Hello Dolly- The Making of A Musical
Cast
Announcer
Narrator
Writer: Nicen Hard
Director: Dick Bill-Platypus
Technical Advisor: Dr. Chris Elmer.
Next on Radio 4: �Dolly, the Making of a Musical�. Mark Seddon follows the production process of the latest musical to hit the London West End, based on the cloned sheep, Dolly. Mark, it�s over to ewe.
<Theme tune, with jingle �Treading the boards�>
I�m standing centre stage in the Neptune theatre, one of the most famous and respected in the London West End, where the Bible based musical- �Samson- hair today, gone tomorrow� has just finished a successful 3 year run. �Dolly the musical� is about to take up residency, hoping to emulate the success of its predecessor, and has just a few weeks for casting, last minute script changes, and final choreography.
You see, �Dolly� is more than just a story about a sheep...
Nicen Hard is the writer.
...the issue of cloning is all about the new millennium, and peoples fear of that- this extends to the entire human experience and goes as far to questioning the role of god in our society today. That�s why I used a slight artistic license- small details, really, the change of a shepherd�s name from Geoffrey to Jesus, and padding the story a little.
Padding?
For instance, the inclusion of the scene where Welsh farmers kidnap Dolly, that kind of thing.
Top musical director, Dick Bill-Platypus was involved with the project from the start.
I saw Dolly as a fantastic project, a real galvanising opportunity. I'm rather fond of kebabs too, mind you, i had one the other day- sheesh it was bad! And so, quite naturally, I�m very excited about the whole thing. Admittedly, Nicen does play on the Jesus/ Dolly parallels a little too much for my liking, but one has to bear these plot eccentricities to allow true genius to surface.
<song>
I�ve found you now at last
What a stroke of luck
You dirty man- the sheep is for science
Not for you to f<cut song>
Dick Bill-Platypus has some radical ideas for this musical, the 23rd that he has scored.
It occurred to me that the musical genre was so typecast, so stuck in a rut- so I wanted to be a little bit more experimental- shake things up a little. With this in mind, I contacted some modern popular artists to contribute, for instance, Poof Daddy.
Puff, Dick?
No thanks Nicen, I�m sorted for the moment.
<song, with some daft loop, classical bits and extra drum beats>
a one two a one two
Dolly she the sheep from the ghetto
She a modern messiah- she challenge your halo
They clone you, but you one of a kind
Your woolly coat it mess wit my mind
Why they wanna kill ewe?
Why they wanna kill ewe?
Nicen wanted a certain amount of scientific credibility to his script, and so hired, as a scientific advisor, Dr Chris Elmer.
You have to understand, Mark that I�m a palaeontologist, so my expertise lies in dinosaurs, specifically in the Jurassic period, but I have the training to turn my hand to anything. Excuse me, I have to return to my script. Hmm, yes... a sheep talking, that seems right.
But Dr. Elmer�s quest for a grounding of the musical in scientific theory has landed him in conflict with the writer.
Come on, Please!
Look, I�ve told you before- no!
Come on, if we have a dinosaur in it it�ll make �Dolly� so much more exciting.
No!
It would be such a good end to the first half if a Tyrannosaurus Rex tore up the set.
No!
What about a velociraptor?
No!
Triceratops?
No!
<song>
Look out its the evil Dr Wilmut!
I�ve cloned every kind of animal between now and then.
A ewe called dolly and every kind of hen.
If animal is to be cloned it has to survive
But why clone animals that are already alive.
You environmentalists are a nuisance a real hex-
What do you make of my newly cloned T. Rex?
<rrooooaaaar!>
�Dolly� really seems to be shaping up, and it opens soon. So, until then we can only speculate whether Dolly is up to chop, or if it�s mutton dressed as lamb.
<music out>
You've herd what they have to say. Mark seddon, the maker of that documentary will be on any answers later. I think the Musical has a veal chance of Success. Next on Radio Four, the ArchBishop of Lambeth asks: "Is evil really bad?"
