Won't Cook, Won't Cook

For Seddonism FM'99 I developed a satire of the 'Ready Steady Cook'/'Can't Cook, Won't Cook' style of TV show. I wrote 10 but when I came to do them on the radio, the sketches didn't really work, and so the item was dropped. I still think they're quite funny though.

The Host, Fem Buttocks is in italics
The Chef, Paisley Cheverolet is in bold
The Contestant is in normal text.

They say that too many cooks spoil the broth, so thank goodness we�ve just the one. Meet our celebrated celibate celebrity chef, Paisley Cheverolet.
Yes (scornfully)
And our contestant, Roman Viaduct.
Alright.
Roman, I understand, you have an interesting hobby, is that right?
Yes, Ferm, despise humanity.
Mmm, interesting.
I long for the day that the purulent face of mankind is wiped from the face of the earth.
Interesting.
Each second brings ever closer the day that I will command my army of trained greenfly to wipe the earth of the disease of humanity.
I�m sorry?
Nothing.
You definitely just said something.
No, you must be mistaken.
Anyway, is your hobby a lot of fun?
Not really.
So, Roman, what have you brought in for Paisley to prepare?
A zebra carcass, the front grill of my old Volkswagen, some anthrax, some old twigs, and 5 challotes.
Paisley, using your almost magical cooking skills, what delights do you think you�ll concoct for us?
To be honest, I don�t think I�ll bother.
Yeah, there doesn�t seem to be much point.
Well, that�s all for now. And in fact all until the next time that were on, which will be then. So until then, bye!