Shinji Ikari, Exposed

An Evangelion fanfic by Kei Masaki
(keiichi-dono@geocities.com)

Eva don't belong to me, it belongs to Anno-sensei and
Gainax, yatta yatta yatta.

This is the mirror side of "Asuka Langley, Exposer" by
Ka-Wing Tam, preapproved and proofread by the writer
herself.  If you want the original, email her
(tamkawing@yahoo.com) or go to SDAT.

I had a dream, you know.
In that dream, you were nice.
In that dream, you looked at me tenderly.  You let me hold
you, and you hugged me back.  And when I kissed you--to
think, me being the one initiating!--you looked surprised,
but oh so daintily returned it, snuggling against me.
I wish I were still asleep.
I wish I were fighting an Angel.
I wish I were anywhere but here.
There you are in front of me, your face twisted into a nasty
sneer as you hook me up to this contraption.  Don't you know
how much prettier you are when you're not trying to be so...
no, I won't let myself think that about you.
No matter how much you deserve it...
"I don't want you chickening out in the middle of this, so
I'll cut you a deal," you say nonchalantly. "In the case
that you DO chicken out, you'll have to do the dishes for a
month.  Deal?"
"A month?!" I yelp.  Not for the first time, the question
"What the HELL do you see in her?!" floats through my head.
Squelching that, I acquiesce.  Some things simply aren't
worth fighting over. "Oh, whatever."
Your sneer turns triumphant as you ask your first question.
"Have you ever kissed Rei Ayanami?"
Oh, hell... I can already hear that damned rumor mill
grinding to life.  My face already feels like someone
slammed it into a hibachi...
"Wha-wha-wha-wha?!" Oh, great one, Ikari, I chide myself.
The rest of the class seems to be taking my reaction as
confirmation.  The grin on Kensuke's face alone is almost
enough for "justifiable homicide."  The oohs and ahhs get
even louder when they notice that Ayanami is blushing too...
And you, my dear fraulein, are no help at all. "Well, have
you?"
I can't meet your eyes, not when they're like that, not when
you're like this...
"No."
Funny, that look on your face is almost worth this trouble.
True to form, though, you recover quickly, and attack from
another angle. "Have you ever held Rei Ayanami's hand?"
A feminine cough grabs the attention of everyone in the
room.  I don't need to look to know that it's Ayanami.  A
few of the girls giggle, and I note Kensuke giving you a
thumbs-up.
Kensuke, omae wo korosu...
"No," I repeat, shaking my head.
Now the look on your face is almost priceless.  You're at
your most attractive when you're like this, when you let me
see past your façade of superiority and catch a glimpse of
the girl underneath.
My luck being what it is, though, that little gap disappears
quickly, and you have another question.  "Do you have a
crush on any girl in this class?"
Unfortunately, I can't evade this one.  I try twice to give
a snappish replay--and fail--before finally choking out,
"Yes."
The audience reacts--"oohs" and "ahhs" from the girls,
noncommittal grunts from the boys.  I see the uncertainty on
your face slowly dissolving, being replaced by renewed
confidence.
It shows in your voice as you ask the next question. "Is she
in this room?"
Ah, Asuka, if only you knew...
"Yes!" Yes, DAMMIT, is what I want to say right now...
Now comes the surprising part. "He is SO cute!" "Please,
please let it be me!" or so say many of the unattached girls
of the class.  The cute ones, too.  You look surprised to,
as if the thought of any girl finding me attractive is so
unthinkable.  That façade is starting to show another crack,
albeit a small one...
 "Three questions left," you declare, triumph in your
voice.  "Does the lucky girl--" I cringe as your lips curve
into a sneer when you say those words "--have red eyes?"
My gaze shifts to Ayanami's face, which is doing a passable
tomato impression.  Everyone else's eyes are on her as
well.  Gomen, Ayanami, for putting you in this position.
"No."
Your face falls again, and your number-two expression--the
"dammit I'm not gonna let you get one up on me!" look--rises
in its place. "Brown eyes, then?"
You know, this would be so much easier if it were Miho from
the volleyball team, or Keiko the home ec. whiz, or Aya the
swim team captain, or even Hikari.  I could go for having a
cheerful girl shyly offering me a bento box.  I wish I
wanted someone who was nice and gentle...
"No."
You look completely lost. "I don't see anyone without brown
or red eyes," you stage whisper to Kensuke.
Like I said, this would be so much easier if I had a crush
on someone who was nice...
"We can," Kensuke replies quietly.
...but no.  I had to go and fall for you, the girl who lives
to torment me...
Your expression changes once again as you become aware of
all the eyes on you.  Once again I see through your armor,
see the scared, vulnerable girl that I can't get out of my
mind.
Much as I wish I could.
For once, your voice isn't inflected with disdain or
arrogance.  Instead it sounds almost... scared. "Is she... is
she a stuck-up idiot?" Your eyes are staring at the floor,
as if afraid to look up.
"Yes." My voice is no louder. "And she has blue eyes."

I had a dream, you know...


This was prompted by a dream I had, almost the mirror image
of the one Shinji describes in the beginning.  Come to think
of it, the girl was remarkably similar to Asuka...