"Shigeru will take it too seriously. Please, just once."
"But I only know you from work. I don't know anything about what you do after work."
"You can pretend to be a relatively new boyfriend. Just nod and smile. You'll get a free dinner out of it."
Makoto shook his head no. "It's too embarrassing."
Maya then sighed and said, "I'll sweeten the deal." She pulled a few photos of Misato in lingerie, dead drunk in a stupor. "These are from a pajama party from a few weeks back. What do you think?"
Makoto's nose totally erupted in a hurricane of blood. "Oh, my God!"
"I'll give them to you for free if you do this one thing for me! What say you?"
"One fake date!"
"Yes."
"You've got yourself a deal."
Maya hugged him and said, "Thank you very much!"
Unfortunately, it was at that minute Shigeru walked in. His left eyebrow twitched and his lips went into a fine line. "Thank you for what?"
Maya said, "Uh, he's going to help me with a project."
"What kind of project?" said Shigeru. "Need more help?"
"Uh, no." Maya walked out of there quickly.
Shigeru glared at Makoto. "What is going on?'
"It's nothing, really. Nothing! It's just that she needs some really boring data typed in over the weekend." Makoto sighed as Shigeru walked out, pissed. Why is it that I feel that this is just the beginning, he thought.
As Maya and Makoto took the train out to the station where her parents were going to pick her up, Makoto said, "Look, Maya, why don't you just tell them you don't want to go to these things."
"You don't know my parents. They're insane and obsessed. They want me to hatch them a ton of grandkiddies."
"Is there something you aren't telling me?"
"Me?"
"Don't you have some sort of crush on Ritsuko?"
Maya nearly laughed. He only knew the barest shadow of it all. "Well. . ."
"Look, I'm just here to get those photos. Don't tell me if you don't want to."
"Why do you care so much for Misato even though you know she's with Kaji? You're the one still doing the laundry."
"There's something about her that's unlike anyone I've ever met. I like it when she's feisty and in control. But I also like it when she's really maternal towards Shinji, Rei and Asuka. I admire her even if she does drink too much beer and has problems with her past. Besides, I think I'm better for her even though I know she loves Kaji. I can see how he's got a charm thing going and women fall for that All I'm saying that you can't run a relationship on that. I can only hope that someday she'll see that."
"It may be a long wait."
"She's still the one for me."
Maya suddenly felt very protective towards Makoto. "I hope someday you'll find someone who'll give you what you deserve."
"Hopefully."
Then they got off at the station and see a couple rush up to them. Maya's parents are actually a nice looking couple, but the first impression Makoto gets of them is the weird glint in their eyes as if they're vampires and he's the first thing they've seen with blood in his veins. Oh, crap, he thinks.
Maya's mother looks like Maya except she's got longer hair mixed in with some white hair and a few laugh lines while her father is a short, balding man with a stocky build. Both are dressed in their best casual clothes. Maya's mother is dressed in a grey dress while her father's wearing a shirt and slacks. "So, you're the Makoto Hyuuga. She didn't tell us that you two were an item. She's always said nice things about you."
"Dad!" said Maya. She had mentioned him before, but in passing, not with any special emphasis. Makoto was turning a ghastly pale.
"We've reserved a table at a nearby restaurant. I hope you like it. We've taken the step of pre-ordering."
As they all walked over to the restaurant, Maya and Makoto looked at each other. This was a restaurant featured in a Tokyo variety show as having the best sushi in the neighborhood and its prices were just as high as the quality. He turns to Mr. and Mrs. Ibuki and says, "I'm sorry, but I can't afford this."
"It's OK, it's on us. But it's so nice that you offered. Don't you love a man with manners?" coos Mrs. Ibuki.
"Sazae, shhh, you're embarassing the man." Then he slaps Makoto on the back. "Do not worry, nothing is too good for Maya's fiance."
"What?" blurts Makoto.
Maya opens her mouth in shock. "Dad, we've just been going out for a little while. It's nowhere near that stage."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I tend to run off at the mouth," the man said, then laughs sheepishly.
They sit down at the table. Makoto begins to sweat while Maya begins to turn red. "So, how did you two meet?" said Mr. Ibuki.
"We met at work," says Makoto. That was true. Maya had drilled him several times with various hypothetical questions. This one he knew down pat.
"Oh, what made you ask Maya out?"
"She's nice and pretty, a very quiet and sensitive type. She's one of the smartest women I know. I like that." Though there's a type I prefer more, thought Hyuuga.
"That's Maya, all right. You are a man of taste," said Mrs. Ibuki.
"Um, you must excuse my wife. Maya's an only child so she dotes on her a little too much."
"I'm also an only child."
"Oh. I bet your parents must also be happy that you've met Maya."
"Uh, I haven't introduced her to them yet. I wanted to see what you had to say first." Makoto said. Oh, man, I've just blown off both my feet with a machine gun.
Maya then thought. If Third Impact is going to happen, let it be now.
"Your lunches are ready," said the waiter.
All four of their lunches were the same and beautiful. There was sea urchin rice with slices of abalone on the side, various kinds of sashimi including hamachi and fatty tuna, and there was a savory egg custuard in a little clay pot. There was also a little bowl of seaweed salad and some steamed Japanese eggplant with miso sauce. But the sight of such expensive food only made Maya and Makoto shiver in fear.
Makoto then turned to the waiter and said, "Do you have any blowfish sushi?'
"I'm sorry, but our chef isn't licensed for that. It's quite deadly you know."
"Yes, I know."
Maya hit him in the ribs with her elbow. You can't leave me like that, your tongue sticking out purple, in front of my parents.
Her parents asked questions like Where were you born? What school did you go to? What are your hobbies? One question really knocked Makoto for a loop. "You're not living together, are you?'
"Of course not! I don't. . ."
"Oh, an old fashioned guy. I love that so much," coos Mrs. Ibuki.
It was a miracle that Maya and Makoto had any appetite to actually eat lunch, but the chef was a whiz. After they were done, Mr. Ibuki then received the bill. Makoto glanced at it, then opened his eyes wide. The bill was 50,000 yen or something like $500 on the current exchange rate.
Makoto nearly passes out. Maya said, "Dad, you can't possibly. . . That is so much money!"
"It's been a year since you've been home. Of course, we'll splurge a little. Makoto, how about a few beers?"
Luckily, Maya had programmed her beeper to beep after two hours. She picked it up and said, "Um, Makoto and I have to get back to our very important work that the world depends on, don't we Makoto?"
"Yes, work important." he says. Both bolt out the door and hop on the train home. If someone had been clocking their time, they would've discovered several world records for sprinting were totally anihillated.
On the way back, Makoto said to Maya, "Never, ever put me through that again!"
"You really earned those pictures. I'm so sorry." She handed him the little package with the pictures. He put it in his breast pocket.
"Well, at least, your parents should calm down for a while. But next time take Shigeru." Makoto took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his face.
"Well, it's over now." said Maya, beaming.
Poor Maya, how wrong she was.
A few uneventful days passed and everything seemed to have been forgotten. Maya was knitting a wool scarf for Ritsuko while Ritsuko was lying on the couch, suffering a headache from nicotine and caffeine deprivation. A little ice pack was on her head. There was a knock on the door, actually it sounded like the bangings of man trying to run away from a demon.
Maya got up and ran to the door. "Makoto, Sempai has a headache!"
"I'm sorry, but the worst thing has happened!" Makoto shuts the door behind him.
"What?"
"Your parents have contacted my parents and told them that I proposed to you!"
"What?" Ritsuko sat up suddenly, headache momentarily forgotten. "You denied it, of course."
"Of course, my heart belongs to Misato only. In fact, I told them that I was in love with Misato. Guess what they said."
"Makoto, calm down!" Maya said.
"They said that I should give up on that hussy. Then they told me that I was bad in leading you on and that I should do the right thing by you. Your parents did a real number on my parents. They just won't believe me."
"Well, I'll just tell them that I broke up with you once I found about your 'hidden' feelings about Misato. It's all my fault. I'll deal with the aftermath."
"It's not either of your fault. It's the grandparent insanity. It's especially strong when both sets of parents have only one kid to pin all their hopes on." said Ritsuko. "I can't think now. I need some coffee and cigarettes for this type of problem."
"No, Sempai! I will deal with it, you just lay down."
Maya picked up the phone and pushed in her parents' number. "Mom, it's me, Maya! Don't go around lying to other people's parents!"
"I was just trying to speed things up," replied Mrs. Ibuki. "You've been working together for how many years now?"
"Well, I've just broken up with him now that I found out he's in love with someone else."
"Oh, Maya, stop being so idealistic. It's not like he's really going out with her. Besides, I sense a nice chemistry between you."
The top of Maya's head popped off. did a triple spin then landed back on her head. "I can't believe my ears."
"Those kind of infatuations end soon enough. Be patient."
"I'm not going to marry him."
Ritsuko snatches the phone away from Maya. "Stop badgering Maya to marry someone who obviously doesn't have feelings. . . How dare you call me an old hag! I'll have you know I'm only a few years older than your daughter! What! You blame me for this! Wait, I'm not Misato! I'm Ritsuko!" She gives the phone back to Maya and throws up her hands. She goes into the bedroom.
"Now you've got Sempai angry at me! I'm hanging up now! I'm hanging up now!" Maya throws the phone at the couch.
Gendo was being, uh, entertained by Ritsuko when he said, "You know, don't you think Maya and Makoto make a really nice cou. . . OWWWWW!"
"Commander Gendo is temporarily in the hospital," says Fuyutsuki.
"What happened?" said Misato.
"Um," said Fuyutsuki. "Male problems."
"Male problems?" said Shinji, confused as always.
"Is it his prostate?" said Shigeru. "I saw something about it on TV."
"Yes, it is most definitely connected to his prostate," said Fuyutsuki, sweatdropping.
"Maya, I heard about you and Hyuuga," said Misato.
"There's no Hyuuga and me!" yelled Maya. She left in a huff.
Misato shook her head. "Poor girl, she's all broken up abou it. I feel so responsible."
She went to the employee's lounge, only to see Makoto arguing with Shigeru. "I have nothing going on with Maya. You've got to believe me."
"Ahem!" said Misato.
"Commander Katsuragi?" said Makoto.
"I need to talk to you."
"OK."
Shigeru stomps out of the room. Makoto smiles at Misato. "What is it?"
Misato folds her hands in front of her and says, "All this nonsense is disruptive to the running of NERV."
"I totally agree with you." At last a rational voice in this madness, he thought as he gazed upon the goddess of his dreams.
"You really should apologize to Maya. She seems so hurt by all this."
Makoto bursts into tears of despair and wails, "NOOOOOOO! .You're the only one I love. I worship you despite the fact your liver is utterly pickled, don't do your own laundry, can't cook, sleep with another man and never looked at me with anything approaching romantic interest. I was just helping Maya avoid more matchmaking sessions set up by her parents. Ask her, she'll tell you this was all a set up. She's really in love with someone else. You've got to believe me!!."
Misato stiffens as she looks past Makoto's shoulder. He turns around as well and turns paler than Rei. Unfortunately, Kaji Ryouji had walked into the room near the beginning of Makoto's little speech. He walks up and says, "Another one of your fans, Katsuragi. Makoto, that was really most amusing, but. . ."
He grabs Makoto by the collar and says, "Don't ever come unto Katsuragi like that again." Makoto faints. Kaji, disgusted, drops him and walks off arm in arm with Misato.
Maya is sitting in the bathtub looking utterly dejected despite the lavendar scented bubble bath. I guess the only thing that will convince my parents that I can't marry Hyuuga is to come out of the closet. But what will happen to Sempai, she thought. Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed into both hands.
There's a knock on the door. "Maya, are you crying?"
"No, Sempai." But her voice breaks, betraying her.
Ritsuko walks in. "Maya, it's been too hard for you, hasn't it?" She puts the toilet lid down and sits down. "I haven't been treating you right, ignoring you at work, not even putting a picture of you on my desk."
"But Sempai. . ."
"I think the only way your parents will give up if they knew the truth. I'm willing to come with you to their house and explain things."
"Sempai!"
Ritsuko sighed. "I'm going to need a dozen nicotine patches for this meeting."
Ritsuko, Hyuuga and Maya all drive over to Maya's parents house. Maya's parents smile at the sight of the group as they open the door. It's a very small house with a driveway that looks like it's at a 45 degree angle. They take off their shoes and slip into the guest slippers near the door.
Ritsuko turns to the parents and says, "Maya has something very important to tell you. And I think you better be sitting down when you hear it."
"My wife was just making tea. Woman, boil up some more water!"
Makoto, Ritsuko and Maya all sit down at the table and wait patiently. As her cheerful parents sit down, teacup in hand. Maya swallows hard and says, "Father, mother, I'm a lesbian."
Maya's father looks like he's just popped several veins in his head while Ms. Ibuki says, "Yes, and. . ."
This was not a response they were expecting. "What do you mean, and. . ."
"You can still marry and have kids if you're gay."
"What?" shrieks Makoto.
"It's not nice to shock your fiance with such shocking news." says Mrs. Ibuki.
"She's been living with me for years," says Ritsuko. "I'm her girlfriend." To illustrate her point, she puts her arm around Maya, while Maya leans her head on Ritsuko's shoulder.
There is a very strange, almost deadly silence in the air. Maya's father leans his head forward as if it has become full of heavy thoughts. "I see everything now."
"Really," squeals Maya. "I'm so glad. I. . ."
"It's obvious this old hag has abused her power and turned you into her plaything. Makoto, you . . . Where the hell did he go?" As Makoto had sprinted out of the house the microsecond everyone else's attention were focused elsewhere.
"Oh, he must be so upset by this news." wails Mrs. Ibuki. "Hurry and go after him."
Ritsuko kneads her temples. "This is so unromantic, but. . . Mr. and Mrs. Ibuki, I would like your daughter's hand in marriage."
Maya jumps up and down with joy. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Ibuki's faces suddenly look pained, rather like two people will look the moment they are hit by lightning. Ritsuko takes Maya by the hand and they leave the house before her parents can do something very, very hasty.
Maya says, "Sempai, I'm so happy even if you didn't mean it."
"Oh, I meant it, all right. Now lets get the hell away from here before they recover from their shock." With that, Ritsuko revved up the motor and they drove off back to NERV.
Recovering from her shock several hours later, Mrs. Ibuki turns to her husband and says, "Well, at least she's a doctor."
THE END