Seddonism Presents...

Interviews From History
Marylin Monroe

We�ve had some famous guests from Hollywood before, but none as purrfect as our next one. This megastar�s meteoric rise to fame must surely mark her as the sexual icon of this century. I�d like to welcome to the show, Miss Marylin Monroe.
Hiya Mark!
So, Marylin, what�s it like being the hot new thing in the movies?
S�alright. I mean, it�s better than working down the chippie.
Well, yes, I suppose it would be.
But of course, I didn�t get to the top immediately.
No?
No, of course not. I had to sha- erm, audition for the directors first.
Sounds hard.
Oh, yeah, it was hard. A little small, though.
Sorry?
My first role. it was only a bit part.
Right. So, I imagine you must get a lot of strange fans.
Oh yeah, I mean I was taken up the rear entrance on the way here.
What! Sorry?
To avoid all of the fans waiting at the front, like.
Oh, right. The most famous scene that you�ve been in is the one from the �Seven Year Scratch�.
Itch.
Bless you. Where you�re wearing that white dress that gets blown upwards, could you tell us how that came about?
Well, the thing is, the night before shooting, me and a few of the lads from the crew went for a beer and a curry. Do you like curry?
Some like it hot, but I don�t like it too spicy.
Pity. Well, for the whole of the next day I was trumping like anything. Then, during one important scene I really let one rip, blowing my dress over the top of my head. I tell you, I could have died of embarrassment.
Yeah, just imagining that scene on the big screen.
No- it was the smell- we had to leave the set for a couple of hours.
By now, you must have reached the pinnacle of your acting career- where can you possibly go next?
Well, actually a lot of Senators have expressed an interest in entering me... into politics.
What part would you stand for?
Oh? Are there different ones?
Yes.
Right. Well, if my presidential conquest isn�t reached, I could always fall back on by job as a party caterer.
Well, that�s all the time we have for now, thank you for joining us, Marylin Monroe!
Cheers. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Mr. DJ, happy birthday to youuu <koff koff>