THE MARK APPEAL


Mark is just a boy of 19 years yet is completely unable to move. We desperately need your help to raise �50 thousand pounds to pay for a BMW. Just imagine what it would be like, sitting about all day, relying totally on Public transport for help. How much would you pay for a  fully functioning body that works properly.
Send cheques to Mark Seddon�s BMW fund at the radio station, or phone me and I�ll walk over and pick it up.


Mark is a young man of just 19 years but since moving away from home has been completely unable to see. We desperately need to raise �200. Just imagine what it would be like, sitting in your room late at night, staring into nothing. How much would you pay for a fully functioning body that works properly? Send cheques to Mark�s TV fund at the Radio Station or meet me at the Cinema on Wednesday.


Mark is a young man of just 19 years but is completely unable to hear. We desperately need �3000 for a state of the art surroundsound digital multiCD system to enable Mark to once again mosh the night away. How much would you pay for a fully functioning body that works properly? Please drop any unwanted CDs or WH Smith vouchers in internal mail, or call with a pledge.

Mark is a young man of only 19 years of age but is unable to smell. We desperately need your help to purchase cocaine of a street value of �15,000 to enable him to plug those sinus channels. How much would you pay for a fully functioning body that works properly? Send cheques to Marks Crack Campaign or meet me around the back of the old churchyard if you want to leave any larger donations.


Mark is a young man of just 19 years but is without a place to lay his head. Please help us to raise �175,000 to buy a cozy 3 bedroom semi with heated indoor swimming pool. Send cheques and estate agents brochures to Marks campaign for luxury here at the station or to my flat.


Mark is a young man of just 19 years but is bereft of the sensation of taste. We need to raise just �2.88 for a large extra value meal. Please leave your pennies in the collection boxes in and around campus, or meet Mark when he�s having lunch tomorrow. How much would you pay for a fully functioning body that works properly?


Mark is a young man of just 19 years but is completely unable to feel. If you are blonde and have big breasts then.. actually no, all you need are big breasts, a tiny bikini and loose morals. If you fulfill these criteria then you can arouse feeling in an area of Mark�s body that has been sorely underused recently- his hands, then have a word in the corner of the Lemmy on Friday. Alternatively send cheques to �Mark�s Groping Fund�. How much would you pay for a fully functioning body that works properly?


Mark is a young man of just 19 years of age but has been struck down by a bad sense of fashion. He desperately needs �300 to go on a designer label shopping spree. So drop in cheques and Ben Sherman shirts, preferably ironed, to Mark.


Mark is a young man of just 19 years but is unable to drink. We desperately need to raise �15 to buy 10 pints of Stella. Drop in all donations and cans of lager to Mark, or meet him down the Red Cow on Friday. How much would you pay for a fully functioning body that works properly?


I ran this item on various shows as a kind of false appeal. No one was stupid enough to believe it, unfortunately.