Note:  This dilemma has been edited in order to keep it within the bounds of good taste.  Keep them coming in though folks!  Even if it can't be put on public view, I still get to enjoy reading the emails! 
           Jo   xxxx

Red and raw rhubarb rash (sent in by Patrick - full name and email withheld)

Featured Dilemma:

Dear Aunty Jo,

Whilst experimenting with a stick of rhubarb (use your imagination, *** ***** ***), I am now experiencing some problems.  Firstly, I have a pink rhubarby ********* (looking very much like stewed rhubarb) and my ********** ***** now looks like a stick of rhubarb.

Can you recommend any cream as I've heard you've had this dilemma before?  We have tried custard, and although it tastes nice, Devon knows how they make it so creamy.

Please help!

P.S.  Do you know why cows and sheep are put in the same field?   Does this have anything to do with the rhubarb crop rotation?

Dear  Patrick,

Firstly, I just want to say that I am very glad that you felt able to tell me about this problem that you have been having.  Too many of us are too shy or embarassed to admit to any difficulties we might be having with rhubarb.

I would advise being a little bit less carefree in your use of vegetable matter.  Yes, we all know it's fun, but it's also serious, because of the risks involved.  Back in the heady days of free rhubarb we could all do what we wanted, couldn't we?  But then in the eighties we found out about fertilisers, and their potentially fatal consequences.

Make sure you only ever use rhubarb in the context of an exclusive and loving relationship.  And of course, ALWAYS USE PROTECTION.   That means either thorough washing of the rhubarb before use, OR keeping it in it's protective cellophance packaging.

See your G.P. about your current problem.  My guess is it can be cured by a course of antibiotics.

As for the sheep and cows, I don't know!  Maybe they just appreciate a bit of variety.

Keep well, Sweetie.

Jo.   xxxxx