Monty Python for the Millennium-
The Dead Tamagatchi

Monty Python recently reformed for a TV special, but here's a modern day update of a sketch that didn't make it onto the show...

Hello, I wish to register a complaint. Hello, Miss?
What d�you mean �miss�?
Oh, I'm sorry. I have a cold. I wish to complain about this cyber pet that I purchased not half an hour from this very boutique.
Oh yes, the dinosaur tamagatchi. What�s wrong with it?
I�ll tell you what�s wrong with it my lad. It�s dead. That�s what�s wrong with it.
Nah. It�s not. It�s resting.
Resting?
Yeah, resting. Remarkable machine the Tamagatchi, ennit, beautiful keyring!
The keyring don�t enter into it. It�s stone dead.
No it�s not. It�s resting.
Well if it�s resting, I'll wake it up. Hello Dino! I�ve got a lovely microchip for you if you wake up Mr Dino the dinosaur!
<<Bang>>
There, he moved.
You just flicked it with your finger!
I didn�t.
Hello Dino! Wakey wakey! <bang> Rise and shine! <bang> This is your nine o�clock alarm call! <bang>.... Now that�s what I call a dead Tamagatchi.
Nah! He�s stunned.
Stunned?!
Yeah you stunned him just as he was waking up. Dinosaur cyber pets stun easily.
Look my lad. I�ve had enough of this. That Tamagatchi is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour, you assured me that it�s total lack of activity was down to it being tired and shagged out after a long trip from Japan.
Well, it�s pining for the Jurassic era.
Pining for the Jurassic era?! What kind of talk is that? Why didn�t it move at all when I got it back home?
Well, your Tamagatchi prefers to remain motionless. Conserves energy!
Look, I took the liberty of examining my cyber pet when I got home, and I found out that the only reason the dinosaur had been on the screen in the first place, was that it had been drawn there.
Well of course it had been drawn there. I mean, if I hadn�t drawn it on, it would have gone from that screen and voom!
Look here mate, this Tamagatchi, wouldn�t voom if you put four thousand volts through it!! It�s bleeding demised!
Nah. It�s pining.
It�s not pining, it�s passed on; this Tamagatchi is no more, it has ceased to be, it�s expired and gone to meet its maker. It�s a stiff and bereft of life , it rests in peace. If you hadn�t drawn it on the screen, it would be pushing up electric dazies. This is an ex-Tamagatchi.
Well I'd better replace it then... Sorry squire, had a look, but we�re fresh out of Tamagatchi.
What else do you have?
I�ve got an Atari.
Is it alive?
Er... yes.
Well, I�ll have that then.

Based on the 'Dead Parrot' sketch.