|
2/25/01
What are we? Are we mammals, animals, even human?
We spend so much energy conquering and destroying, never stopping to just look around and
see what we have caused. We dream to escape what we are. We think only when we have to.
We change ... never. Why do we resist change so much? Is it because we find a comfort in
what we know and have experienced. When driving across the country, through the dreary and
rather plain midwest, full of farms and open fields where you can see for miles in every
direction. You're driving through and suddenly decide to stop and get something to eat. Where
do you stop? The McDonalds, or the taco bell, or the Wendy's. You stop in these fast food
places because you know that they have the same food as the ones back home, you are afraid to
try something new, to change. We waste so much energy resisting change never even wondering
where it will lead. "Victoms, aren't we all." We have created a lack of responsibility for
anything we do. No one is responsible, but when something goes right everyone takes credit.
I was reading on another site how this particular person looks at the question, is the glass
half full or half empty. It is not a matter of if it is half full or half empty, for this
is trivial to the point of the statement. The glass represents our society, a full glass
represents the peak that we as humans can reach. The glass is not half full or half empty,
it is unchanging, constant. And everytime we try to add some more water it springs another
leak, or grows a little bigger. So back to my original question, what are we? We are the
spanish conquistodors, destroying everything unknown to us, too sure of our own rightiousness.
We take the crumpled peice of paper and flatten it out again, not because we need to, but so
it looks like all the others, and is no longer different. We take the wild untamed land and
smooth it out to suite our own needs, never stopping to think of the others that call that
land home. I believe i dwell on the past too much, but is our past not our future? We know
that history repeats itself, and are we not just the most current part of history? Are we
not doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past, and fall like all others before us did. Return
the Earth to silence once more, return it to the peace it has longed for so many ages.
2/24/01
Only in our deepest darkest moments do we begin to
know ourselves. When we no longer look at ourselves through the eyes of others, and know
only what we feel, and what we dream. And when we look unto ourselves and see the void that
has always been there, denied emergance by our minds. For this void is our soul, waiting to
be filled with the dreams and thoughts of others. Only when we understand the void will we
understand ourselves. Know thyself, and know the Universe. We are but one small living part
of the Universe, for there are many others out there, with the same purpose, the same reason
for creation. We are the living extention of the Universe, given life to understand the Universe,
understand ourselves. We are the Universe in manifest, here to study itself. We find comfort
in darkness because we were bred from it. We can be surrounded by an ocean of darkness, but
find comfort in it because we also see a sea of stars, proof that no darkness is complete.
This gives us hope that the void that is our soul will not be shrouded in darkness forever.
Only through understanding the darkness will we understand the light. We are still shrouded
in darkness, unable to escape. We care too much about trivial things, while the important
things are lost in the flow of time, swept out of our path by a current of petty things. We
as a society resist change, we dislike change because we find comfort in comformity, happiness
in slavery. We only use 10% of our brain because that's all we want to use, we are too lazy
to think for ourselves. We are a slave to work, slaves to money, slaves to entertainment.
We are slaves to our way of life. People want nothing more out of life than to survive in a
dying world, stripped of all its ever known, dead of its own too much. Only in our dreams
are we at peace because there is no need to survive. We can do what we want, we can change
reality to appease ourselves. But what is reality? Are our dreams any different from our lives?
Is each person's reality the same or different? Reality is but your perseption of everything.
Each person lives in a unique reality, a unique world that no one else can see or feel. We
cannot see because we cannot connect. We are made to think the same, to think what those
before us want us to think. For the greatest power is thinking for ourselves. You may think
this trivial, but when's the last time you made a decision without being influenced in some
way by our society, by our laws. I say no one has ever made a decision on their own. No one
has ever changed.
2/23/01
Imagine walking to the grocery store, or the mall.
You walk by, staring at the ground because you're too used to seeing the same buildings, the
same street, the same trash on the ground. And you think to yourself, "will we ever change?"
and ofcourse you know, as you have always known, that change is impossible for us. That
disorder and chaos will always prevail over order. It is in that moment that everything
changes. For all you see is a light, the light of inevitability, the end. And you are not
alone in seeing this, for everyone, and everything sees this. And your last thought is,
"how could we let this happen?" Our "grand", "great" civilization has finally fallen, taking
everything with us. Nothing left but random remnants of our past greatness. One trivial
moment has created the ultimate silence, this ultimate peace. For here there is only change,
for nothing stays the same. Life will find a way, and one day, as we already know, history
repeats itself, never changing. We constantly tell ourselves that history repeats itself,
yet we do not believe even ourselves. We have seen history, empires rise and fall, each greater
than the last. Are we not just the next in line? Will we silence ourselves forever again?
In the past lies our future. We can see the past, but cannot go there; we can go to the future
yet we cannot see it. Life is a series of cycles, constantly repeating, occilating, never
changing. Like a battery forever cycles power, until it runs out and gives rise to a new
battery. We live our lives so trivially, and we cannot even see it. All the petty problems
and situations give rise to what? Nothing we do changes anything, nothing stops the runaway
cart heading downhill, for its momentum is too great, even the boulder we throw in its path
is but an insignificant diversion, slowing it down just so the next man can give it a push.
The silence grows on us and life grows anew, destined to repeat itself yet again in the cycle
that is us. We are on a carosel, begining by going up and rising above the ashes of the past,
yet as we reach our peak we are surrounded by clouds, we have forgotted to look back at where
we came from and where we are going. And so we start our discent, slow and unclear at first,
yet always picking up speed until nothing we do can stop the eventual burst to the end, just
to sadly repeat itself again and again, until the carasel begins to rust as if tired of going
around and around, finally stopping, unable to go on. The tired man closes his eyes and
finds a new peace in the silence of the darkness and the gentle slowing of all things. For
the mother of all has given up, pitying the future too much to let it continue. And in the
soft silence of the darkness of space we drift off on an endless journey to nothingness.
2/16/01
So life goes on. Valentines day wasn't too bad, even
though i froze my butt of at my night astronomy lab. But i got to talk to my girlfriend which
made the day rather good. Life is pretty good though. Schools goin good and life has
generally been rather pleasant the last couple weeks. So there's big news in physics, the
standard model is in question and supersymmetry seems to be gaining ground in the particle
physics world. Physics is an odd thing. Its like u get close to understanding it and get
completely confused, and then when u think ur totally lost one little thing will make it
completely clear. Physics is just cool like that.
2/1/01
"Love is a strange thing, like a shadow, it creeps
up on you without your knowing, and once it overtakes you, you are forever lost in the
comfortable darkness that is love, unable to see beyond its simple beauty." -Me
|