The Death of One Authored by Godsend777 Do not post without permission All characters copyright GAINAX All situations just happen ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Death of One Part 5.1 - 'You're Not Mine' Tears/Don't Cry For Me ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Shinji sits in a darkened hospital room, waiting for Rei to get back with the supplies he'll need to resume his life. He sits on the bed, methodically clenching and unclenching his hand. Next to him lie several file folders, each one bearing a different name and picture. He hasn't read them. He knows the names, but he doesn't want to read them. Instead, he tries to remember names and faces he's never met; people he's never seen; situations he's never been in. His guardian and the place he lived in. His co-workers and the areas of NERV. His classmates and the school they went to. Asuka. He slumps, suddenly feeling lightheaded. After a few seconds he regains himself and tries again. It works better this time. He remembers specific places and events, but they are fogged heavily in his mind. But he remembers a phrase. No, more like a mantra. 'I mustn't run away.' And another. 'I mustn't be afraid.' However, it was not a statement that applied to the here and now. By hitting his father, he has already proved that he was not going to run away, that he was not going to be afraid. Now, it was more of a statement of 'Where do I go?' and 'What do I do?' Fear and running away had no place in his life anymore. He had a new mission now, an objective to achieve. He remembered it the moment he hit his father. But it doesn't feel right. Not this new mission, not these new memories, and not this new outlook. It wasn't him. It wasn't Shinji Ikari. That disturbs him. By the time Rei comes back with his clothes and other things, one clear thought prevails through his head: He is not Shinji Ikari. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "ASUKA!!" Misato cries as she bursts into the redhead's room, startling her from her thoughts. "Huh?" Asuka replies. She gently sets her locket on her nighttable. "It's Shinji!" She cries. "He's ALIVE!" Without pausing to get dressed, Asuka runs to the car. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Ikari?" "Yes, Ayanami?" Shinji replies while focusing on putting a brown contact in his right eye. After a few tries, he succeeds. "Are you...really Ikari?" He looks towards her, and she meets his gaze steadfast. "..." "I did not think so..." "So you know?" He says as he picks up the second contact. "Yes." "Does it bother you? That I am not him?" He attempts to place it in his left eye. It drops back onto his finger. "Yes." "I see... I apologize." "What for?" "Because you are now disappointed in me." Rei thinks for a minute, watching the boy try to put in his contact lens. "I am also a little relieved." "Why?" She moves a little closer to him, gently placing her hand on his right arm. "That there is someone like me." "I don't understand." She faces the mirror before him, and they both gaze at their reflections. Shinji's one red eye; not covered by a contact lens; makes contact with Rei's crimson orbs. Both teen's skin is a deathly pale, and each one has tattered, unkempt, off-color hair. "We are like brother and sister now. We share a common bond, both genetically and...otherwise." "But-" "The Angel DNA that makes a part of us bonds us, as well as our experiences with Eva." "I-" "As well as our experiences with Him." "Hmmm..." He finally succeeds in putting the second contact in, but it makes him flinch when it stings his eye. "Try these." Rei says as she hands him some drops. "Thank you." He uses them, and feels momentary relief. "Does that make you truly happy? That we are now in that position, the one of brother and sister?" "A little." She whispers as she touches the side of his face. She gently wipes away some saline that has run down his cheek. "But it also makes me sad." "Why?" "Because," she begins, leaning closer to him. "We may never be more than that." She stares into his eyes; those that were once red now have a dull brown replacing them. "Do they look okay?" He finally asks, breaking the silence. "Ikari-kun's eyes were not brown." "Hmmm..." "SHINJI!!!" A desperate voice turns his attention to the door. A panting Misato stands there, unsure of what to do. An overjoyed Asuka has no reservations, as she pushes her roommate aside and slams Shinji up against a wall, kissing him passionately. Shinji feels her warm lips part his, and her tongue force its way into his mouth. After a few moments of hesitation, he is lost in the sensation. He wraps his arms around her and returns it the best he can. A voice in the back of his mind screams 'NO!' but he ignores it. Soon, that part of his mind is silenced by this new sensation. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Asuka runs her hands up Shinji's back, feeling the closeness of his body. She pushes him harder against the wall, pouring out every bit of frustration, fear, hatred, and any other negative emotion that has occurred since his death into one, passionate kiss. Although at first skeptical about Misato's revelation, at this point she no longer cares. Even if it turns out to be a dream, she will enjoy it to its fullest. She pulls away from him to look into his deep blue eyes, to see that sight she has longed for ever since she learned he was gone. No, before that. Since he turned his head to leave that day. The eyes she finds, however, are not blue. They are a lifeless brown, like mass-produced windows of the soul for humans. She blinks her eyes to see if this will dispel the travesty before, but they do not. "You..." She stares into his eyes again, looking hard for any sign of 'her' Shinji. "You..." She doesn't find him. She only finds a person who might have more to do with someone else she knew... "You're not..." Another pilot. She glances behind this 'Shinji' to see Rei, who looks down to the ground at her gaze. "You're not my Shinji." She almost whimpers. "YOU'RE NOT MY SHINJI!!" She screams, lashing her hand out at the boys' face, knocking him to the ground. He stands up slowly, as a contact lens fall from his eye like a tear. "W-who are you?" She whimpers; looking at this boy with her loved one's face. "Who are you?" Shinji stands up, and wipes a trickle of blood away. He looks at her in confusion, as if trying to sort out the sensations that she has brought with her. The sensations she forced upon him. But Asuka doesn't notice this. The only thing she sees is the color of his left eye. "No..." She whispers. "No..." she backs up, knocking the back of her knees on the bed behind her. "Why is your eye red?" "Because-" Shinji begins. "Because he is not Shinji Ikari. At least, not how you knew him." Everyone turns to stare at the new addition to the hospital room. Ritsuko looks back, her face devoid of emotion, as if the task before her is not one she was looking forward to. In reality, it is. While it may be distasteful, she yearns for the chance to finally be honest with her friend. "Ritsuko! What's going on here!?" Misato yells. "Misato. If I may speak to you and Asuka alone..." "NO!! Tell me what's going on!! Tell me right now!!" Asuka demands, stamping her foot on the ground. "... Very well." Ritsuko shuts the door behind her, and looks up at the corner of the ceiling where a security camera hangs. "Rei, could you?" "Of course, Dr. Akagi." The young girl slides a nearby chair over the corner. She then steps onto it, and reaches out to the camera. In one, swift move, she rips it from the ceiling. "Shinji, you may as well take out your other contact. And don't worry about the hair dye. It seems we couldn't fool them." The scientist says, a hint of sadness in her voice. She looks at Misato and Asuka, the former glaring at her in hatred, the latter tapping her foot impatiently. "This Shinji before you... is not the real Shinji." "I know." Asuka says coldly, glancing over her shoulder at 'Shinji.' The boy ignores her. "He's... a clone of the... original Shinji." Ritsuko winces, expecting the two females to either verbally or physically assault her, or worse. Instead, she hears the door slam shut, and opens her eyes to see Misato seething with anger. "I will go and get Sohryuu." Rei states, as she leaves the room. After she leaves, Shinji starts to close the door to the bathroom. "I will be changing. Please do not enter." He says. Misato waits until she sees the door shut, than turns to Ritsuko. "You... played God again, didn't you?" "I'm sorry, Misato, but there-" "SHUT UP!" Misato screams before slamming Ritsuko up against the wall. "WHAT ABOUT RESPECT FOR THE DEAD!?!" She yells into the doctor's face. "WHAT ABOUT ALL THE CRAP WE HAD TO GO THROUGH!?!" She slams her back against the wall again, knocking Ritsuko's glasses off her face. The fall limply to her chest; their savior being a black band that is attached to its frame. "WHAT ABOUT WHAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH AGAIN!?!" She yells into her face, spit splattering across Ritsuko's face. "WHAT ABOUT REI'S FEELINGS!?!" She slams her against the wall a third time. Her anger is clearly visible in the sneer across her face. Later, when Ritsuko would look back onto this moment, she would have chosen to witness another of Unit-01's rampages as opposed to her friend's face. "OR ASUKA'S FEELINGS!?!" She slams her again, this time Ritsuko's head cracks against the wall. Her vision becomes bleary for a second, before correcting itself for the next blow. "OR BETTER YET, WHAT ABOUT ASUKA'S HEART!?!" She screams last, finally relaxing both her face and her hold on the doctor. She suddenly slumps, her grip on Dr. Akagi's shoulders turning from one of force to one of need. "What about my heart?" She asks as her grip continues to weaken. Soon, she no longer speaks any words, but cries into the chest of her friend. Ritsuko looks blankly at the other side of the room for a moment, before sliding her arms around Misato, hugging her tightly. She leans her head down, her own tears falling on Misato's jacket, and speaks softly. "Better to break your heart... than to lose your soul..." Meanwhile, Shinji closes the door, having witnessed the entire spectacle unnoticed. He touches his hand to his lips, before speaking. "Did... you have to go through this as well..." He looks into the mirror, waiting for an answer. "Shinji?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "My God! The nerve of that girl!" A nurse speaks to herself as she walks out of the bathroom. Her makeup is half-finished, and she appears very irate. "Telling everyone to get out of the bathroom! I don't care if she is an Eva pilot, she-" "Excuse me." "Ah, yes, Rei?" She asks politely. This was the only child left who didn't complain at all when she was hospitalized. Poor Shinji... "Did Pilot Sohryuu just chase you out?" "Yes she did! I can't believe that little-" "Thank you." She walks away from the nurse, and slowly opens the door to the ladies' restroom. "Get out..." Asuka says, tears streaming down her cheeks. Rei looks at this girl, who, in the days since Shinji's death, has become her friend. "Please, Rei... I don't want anyone to see me cry..." Asuka wipes her tears away in vain. Her head is hung over the sink before her. The mirror in front of her is cracked, a small bloodstain marring the center of the web-like fracture. She looks over to Asuka's right hand and sees her knuckles bloodied. "...Not now..." "I will not leave you, Sohryuu." "Please..." Rei slowly walks over to her, and puts her hand on her shoulder. Asuka weakly pushes it off, but Rei places it back on. "I do not wish to see you sad..." Her red eyes stare at Asuka's red hair, waiting for her friend to say something. After a few moments, She finally speaks. "Why?" Again, Asuka wipes the tears from her face. "Why did this happen?" She looks up to Rei for either an answer or for guidance, something to help her through this. Just as she helped Rei earlier. "Because Commander Ikari willed it to happen." "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!" Asuka screams, flailing her arms out. She knocks Rei's arm off her shoulder, causing the girl to step backwards in surprise. Then, she grabs her by the shoulders and stares into her red eyes. "PLEASE!! TELL ME!! WHY... WHY DOES ALL THIS HAPPEN!?!" Rei sees her friend's eyes filled with pity and fear. Even worse, she sees her friend begging her for an answer. An answer she cannot give. "PLEASE!!" Rei looks away. She feels... hurt. "I'm sorry, Sohryuu. I... I do not know why..." "No..." Asuka falls to her knees, her hands sliding down Rei's school uniform until they reach the hem of her skirt. She clutches it suddenly, leaving small fingerprints of blood on its blue fabric. Then she lets go, her hands falling limp to her sides. Rei kneels before her, and embraces her. "Do you hate him? Do you hate this Shinji?" "Yes..." "Why?" "Because... he's not real... he's not mine..." "Because he is a clone?" "...Yes." "Do you hate me for being a clone as well?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "She's what!?" "As I said, Rei is a clone." "Of... of who?" "I'm sorry, Misato. I can't say." "But..." "Please don't ask, Misato. I don't think of her like that, anyway. I think of her as a friend. Lately, she's been like family." Misato looks up to ceiling of the hospital's cafeteria. They had left Shinji in the hospital room to wait for Asuka and Rei to come back. He wasn't feeling hungry, and still had to familiarize himself with some more files, anyway. "So... you... cloned him?" "We had to, Misato. The Fifth Children hasn't been found yet." "But... what about the confusion it's going to create!?" "It will have to be dealt with." "But-" "Misato, there are still two more Angels, as well as other 'factors' that might prove to be detrimental to humanity's future." Katsuragi looks at her with slight disgust. "I hate it when you get logical like that, Ritsuko." Dr. Akagi ponders over this a second, before countering with a question of her own. "Do you hate me as well, Misato?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Rei?" "Do you hate me for not being the original Rei Ayanami?" "I don't..." "There was really no me to begin with. I was cloned from another, and then again when I died the first time." "I don't understand..." "However, each new Rei has its own life. We each have our own personality, as well as reasons." "..." "I am Rei the second. I hope to also be the last." Asuka momentarily stops crying as she turns over this new information in her head, before realizing a certain fact. "You said you were cloned from someone, and then died. That means there was no 'original' Rei Ayanami." "You are correct." "Then..." "I am sorry. I... cannot say." A look of confusion crosses the young redhead's face. "I will leave now." Rei states. She stands up, and turns to go through the door. "Rei..." Asuka says as she stands up. "Yes?" "I don't hate you..." Asuka whispers out, looking down to the ground. Rei looks at her friend, a small smile lighting her face. She then walks back to Asuka, and embraces her. "Thank you..." She says softly as she begins to cry. She doesn't know why, but to hear Asuka finally say it, to hear her finally admit... makes her happy. They stand there for a while, crying quietly on each other's shoulders. To anyone that would have walked in, they might have thought it was a strange sight. After all, everyone knew the pilot of Unit-02 hated the pilot of Unit-00. But to those that knew better, they would have suspected something else, something far more positive. And if that person were Shinji, he might have smiled and watched thankfully as two of the most important women in his life finally accepted each other. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "I don't know anymore, Ritsuko..." Misato says, looking down to the ground. "I see..." "You've kept me in the dark too long. You and Commander Ikari's stupid little secrets." She sips her coffee, hoping to calm her nerves. More importantly, hoping the caffeine will wake her from this dream. "I'm sorry." The doctor whispers out. "What?" "I'm sorry, Misato." Misato regards her for a minute, before sipping her coffee again. "It's too late now." She says, her voice bitter from disgust. "I know... but this past week with Rei has... been helpful." "Hmm?" "She... just has so many questions." Ritsuko looks out the cafeteria window overlooking the Geofront, a contented look in her eyes. "We've talked about so many things. People, places, even emotion." Misato sips her coffee again, although her interest in the doctor and Rei's activities is evident in her eyes. "I remember our conversation on desire." Ritsuko chuckles. Misato chokes on her coffee. "Rei!? Asked about... that!?" She sputters. "Yeah. Apparently, Asuka wasn't the only one with feelings for Shinji." "Oh my God! You're kidding! Rei wanted Shinji... like that!?" The Major stares at her companion wide-eyed, waiting for her to take back what she said. "Yes. She felt very strongly for him. I guess even someone like her still has to answer to her hormones at that age." Ritsuko sighs, tracing the rim of her mug with her finger. A relieved smile crosses Misato's face. To her, it felt good to know that Rei was just a normal girl after all. However, she frowns quickly as the current problem enters her mind. "Well, back to Shinji..." She begins, before finishing up the last of her coffee. "I'm sorry, but he can't stay with me." "Why not?" "Because Asuka's right. He's NOT the Shinji I love." "How can you be so sure?" "Because... I just know. And I trust Asuka's intuitions." "Then..." "I don't know. Perhaps with you?" "No... my apartment only holds two, and Maya's been staying with me since her apartment was destroyed by the 14th." Ritsuko looks away. Misato raises an eyebrow. "Well, I won't have him in my apartment. I'm sure Asuka feels the same way." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "I won't let him live with us." Asuka states as her and Rei walk back to Shinji's hospital room. "Why not?" "I loved Shinji, but that's not Shinji. Not the Shinji I love, at least. Looking at him makes me feel sick." As if to add to her statement, Asuka scrunches up her face in disgust. "..." "It just... bugs me. I can't explain it." "I do not feel that way." Rei begins as she smoothes out her dress. "I feel... happy to see him." "Why?" "Because now there is something to remind me of him." "I can give you a picture..." "It is not that. It feels good to know that someone like me exists. That I am no longer alone." Asuka glances at her, before looking down to the ground. "I wish I could look at it like that, but I can't. The only person that I... love... is him. And that's not him." "Asuka..." Rei says, before touching Asuka's hand gently. "!" "I wish I could understand your feelings." She leans closer to Asuka; her face only inches from her hers. "R-Rei..." Asuka blushes. She looks around for anyone watching, before turning back to Rei. She is still close to her face, her crimson eyes penetrating her soul. "We'd... better get back to Misato." She finally suggests. "Of course." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Shinji places another file on the bed before him. He picks up the last one, one with a picture of a man stapled to it. Across the bottom of the picture is a series of numbers, denoting his current status. However, it is the plain, red stamp of deceased across the document that draws his attention. He flips though the file, a few memories coming back to him. Something about a friendly smile. And the smell of watermelons... "What... what does that say?" Asuka asks, staring at the file in Shinji's hands in horror. "It says he is deceased." Shinji says plainly. "Oh, no... no please... not him too..." Asuka's hands slowly make her way to her face, then to her hair, before grabbing the sides of her head in pain. "I can't take much more of this..." She mumbles. Shinji offers a quizzical look, while Rei tries to pull Asuka's hands back down from her sides. "What's going on!?" Misato demands as she walks through the door. "K-Kaji..." Asuka manages to get out before slumping to her knees. This action nearly pulls down Rei with her. "Oh, shit! Ritsuko, tell Shinji about what's going on! I gotta get Asuka home!" "..." "Please!" "Alright, Misato. But I expect a full explanation later." "Come by the apartment tonight. I'll give you one then." She says, trying to get Asuka to her feet. "Fine." Misato roughly picks her roommate up before forcing her out the door. "What is going on?" Shinji asks. "... You will be assigned new living quarters. Apparently, Major Katsuragi doesn't want you living with her." Ritsuko absently jots some information down on her clipboard in order to avoid his gaze. "..." "Then he will live with me." Rei states. Both sets of eyes quickly turn toward her. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Asuka..." Misato says softly as she drives home. "K-Kaji..." "Asuka..." "Why...? Why... you too?" She doesn't bother to wipe her eyes. Instead, the tears fall down, soaking her nightshirt. "He's alright, Asuka..." She turns to her guardian in hope, but in light of recent events, her hope is quickly dimmed. "Probably as another clone or something..." She mutters through her tears. "No, he had to leave the country." "Wha-" "You heard about his 'other job,' correct?" "... Yeah. I was... very disappointed..." 'You weren't the only one.' Misato thinks before continuing. "Well, he had to leave the country, and we kinda... faked his death." "WHAT!?!?!" "SHHHH! Don't say it to anyone! Everyone at NERV thinks he's dead! If they knew he was alive, they'd have him killed!" "So I can't see him?" She asks as she wipes her face on the shoulders of her shirt. "No... I'm sorry." "I... wondered where he was this past week. I guess now I know..." "Well, the only thing I know is that I'm breaking out another six-pack after tonight's events." Misato says grimly. "If I have to through anymore emotional trauma..." "Misato..." "Hmm?" "Not tonight, Misato..." "Why not?" "Because... I want to talk to you..." "About?" "I don't know. I don't care. I just want to talk to you without you getting drunk..." "...Okay, Asuka. We'll do just that." "Thank you..." She silently mouths. As they drive home, Asuka smiles to herself at her small victory. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- INTERLUDE 1: "So, Agent Ryouji, what do you have to report?" Kaji adjusts his shoulder patch before beginning his report. Even to someone with his cool, talking before this panel is still very unnerving. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe that NERV and SEELE are up to no good." He gives a mock wave of his hand to his audience. "And what proof do you have?" "Well, if you would direct your attention to the slides before you, you will see." The presentation lasts for over two hours. Various slides of documents, places, and people highlight the speech. However, Kaji saves his best pictures for last. The first of the last two is a picture of an embryonic form. "This is Adam. As we have found out, 2nd Impact was not caused by a meteorite hitting Earth, but rather the capture of this individual." "We know." A female voice states. Kaji pushes the slide projector's button again. He hears the collective gasp of his 'audience' as they try to realize what it is. "I photographed this cute thing when I stumbled across it. Luckily, the portion of NERV's security that had found me was too busy gaping at it to notice." "What... is it?" "At first I thought this was Adam. But then I saw the briefcase that carried Adam a bit later in Commander Ikari's office. So the question that begs an answer..." Again, he gestures to the picture. "Is what is this?" No one in the room answers. Their gaze is transfixed upon the picture. Finally, a man from the end of the row speaks. "What do you suggest, Agent Ryouji?" Kaji turns his attention fully back to the people sitting behind the table. He thinks thoughtfully for a moment, then smiles. "I think it is time to pay a visit to one of our friends in SEELE." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- To be continued... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Notes and the like: To start out, I apologize for the wait. I was working on a side story for TOILI... If you haven't read it yet, GO DO SO. It's on the TOILI website, and it's called 'For the Sake of Love and Duty.' Tell me what you think. Now, this isn't a full chapter. This will be the first part of three different parts for Chapter 5. That's why it is so short. I put this out for two reasons. One, a lot of people e-mailed me asking where was part 5. So, this way it gets out to those interested. Two, If something didn't get out now, it might never. I'm an RPG freak, and FF 8 comes out next month, which might cut into my time. Also, I have a fanzine I've been working on, and in the coming months I'll be on issue two of that. But I will do my best to finish up part 5.2 as soon as possible. Please forgive the wait. Hopefully, by the end of this year, (very hopefully sooner) the entire series will be done. (And yes, Alain, I'm ripping off your idea. :P) But, again, please forgive the lateness. These fics helped to inspire this project: "The One I Love Is..." By Alain Gravel. "The Child Of Love" By Axel Terizaki "HERZ" By Toh. E. Loong. And to my pre-readers: Alain Gravel - 'The One I Love Is...,' 'Lost Love' Axel Terizaki - 'The Child of Love,' Asuka, Will You Dance With Me?' A1BoogZ - 'Imagine Normality,' as well as the best lemons. Greg Thomas - Owner of the Everything Anime website KoalaKiller - 'A Pilot's Day Off' Jeremy Mullin - 'Double or Nothing' N.T. Martin - 'Step beyond the Abyss' R. Alexander Spoerer - 'Elsewhere' Shadow's Madness - 'Sins of the Past' Daruma - 'Now or Never,' 'Peace' And to all my readers. Thanks!