((Welcome to my first fan fiction effort.  NGE is a very fine series, 
but I decided to experiment with one change ­ Gendou allows Rei to join 
the class trip to Okinawa.  She deserves a little R&R.  All standard 
disclaimers regarding copyright apply....  John Lane, August 1998/Jan. 
2000))

     Ayanami Rei stared out the window, watching with a misleadingly 
blank gaze as the ground crew finished their work and retreated.  Soon 
the much-anticipated trip to Okinawa would commence.  The inevitable 
safety lecture began as attendants pointed out the emergency exits and 
demonstrated the oxygen masks and floating seat cushions.  Rei paid 
attention, noting the exits with practiced efficiency.
     *This aircraft seems frail.  The hull isn't even armored.  If it 
does crash, there will be few survivors, if any.  Those in the rear 
section might have a better chance of survival.*  For a moment, she 
stopped her musing as she remembered she was in the tail as well.  *If 
we crash over water, I will have to swim.  Perhaps back to Japan.*  The 
thought, while morbid, did not entirely displease her.

     Okinawa was still a large island even after the rising seas 
following Second Impact claimed the low-lying areas.  The stable climate 
promoted rapid growth of corals, and many of the drowned towns and camps 
were home to new reefs.  In Hanoko, the students from Tokyo 3 learned 
how to use the scuba gear that would allow them to explore the town's 
sunken namesake.  Rei, known to ignore class, surprised her peers by 
following the instruction minutely.  She seemed almost eager, but that 
was easy enough to overlook.  Everyone was eager.
     When at last the time came for the first dive, Rei was glad for the 
rush of bubbles that concealed her entry into the warm water.  Had 
anyone seen the look on her face, there would have been a constant 
stream of tiresome questions....
     The clear water embraced her, welcoming her into itself.  The muted 
noises seemed to whisper to her.  She found herself drawn to the deeper 
waters, relishing the wider range the dive guides granted as the 
children gained experience.  The scuba equipment granted her freedom 
from the surface air.  Rei's initial display of joy faded quickly; not 
for lack of joy, but for a surplus.  She was almost literally in her 
element.  Other children sometimes bruised or nicked themselves on the 
coral, leading to speculation: would coral polyps grow in the 
bloodstream?  The pale-skinned girl paid no mind, swimming with grace 
and receiving not a scratch.  
     *So familiar, yet alien and beautiful,* she thought. *Flashes of 
light, muffled sounds.  Warm and cold currents running side-by-side, 
almost invisible.  The swim guide, luring fish with a can of... 
Interesting.  It seems that swimming with "Cheese-Whiz" makes one 
immensely popular with fish.*  Rei willed her internal monologue off and 
swam several loops.
     The sea life fascinated her.  Small and colorful fish darted into 
crevices at the approach of a diver, then reappeared in a chromatic 
explosion when no threat showed.  Larger fish cruised in the deeper 
water, less colorful but bolder.  One turned as Rei swam towards it and 
met her halfway.  Fish and girl regarded each other, drifting gently in 
a current as black and red eyes locked gazes.  The fish swam away after 
several long moments.  *What does a fish see when it sees me?* She might 
normally have thought.  *Does it see the same as a person?*  She didn't 
question herself; for once it never occurred to her.  There was too much 
to see and do, to enjoy.

     Suzuhara, one of Ikari's friends, approached her during a beachside 
lunch.  She was eating alone, as usual, but the mood of the trip was 
affecting even her.  
     "Suzuhara," she said.  Touji, taken aback when Rei spoke first, 
muttered for a second before remembering his errand.
     "Hi, Ayanami.  Um, some of us are going to explore the sunken town 
this afternoon, and..." *And she's staring at me.  Doesn't she ever 
blink?*  "We wondered if maybe you'd like to come, too."
     This time Rei was taken aback.  She blinked once, to Touji's inward 
satisfaction, and considered her reply.  "No, thank you," she said.  "I 
plan to swim out to that island."  She pointed to the exposed peak of 
one of the remaining islets surrounding Okinawa.  It was about a half-
kilometer from shore.
     "The water's deep over there.  Aren't you worried about sharks and 
stuff?  You might get eaten."
     Rei's thoughts turned from the green and brown speck of land to an 
old memory, and a chill passed through her.  Hands, cold around her 
throat...  "There are worse ways to die," she said, even softer than 
usual.  Touji decided then and there that he'd had enough, and beat a 
hasty path to his friends.  The other children left her alone after 
that.

     The full moon gave Rei plenty of light as she walked quietly to the 
shore.  The guides had not taken her to the islet after all, and she 
intended to go there herself before the class left Okinawa in the 
morning.  She brought no scuba tank to rattle and reveal her; fins and a 
mask would suffice.  Ghostlike, she entered the water and adjusted the 
fins.  Then she lowered her face just under water and watched for leaks.
     *It wouldn't do to get water in my eyes.  They might get irritated 
and red.*  She did not quite smile, but the though amused her, and that 
was enough.
     *The moon and sea are mine.  No noisy children.  No dour adults.  
Nobody except... What?*  Rei submerged as she felt something approach.  
A dim shape slowly clarified in the water as she felt the icy crawl of 
memory again.  *A seasnake.  Two meters long and coming closer.  And 
I...can't move.  What is wrong with me?*  She drifted briefly as the 
snake passed under her arm and into the distance.  *And now, no snake.* 
The fact that she'd never seen a snake, much less been afraid of one, 
escaped her for some time.

     Rei crawled onto the islet and found a spot under a palm tree, 
facing the moon and hidden from the shore.  She removed her mask and 
fins, then sat down on a flat rock.  Slowly a change came over her 
features.
     *Smiling.  I'm happy, so happy.  I don't know why, and I don't 
care.  Look at the moon, the water reflecting the moon... So beautiful.*  
Rei forced her smile wider and found that in a moment she didn't have to 
force it any more.  *I want to hold it.  I want to be in that light, 
looking down at the Earth.  I want to look down and see the ocean 
forever...*
     *I cannot stay.  I'm needed elsewhere, used elsewhere*.  Rei's 
smile faded slowly.  *My life is not my own.  My lives?*
     *Yes, if it comes to that.  It is why I was created, to serve 
Commander Ikari.  It is my joy and purpose.*  A chill seemed to pass 
over Rei's throat, and her pale lips abandoned their brave smile.
     *It is my purpose and my curse.  If I should die again, will I 
really die? Will I lose a little more of myself?  Will I lose this?*  
Red eyes, shining with happiness, sparkled ever more as moisture came 
unbidden.  *I serve the Commander.  I serve Man.  When do I serve 
Ayanami?* 
     *Who serves me?* she pleaded silently to the moon.   
     Ayanami Rei curled into a ball on the wide, flat rock and cried.  
She cried quietly and profusely, wracked by inhuman sorrow.  She cried 
tears enough for several lifetimes, until the hollows in the rock under 
her were filled.  She cried until the lightening sky in the east 
threatened to rob the moon of its glory.
     *I'm still sad, so sad,* she thought, rising at last.  *But the sea 
is still so beautiful...* Carefully Rei made her way back to shore and 
into town.  

     The plane returning to Tokyo 3 carries among its passengers a 
strange and bittersweet girl.  She has her answer now.  Rei will return 
to her duties and meet her fate, but she will keep the memories of 
light, and water, and joy.  Small offerings mean much to one with 
little.  And on a tiny islet just off Okinawa, a salty puddle sits as 
another kind of offering.  The birds avoid it, and palm leaves lean in 
the wind to shade it.  The puddle takes a long time to evaporate, and 
the wind sounds like a regretful sigh...