Time For An Ad Break...


�Ooooh! I hate the way money jangles around in my pocket!�
Do you hate the way money jangles around in your pocket? The you need chasusol, cash, in an aerosol form. Transactions become quick and efficient, with no jingely jangely cash.

In the mood for a drunken brawl? Phone pissed Dan and his simple friend Ian, and they�ll endeavour to smack you up nice and proper. Pissed Dan for all your pissed rumbling needs.

If you hate having your photo taken because you think you�ll look silly...
�I hate having my photo taken because I think I�ll look silly!�
Well, you need a �Paranoid� camera, the camera that thinks people are looking at it all the time, and so will take only the very best photos.

Come to Fat Joe Fatt�s Fat House of Fat for fat people. Try from the many types of fat available, and sample the complimentary lard dip at the bar, and discuss the Music of Phats Domino.

Offal! You may think it�s awful, but we think it�s great! At the Offal centre we�ve got over 40 types of offal, all at discount prices. The Offal Centre, around the back of �The Smiling Cow� abattoir.

Do you just keep on putting on weight, no matter how hard you try? Here at the �Poohole Dietary Centre� we recommend �The Laxative Diet�. Just one tablet for breakfast, one for lunch, one for dinner and one for luck and WOW! The pounds just seem to drop out.
�Hi, I�m Tom Selleck, star of Magnum PI and I recommend the laxative diet. I lost over 10 stone thanks to the Poohole Centre!�

Do you yearn for the taste of bloodied meat, but are worried by all this BSE stuff. We present to you the only safe alternative to a hamburger- the squirrel burger, from your park to your plate. Squirrel burgers, in all good stores with ice compartments.

Having trouble getting around? Feeling short and stumpy? You need legs. That�s right. Legs- at the bottom of most bodies.

Do you have a build up of dried snot in your nose? You should use your finger, at the end of all good hands now!

Ooh, wow, I can see your brain through that glass!
That�s right, it�s because I�ve got my brain in a glass.
Cool!
I didn�t use to have many friends but now I�ve got more than a moron would know what to do with. It�s all down to my �brain in a glass�. The top of my head has been removed and replaced by a clear perspex brain display case. Be popular with your brain in a glass.
Wow! I can see your brain through that glass!
I know! <angrily>

Do De Do Do Doooo  (close encounters music)
The Aliens have landed! And they bring us �E.T. Smokes�, the Cigarette that all the cool aliens are smoking! �E.T. Smokes� are not actual alien cigarettes.