Soul Having

 

~Part: 1~

 

"So, what do you think?"

 

"What do I think? What do you mean, what do I think? What is the confusion here, Buff? You know where I stand...nothing's changed."

 

"I know, but Xander, that's just it. It's been months, and nothing. No talking, no listening, no change at all. Maybe we were wrong. Maybe she won't..."

 

"No. She will. It's Willow. She's just, just....hurting, more than any of us understand, and it's just going to take a while....No. It's Willow. It's like Giles said...just ganna take a while."

 

"But he said she may never..."

 

"No! I said no, all right! It's still Willow. She's still in there. When she's ready, she'll come out."

 

"You're right. I know you're right. I just hate this...helplessness. I, I want to help her, to reach her some how and bring her back. And....and I just keep thinking of what she said, that she was never coming back...and....and what if that is true...what if she IS gone. And maybe we should have just put her in a hosp..."

 

"No more!" Xander's fist slammed down hard on the table, causing the two girls to jump. Dawn, whom had chosen to remain silent on this topic for now, gave her sister a worried look. Buffy weakly smiled back.

 

Xander stood up and paced the kitchen, running a hand through his hair. It wasn't as if they hadn't already had this very conversation a dozen times before. But it never got easier to talk about. He was never willing to allow those thoughts to enter his mind....not yet.

 

"I'm sorry," he sat back down at the table, his voice cracking as he spoke. ""I just...I know she's still in there. I just don't know how to reach her. And it hurts more than anything else ever has, to think of her in so much pain."

 

"I know," Buffy whispered.

 

"I just....I just want to make her know that we love her and we want our Willow back and that everything will be alright."

 

"Ha-have the nightmares gotten any better?"

 

He shook his head sadly. "She won't even let me near her anymore to comfort her. She won't even let me hug her. She screams in her sleep and when I finally get her to wake up she has that empty hollowness in her eyes and she just stares past me."

 

The truth was she always had that look in her eyes. She never acknowledged anything, never looked at anyone, never spoke a word. She just sat all day staring blankly at nothing and the nights brought terrible nightmares that left her screaming in her sleep and even more haunted looking when she was awake.

 

"I just wish we could get even the smallest sign of her still being in there. Just some part of Willow, even if only for a second," Buffy said, trying to keep from crying.

 

"Giles did seem hopeful," Dawn finally spoke in a near whisper, "th- that she would eventually snap out of it." Buffy smiled slightly at her sister and squeezed her hand, as Xander stared over at the chair near the window. She was facing the outside, though he knew she wasn't actually looking at anything out there. She was just staring blankly through the glass.

 

Suddenly the door burst open and a streak of black with a smoking trail came bounding into the room. As he shrugged off the smoking blanket and stood straight up, running a hand through his hair, his movements stopped midway as he took in the sight of the people before him. Something was clearly not right. Xander's face morphed from mournful to a look of seething hatred, while Buffy and Dawn just stared at him in shock. He could see the redhead in the corner and wondered a bit at her vacant stare. Last he remembered, her and the little blond witch had just gotten back together. He guessed they must have had another falling out or some such nonsense. He was surprised at the deep concern he felt overwhelm him as he looked at her...guess that's part of the whole knew package. Still go a lot of getting used to it.

 

"What the HELL are YOU doing here?" Xander growled lowly through clenched teeth, as he stood up to face the blond vampire.

 

"Hey now, is that anyways to greet me after we haven't seen each other in so long?" He looked from the slowly advancing Xander, quickly over to Buffy and then back to the boy. As he watched him stalk forward, fists clenched, he spoke to Buffy.

 

"Got a real interesting story to tell you about a little journey I took, pet."

 

"Spike, I cannot tell you how uninterested I am in ANYTHING you have to say," she answered, standing up. Dawn remained seated watching Buffy and Xander both advance on Spike.

 

"Well, I guarantee this is something you're ganna want to hear."

 

"Spike, the only thing..." Buffy began, but was cut off by a slight sound coming from across the room.

 

"Tara?"  They all turned in shock and stared at the little redhead, who was now staring very intensely at Spike.

 

"Willow?" Buffy began to go towards her, but stopped when she looked like she might speak again.

 

"T-Tara? Tara....I thought......" She had a look on her face that was a mixture of stricken pain and confusion. She glanced away from Spike for a moment and the looked back at him, directly in his eyes.

 

"What the bloody hell is she on about?" He asked in annoyance.

 

They all stood immobile as they watched her stand slowly and walk to Spike, never moving her stare from his eyes. He stepped back, looking around, clearly confused as she walked right up to him and stared into his face. For a moment she looked again as if she wanted to say something, she had a hopeful look on her face, but then seemed to faulter and her face fell and tears began to stream down her cheeks. She turned and headed for the stairs. Xander reached out for her arm, trying to stop her, but she shrugged him off and kept going. They all stared blankly into the hallway as she disappeared.

 

"What the HELL was that?" Xander finally broke the long silence.

 

"Well, she finally talked," Dawn said.

 

"What did you do?" Buffy asked in a threatening tone, stepping directly in front of Spike. Spike didn't answer. He was still staring at the hallway, sudden realization dawning on him.

 

"Answer me, right now, or we can get that staking you have long over due done with right now."

Suddenly snapping out of it, he quickly moved towards the stairs. "Not sure, but I'm about to find out," he mumbled. Everyone was still too far shocked to think to stop him. He opened the door to Buffy's room and walked in. Willow was sitting on the bed, staring blankly at nothing in particular. He paused for a moment, trying to decide how to approach this. There were clearly a lot of things he didn't know. Slowly moving to sit down next to her on the bed, he saw that she didn't even seem to notice his presence in the room.

 

"Red?" He looked intently at her, trying to read her face, which gave nothing but a blank stare. "I think we need to talk."

Still nothing. "We need to have a little chat about your girlfriend." That got her attention. Her head snapped up and she was looking at him. He felt his unbeating heart break at the way she looked like a lost, confused little girl, and he cursed himself and the soul for caring.

 

"You want to tell me what happened while I was gone?" She looked away again, saying nothing, returning to her vacant stare. "Something happened to the little witch, didn't it?" Slowly, so as not to startle her, he reached up and gently ran his hand under her chin, turning her face to look at him. "She was killed, wasn't she?"

The look on her face was all the answer he needed. Strange clarity of events he couldn't possibly know about were flooding his mind. He almost smiled at the pain and destruction he saw left in the redheads wake. Almost, until he looked down into her face again. Bloody stupid soul!

 

"You tried to call her back...but she was already gone...her soul had a new purpose to fulfill." He growled to himself and rolled his eyes at the way he sounded, or the way she was making him sound. He hated this. Willow was still looking up at him, more confused and lost than ever. Finally he sighed deeply and gave her an annoyed look. "I know you know. You can FEEL her. You know she's here." She cocked her head, the only push for further explanation. "In ME! Her bloody soul is attached to MY demon!"

 

Taking in what he said, she sat back and looked at him, her eyes searching for a hint of the cruel joke she thought he was playing.

 

"You felt her when I came into the room. I didn't even realize it was HER soul until then. I should have known too! Bloody do-gooder...all fluff and good intentions."

Still remaining silent she looked at him with a questioning look on her face.

 

"How?" He was beginning to feel like he was talking to Dru again. Just what he needed.  "Long story. Basically, went to visit this guy, ran through a series of tests, passed with flying colors...and instead of gettin the bleedin chip removed like I WANTED, the bastard slapped me with a soul. I think the chip might be gone to, but I haven't actually had the chance to test that out yet what with the damn soul whisperin in my ear, tryin her damnedest to keep me on the path of good." He smirked and snickered a little before continuing. " Knew it wasn't my soul and knew it wasn't exactly like when Angel got all soul-havin from the curse, but didn't realize it was her...not till I got around you. Should have known, too. She always was all pure and sweet and good...enough to make you sick. And she can really hold her own when it's something she believes in. Stubborn little bird...bloody annoying as all hell!"

 

Willow smiled slightly at the last part of his description. That was her Tara. She looked back up at him, a million questions running through her mind.

 

"It's not like I'm her, you know. She's just, like a pain-in-the-ass conscious, making me feel bad if I do somethin evil." He knew it was making him feel a few other things too, but he wasn't about to go into that just now. "And as soon as I figure out how to be rid of it, you can be sure it will be gone."

 

Her face fell again and she looked a little horrified at that thought. "Don't look at me like that. I'm evil! You can't possibly think that I want to keep this thing."

Her body seemed to slump down a little and silent tears streamed down her face. He was fighting the urge to just pull her to him, comfort her, and make everything all better. He hated this feeling of caring about her. HE didn't care about her. Maybe the soul did, but that was just too bad.

 

Finally after sitting there watching her for a few moments, he gave in, and gently pulled her into him arms. She let herself go, and leaned into his chest, sobbing softly. As the sobs subsided, she tilted her head up and lifted her arm, placing a small hand on his chest. She stared at it as if she could see right inside him. Then she snuggled into him and closed her eyes.

 

He couldn't believe how different she seemed now. This girl, who had been so strong and powerful, who had come closer than anyone else to destroying the world, seemed like nothing more than a tiny, lost little child. And he absolutely hated the overwhelming urges to keep his arms around her and protect her. Eventually he moved her to lie down on the bed.

 

"You should sleep," he told her simply. As he got up to leave, he felt her tug at his shirt. Looking down, he saw a pleading look in her dead eyes. "You do realize that I'm not her, right? I'm not. I'm still the big bad vampire, and I CAN actually bite you now."

 

Her expression didn't change. Finally, acting as exasperated as he could he flopped back down on the bed and stretched out next to her. She snuggled in close to him and for the first time in months had a peaceful sleep.

 

~~~*~~~

 

The next time she woke, she knew it was several hours later. It was dark out, and Spike was gone. Not something that surprised her. She had been staying with Xander, and knew that she should get up and head for his apartment, but her head felt so heavy. She felt so tired. Willow quickly gave in and laid back down, closing her eyes and falling back asleep.

 

This time the nightmares returned. She saw the figure approaching her, the same as every other night.

 

"You think this changes anything? It doesn't, you know. The things you said, did...you can't change them, can't take them back. They aren't going to forget them. This changes nothing."

 

It was Tara, only she had long sense learned that it wasn't really Tara that haunted her dreams. It was something else wearing her lover's face. Something cruel and evil. Something deep inside herself.

 

"They know the truth now. They know who you are. What you are. And they will never forget that. They've seen you're true face now. It's over."

 

"No, but maybe if I talked to them..."

 

"You nearly killed us all." It was Buffy now. "You nearly killed me, and Giles, and Dawn...I trusted you and you tried to kill her." The anger and hatred in her voice brought tears to Willow's eyes. " I didn't want to be here with you when you brought me back...you think now I do?"

 

"Buffy, I..."

"You can't explain it away," it was Tara again. "They know the evil you truly are now. You can't pretend anymore. And once you speak...once you start, you can't stop again. That will be it, and they will all leave. No one will listen. Why should they? Once you speak, you will lose them all. It will be over."

 

"No...what do I do?" She heard the desperation in her own voice.

 

"There is nothing you can do, but let the darkness take over, completely. You know you can. You know it's what you are." She turned to the voice that was now coming from behind her. She saw herself approaching, her hair black and her face hard and cruel. "Ya know you can't go back. Not now. This is what you are. This is your true face. They've seen it. They know. They will always fear you now, never trust you. They know, you have more power than any of them."

 

"No, but I don't...not anymore."

 

"The things you did, ya can't just pretend they didn't happen. They'll never forget." She smirked and evil twinkle in her black eyes. "You'll never forget."

Horrible images began to run together, assaulting her mind. She tried to block them out, but knew she couldn't. The destruction, the pain, the death...she had caused all of that. It had been at her hands.

 

"We knew this would eventually happen." It was Xander, talking to Buffy and Anya.

 

"Well, I tried to tell you from the beginning, but no. Didn't listen to me. And now see what you get for all your troubles?" Anya replied, before fading into nothing.

 

"We should have told her to stop. I-I thought it was just a phase. Just pretend. She never was anything without the mask, you know?" Buffy smiled at Xander, as she faded away, like Anya had.

 

"Well everyone always did eventually leave her. 'Cept me, of course. But don't worry, I'm coming soon." Xander said before he disappeared.

 

"I lied you know." She spun around again, this time to be standing in front of Warren. "I said you weren't evil. I lied. You are. You are far more evil than I ever was."

 

"No....no, but I....I'm not....I don't want to be.....I never meant..."

 

"You were given power," Tara spoke again. "So much power, but you didn't know how to use it. You were tested and you failed. And now you'll lose everything."

 

"Oh come on. You don't want to be THAT Willow anyway," her evil self spoke again.

 

"Yes....yes I-I do..."

 

"I know you...I AM you. You want to be weak and useless and nothing? No. You want to be strong and powerful and unforgettable. And now you are."

 

"They'll never forget," Tara whispered. The images again began to assault her mind. She tried to shut them out, to push them away, but couldn't. It hurt, so badly. She could feel the pain. The pain she caused. The pain she created. It was too much. She tried to scream, though nothing came out and to fight, but felt as if she were being pulled in two and couldn't fight back.

 

Finally it stopped and she opened her eyes to find Buffy sitting on the bed, holding onto her shoulders shaking her. She looked at her, realizing she was awake again, and quickly sunk back into herself. Buffy sighed as she saw that all too familiar hollow look re-enter her friend's eyes.

"Willow...please come back to us," she whispered softly.

 

~Part: 2~

 

Willow woke the next morning, still feeling tired and worn out from her night of restless sleep. She sat up and looked around, realizing she was still in Buffy's room. Deciding it would be best to slip out before anyone had a chance to try and talk to her, she quietly made her way down stairs and out of the house.

Xander heard her come into the apartment, and jumped up, rushing to the door.

 

"Hey! Wills, I was just thinking about..." he stopped as he saw her face, his hopes fading fast. She had that same old look of non- recognition. She slowly wandered past him and into her room, shutting the door behind her. The room was dark with the shades all drawn down, and she sat on the bed, staring off at the darkened wall, not bothering to turn on a light. After a few minutes, Xander knocked on the door, knowing he would get no response, and then slowly opened it. He started to make his way towards her, talking quietly.

 

"Will, I...last night...what was that? What happened? I know, you haven't been talky-chatty girl as of late, but you did last night- talk. You said something. So, I was thinkin, maybe you wanna say something else? Like what the name of god was going on last night with you and Spike?"

 

No response. He sat down on the bed, right next to her, and she quickly inched away from him.

 

"Will, I'm not ganna hurt you, you know. I just wanna help. Just let us help." His voice was shaky now.

 

Still she did nothing but stare blankly at the wall. He reached for her hand, and as he came into contact, she jumped up and quickly shrunk to the far wall.

 

"Willow I..." he was trying desperately to think of something to say. Something that would break through to her. "Please, Will..." The look on her face was more than he could take, so finally he stood up and silently walked out. Once the door was shut and he was gone, she slowly sat back down on the bed and continued her empty staring.

 

 

"Look, I want answers and I want them NOW!" Buffy stormed into the crypt, slamming the door back against the stone wall. Spike jumped up out of the path of light streaming in.

 

"Hey now! What are you barging in here yelling all about? Answers about what?" He knew exactly what she was talking about, but didn't know exactly how much he was ready to tell her.

 

"What was going on with you and Willow last night?" She growled through clenched teeth, her hands curled in tight fists.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said as innocently as he could.

 

Not in the mood for games, she stepped to him in a flash, and grabbed his neck, squeezing painfully and slamming him against the nearest wall.

 

"Talk now, or feel lots of pain and then talk...your choice."

 

"Fine," he choked out. She let him loose and he gave her a menacing look. Sighing deeply he rolled his eyes and moved to sit down. "Well, it's like this…I went on a little trip to see a demon, askin him to rid me of that damn chip. He ran me through a series of tests, which, I might add, I passed…top of the class," he smirked. She gave him an impatient look before he continued.

 

"I'm not just talkin about answerin a few questions or throwin a few punches here. I'm talkin about me fighten off a bunch of the biggest, baddest demons ever conjured. I'm talkin about me provin my worth and that I really am the "big bad" still."

She rolled her eyes and was quickly growing more impatient. "Is this supposed to be impressing me Spike? Cause gotta tell ya, not really caring about this part so much right now."

 

"You want to know what's goin on or not?" He waited for her response and after receiving a look that clearly had death threat written all over it, he continued. "So, as I was sayin, I passed…of course, and that bastard was SUPPOSED to remove the chip, but instead he souled me."

 

"He what-ed you?"

 

"SOULED me! Gave me a goddamned, fluffy, lovey, humanity-havin, save the little kittens kinda soul! Like your precious little Angel has, only it ain't MY soul and I DON'T have that nasty little happiness clause attached to mine…at least I don't think I do."

 

She stood staring at him, taking in what he just said. "Spike, that is the dumbest, most ridiculous, unbelievable story you have EVER come up with! EVER! Is-is this some sick, twisted way to try and win me over? Telling me you have a soul???"

 

"No! Buffy, I'm tellin you the truth! I have a soul! And I didn't go off and get it to win you back. I didn't even want this. What I WANTED and should have gotten was that chip removed so I could come back here and drain you all dry like I'm supposed to! But no, instead I have that little witches soul in me, making me feel all bad about everything, and care about…"

 

"What?"

 

He stopped and stared at her, wondering how much he had just said. "What?" He tried to act as if he had no idea what he had just been talking about.

 

"What did you just say? Witch's soul? What are you talking about? And WHAT does this have to do with Willow?" She was getting angry again.

 

"It's her little girlfriend's soul! The little blond witch. She's the soul they gave me."

 

"Ok, not that I believe you at all right now, but WHY would they give you Tara's soul?"

 

"That's just what I've been tryin to figure out all this time. I have no bloody clue, but you can be damn sure I'll be gettin rid of it just as soon as I figure out how."

Listening to him, she started to realize that he was telling the truth, or at least he thought he was. "And Willow…"

 

"What about her? I'm not ganna be worryin about what she wants. It isn't like I AM the little witch anyways; just have her humanity in me. And it isn't like you need to be worryin about her goin all magic crazy again, tryin to destroy the world, seein as how all her powers are gone now. She's helpless. She's pathetic, and weak and helpless, and I'm certainly not ganna start caring about what she wants or how she feels. And why do you anyways? She nearly killed you AND Dawn AND tried to destroy the world!"

 

He stopped just then and looked up, noticing, for the first time, the other figure standing in the doorway. Neither of them had noticed her come in and he had no idea how long she had been standing there or how much she had heard. Seeing the look on her face, he tried to push back the feelings of remorse and sympathy he was feeling.

 

"What do you want?" He addressed her, trying to sound as harsh as he could. Buffy spun around, surprised to see Willow standing there.

 

"I TOLD you, I'm not her, I don't care about you, and I never will! And I DON'T need another crazy girl hangin around me. Put up with that for over a hundred years with Dru, and I don't need to be doin an on core performance. I'm not about to start takin care of another pathetic, helpless chit, get it?"

Tears were streaming down her face now, and after staring at him for a moment, she turned suddenly and ran off. Buffy just stared after her in stunned silence.

 

~~~*~~~

 

It was getting dark, and they were starting to get worried. All day they had been looking, and still no sight of Willow.

 

"We've been searching for hours, where could she possibly have gone?" Xander gave Buffy a worried look.

 

"I don't know. We've looked everywhere. Maybe the best thing to do right now is go home and wait for her to come to us. I don't really know what else we could do right now."

 

Xander nodded and they agreed to call the other if she showed up at either home, before parting ways.

 

~~~*~~~

 

The sun had gone down, she knew this, and being in the cemetery after dark was definitely not the smartest thing, but just then she really didn't care. She sat silently on the dewy grass, looking at the cold gray stone, tracing the etched name of her lover.

She felt him coming up behind her, but made no movement to even turn and look at him.

 

"You know, pet, sittin here, not exactly the smartest move to make. And all this time I thought you were the smart one of the bunch." She glanced back at him, giving him a dark stare.

 

"What? You want me to leave? It's a free country, or so I'm told. I can be where ever I want. And anyways, you should be greatful I came along when I did. Sittin alone in the cemetary at night...well you know the drill...get your self all good and eatten in not too long."

She said nothing, to no surprise.

 

"You know, Red, I made you a little promise a few years back…" he swooped down and grabbed her neck, drawing her head back and to the side. "Said you could stay dead, or come back, to be like me." He growled lowly in her ear. "Ever make that decision?"

 

He looked at her face, waiting for some response. What he saw surprised him- complete submission. She was practically daring him to do it. She wanted to die.

He took a step back, letting go of her neck, looking at her with wide eyes.

 

"You're not the smart girl I thought you were." He took another step back, trying to act as casual and uneffected as possible. "You ask for death long enough, and you ARE going to get it, little girl." With that he turned and walked away.

Willow slumped back down to the ground, and began sobbing. Eventually she cried herself to sleep right there on the cold ground, never noticing the vampire off in the distance keeping watch over her.

 

When he was finally sure that she had fallen asleep, he walked over and picked her up, cradling her small frame in his arms, and carried her back to his crypt. Once inside, he slowly laid her down on the bed and slid her under the blankets. He reached out, gently moving a strand of hair off of her face, and her arm slowly snaked out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly to her. Her grip was solid and her body twitched a little as she dreamed. He knew, in her sleep, she thought he was the blond witch, and despite himself, he couldn't ignore the overwhelming urges to comfort and protect her. "This doesn't make me any less bad or evil, " he assured himself before removing his jacket and shoes and slipping into the bed next to her, folding her tightly into his arms.

 

~Part: 3~

 

When Willow woke, she could see daylight coming through the windows of the otherwise dark crypt. She sat up slowly, and looked over at the vampire sleeping next to her. He didn't move. He didn't even breathe, which to here was still a little disconcerting. The memory of the night before and the things he had said to her came flooding back and she quickly but quietly got up and left, without waking him.

She entered the apartment cautiously. She was fairly certain that Xander would be at work, but still was taking no chances. She did not want to run into anyone just then. Seeing that the apartment was, in fact, empty, she quickly moved around, gathering up a couple articles of clothing and tossing them into a bag with a few other things. Stopping at the door, she looked back for a moment, tears filling her eyes as she thought of all that she was leaving behind. But she was resolved to leave, and so, finally, she turned and walked out.

 

~~~*~~~

 

During his lunch hour, Xander stopped home, in the hopes of finding Willow there once again. He walked in, calling her name, frowning at not finding her there. He walked to her room and stopped at the open doorway as he took in the few remains of clothes strewn about. It was clear, she had been there, taken her things, and was gone.

 

"Xander?" Buffy's voice startled him. She walked into the apartment and found Xander staring into Willow's empty room.

 

"Sh-she took all her stuff. She, she isn't back at your place is she?"

 

Buffy shook her had sadly. "No, I just came from there."

 

"She's gone," he choked out. "Whe-where would she go?" Buffy took his hand in hers and looked at him sadly. Tears filled his eyes and he felt himself about to fall apart.

 

"Buffy…what do we do? What if she…" Buffy just grabbed him and held him in a close hug, tears running down her face, and for a long time the two just stood there, comforting each other.

 

~~~*~~~

 

The bus had let her off in the middle of the city. It was cool out and raining, but she took little notice as she began to just wander the street aimlessly. She didn't really know why she was there, or where she would go. She had just bought a ticket, got on a bus and ended up in L.A. She hugged her arms close to her body, shivering a little as she walked through the now driving rain. Stopping at the corner of a street, she looked up and suddenly saw it. The hotel. Angel's hotel. She hadn't even thought of that, hadn't realized she was walking in that direction. As she walked up in front of the building, she stopped near the front door, staring up at the old building, a few wet strands of hair flying around her face. She took a deep breath before walking in.

 

"Hey, Cordy, I was thinking of taking Connor to a hockey game in a few weeks. What do you think? Wanna come?" Angel said as he walked into the lobby, where Cordelia had been doing a little paper work.

 

She looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah. I think that would…"

 

Suddenly she stopped and closed her eyes for a moment. He knew she was having a vision and was silently thankful that the pain that used to come with them had stopped. She was mumbling something and glowing, something that might have concerned him in the past, but he was used to it by now.

When the glowing finally faded and she opened her eyes and looked at Angel. She looked confused.

 

"What was it?" He asked gently.

 

"I'm not completely sure…I think it was Willow…I…it was sort of confusing and…."

 

"Willow." Angel interrupted her.

 

"Yeah," she said a little annoyed. "I SAID Willow. Hello?" She saw him looking towards the front door and followed his gaze. There she saw the soaked red head standing, shivering in the lobby.

 

"Oh…Willow?" She ran to get a blanket while Angel made his way to her. Just then Gunn and Fred walked in.

 

"Hey isn't that girl that came about the slayer last year?" Fred whispered as they saw Angel approaching her.

 

"Yeah I think so," he responded. "Willow, I think her name was. She looks different now though."

 

"She looks lost," Fred said knowingly, more to herself than out loud.

 

"Willow?" Angel stood in front on her, taking in her appearance. "Willow, is something wrong? Did something happen to Buffy? Willow?"

She shook her head. He was silently greatful that she wasn't here once again to tell him something had happened to Buffy. Not now, not after everything was finally getting better in his life. His relief was short lived though, as he refocused on the small girl in front of him.

 

Cordelia came up with a blanket to put around the soaked girl, but as she tried to wrap it around her shoulders, Willow moved away from her, like a frightened animal.

 

"Willow, it's ok. We'll help you, it's ok," Cordelia began to speak in a low, soothing tone. Everyone else in the room watched intently as she began to do her strange glowy thing and reach out and wrapped the blanket around the girl. As she touched her, she was shocked at the pain and sorrow she felt come from her.

 

"Oh, Willow…Willow," she whispered as she felt the deep pain she was in. Angel could see Willow starting to break down, and watching silently as Cordelia drew her into her arms and soothed her as she started to cry. After a little while, the glowing faded and Willow's sobs subsided. Finally letting go of her, she turned to Angel.

 

"Why don't you take her upstairs and get her some dry clothes to put on and let her sleep for a while," she said quietly to Angel, who then proceeded to lift the listless girl into his arms and carry her upstairs. Cordelia made her way to the phone and dialed Buffy's number.

 

~~~*~~~

 

"Look, Xander, I don't like it either, but someone has to go, and from what Cordelia told me, it should be him." Buffy was trying to reason with Xander.

 

"Why him? Why not us Buffy? We're her friends. Why can't we go get her? Just cause he's all joining the "I'm-a-souled-vampire" club, doesn't mean we should just send him off to get her and bring her back. It's Willow. We should go."

 

"Xander, I told you what Cordelia said. She won't come back if we go."

 

"Well, what about him? Huh? You just ganna trust him with her now? You believe all this crap about Tara's soul being in there? Cause I don't buy it for one second. Not to mention that he and Angel, not exactly the best of friends, you know? God only knows what he'll do if we send him there."

 

"Ah, hello? Standing right here," Spike tried to interrupt, but was ignored.

 

"Xander, can you think of anything else we might try? Anything at all? Cause I really don't think we should wait around any longer...this is better than nothing at all."

He looked down, defeated, before looking up at Spike. "You hurt her, you let anything happen to her, and so help me God I will come and stake you myself."

Spike didn't doubt for one second that Xander was anything less than 100% serious.

 

"Who says I even agree to this? The poof and I aren't exactly on best terms you know. HE probably won't even agree to it. And none of this is my fault, I'll remind you."

 

"He already agreed, to all of it. I explained Spike's lack of biting and how he's helped in the past and the whole soul deal. He said you can come."

 

Spike raised an eyebrow. The truth was, he had been considering making a visit to L.A., to see if his grand sire could possibly shed any light on this whole soul-having bit, but he wasn't about to let anyone else know that. There was also a part oh him, the damned soul part, he guessed, that wanted to go, to help Willow and bring her home. And he definitely wasn't going to let any of them know THAT.

 

"Look Spike, please do this...if for nothing else, do this for me," Buffy pleaded with him.

 

He looked at her for a moment before answering. "That doesn't work anymore, pet. You don't pull the strings anymore. Got it? I'll do it, but not for you. It's pathetic seeing Red bein all...well bloody pathetic as this. So, yeah, I'll do it...but just remember, it has nothing, NOTHING to do with you."

 

~Part: 4~

 

"Ok well thanks Buffy. We'll be in touch soon. Yeah we'll let you know if anything changes. Thanks." Cordelia hung up the phone and turned toward Angel, who had just entered behind her, drinking slowly from a warmed mug.

 

"Well, did you find out anything? What's going on? Why's Willow here?" He looked at her anxiously. She stared back in silence for a moment, absorbing what she had just learned before letting out a long sigh.

 

"Angel, you better sit down. It's a little complicated, but it starts with someone shooting Buffy..."

 

"What! Buffy? Is she ok?"

 

She sighed and rolled her eyes before continuing. "Angel! Yes, she's fine....slayer super-recooperative powers and all..remember? ANYWAY, apparently Willows girlfriend was caught in the line of fire..."

 

"Wait, Willows girlfriend? Willow's gay? Since when?"

 

Again, she let out another deep sigh and rolled her eyes. "I don't know, a couple years..I guess since Oz left..."

 

"Oz left? When? And when did I get to be so out of the loop?"

 

"Gees! Can I finish, please? So when her girlfriend died, Willow sorta went all super angry vengeance seeking witch and basically all hell broke loose, in the very literal sense of the term." Angel just stared at Cordelia as she continued the story, his mouth hanging wide open in shock. "I guess after the whole swearing off magic thing, and don't EVEN ask me to explain all of that to you, she had a lot of energy pent up and it all let loose as she set out to destroy the world."

 

"What is it with people wanting to destroy the world? You'd think by now people would come up with something better than just destroying the world. I mean, been there, done that, and really- it never works out, and you would think especially Willow would know by now that..." He stopped when he looked up to see Cordelia glaring at him.

 

"Sorry," he mumbled meekly.

 

"I guess she killed the guy who did the shooting, and then went after his partners. After that she decided to take on the sweet little task of destroying the world. After they stopped her, she pretty much shut down, hasn't talked or really done much of anything since then and then yesterday she disappeared."

After sitting in stunned silence for a few moments, Angel sat back, running his hand through his hair.

 

"Well, I just, I just don't know what to say...I mean....Willow, my god...I never thought Willow would be one to turn all evil, and I mean, I knew she was into magic and stuff, but I didn't realize how powerful...but I guess after I found out about Buffy coming back, I should have known. I don't think you could possibly say anything that could shock me more than I already am, right now."

 

She winced a little and looked up at him.

 

"What? There's more?" He looked at her in dread.

 

"Well, Buffy said she's sending someone to come get Willow."

 

"What? Is that really a good idea? I mean, she left for a reason. I don't think she's going to want to go running back right now, do you?"

 

She cleared her throat a little nervously. "Well, no, but that isn't really the highlight of the story...the person...who's coming...it's...Spike."

 

"What!?! Why in the WORLD would Spike be coming here to get Willow? Has Buffy completely lost her mind?"

 

"Well apparently, ever since the chip..." She stopped short as she saw Angel glare at her yet again in utter confusion.

 

"Um, well...I guess a few years back, when Buffy was dating that soldier guy....uh, you do know about that soldier guy, right? Well the people he worked for put a chip in Spike's head, so he can't hurt humans, and since then he's been sorta helping Buffy fight demons and stuff."

 

"What? He's evil!"

 

"Well, I guess the chip has made him less evil, or something," she tried to explain, meekly. "Anyways, the thing is...and no one has confirmed that this is true or not true yet, but apparently, according to Spike, he went somewhere to see some demon, trying to get the chip out, and instead the demon gave him a soul."

 

"What?!"

 

"Oh wait...it gets even better. The soul, according to him, is Tara's- Willow's girlfriend who just happened to be killed while Spike was M.I.A. He's the only one that Willow was responding to at all in Sunnydale, and so anyway, he'll be here in a few days."

 

"No! There is no way in hell I'm letting Spike come here."

 

"Angel, Buffy seems to think it's for the best, and I do too. I felt what Willow is feeling, and it's not good. In fact, it's very, very bad. And some of that has to do with Spike. I think he needs to come here. There is a little more to the story, I should probably tell you, and fill in all the little holes for you."

 

~~~*~~~

 

Willow sat in the little stuffed chair in her dark room, staring out the window into the night, as lights played across her vacant face from the street below. She had been sitting silently in that chair almost all day. Cordelia had been in and out a few times, trying to talk to her, get her to say something, eat something, go somewhere. Angel had come in once, hoping to get her to talk to him, but she remained completely silent and staring absently out the window. She heard the door quietly open and close again, not bothering to turn and look, assuming it was Cordelia bringing up some food she had promised to force her to eat. After a moment, she heard a voice.

 

"Red?"

 

For the first time that day, she turned and looked up at the person in the room with her, acknowledging another presence. She looked up at him and he winced at the hollow look in her eyes and pale drawn look on her face. She reminded him of the way she had been a few years ago, when the wolf had left. She had seemed pathetically meek and small. But since then, she had changed so much. She wasn't even the same girl anymore. She was strong and powerful. Too powerful, apparently, and it would seem that in the end, no matter how smart someone was, too much power would still destroy them.

 

Angel explained that she hadn't spoken a word since she arrived a few days back, she had barely eaten and she had barely acknowledged anyone around her. He also expressed his extreme dislike for the blond vampire, and that he didn't necessarily agree that they should be taking her back to Sunnydale so soon. Spike actually agreed with Angel on that one, but wasn't about to let him know that.

 

"Buffy sent me to come get you, bring you back home." He waited for a response. She said nothing. She made no movement at all, and just kept staring at him.

 

"Look, we haven't got a whole lot of time here...what with my little aversion to the sun and all, and I'm really thinkin that Angel isn't going to be wanting me around here very long, so if you could just grab your things..." Seeing that he was still getting no where, he let out a long sigh, and flopped down on the bed next to her. He gave her a long, sideways glance, and growled a little at the way his heart dropped looking at the broken girl.

 

"Look, everything I said before...it was mean, all right? I know that...but it was true. I'm evil. I'm an evil, bad thing. And would you really want your little witch's soul attached to something like that?" She looked up at him, her expression unreadable.

 

"I didn't want this. I didn't ask for it. I don't know why I got it, and I WILL get rid of it. Seeing the pain cross over her face again, he softened a little and gave in a bit to what the soul was pushing for. He could practically hear the little witch, whispering to him, makin him feel all sorry and protective. It was foreign feelings. Foreign emotions. Nothing he'd felt since being with Dru, and he didn't want to return to the pathetic demon he had been then, letting a woman ruin him, turn him into a sobbing puddle of a man. Same thing had happened with the damn Slayer. But then, there was that comfortable feeling of knowing someone needed you.

Eventually, Dru didn't need him anymore. And Buffy never really did in the first place.

 

"You know luv," he spoke much softer now, "she loved you, with everything in her. You were her world. She lived for you. I don't know why she was sent here, but she's watching over you, protecting you. You took care of her before, now she has this chance to do the same. To let you not have to be the strong one for a while. I WILL protect you." He spoke without even realizing what was being said. He was letting the soul take over, and was trying to pretend it wasn't effecting him. After all, whatever he felt for Willow, it was the soul's doing. Once it was gone, so would these feelings. And whatever Willow might possibly feel for him, he knew for certain it was only Tara she loved and cared about. It just happened to be his body. They sat in silence for a moment, both staring ahead, thinking.

 

Glancing back over at her, he saw the quiet tears streaming down her face. The little redhead had gone through so much in the last few months...in the last few years, really...and he wished he could do something, say something to make the tears finally stop. Wrapping a gentle arm around her, he pulled her close to him and let her cry into his chest, rubbing her back and murmuring softly about nothing in particular. Eventually she cried herself to sleep, and he laid her gently down. She began to stir a little as he pulled the covers up over her, and just before he turned to leave, she opened her eyes a little and grabbed at his hand.

 

"What? What is it?" He asked, knowing by now he would get no answer. She tugged a little bit at his hang, silently begging him to stay.

 

"If you want something, tell me what it is Willow." Silence. "Do you want something?" Again, silence.

 

"Do you want me to stay here with you?" She nodded her head so slightly he almost missed it. "If you want me to stay here with you, Willow, all you have to do is ask. I just need to hear you say it. Just say that one thing, and I'll stay." Still, silence. Her hand released it's grip on his.

 

"Right then. I'll see you in the morning." He turned and started walking towards the door. Panic hit her as she gripped the blankets tightly, watching him leave. Suddenly he heard a tiny voice whisper something he could barely make out.

 

"What was that, Red?" He asked turning back around, looking at her. Her face was almost covered with the blankets now as she cowered down under them.

 

"Stay," she squeaked out, again in barely a whisper.

 

He couldn't keep the broad smile from his face, at hearing her voice for the first time in so many weeks. He walked a little smugly back to the bed, kicked off his shoes and tossed his coat to the floor, before sliding under the covers and wrapping a protective arm around her. Leaning forward he gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head and whispered into her ear, "All you had to do was ask."

 

~~~*~~~

 

"I knew I'd find this book eventually. It was actually much easier in the end than I expected. Poor, niece Wesley, you really are an unsuspecting fool."  Lilah was flipping through the pages of a very old book, smiling smugly as she talked to herself. Suddenly she stopped, as she found herself staring down at the very spell she had spent month searching for. She had been told it no longer existed, but she knew, searching long enough would pay off. She laughed out loud as her fingertips lightly brushed over the title on the page- "permanent soul damnation."

 

~Part: 5~

 

"Pet, I know you're awake," Spike poked her in the side, making her jump and turn looking at him. She had been awake for a while, but wasn't ready to face him, or anyone else just yet.

 

"Hungry?" She said nothing, just looking at him with that sad little girl face.

 

"I do know you can talk now Red, remember? So why don't you just tell me whatever it is that's going through that brain of yours."

 

She scowled at him, not liking that her secret was out. She knew, now, he wouldn't let her continue her silence, but fear at the very thought of saying anything bubbled up in her, causing panic to over run her mind. He could see the wild fear running through her eyes, and gently reached over, caressing her cheek lightly.

 

"Willow, you know you can say anything to me, and you don't have to be afraid of me. The soul, remember?" She looked for a moment as if very deep in thought before speaking in a low whisper.

 

"There are a lot of people out there who do very bad things and have souls." She frowned and looked down. He wondered whom she was talking about, him or her. He ran his fingers under her chin, tilting her head up, meeting her eyes with his own.

 

"You know you're not a bad person, right pet?"

 

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, giving him a look that clearly stated she disagreed with him.

 

"You're not. I know evil. I AM evil, and you aren't it."

 

"But I am," she said softly. "I've known since I saw the vampire me that there was a darker side to me. Tara…she tried to keep me from letting it take over, but…"

 

"Vampire you?" He was confused. Intrigued, but confused.

 

"And I knew that eventually, they would all find out. They would all know, what I really was." She looked down, again deep in thought. He ran his hand through her hair, before tilting her head back up, looking for some sign as to what she was thinking.

 

"It's weird, when I'm near you, I know I'm supposed to hate you, for everything you've done, but I can't. I can feel her…in you. I can see her looking out from your eyes. And I'm so torn. I want her back, but then, it's still really you. It's confusing."

 

"It is," he agreed.

 

"I just miss her so much," she choked out as tears filled her eyes. "And to know she's gone, but then to feel her. To see you look at me the way she did, and to think…"

 

"Think what, luv?"

 

"Someone could feel that way about me."

 

He looked at her, his eyes a mix a confusion and…what? Love? It had to be the soul, though he knew this feeling. He had felt it before, and it felt much like the beginnings of love and devotion. But it had to just be the soul and once that was gone, so would these feelings go.

 

"Of course someone could feel that way about you. You don't know how wonderful you are. I've seen it for years, pet. The way you care about people, the way you always forgive, even evil soulless vampires? The way you help people. The strength, the courage you posses. The fire deep inside."

 

"Yeah, the fire that nearly killed everyone I love," she rolled her eyes, wiping away a tear trickling down her cheek.

 

"The fire that has kept you and Buffy and everyone else alive for all these years," he corrected her. "You're the glue that holds that group together. You're telling me you don't know that?" She shrugged her shoulders.

 

"And as for someone being in love with you, I may have never been "In Love" with you, pet, but I know I definitely wanted you, on more than one occasion." He raised his eyebrows at her, remembering the time in the factory, after he had kidnapped her, and the time in her dorm room when he tried to bite her.

 

She blushed a little. "Is that you or the soul talking?"

 

He just smiled back, not willing to answer that question.

 

~~~*~~~

 

"I guess I just still don't understand why they sent her soul back. And why to me?"

 

Spike was sitting in the lobby, talking with Cordelia and Angel. Willow had gone out with Fred and Gunn for a while. They were so happy to finally see the old Willow starting to come back out. She was finally talking again and seemed, although still sad all the time, to be a little more herself. Angel was amazed that Spike had helped bring that about. Actually, he was amazed at the over all change in the younger vampire. He chalked it up to the soul being there and wondered what would happen when the soul was gone.

 

"The powers that be work in strange, very messed up ways, sometimes," Cordelia said, looking over at Angel with a smile. "I mean, just as I'm about to have this great big, important talk with Angel, they suddenly call me away, taking me up to a higher dimension, just so that when I get there they can show it all to me and then say, by the way your buddy Angel? He's in grave danger. Here's your choice. Stay here and live in peace or go back down there and save him."

 

"I'm sorry Cordy," Angel said, quietly, still feeling horribly about pulling her away from there just to save him.

 

"Angel, we've been over this. No apologies. I'm just saying. The powers? They're logic is really screwy sometimes."

 

"Yeah, well you two still got to be together and all happy in the end, now didn't you?" Spike said, watching the two of them making lovey eyes at each other.

Angel let out a sigh and Cordelia looked back at Spike.

 

"Yeah, if you wanna call fighting demons all day, for next to no money, and not being able to...well, you know, cause of certain clauses in certain curses...then yeah, we got to be all happy in the end."

 

"Yeah, well appreciate what you've got children and don't miss a second of it. Never know how long it's ganna last. You find somethin that good, you better enjoy it. Doesn't happen very often."

 

"And just when did you get to be so wise?" Angel asked.

 

"Ah, somewhere between losing Dru and falling for the Slayer I guess…"

 

"Buffy?" Angel cocked an eyebrow.

 

"Yeah, yeah I know. I'm just as big a bloody poof as you." Angel scowled at him. "And you think I would have learned, you know? If it didn't work with you and you were all soul havin and all, don't know why I thought I had a chance in hell. And I really thought it was love to, you know? Was about one step away from spouting out bloody love sonnets to her. Would have died for her. Hell, nearly did die for her, more than once. But in the end, it never would have worked. And she knew it too, you know. I just wouldn't accept it. She didn't need me, the way I want to be needed. Willow, she's strong, and powerful, but there is still something in her that needs me right now and it feels good. I know it won't last, but for now…"

 

"You love her, don't you?" Cordelia asked, her eyes wide.

 

"What? You don't know what you're talkin about," he tried to dismiss her.

 

"You do! You love her! She cares about you too, Spike. I can't say that I understand it, but I know it's true. She does."

 

"It's the soul she cares about, not…"

 

"No, Spike, it's you too, trust me. I know these things," Cordelia smiled at him. Over the last week she had seen how Willow was around him. She knew that if she didn't already love him, soul or no soul, it wouldn't take too long.

 

"You're lucky Spike, to have her, to have her love, you're lucky," Angel said.

 

Spike just thought for a moment before responding, "Yeah, I know."

 

~~~*~~~

 

"It's time. It's finally time. I have been waiting years for this, and now we are finally going to get what we want." Lilah stood, looking over at the man across the small, dark office.

 

"Now, you do know exactly what you're doing right? I don't want any screw-ups. This is too important."

 

The man nodded as he prepared all of his ingredients and placed the orb in the center.

 

"Now I must have complete silence and utter concentration. This is a very tricky spell, but when it's done, you should have Angelus back, his soul gone for good this time."

 

"Finally," she smiled, her eyes twinkling in excitement.

 

~~~*~~~

 

Angel was standing in the lobby, drinking slowly from a warmed mug. The hotel was quiet. Willow had gone to sleep about an hour ago, and everyone else was out. He was reflecting on how much better she seemed to be doing, and the positive effect she had on Spike. She meant a lot to him and he was glad she seemed to be healing. Suddenly he felt a stabbing pain, start in his head and run down through his whole body. The mug fell from his hand, shattering on the floor, as he gripped his head moaning in pain, and fell to his knees. Immediately he knew what was happening, though he had no idea why or how to stop it. As he struggled, unsuccessfully, to stand, to run from the house, he tried to yell, though it came out as little more than a whisper. "Oh god no, Wil-low...run...god, please no..."

 

~~~*~~~

 

"It is complete," the man said. She suspected as much, after seeing the orb glow and watching him perform the spell.

 

"Good, now it should only be a matter of time before we hear from our new friend." She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, smiling in smug, self-

satisfaction.

 

~Part: 6~

 

"Wil-low..wakey wakey," a distant voice called to her in a low singsong voice, pulling her from her sleep. "Time to wake up, Willow."

Slowly she opened her eyes, yawning and turning her head to see who was calling her. She jumped a little in surprise to see Angel sitting on her bed, his hand running softly though her hair.

 

"Angel? Wh-what is it? What's wrong?" She asked timidly, pulling the covers up a little more over herself.

 

"Nothings wrong, Willow," he smiled at her, still stroking her hair, "just thought it was time for you to wake up. I was getting a little bored and lonely."

 

"Oh," she looked at him with a confused expression. "Well, um, what did you want to do?"

 

"I don't know, I'm kinda in the mood to play," he smiled at her again, a cocky, sly grin. "You feel like playin Willow?"

 

"Pl- play?" She looked at him doubtfully. "Um, Angel?"

 

Suddenly he grabbed her shoulders and leaned in, forcefully kissing her lips, his tongue demanding entrance to her mouth. When he finally pulled away, he maintained his firm grip on her, but leaned back a little, looking at her flushed face, watching her try to regain her breath.

 

"See? I knew you'd like to play," he laughed and then leaned in for another quick kiss.

 

"Angel, what are you doing? I don't understand. Why are you doing this?" She was beginning to panic.

 

He laughed again. "You're supposed to be the smart one, and you can't figure it out? Come on Willow...I expected more from you. Don't disappoint me now."

The dread that she was feeling was suddenly replaced by complete horror, which was clearly written on her face.

 

"Angelus?" The questioning word came off her lips in a barely audible whisper, but sent a broad smile to his face.

 

" Ding ding. That's right! Johnny, tell the little girl what she's won."

 

"But, how? When? How?" She didn't know what to say.

 

"Don't know, don't care. Point is, I'm back, and that pathetic soul boy, gone for good this time." Suddenly his face became very serious. "And don't think for a second that I don't remember who I have to thank for restoring it last time. Sweet little Willow, with all your magic and spells...well you won't be performing any spells any more. Got it? And don't think you won't be punished for before. You will...I promise."

 

"Wh-why don't you just kill me?" She asked quietly.

 

He looked at her a bit surprised. Sure she had been through a lot but did the little girl really have a death wish? Then he realized, it wasn't that she wanted to die, but that she was remembering Jenny Calendar, and didn't want him to use her to make the people she cared about suffer.

 

"Oh, sweet, innocent little Willow," he thought for a minute. "Well I guess you aren't so innocent anymore, are you?" He snickered as he ran his fingers up her one leg, feeling her whole body stiffen and hold her breath. "But still out playing the sacrificial little lamb. Don't worry...I will kill you eventually, but see it's been so long sense I really had the opportunity to inflict some good old fashion torture and pain, and I just love having a new toy to play with. And what can I say? I've always had a thing for red heads."

 

He was smiling that evil grin again, that made her feel sick to her stomach. She would almost rather have had him looking angry with her. That expression she could gage, understand. This one though, just taunted her. She knew his mind was spinning with different ways to hurt her, torment her. Suddenly he let go of her, and looked around the room, listening for sound in the rest of the house.

 

"Where is that wayward grand childe of mine anyways? He should be getting back any time now. Think he'll get here in time to save you, Willow?"

 

He stood up, with his back to her, looking out the window onto the street below. She contemplated for a second what to do, and decided to try to run. Even though she knew her chances at getting away were slim, they seemed better than staying there with him. In a flash, she threw back the sheets and made a dash for the door, just barely reaching past it before she felt rough hands grab her around the waist and fling her back towards the bed with a low growl. She was on her back, struggling to get up, with his large frame hovering over her, growling, full demon face staring down at her. He had her pinned and her struggling was doing little more than further agitating him.

 

"That was NOT a smart move little girl," he growled, pinning her arms with one of his hands above her head. Stratteling her, he used his free hand to hold her face in a tight, bruising grip. He smiled again, baring his fangs to her, and yanked her head roughly to one side. He stared for a moment at her bare neck, before leaning down and whispering in her ear, "If you wanted to play, all you had to do was ask nicely."

 

Then, suddenly he lunged forward and she let out a strangled cry as he bit roughly into her neck and began to drink deeply. All too quickly she felt her body go limp and the darkness over come her.

 

~~~*~~~

 

Spike was walking back towards the hotel. He had needed a nice, long walk, to think about things. He knew he was starting to fall for the little witch, and he knew it was more than just the soul causing it. He had always felt an attraction to her and always felt a need to protect her, even when he knew she was powerful enough not to need his help. And now, she seemed so pathetic and lost, and he just wanted to keep her safe in his arms and tell her he loved her. But he knew he couldn't. Knew she didn't feel the same, and it was making him crazy.

 

~~~*~~~

 

"You know, I almost forgot how much fun torture can be." She heard a voice as she started to wake up. Suddenly, he knelt down and grabbed a hand full of red hair, yanking her head back, eliciting a small cry from her. His face hovered an inch away from hers and she stared up into cruel, golden eyes. She was tied tightly to a chair, her arms bound behind her. Her neck was throbbing where he had bit her earlier, and the realization that this was only beginning caused terror to course through her entire body.

 

"Lucky you were around to remind me, huh?" He whispered, before letting her hair go with a rough toss. He started to pace around the small room, picking up one implement of torture after another, briefly looking it over before replacing it on the long table. She watched him silently, trying to loosen her bonds. After several long moments he looked toward her.

 

"Willow, Willow, Willow. You can try all you want, but those bonds won't budge. Magically reinforced. You're not going anywhere till I say you are."

Her face fell as he explained.

 

"See, I didn't forget who you are, little witch. I didn't forget what you did." He swooped down on her, his hands on her shoulders and his face again an inch from hers. "Magic can be a powerful tool. You can do a lot with it when you know what you're doing. That little restoration spell you did a few years ago...pretty neat trick." His voice dropped to a lower, more even, menacing tone. "But you aren't the only one that knows how to pull a rabbit from your hat, Willow. I have a couple of tricks up my sleeve too."

 

He pushed back on her as he stepped away again, her chair wobbling a little bit before becoming still again. She tried desperately to hide the sheer terror on her face, but knew she was failing miserably. She felt like she was 17 again. Vulnerable, helpless, pathetic.

"Aw, Willow, come on now, don't look so sad," he said, his voice mockingly sympathetic. "It's ganna be fun. Really. Well, actually for you it will mostly be painful, but for me...lots of fun." He held up a large sharp knife and took a few steps towards her. "Do you know how many ways you can make a girl scream with a knife? I think last time I tried I came up with 82 before she went and died on me. Spoiled all my fun. Let's see if we can break the record. What do you say Willow? Up for it?"

 

~~~*~~~

 

Walking back toward the hotel, Spike suddenly got uneasy feeling. Something wasn't right. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, but something was

definitely very, very wrong. He knew Willow was with Angel, so she should be all right, but something was telling him, screaming to him, that she was in trouble. He tossed the remains of his cigarette to the ground and stopped suddenly. He didn't know how, or why, but suddenly he knew...it had to be...Angelus. The minute the name hit him, he took off running as fast as he could towards the hotel.

 

~~~*~~~

 

"You're not giving up on me already are you Willow? Come on, we've barely started. This game is just beginning. You don't wanna quit already do you?" He stood over her, licking the blood from the silver blade. Her eyes turned up towards him, looking wearily into his face. She was fighting to keep them open, to stay conscious. She was slumped as much as her bonds would allow, her head hanging low. Her breath was shallow and raspy and she could feel blood running from several slices in her arms, on her stomach, her neck and the newest one...a shallow cut on her cheek. Her face was soaked with tears and her voice was nearly gone from screaming.

 

"You know, you have the sweetest tasting blood I think I've ever had. It's just that perfect blend of innocence and dark magic." He leaned down and licked at the blood seeping from the gash on her cheek. "Mmm, delicious."

 

"Well, I've been having a great time, but you look like you don't really want to play any more. Besides, your little bodyguard will probably be back any time now, and I don't think he'd be so happy to find me here, you know? Messy history and old grudges. Now this is the moment that I usually like the best...where I kill you. But see, I just don't think I'm quite ready to give up that great taste of you. Plus, there are still so many more games we could play, so I guess I'll keep you around a little while longer. Sound good to you? Now how about just one more quick bite before I go?"

 

Quickly grabbing her around the back of the neck, her yanked her up and roughly sunk his fangs into her neck, drinking deeply for only a few seconds before letting her unconscious body drop to the bed. Smacking his lips, he smiled down at her limp form. "Ahhh! Truly delicious."

 

~~~*~~~

 

As soon as he entered the hotel, the smell of blood assaulted his senses. Her blood. He ran to her room and stopped in the doorway as he took in her lifeless form on the bed. He could see the blood all over her and could make out a faint heartbeat. She was still alive. Taking an unneeded deep breath, he leapt to her, quickly surveying the damage trying to decide what to do first. Noticing her hands were still tied, he moved to release them and then ran to the bathroom across the hall to get a wet cloth and some bandages. As he started to clean and dress the cuts, she started to slowly regain consciousness. He stopped what he was doing and ran his hand through her hair and gently down her unmarked cheek as her eyes fluttered and slowly opened. She looked up, her eyes full of fear and confusion. After a moment, she spoke in what came out as barely more than a raspy whisper.

 

"Sp-spike?"

 

"Yeah luv, I'm here now. Everything's going to be ok," he tried to reassure her.

 

"Spike? It hurts." She sounded like a quiet, little girl. It was pitiful and it tugged painfully at his unbeating heart.

 

"I know luv, I know," he ran his hand through her hair again. Suddenly she got a panicked look on her face and tried unsuccessfully to pull herself up.

 

"Willow, stop. You're too weak. Stay there, lay down. You need to rest."

 

"No, Spike...Angel..he..."

 

"I know Red, I know," he tried to quiet her.

 

"No, Spike you don't...you don't know...Angel, he...he's"

 

"Angelus," he said, finally silencing her, for at least a moment. She stared at him for a second before responding.

 

"How...how did you know?" She asked in a tiny voice.

 

"I don't know really. I just sensed him. Somehow I knew, Angelus was back, or Angel's soul was gone, or something. I just knew. I'm so sorry you were here alone, pet. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to protect you from him." He looked desperate and full of regret.

 

"Spike, you're here now. That's what matters. You're here now." She smiled weakly up at him, before letting herself fall to sleep, never letting go of the hand clutching her own.

 

~Part: 7~

 

"Oh my god, Angel…" Cordelia sat, still in shock.

 

"I, I don't understand," Fred spoke quietly. She looked at Gunn. "He's only supposed to loose his soul if he experiences a moment of true happiness, right?"

 

"Yeah, that's what we thought. Maybe there was some other clause we didn't know about, but if there is, it isn't in any of the books we have here."

 

"Well, maybe we can do the restoration spell. The one Willow did before, and bring Angel back," Cordelia tried to reason.

 

"I don't bloody well think so! I'm going to rip the bastard's throat out!" Spike stood up, fists clenched, feeling the need to fight something. Now. "You saw what he did to Willow. It's time we put Angelus down once and for all."

 

"Spike, it's more complicated than that," Cordelia tried to calm him down. "And don't forget, Angel has a son now. If we can restore him…"

 

"I don't care! He nearly killed her, and if you don't think he will be back to finish the job, as well as to pick you all off, one by one, your sodden crazy."

 

"Will the restoration spell even work this time? I mean, we still don't even know why this happened," Willow spoke, finally, as Spike sat down beside her and looked with worry at her.

 

"I do."  Everyone turned and looked to the front door, where the voice came from.

 

"Wesley? What are you doing here?" Fred's voice sounded shaky at seeing the ex-watcher.

 

"Angel has lost his soul, right? I think I know why."

 

Spike shot up and was in front of the Englishman in a second. He grabbed his collar and growled at him, his teeth clenched. "What do you know?"

 

"Spike! Let him go," Willow pleaded, trying to stand, still weak from blood loss and wincing at the pain from the numerous cuts and bruises. Turning to look at her, he saw her start to get up and immediately let go of Wesley and went back to where Willow was, moving her to sit back down and holding her hand, rubbing it softly.

 

"Wesley, what's going on?" Cordelia tried to keep the room calm and get the answers they needed.

 

"Well, there was a book, with a spell…it would cast out a soul, permanently." Everyone just stared in silence at him. After a moment, he cleared his throat before speaking again.

 

"Apparently, Lilah stole this book…from me, and had someone perform the spell." He looked down at the floor, waiting for their reaction.

 

"It's permanent? There's no way to reverse it? What about the soul restoration spell?" Cordelia looked desperately at the ex-watcher, who sadly shook his head.

 

"I'm afraid that won't work. The only way to reverse this particular spell, would be to exchange one soul for the other. Technically, someone would have to die, and give his or her soul, willingly in exchange for Angel's soul. And even if you somehow found someone to do that, well I don't know that Angel would ever be able to live with himself, knowing someone else died to let him live."

 

They all just sat in silence taking in what he said.

 

Finally, Fred spoke. "So, it is actually a possibility that we could bring Angel back then? You know, if we just happened to find someone willing to give up their soul?"

 

"Yes, although, performing a spell like that is highly dangerous and requires a great deal of power. I don't know if even Willow here could…"

 

"No." She interrupted him, looking panicked. "I, I can't."

 

Spike looked at her, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright luv. You don't have to."

 

"Uh, I think I could probably do it," Cordelia interjected.

 

"What?" Wesley looked surprised.

 

"Uh, Wes? There's a lot of stuff you need to be caught up on. But, um basically, Willow can't do magick anymore, and it turns out I have some cool super demony powers. I think I could do it. Actually I think I could do it pretty easily as long as I had both Angelus and the other person together for a moment. Course, we still need someone willing to give up their soul."

 

"Yeah, gee, where's an extra soul when you need one?" Gunn thought out loud. For a moment everyone just thought, and suddenly it hit them all at once. Turning their heads, with the exception of Wesley who was still looking rather confused, they all looked at Spike.

 

"What?" He asked, complete incomprehension on his face.

 

~~~*~~~

 

He walked into the bedroom, and closed the door, looking at the redhead sitting quietly on the bed. She had excused herself when they started talking about the soul-exchanging spell. He could see by the look on her face that she had been crying.

 

"When?" She asked simply, not looking up.

 

"Tonight. Cordelia believes he will come back here tonight. She and I will be waiting for him."

 

"Oh." She continued to stare at her hands, trying desperately to hold back her tears.

 

"You ok, pet?" He looked at her, deep concern on his face. She nodded slightly, afraid to speak.

 

"You know, one word from you and I won't do it," he told her.

 

Her head snapped up suddenly and her eyes looked wild. "No! You have to do this." She paused for a moment, looking as if deep in thought. "This is why Spike. This is why she was brought back...for this. I was stupid to think..." She trailed off and looked down again, tears about to spill over.

 

"To think what?"

 

"She came for me," she whispered. He just sat, waiting for her to say more.

 

"I should never have thought that. After everything I've done, I should never have expected..."

 

"What? To be happy? To be loved? And to love back? Why should you not have that?" He sounded angry now.

 

"Why?!" She was yelling back at him. "I nearly killed everyone that loves me AND tried to destroy the world!" Silent tears were now spilling down her flushed cheeks.

 

"Red, you made a mistake."

 

"Spike, that is NOT a mistake. Oops, I bought the wrong size shirt. That's a mistake. Oops, I staked someone I thought was a vampire. That's a mistake. Oops I just purposely hurt and tried to kill you? That's not a mistake. You don't know how it feels to have done all that and then to live with it. It's killing me."

 

"Pet, I've done far, far worse than you. I've killed hundreds..."

 

"But you have an excuse! You're evil. Right? It's what you do. You had no soul."

 

"And you're not evil and you have a good, kind soul. You've been put through hell more times than you can count, lost the one you loved more than once and yeah, you messed up. You did some bad things. But you have a soul and you're a good person." He lifted her head up, his hands lightly holding her chin and looked her right in the eyes.

 

"Willow, you deserve to be loved and to love. You deserve to be happy." She choked back a sob as she looked at him.

 

"What?"

 

"I-I'm never going to see that look again after tonight. The way she...when I knew, I was wonderful." He ran his fingers down her cheek, tenderly catching her tears.

"What will I do without you? I can't...I can't let you go."

 

He knew she was talking to the witch now, one last time.

 

"You're strong. So strong, and good and kind and loving. You'll be ok, I promise. I love you" He let the words spill from his lips, without thought, whispering the last part, before leaning in and kissing her. She kissed back hungrily, gripping his shoulders and pulling him closer, desperate for his touch.

 

Finally she pulled back, feeling the need to breath overwhelm her want for him. He looked down at her, his hands resting on her hips, not wanting to let go of her, now or ever. He could see what she wanted by the look in her eyes, and quickly swept her up and laid her down on the bed before joining her at her side. One hand slide slowly up from her ankle, gliding slightly over her leg, raising goose bumps on the exposed flesh. He leaned in again and felt a jolt go through him as he kissed her. He knew she was thinking of her former girlfriend. She could close her eyes and think of her, feel her, and that was fine. At least he could have her, even if she wasn't thinking of him. At least this one time, he could show her that she could still be loved.

 

She reached for him desperately, pulling him in as closely as she could, wanting to feel him against her. She longed to feel his hands on flesh, his lips on her lips, his tongue wrestling with hers. She ran her hands along his strong arms and closed her eyes for a moment, smiling slightly at how comfortable and safe she felt. She knew it was just the soul making him react this way. He was probably imagining it was Buffy, but she didn't care. Tonight he was hers, and at least for this one night, she could feel loved again. She could feel wonderful again.

 

~~~*~~~

 

She snuggled up close to his cool body, pulling the sheets up more over herself, covering a little bit of her nakedness. Her head was resting on his chest and he had his arm around her shoulders, stroking her hair.

 

"Not gettin all modest on me now, are you luv? A bit late for that, don't you think?" She smiled up at him and snuggled a little closer.

 

"We have to go soon," she said softly.

 

"Yeah I know," he sighed, not wanting to loose the last precious moments.

 

"When you go, to do the spell, I'm leaving. It would be best not to have to see each other afterwards." She told him. He just nodded.

 

"I don't think I could..."

 

"I understand, pet. I get it," he told her. He kissed the top of her head and then laid for a bit longer in comfortable, comforting silence.

 

~~~*~~~

 

Night fell, and they waited. They knew it wouldn't be long. Gunn and Fred had insisted on being there, to help, in case they found themselves in more trouble than they could handle. As the door to the lobby burst open, they stood, weapons ready, and saw nearly a dozen vampires enter the building. Immediately the fighting began. As he struggled with two vampires at once, Spike noticed that there didn't seem to be any sign of Angelus anywhere, though he had little time to dwell on that just then.

 

~Part: 8~

 

Willow had just finished packing up her things and was getting ready to leave, when she heard a knock at the door. Assuming it was Spike, coming back for a final goodbye, she sighed and went to open the door. As she looked up at the figure in the doorway, she jumped back, startled and started to move away from him.

 

"Angelus?" She looked at him in terror.

 

"Willow, I thought maybe we could play another game. What do you think?" She looked around desperately for a means of escape.

 

"Oh, and don't worry. No one will come up and disturb us. They're all busy playing with some friends of mine." He smiled wickedly at her and stepped into the room. He walked over to the bag sitting on the bed and looked through its contents. "Planning on leaving already Willow? But I just got here."

 

She saw her moment, and took it. As he was looking through the bag, she edged over to the door and just as he turned around to look at her, she darted out and down the hall. Seeing an open door, she quickly ran in and shut the door, turning the lock. Looking around, she saw that she was in an old library, full of rows of books. It was strange how much it reminded her of the library in high school, before they blew it up of course, and had a flashback of hiding in the stacks only to have one tipped on her, knocking her unconscious. She shivered and ran toward the rows of books.

 

Angelus stalked down the hallway, seething with Anger. He was stopping at each door, pushing it open and peering inside. When he got to one that was locked, he stopped and smiled a little.

 

"Oh Wil-low?" He called in a sickeningly sweet tone, before violently kicking the door open and stepping inside. "Willow, you can run, and you can hide, but you DO know I WILL find you. You know these little games just get me that much hotter, don't you?" He started walking towards the rows of shelves, very slowly strolling from one to the next. She was leaning against the end of the last row, trying desperately to control her breathing and figure out what to do.

 

"Wil-low," he called out in that same sing-songy voice. Slowly he walked down one of the aisles, running a hand lazily along the bookbindings. "You always were the little book worm, weren't you?" He turned and walked up the next aisle, pausing quietly for a moment before continuing his slow stroll. "You know what one of the neat things about being a Vampire is, Willow? If you're really quiet, and you listen real hard, you can actually hear a human's heart beat. Especially when that human is scared. Are you scared Willow?"

 

Just as she decided to make another run for it, a hand shot out and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her back against a cold, hard body. His hand immediately went up to her neck, squeezing slightly, while the other one held her firmly in place.

 

"Now isn't this just giving you the weirdest sense of deja-vu? Seems like we've been in this position before, haven't we Willow?"

 

He squeezed her neck a little harder, eliciting a small cry from her, before leaning in a little further and whispering, "Course this time, none of your little friends are here to save you."

 

"Guess again, Angelus." He spun them around and looked towards the doorway to see Spike and Cordelia standing there.

 

"That little group of party crashers you sent in was a lot of fun, Angelus. Now, let. Her. Go." Spike demanded through clenched teeth.

 

"Don't think so Spikey," Angel replied. "Not quite done playing yet."

 

"Well, I know some fun games myself, mate. Why don't we say you and me have a go? Or did havin that soul for so long wear you down? Not the big manly man you once were, hmm? Gotta stick to helpless little chits like that, is it? Mighty pathetic if you ask me." He could see Angelus growing angrier, and knew it would only be a moment before the redhead would be forgotten.

 

Suddenly Angelus flung the girl from his grasp onto the floor and she quickly scrambled to the corner, away from the two, now both in full demon face.

 

"Come on Spike, my boy…let's have a go," Angelus growled.

 

"Love to," Spike replied right before lunging at him. Willow remained cowering in the corner and Cordelia watched from the doorway, waiting for a moment when she could step in and perform the spell. She knew it would only take a moment, but with the punches that were rapidly flying, she was a little afraid she would get knocked out before she had a chance to do anything.

 

Then suddenly, without even realizing what was happening, she started to do that glowing thing again. Both vampires stopped and were staring at her. She walked slowly over to them, and before any of them knew what she was doing, she placed a hand on a chest of both vampires and started whispering something no one could understand. Both men yelled out and fell to their knees, holding their heads in their hands, and then after a moment the glowing ended. The three of them all opened their eyes and looked around. Cordelia and Angel looked at each other, she making sure he did indeed have his soul back.

 

"Cordelia?" Angel looked at in complete confusion. "What happened? I don't…" Suddenly memories of what had happened and what he had done started to flood his mind and his eyes glossed over. "Oh god….I…."

 

She moved over to him, wrapping her arms around him. "Shhh, Angel, it's ok. It's over now. It's over."

Spike, suddenly remembering what was happening, looked up and over to the corner where Willow had been, only to see that she was gone. He got up and ran to her room, finding it empty and seeing that her bag was now gone as well.

 

"She left." He turned to see Fred standing at the door. "She thought it was best."

 

"Yeah, I know," he said softly, looking down at the floor.

 

"So, it worked then? You don't have the soul anymore?"

 

"It's gone," he whispered hoarsely before walking out of the room and leaving the hotel.

 

~~~*~~~

 

"So, I'm thinkin we should order a pizza and just rent a movie tonight, what do you think?" Xander looked at Buffy and Dawn waiting for the answer. They both nodded in approvement.

 

"Sounds good to me," Buffy looked over to Dawn.

 

"Yeah, but can we have peppers and anchovies?" Dawn asked excitedly, eliciting an "Ewwwww," from the two other people.

 

"All right, I'll just call and..." Xander stopped mid-sentence and looked up as the door in the kitchen slowly opened and he saw her standing there.

 

"Oh my god..." Dawn whispered, grabbing Buffy's hand. "Willow."

 

"Will?" Xander looked at her for a moment, not moving an inch. "You're back? You're ok. You are ok, right?" She nodded and then smiled a little, stepping into the house. That was enough for him. Immediately, he moved to her, snatching her up in a giant bear hug.

 

"Oh god Willow, I'm sooo glad you're home."

 

She gasped for lack of air and giggled a little. "Xander, I love you too, but breathing becoming a problem."

 

"Oh, sorry...oh!" He took a stop back and pointed at her. "You spoke! Oh god Willow, it sounds sooo good to hear you speak again!" She smiled at him and moved over to hug Buffy and Dawn.

 

~~~*~~~

 

"So, Angelus, and...and Tara and Spike...and...wow...I don't know what to say," Buffy listening as Willow told her all that had happened.

 

"I-I know it wasn't him. I mean, when he was with me, the way he was, it was Tara, I know, but I can't help but feel this thing for him now, even though I know she's gone. I mean, I saw her soul leaving. I felt it, but still..." she looked at Buffy, guilt in her eyes.

 

"No, Willow, I understand. Spike with a soul has got to be a lot different than just plain old soulless Spike, and even Spike without a soul…when he loves, he loves completely."

 

"Yeah, but he loves you."

 

"Maybe, but I think that what he felt for me, it was more an obsession than it was love. The way he was, the things he did...that isn't love. What he did for you? That's love, Willow."

 

"But that was just Tara."

 

"Well, again with the maybe, but maybe not. I think some of that was actually Spike too. I'm not sayin run to the alter with him. Just, and believe me, I can't believe I'm saying this, but don't doubt that he cares about you, Will."  Willow nodded her head slowly and they both stood up.

 

"Well, I really should go finish patrolling. Heading home?"

 

"Yeah, in a few. I'll see you there."

 

Buffy gave her friend a warm hug before turning and heading off, stake in hand.

 

Willow turned and looked at the gravestone with her girlfriend's name etched in. She smiled a little and whispered, "God, I miss you so much."

 

"Missed you too, Red." She whirled around to find herself staring up into deep blue eyes.

 

"Spike?"

 

"Didn't know if you'd want to see me or not, but I couldn't help myself. What can I say, I'm a selfish man." He smiled a little at her, to which she smiled back and shook her head.

 

"So, what are you going to do now?"

 

"Don't know really. The chip is gone," he waited to see her reaction before continuing. She frowned and looked down. "Guessing I can pretty much go anywhere I want in the world now."

 

She looked up at him, her face it's usual mask of unreadable emotion.

 

After what felt like an eternity she finally whispered, "You could stay here. Wi-with me?"

 

Hearing her response, he reached out, gently pulling her to him and kissing her deeply. When they finally parted, she looked up into his eyes, and he ran a hand along the fading scare on her cheek.

 

"Is that what you want?" He asked quietly.

 

"Yes," she whispered back, her voice shaking from emotion. Suddenly her eyes widened as she took a slight step back and studied his face.

 

"What?"

 

"Th-that look…"

 

He took her chin in his hand and tilter her head up a bit more whispering in her ear, "You ARE wonderful, Willow," before once again claiming her lips, and heart, with his own.

 

End