Title: Sacrifice Means Suicide
Author: Secret Art
E-mail: [email protected]
Category: angst, romance
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: erm, nothing specific I don’t think
Date: 18th November 2003
Summary: They both knew the order meant suicide, but they both knew she had to go
Archive: where ever you want, I’m not fussy
Feedback: can only make me better
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Author’s note: This started off as a slightly angsty mainly romantic fic but then seemed to change of its own accord to slightly romantic mainly angsty.
POV= Point of View = seeing it from their advantage or mind
Sacrifice means Suicide
Sam's POV
I stand at the edge of the camp, looking over the field, ensuring that we have everything we will need to ensure the mission will be a success. I watch Lt. Jarvis check the Naquada bomb to ensure it didn't get damaged during transport through the stargate.
The colonel walks up next to me, looking out over the camp.
"You got everything you need Carter?"
"Yes sir," I look away from Lt. Jarvis and turn to face the colonel, "I still don't agree with the mission."
"Carter, we have been through this, we have to destroy the town whilst the folk are not there. If we don't..."
"I know. If we don't destroy the weapon's stash, then when they get back they will travel through the stargate using the addresses we gave them and destroy the natives before taking over the planet." I sigh, although I know we have to destroy the weapons, we will be destroying their whole village, their lives, and I can't help but feel that makes us no better than they are.
His voice suddenly gets softer, "I hate that you have to do this, but I can't do it. You and Jarvis are the only ones that know how to work that bomb successfully. You have to do this."
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Jack’s POV
“Sir, there must be another way.” She is almost begging me now. I can hear it in her voice, but we both know that there is no choice in the matter. So I make it easier on her the only way I know how.
“Major, I am ordering you to do this,” there I said it, and watching Sam’s face I know it was the right choice. Her eyes are angry, scared and hateful all at the same time, but most of all they are relieved that I have taken the decision out of her hands. We both know the risk she is taking going on the mission with Lt Jarvis. We both know that back at the SGC it has been referred to as a suicide mission. We both know that neither of us want her to go, but most of all, we both know that she has to go; which is why I have just ordered my second in command, my friend, and most of all, the woman I love on a suicide mission.
She turns and starts walking towards the camp, and I’m just getting my pack together to head back to the Stargate, and back to the SGC when she turns back towards me.
“Sir.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t lose them.”
Most people would not understand what she was on about, but she knows me, and I know her well enough to decipher that she is telling me to bend the truth when reporting the mission, as they wouldn’t understand why I had to order her on the mission. Well, Teal’c and Hammond might, but Daniel, Jacob, Janet and most of the base wouldn’t.
“Understood,” I reply, a grin spreading on my face.
She smiles back, that amazing smile that always makes my heart beat faster, and then she is gone, and I have to go back to the SGC and pretend I don’t care, and that my heart is not breaking even further, every single step I take away from her.
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PART 2
Daniel’s POV
The Stargate springs to life and I watch out the control room window as Jack walks down, a preoccupied look on his face, and I bet I could guess what, or more specifically who, he is thinking about.
General Hammond orders Jack into the briefing room, and trailing after the General, Teal’c and Jacob Carter, I worry about what is about to happen.
When we are all sat at the table the General starts, “I take it the missions a go Colonel?”
“Yes sir, Carter and Lt. Jarvis were setting up camp as I left.”
“They accepted their orders without question?” Jacob asks, and I get the feeling that he is worried about what this mission means for Sam.
“Lt. Jarvis seemed way too happy about the mission, but Carter was a bit worried, however after a bit of persuasion accepted the mission.”
Something in Jack’s voice tells me that there was something else he’s not saying, and a quick look round the table confirms it. We all know that Jack left something out, but no one is brave enough to ask him about it.
After a bit more idle chatter, the General dismisses us after giving us downtime for the next six hours, as it will be that long before we know how the mission went.
I head off to my lab, even though I know I won’t get any work done. I also know that Jack will come down so that he is not alone, and Teal’c probably won’t want to meditate so will also come to my lab, and as I don’t feel particularly like being alone I’m headed there.
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Teal’c’s POV
We have been sat in Doctor Jackson’s lab for almost three hours now. At first, conversation was attempted but silence has long since descended, with everyone lost in their own thoughts. O’Neill keeps checking the clock, almost as if by looking at he is making the time go quicker, and I know he is thinking about Major Carter, as I imagine Doctor Jackson is, just not in the same way.
I, too, have been thinking over my time at the SGC and Major Carter, as it seems that they are almost one and the same. Whenever I am at the SGC, I see Major Carter, and whenever I see Major Carter, it is at the SGC. I have overheard people here talking about Major Carter’s lack of a life outside the SGC however I do not see this problem, as my whole life surrounds the SGC. I know that this is not the same thing as I am an ‘alien’ to them, someone who was not born on this planet, so they have no reason to expect me to have a life outside the SGC, on this planet at least.
O’Neill seems to be trying to decide something, and glancing at Daniel we share a look that tells me that he too is worried about what O’Neil is planning.
“Okay Kids, that’s it. Let's go.” He says, getting up off the chair and moving to the doorway.
“Jack, where are we going?” Daniel asks, looking slightly scared about what O’Neil has planned.
“Anywhere Daniel. Anywhere that’s not here.”
Doctor Jackson sighs, which O’Neill seems to take as acceptance, and turns to look at me.
I nod my approval, as I understand that he does not want to be here, as the base is full of memories of Major Carter, which makes it difficult to forget that she is out there on a ‘suicide mission’ while we are all in here, safe but worried.
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Hammond’s POV
It has been just over five and a half hours since the start of the mission, and the remainder of SG-1 have just returned to base. From what I heard of their conversation, they were just planning on going out, clearing their heads and seeing if they could forget for a few hours at least. I know that none of them will have stopped thinking about Sam for a minute, but they needed the break. Jacob and I, meanwhile, have been trying to keep ourselves busy by going over every single thing the SGC and Tok’ra have needed to discuss and sort out, and then everything we think they might need to sort out in the next few thousand years.
“Any news yet?” Jack asks the minute he gets into the briefing room where Jacob and me are sat.
“Not yet colonel, but there is still time,” I reply in the most positive voice I can sum up at the minute, considering I know just like the other four people around me that the longer we wait, the less chance there is that they survived.
“Unscheduled off world activation,” blares through the speakers and we all jump up and race down the stairs into the control room.
“It’s Lt. Jarvis’ code,” Sgt Davis reports, and as I order the iris open, I look across to SG-1 and Jacob, and hope for their sakes as much as for Sam’s that she comes through the gate with Lt. Jarvis.
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PART 3
Janet’s POV
General Hammond has called a medical team to the gate room, and we all know that it can only be for one reason, either Sam, Lt. Jarvis or both of them are back. I’m not naive enough to think that they will both be alright, as even if they are both still alive at least one of them will be badly injured, and may not survive even with treatment.
Shaking my head to try and clear these depressing thoughts, I take a quick look around to check we have everything we might need, and we are off.
Arriving at the gate room, I take a deep breath to try and calm myself down before nodding at the airman to open the door. Entering the gate room, I take a quick look round the room to check there is no one here already that needs treatment. Happy that there isn’t, I turn towards the gate, but first I take a peak into the control and see the rest of SG-1, General Hammond and Sam’s dad stood there watching the gate.
The gate ripples as a rock flies through the event horizon and barely misses a airman to my left. Then Lt. Jarvis walks through the gate, and a quick look over seems to imply that he has only suffered minor injuries, a few cuts and bruises. However, I do notice that he seems to be in shock and I go over to him. Touching him gently on the shoulder, he seems to come out of his trance and looks at me with eyes filled with such pain it takes my breath away.
I can hear the gate disengaging, but I am too absorbed in Lt. Jarvis’ eyes to really pay any attention.
“What happened, Son?” General Hammond’s voice comes from behind me, and turning my head slightly I can see him, SG-1 and Jacob stood at the bottom of the ramp.
Lt. Jarvis looks blankly at the General for a few moments but then seems to shake himself out of it. “Everything went well at first,” He recites in a monotone voice, “We set the charges, and were heading away towards the Stargate. Major Carter’s watch bleeped when the C4 was set to go off, but when we looked back nothing had happened. Major Carter ordered me to stay where I was while she went to check it out. I watched her enter the building and then… then…the building blew up.”
I hear a few gasps behind me, but my focus is only on the man who stood before me, almost crying as I try to find out what happened to Sam.
“I tried to get down to the building," Lt. Jarvis continued, "but there was a land slide…there was nothing I could do.”
Lt. Jarvis looks terrified of what is going to happen to him, but the General’s only response is: “You did your best…Doctor?” Looking at me, I nod, understanding that General Hammond wants me to take Lt. Jarvis away and check him out while the General deals with what is left of SG-1 and Sam’s dad.
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PART 4
Hammond’s POV
I watch Doctor Fraiser taking Lt. Jarvis to the infirmary before turning towards what is left of SG-1 and Jacob. I look at Jacob first and silently ask him if he is alright. He nods before turning and leaving, and I can only hope that Selmac will help him deal. Turning my gaze towards SG-1, I can see plainly the pain on the faces. Jack appears to be taking this quite well, but when he moves his head to look me in the eyes I can see the agony hidden in his eyes. Looking next to Doctor Jackson, he smiles weakly before looking at Jack and nodding that he will take care of him. Teal’c’s outside appearance doesn’t appear to have changed, but I am sure that he is hurting as much as the others.
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Daniel’s POV
We leave the Gate room and as we head towards the elevator, my head spins with the idea that Sam is dead. I know that Lt. Jarvis didn’t actually say that she is dead, and that General Hammond will send out a search and rescue just in case. Yet that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never met anyone who could survive a blast of that magnitude followed by a landslide. But then again, Sam has survived stranger things.
I turn to ask Jack whether he wants to talk, but he is not behind me. Looking at Teal’c, he just raises an eyebrow and I know that I am going to have to try and find Jack, as he needs to talk, whether he wants to or not.
I find him in the locker room, sat on a bench, head between his hands. He looks up as I walk over and sit down next to him. I try to think of something to say, anything, as I know that every minute longer he is left like this, the more of him I am loosing.
“She’s dead, isn’t she.”
He startles me, and I realise that I am probably not going to have to say anything, just listen. I am about to answer him when I notice his face and realise that it wasn’t a question aimed at me, he just wanted to see how it sounded out loud.
“It’s ironic,” he continues, “after all we have been through, she is killed by a explosion and a rock slide.” He laughs, before carrying on. “I always though that I would be there, not that I could have done anything, but if I was there I could have tried. I would have known that I had done my best, tried everything I could think of. Instead she had no one, she was in danger and there was no one there to risk their lives trying to save her.” He stops now, as close to crying as I have ever seen him.
I know that he is not being mean to Lt. Jarvis about Sam having no one, he just means that if it had been one of us on the hill, we wouldn’t have stopped at the rockslide, we would have kept going, until we either found her or died trying, rather than reporting back and letting people know the mission succeeded like Lt. Jarvis did. I’m waiting for Jack to carry on, but after a few minutes, I realise that I am going to have to say something, anything to try and keep him with me.
“Jack, it wasn’t your fault. She went of her own free will.” I say the first thing in my head, hoping that it will not only get him talking, but also make him feel better.
“She didn’t,” he whispers, so quietly I’m not even sure I heard it.
“What?”
“I ordered her,” he says, his voice getting louder with every word, “She didn’t want to go, and I made her, no matter how you put it I ordered her to her death!” He’s yelling now. All I can do is sit there goldfish like, my mouth opening and closing, having no idea what to say to this revelation.
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Sam’s POV
I wake up, aching all over, and it takes my eyes a few minutes to adjust to the darkness. When I can see well enough to make out my surrounding I do a quick check over and am happy enough that I haven’t done any major damage, just a lot of cuts and bruises.
I look around me and it looks like I am in one of the cellars under the building we blew up. Oh gosh, Lt. Jarvis, I hope he is all right. I wonder if he made it back to the SGC, I hope he did, as then they would know that the mission was a success and send a rescue team.
‘Unless they think your are dead’ my brain argues, and I realise that that is what they would all think. Heck, that is what I would think if I were the others. Realising that the only way I am going to make it out of here is by myself, I get up, cursing under my breath at the pain. Checking my watch, I realise I’ve been out cold for almost six hours. Taking my bearings, I head out to explore and hopefully find a way out.
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PART 5
Janet’s POV
It has been almost two weeks since Lt. Jarvis’ return. The General sent a team to the planet to try and find Sam, or some sign of her, but they came back after two days having found nothing. Apparently the landslide had consumed the whole building, and they had searched where Lt. Jarvis had least seen her, but found no trace that anyone was ever there. The general has officially declared her MIA, even though we all know that even if she did survive the landslide, she’d be dead by now as they only took enough rations with them for two days, and had eaten nearly all of them by the time Lt. Jarvis returned. I understand why the General hasn’t declared her officially dead, as Jack’s mental state isn’t too good at the moment. He has withdrawn into himself and spends most of his time in his office ‘doing paperwork’. He also seems to be avoiding Daniel and at first that confused me, but then Daniel told me what happened in the locker room.
It shocked me at first that the Colonel would do something like that, but then as I thought about it, it made sense. Sam would have been totally against a mission like this, but would have known that she had to go. Yet choosing to go on her own would have gone against everything she believed in, so he gave her an escape clause. And now he blames himself for her death. Daniel told me what he was like after Charlie, and I have to say I’m worried that that is going to happen again.
Normally, I wouldn’t be worried, as the team would help him though it, but this is different. This isn’t some airman or friend that dies under his command- this is Sam. And as much as he tries to deny it, it's plain to see all over his face whenever he looks at her how much he loves her. It’s awful thinking that even though they loved each other so much, the job came first. Now they will never have a chance to be together, well on earth anyway, afterwards is anyone’s guess. I just hope that he comes to his senses and lives for not just him, but for Sam as well. That’s actually a good piece of advice, but I doubt he’d listen to me, maybe if I asked Daniel?
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Sam’s POV
It’s pretty hard to keep count of days down here, but I estimate I’ve been here almost three weeks. During my initial search I managed to find what appeared to be an underground warehouse full of food, and a few tanks full of water. So I’m still alive, but not making much progress on trying to escape. I’ve been alternating the days. One day I will search for anything useful or hopefully a way out. The rest of the time I dig. I managed to find an old shovel, and guessing that where the landslide caught me had to be quite close to the surface I decided to see if I could dig myself out. I can just hear the others telling me all these different pieces of advice. Daniel would love it down here. It’s full of ancient languages and fossils. The Colonel and Teal’c would probably be digging. While I, well I’d probably be playing housewife, would be finding food and making meals. I know, to hear me talk like this is insane. But if that was the case, at least I wouldn’t be alone, on some distant planet, while all my family and friends back on earth think I’m dead. I have to get out of here, I just have to.
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Daniel’s POV
Janet finally convinced me to talk with Jack, for all the good I think it’ll do. I think he’s beyond even my help, I think the only person that could get him through this is Sam, and she’s dead.
I knock on the door to his office, my hand trembling, as I know how moody he can be.
“Enter”
I slowly open the door, and looking in I have to stifle a gasp at what I see. The man sat in front of me is not the Jack O’Neill I know. This one is so gaunt, so thin, and his eyes, they are empty, ghost like. I feel like I’m looking at a ghost, the shell of a man, with no one inside, and it scares me.
“Hi Jack,” I try to sound as cheery as possible, when in fact I want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
“Daniel,” he says in a monotone voice, and I have to say I’m very relieved that he recognises me.
“We’re all worried about you,” I say, not really sure what to say, just knowing that if I stop talking he’ll throw me out. “We’ve not seen you in a while. I just thought I’d come to see how you are.” He tries to say something but I jump in first. “I know, I’m not supposed to ask you that, but I’m worried about you. We all are. We don’t see you anymore. You just sit up here. If you think that I hate you for what you did, I don’t. Okay, I admit it was a shock and I probably could have responded better than to yell ‘how could you!’ And storm off, but I was shocked. But I understand why you had to do it. You didn’t want Sam to have to go against her morals willingly, so you made the choice for her. It wasn’t your fault. And yes I know I might sound cruel when I say this, but you have to get over it. You managed to get back your life after Charlie, and now you need to do the same, for Sam. We have to live for her, to ensure that her memory isn’t forgotten. She went on that mission to ensure that we could carry on with our jobs, so that’s what we have to do, for her. Please Jack…” I’ve run out of things to say, and he is just looking at me, and I’m not sure if he actually listened to a word I said, but it made me feel better, finally getting all that off my chest.
“Look Daniel,” He starts, “I appreciate what you are doing. I really do, and what you said. It was kind, but I need some time on my own, you may be able to forgive me so easily, but I’m not sure I can. And until I’m confident in myself I’m a risk, and I don’t want to loose anyone else.”
“So you’re giving up,” I’m angry now, because although he listened he didn’t take any of it on board. “We loose people, every day, people die. I think of all the people I’ve lost, and yes part of me wants to go crawl under a rock in case it was my fault, but I know that I have to try and keep their memory alive, that they died so that I could live. So I’m not going to let their death be in vain, and you shouldn’t let Sam’s.”
“I’d like to be alone now, space monkey,” and he attempts to smile, and although it doesn’t reach his eyes, I know that I’ve made some progress, stalled his descent, for now at least, I just have to work out how to get him back before the next emotional punch in the stomach sends him spiralling down again.
Smiling back I leave his office, my heart lighter than it has been in weeks, as I know that Sam’s memory will live on in Jack, just not yet, but soon, very soon, he’ll be back and we will fight not only for the planet, but for Sam.
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PART 6
Teal’c’s POV
In the week since Doctor Jackson had his conversation with O’Neill, I have seen what could be considered an improvement. O’Neill has attempted to be more social, meeting us for meals, going to movies with us. However, when I look into his eyes, I can see no life in them. All I can assume is that he is putting on a show to try and show people that he is okay when in fact, he is dead on the inside. General Hammond wanted us to go on a mission yesterday, however O’Neill requested to stay on Earth for the next two days. It makes me wonder what is happening over those two days. However I will not intrude as if will affect us. O’Neill would have mentioned it so I can only assume that it a personal matter that he does not wish to discuss. Normally, I would discuss this with Major Carter, as she would explain it in terms I understand. Doctor Jackson can be rather confusing in his descriptions of Earth customs. However, she is not here so I will simply leave O’Neill to it for now. If I notice any other changes, I may have to discuss it with Doctor Fraiser as she is also quite able at explaining Earth customs.
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Sam’s POV
Climbing out of the hole, I manage to stand and tilt my head towards the sky. Wow, sunlight, finally, I never realised how nice it was to stand in the sun again, but over the past, what, I think it's been four weeks of being in dark. I’ve learned that I took a lot of things for granted. I always used to find the colonel messing with my ‘dohickeys’ annoying, but at the right moment, he could break every single experiment I have ever done and I wouldn’t care. It would mean that I wasn’t on my own, and that they knew I was alive.
Looking round, I figured that I have managed to dig myself out on the right side of the, well it looks rather like a, hill now. I managed to find my backpack and GDO which amazingly survived the landslide. I just hope they haven’t changed the codes recently.
Looking up at the sky again, I judge it to be round midday here, which would make it about three am on Earth. Estimating six hours to the gate, I should arrive home about nine am earth time. That would be great as it means that the rest of SG-1 and General Hammond will be there to see that I survived. But then, as a member of SG-1, it shouldn’t really be surprising as we seem to be able to get through anything.
It’s only now as I’m heading home, that I let myself ponder on what the others are thinking and what they are going through as they realise I’m dead. Teal’c is probably taking it the best out of all of them. He seems to accept that we suffer losses in wars. Where as Daniel is probably taking it quite hard, but will be more concerned with how others are taking it which probably helps as it means he doesn’t have to stop and think about how it’s affecting him. Janet, well Janet and my Dad are probably taking it in about the same, not that I’m suggesting they are hurting in the same way. It’s just that although the military part of them is saying ‘losses happen’, the humane side of them is going ‘but she was my friend/daughter, I’m aloud to hurt’. Which brings me to Jack. Well, I know how Colonel O’Neill takes death. He just shrugs and moves on, but Jack, the man, I dread to think what the misplaced guilt and hurt is doing to him. And yes, I know he’s blaming himself, he always does, but that doesn’t always mean it’s his fault. I just hope Daniel is helping him to see that.
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Hammond’s POV
It’s almost eight thirty and SG-1 was supposed to report for a briefing at eight for their next mission. Doctor Jackson and Teal’c arrived, however Jack didn’t. Therefore, I have sent the two of them to try and find him. I had planned to let them go on a mission as three, just this once, so they could accept that Sam isn’t a part of their team any more. That way, they would be ready for when I do assign someone else. Doctor Jackson walks into the briefing room where I am waiting; Teal’c follows right behind him. “Anything?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Daniel replies, looking upset and worried at the same time. “We tried his office, his quarters, checked if he was still at breakfast, and phoned home. Heck, we even phoned his cabin to see if he had gone there, but nothing.”
They are looking at me almost as if they are expecting someone to suggest something, and I suddenly realise that that is what normally happens. Sam would suggest some strange place no one else would think of and that is where he would be.
“But he defiantly checked in this morning?” I ask, knowing that this was the first thing we checked when he didn’t show up.
“Yep, and he hasn’t checked out, and the last person to see him was Siler, who passed him outside his office at seven. No one has seen him since.” He stops, and looks at Teal’c to see if he wants to add something, getting a negative response he is about to continue when he is interrupted.
“UNSCHEDULED OFFWORLD ACTIVATION” blares through the speakers. We all race down to the control room as no SG teams are off world at the moment.
“It’s SG-1’s GDO code,” Sgt. Davis tells me, looking rather confused.
Looking over at Daniel and Teal’c, I see the confusion turn to hope as they assume, as I have, that it’s Sam.
“Open the iris,” I command, but I also leave the SF’s guarding the gate as we don’t know if it is trick or if Sam really has survived as we all hope.
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PART 7
Sam’s POV
I take a deep breath and step through the gate, sighing in relief when I appear out the other side intact. Looking around, I see the SF’s pointing their guns at me. They are all look around very confuse. Then I look up to the control room and I can see Daniel, Teal’c, Sgt. Davis and the General all staring at me shocked. It is almost as if time has froze there because none are moving. But then Daniel races down and grabs me in a big hug, almost as if he doesn’t believe I’m real. When he finally lets me go, I look around and notice that the Colonel isn’t there. “Where’s Colonel O’Neill?” I ask, expecting Daniel to say something like the mess hall.
“Well, we have a slight problem,” Daniel says, and I notice he is looking at a spot over my shoulder. The General and Teal’c, having entered the gate room while Daniel was hugging me, also will not look me in the eye.
“Where’s Colonel O’Neill?” I ask more forcefully, getting rather annoyed and slightly worried.
“We are unsure of the whereabouts of O’Neill,” Teal’c finally replies, and Daniel visibly winces, almost as if he expects me to yell. But I’m too busy looking at the three of them in shock.
“You don’t know where he is?” I ask in disbelief, thinking that this wasn’t quite the homecoming I was expecting.
“We were to have a briefing at eight, but he didn’t show up for it, and we haven’t been able to find him. But he was seen by Siler at seven,” Daniel blurts, seeming almost revealed that it is now out.
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Daniel’s POV
Sam is looking at me in shock, and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. I look over to the General and Teal’c in the hope that they will help, but they seem rather uncomfortable too. I realise that I am going to have to sort this out myself. “Do you have any idea where he could be?” I ask Sam, hoping it will get her to stop staring at me, and also might just mean we find Jack.
She blinks a few times almost as if coming out of a trance and then I can almost see her brain working, running through possible locations, crossing them off, and going over more unusual locations. Just when I am about to give up, she gasps, looks straight into my eyes, and the fear I see there paralyses me.
Before I have a chance to say anything, she is gone out of the Gate room and to where ever it is that she has thought off. She leaves the three of us looking around blankly, wondering what she has thought of, and also scared of why there was fear in her eyes. It was fear that I have only seen before when Jack was in mortal danger. I can only hope and pray that she gets to him in time to save him from whatever it is that has put him in danger of death.
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PART 8
Janet’s POV
After Sam’s disappearing act, the General called me to the briefing room. There he, Daniel, Teal’c and I have sat for the past ten minutes trying to work out what is going on. At first, we threw ideas around, bouncing them off each other but we have lapsed into a companionable silence, each lost in our own thoughts. My thoughts start to drift to Cassandra. She probably really looking forward to tonight as I promised her we would go out, but if we don’t find Jack and Sam, I will probably have to disappoint her again. And then it suddenly hits me.
“Charlie!” I yell slightly too loud, causing Daniel to jump, and Teal’c to raise an eyebrow.
“Doctor?” Hammond asks me, and I can see the confusion written all over his face.
“Think about the day, well?” I ask, getting slightly annoyed no one else has realised.
“It’s the anniversary of Charlie’s death.” I state and although Teal’c still looks slightly confused I can see that Daniel and the General have caught up.
“Of course,” Daniel starts, “Jack always gets depressed around this time of year, so we have always had a party to take his mind off it, but what with all of us thinking Sam was dead, we completely forgot. He’s spent the last two days thinking about how he has caused the death of the two people he loves most in the world.”
I note with interest how the General doesn’t seem surprised when Daniel said that Jack loves Sam, but I suppose it’s been obvious for so long, that I’d be more surprised if he didn’t know. But at least we know where Sam has gone; I just hope she can get there on time.
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Jack’s POV
I’m stood in my cabin, looking over the lake, remembering all the times Sara and me used to bring Charlie here, and also all the times I’d asked Sam to come. Now she’ll never get the chance to come. It seems so unfair, her and Charlie are somewhere, hopefully, full of happiness while I’m stuck down here, lost in guilt over their deaths, but all that is about to change.
I look down at the table next to me, at the gun sat on top of it, ready and loaded, waiting for me. I look around me, trying to think if I have missed anything; I’ve updated my will, written notes to Daniel, Hammond and Teal’c explaining how much I hate to leave them, but how I cannot stay. To Jacob, telling him how much I loved his daughter, and how if I’d thought for a minute that she would actually die, I’d never have let her gone on the mission. And finally, a letter to Sara, explaining how hard I’ve tried to live for Charlie, but know I’ve killed the only other person in my life I love, that I can’t carry on. Looking back out onto the lake, I can picture Sam and me there, fishing, swimming and having fun, but then it distorts, until all I’m left with is the lake, and the reflection of me.
I decide to get onto my knees, as it will minimise the damage to the cabin if the bullet misses, or it will reduce the blood damage if it doesn’t. Picking up the gun, and I aim it at my head.
“Don’t!”
Wait that sounds like…Sam, but she’s dead my brain screams at me, however I look up anyway knowing I’m in for a disappointment. But there she is, alive, staring at me with tears in her eyes, her whole posture telling me that she is terrified that I am going to shoot the gun. I look at the gun, back at Sam and then throw the gun over into the corner of the room.
She crumples to her knees in front of me, and we are holding each other, crying our eyes out, and a part of my brain tells me that we shouldn’t be in this position, but I don’t care, Sam’s alive, she’s really here, and she saved me again.
Before my resolve leaves me, I move my head from her shoulder, and she looks at me confused. I smile, before taking her head in my hands and slowly moving my head towards hers until our lips meet. We share a short but powerful kiss, before moving apart. She gives me a shy smile, but her eyes are still questioning, wanting to know whether I’m all right.
“I’m fine, now you’re here.” I reply to her silent question, and she visibly relaxes.
Smiling, I stand up before offering her my hand, and she accepts, pulling herself up off the floor. Still holding hands we walk out of the cabin into the sunshine, and away from all the death and guilt.
THE END