Andrex The Thick Toilet Roll

Hello, Headmaster?
Ah, yes. Who are you.
Mr. Jenkins, the supply teacher.
Oh yes of course, welcome to the Toilet Roll College... Who did you say you were?
Mr Jenkins.
Of course of course. Now. Mr....
Jenkins?
Who?
Me Sir, I�m Mr Jenkins.
I�m sure you are my son. You don�t have to keep on going on about it. Now. Mr. Thrush, do you have much experience in teaching toilet rolls.
I�m afraid I don�t have much experience. But it�s Mr Jenkins, not Mr Thrush.
I�m sorry. I was thinking of my wife.
That�s perfectly alright, sir.
Now Mr. Clamidia, the thing you have to remember with toilet rolls, especially the young ones, is to make sure that they don�t get too close to the class� pet hamster cage.
Why�s that?
Well the hamsters love nothing more than to chew on toilet rolls, you see, Mr Herpes.
Jenkins.
I know, I know. I�m growing worried by your egocentricity Mr Ovum.
I wonder, sir. Could you tell me a little about my class.
Certainly, Mr Cystitis. You�re be taking 3B, that�s the strong and long set.
I see.
Now. There�s one boy in your class, name of Andrex. Not a bright boy. He�s thicker, than ordinary rolls.
How so, sir?
Well, Mr. Smear, he�s great at absorbency, I�ll give you that, but he�s simply useless at algebra, and as for calculus, well, pah!
What about other, non math subjects.
He�s even worse, Mr. Cervix.
What about science?
Science? Science! don�t talk to me about science, Mr. Ovum, the boy can�t even distil. How could he possibly get a job in industry without a working knowledge on distilling.
How�s he on English?
English? English!Can�t even speak. He�s useless.
Well, he is a toilet roll.
That is not an excuse, Mr. Crabs. Come on, give me another subject.
Economics?
Economics? Economics! Useless! I can�t foresee a life in business school with his credentials.
Come on, it can�t be so bad.
No, Mr. Piles, it is. Andrex has failed every single one of his exams. To be honest, I can�t see anything in his future other than working in a toilet.