Title: On A Cold Winter’s Day

Author: Secret Art

E-mail: [email protected]

Date: 27th November 2004

Category: romance, angst, character death

Pairings: Sam/Jack

Spoilers: none

Summary: Jack considers life

Feedback: can only make me better

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

Author’s note: Thanks to SamC for help with the title.

 

Jack sat staring blankly at the grey hospital wall. It hadn’t changed in the two weeks he’d been sat there, but he couldn’t bare to look anywhere else, to see the machinery, Sam lying in the bed, covered in wires.

Looking at the wall he could pretend he was back at the base, that the beeps were the machines in her lab, and that he was waiting for her to get back from an errand, not waiting to see if she would wake up.

He sighed, his fingers tapping on the table next to his chair, the sound echoing around the room. And he glanced over at her, half expecting to hear her tell him to shut up, that she was trying to work, but she just lay there, chest moving up and down, the only signs of life she had given.

His eyes drifted to the get well soon cards spread around her bed, pausing on the one that could only have been from Pete. It was a very plain card, lacking the pink fluff of Teal’c’s, or the exquisite detail of the hand made one Daniel had brought. Some one, probably Daniel he thought, had placed it carefully in the middle of the cards, signifying Pete’s importance in her life.

He had bought her one, something that he had seen in a shop on the way to the hospital and bought. It lay unwritten in his pocket, he couldn’t bare to look at it, to write her name at the top, admit that she was ill, that she had almost died, again, and that she may not wake up.

He wondered how long it would be before they replaced the get well soon cards with the Christmas ones, assuming she survived the few weeks until then.

Pete had been to see her just after she first arrived in hospital, but since then he had stayed in Denver, leaving him, Daniel and Teal'c to take turns sat with her. After a few days it had become obvious to them that he wasn’t going to leave unless he had to, so they left him there, only coming in two or three times a day to drag him for food and a shower.

He stretched, his muscles complaining at their lack of use. He slowly stood up, moving to stand next to her. His hand moved to push a piece of hair out of her face, and he rested it against her cheek, needing to feel the warmth. She stirred slightly as his cold hand touched her skin, and he almost smiled, wanting to believe that it meant she was going to wake up.

He sat on the side of the bed, taking her hand in his. "Hey Sam, sorry about the cold hands but I wasn’t expecting it to be so cold. Not that you’d notice, wrapped up all nice and warm. Beats a hard chair and a blanket. You’d like it outside, it actually snowed the other day, I didn’t see it either, but Daniel came in covered in snow so it was pretty obvious." He rolled his eyes. "I’m discussing the weather with you, there is so much I want to tell you, that I should tell you and instead I’m telling you about snow." He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it briefly before resting it on the bed again. "I guess you deserve to know the truth. I love you Sam, since the first time I saw you I knew, well I thought that you were going to be big trouble and that hasn’t changed, but in a good way. I couldn’t imagine a day without you Sam. I just wish I’d been brave enough to tell you all this before you got a life. I know I told you to get a life but I meant friends, some people to have fun with, I never thought that there would be someone else."

He looked away from her, his hands not moving from hers. "And then I couldn’t tell you, I wanted to, to grab and shake you and ask why? Why were you doing it, couldn’t you see? But I realise that maybe you couldn’t, I never really told you, so I stayed quiet, watched you enjoy yourself, but I can’t stay quiet any longer. I love you Sam."

He looked back at her, gasping when he saw her tear filled eyes looking at him. "I love you too Jack."

She squeezed his hand gently before closing her eyes, taking a soft breath before stopping, her hand going limp as the machines burst into life.

He stepped back, moving to the corner of the room as the nurses rushed in, wanting to shout out to them that it was pointless, but unable to speak past the lump in his throat, instead watching as they hopelessly tried to bring her back.

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