Tom 'Harry' Harris

Every now and then I get emailed by my friend Harry (AKA Tom Harris) with funny ideas & stuff, so I'll occasionally post them up here. And make it known that in no way is he a fascist control freak.

Whilst not doing my dissertation I was messing about with Word and
found an interesting feature, so I concocted the following:

"The cat sat on the mat. Understand?"

If you undertake a spelling and grammar check using Microsoft Word,
the summary box which appears upon completion of the check offers
two interesting statistics. The first is Flesch reading ease, a percentage
which shows how easy to read a sentence is. This introduction is,
according to this evaluation, 51 per cent readable. The second is
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level, which estimates the year a school pupil
who could understand the sentence would be in. This introduction,
according to this estimate, would be understood by a school pupil in
year 10 or above.

Let us look at the readability of variations of the common expression:
'the cat sat on the mat.'

              Readability (%)  School year

The cat sat on the mat.      100    0

The cat was sitting on the mat.    100    0.6

The cat wanted to sit on the nearest mat.     94    2.2

The cat thought about sitting on the mat.     93    2.2

The cat enjoyed sitting on the mat.        91    2.3

The cat considered sitting on the mat.      79    3.9

Cats usually like sitting on mats.        74    4.4

Cats may give thought to relative mat positions. 72    5.2

It is arguable that the fibrous nature of mats is,
on the whole, appealing to cats.        69    6.8

There is a link between feline characteristics
and mat desire.           53    8.3

A mat which is closer to a cat than another mat
has a higher chance of being selected by
that cat for sitting upon.         49    9.5

It is unsurprising that cats must make an
approximation regarding mat position.       33  11.1

Complex mat juxtapositions may confuse
the average cat.           30  11.7

Cats do not understand the imposition of
anthropomorphic philosophies 
pertaining to their preference for mats.       17  12

Whilst cats appreciate mats to a high degree,
they prefer to sit on pieces of paper that have
been placed on the floor, particularly if the
aforesaid document is of great importance
to a human being.           11  12

(c) Tom Harris, 2000 - the only e-mail joke I have ever written and
certainly the only one I will ever circulate.

New names for boy bands that haven't yet been used:

Piccadilly Line
Circle Line
District Line
Metropolitan Line
Bakerloo Line
Hammersmity and City Line
Central Line
East London Line
Docklands Light Railway
Thameslink
Connex South Eastern
London, Tilbury and Southend Railway
912
913
914
123
456
789
Pi (3.1415927)
Backyard Boys
Backward Boys
Backalley Boys
Backpassage Boys
Backbacon Boys
Backgammon Boys
Backtothefuture Boys


As a side-swipe at Andrew Walters and his ilk who stick achievements at the end of their emails, Harry created his own little list...
"By the way, since I wrote it I have done another debate, and been
awarded Honorary Life Membership of the Debating Society. Which was nice."

University Radio Exeter (130 shows)
>Publicity Officer 2000
>Secretary 1999-2000
>FM Controller 1999
>Misunderstood Control Freak who at least got the job done for FM 1999
Exeter University Debating Society (72 debates)
>Honorary Life Member
>Debates Officer 2000
>Best Speaker and Heath Shield 2000
I>nter-mural Competition Winner 1999
>Exeter A team speaker 1998-2000
>Ranked 16th in UK on retirement
>President 1998-9
>Publicity Officer 1997-8
Exepose (47 articles)
>Editor 1999
>News Editor 1998-9
>News Reporter 1997-8
Exeter University Challenge
>Team Captain 1999
Exeter University Guild of Students
> Chair of Disciplinary Tribunals 1999
Alleyn Old Boys Cricket Club (110 runs, 27 wickets)
>Sunday XI Captain 2000
>Fixtures Secretary 1998-2000
>3rd XI Captain 1997-9
>Club Man of the Year 1997
>Alleyn's School Cricket Club
>2nd XI Captain 1996-7
>Colours 1996 and 1997
Alleyn's School Debating Society
>President 1995-7
>Best Speaker 1996
Non Cricketers Cricket Club
> Captain 1993-5
Alleyn's School (7 years, 10 GCSEs, 3 A-levels)
>Outstanding Contribution Prize 1997
>Class of '97 Year Book Editor 1997
>Mock General Election Winner 1997
>Tyson's House Captain 1996-7
>Inter-Form Quiz Co-ordinator 1996-7
>Jet Magazine Founding Editor 1990-4

Harry acts as a saviour to the URE discussion board, who get confused about their left and right...

This logo confusion has, astonishingly, been founded on a difference of
perspective. Are we talking about looking at someone wearing the shirt, or
are we the person wearing it?

Looking at the person wearing the shirt, the logo's on the right. The
heart is also marginally to the right.

If I am wearing the shirt, I will say "the logo is on my left breast. My
heart's also slightly over to the left of my body."

I do hope that clears it up.

Harry

8/5/2000
Two other things:

(1) All the produce on the shelves of "Supermarket Sweep" is genuine. The
fresh food tends to go bad under studio lights, so instead of using fake
food (after all, it will never be eaten), the producers get the entire
fresh stock re-supplied every single day!

(2) Conversation I heard in town recently, which I think sums up the
laid-back nature of our townsfolk:

Yokel 1: Ullo John, what you been doing today?
Yokel 2: Oh, just wanderin'.
Yokel 1: Nice one. I be off to buy a pump.

All material written by Harry Harris

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