SHARDS OF MY SOUL

Pain is like blood,
Red, Quick and alive...
Grabbing at the heart.

Shadows are pieces of the night,
Escaping to live a brief, fractured life...
Knowing no purpose other then survival,
They wait... Cool.. aloof...
Till the day's blazing fingers seeks them out... 
Trying to hide from the piercing rays of the sun,
Their silent screams end in brightness.

Without trial there is no growth...
Without pain there is no regret...
Without loss there is no memory...
Without love there is no cause.

Liking is not the same as Lusting, 
Lusting is not the same as Wanting,
Wanting is not the same as Needing, 
Needing is not the same...

If I were weaker I would give in, 
If I were stronger I could give up,
If I were dimmer I wouldn't care,
If I were cleverer I would have avoided,
If I were craven I would have no choice,
If I were braver I could be sure...

To change oneself, 
first see your flaws...
To change another,
change yourself...

When I'm alone I wander....
I wander the landscape of my thoughts, 
looking at discarded fantasies, 
lost hopes and shattered dreams...
When I'm alone I travel...
I travel to the past, near and distant,
mute and unable to interfere, 
watching success and calamity come forth... 
When I'm alone I wait...
I wait for plans to unfold, 
for events to occur,
to not be alone...

Darkness calls to me, to loss myself within...
Blackness yawns wide, dark, empty and Stygian...
Shadows embrace me, giving me peace. 
(even I find this one depressing....)

A thousand times I tried...
A thousand times I endured...
A thousand times I cared...
Nobody knows...

To hide from foes I thought unbeatable, I hid within myself,
Behind a false face, I would watch and wait in helplessness,
Knowing that to be discovered would be my end...
Many times I would sneak out, trying not to draw attention to myself,
Enjoying the brief times I could be me and then hiding once more...
Given enough time a false identity becomes true,
I remember the day the me that was died. 

In the beginning I was too afraid to try... And I suffered for it...
Then I was too shy to try... And I suffered for it...
Since then I've been too nice to defend myself... And I suffered for it...
Hard won and costly lessons...
But I've always been a good student...