Title: The Diary of S Carter, also known as Me and my Pussy
Author: Secret Art
E-mail: [email protected]
Date: 25th May 2004
Category: humour? Could be classed as PWP
Pairings: hinted Sam/Janet
Spoilers: brief mention of Narim and what happened to him (can’t remember the names of the episodes)
Summary: Sam writes Janet a diary about caring for her pussy.
Archive: where ever you want, I’m not fussy
Feedback: can only make me better
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Author’s note: This was funny when I wrote it, not sure what I think of it now, expecting to be thrown out of the fandom for this though. I suggest only people who have very rude and possibly disturbed minds read this, otherwise it sounds rather boring and confusing. I suggest that if you are not laughing/very disturbed by the end of about the fourth paragraph that you stop reading.
I might continue it, depending on people’s reactions.
The Diary of S Carter
Entry One
I was never good at these things but I promised Janet I’d give it a go.
Janet brought me this diary along with two brand new pussies, one for each of us; and she told me that I should write down anything important, a sort of how-to manual to help us care for our new pussies.
This isn’t my first pussy though, I’ve had a few before. The last one I gave to, oh what was his name? Narim, only he kidnapped the poor mite and blew it up along with his planet. Or was that our fault? Oh well, it’s not very important in the long run. Not compared to the gorgeous golden pussy I have in front of me.
I suppose I should start with the basics that I already know.
Pussies like being stroked.
That is kind of obvious, but if you are reading this Janet I did warn you I was no good at things like these. Pussies especially like being stroked at the top end (I‘m trying to make it simple for you Janet), that seems to make them purr quite a lot ( I will get into purring later). They also have a tendency to rub their cheeks up against objects, they seem to find it quite enjoyable.
Someone once told me that they do this to scent their property, which probably makes sense. So Janet, honey, don’t worry if your pussy starts doing that. Oh, sometimes pussies like rubbing up against each other too, but it really depends on the type of pussy you have, some do, some don’t.
A while ago I had a pussy that used to love rubbing up against things, the only problem was it would end up covered in all sorts, honey, chocolate spread, whipped cream (no, I have no idea how, like I said, long time ago). Janet, we could do a little experiment. Try out loads of different food stuff, see just what our pussies like, it might save money if we do it over a period time, try not to overload them. I could probably convince the Colonel and Daniel to come up with some ideas, (I’ll just tell them a friend of a friend is having a party and is trying to think of fun foods, they would probably fall for that).
Oh, I’m trying to think about other things to write about rubbing and stroking, I keep being distracted by technicians coming in looking for technology or solutions. I’ve got a fun list of all the different things I need to explain about caring for pussies, but enough distractions, back to stroking.
Depending on you pussy’s mood, stroking them while they are sleeping can be dangerous to your health. They have a tendency to get slightly annoyed if disturbed when they want peace.
However if they want attention then attention they will get. They have a habit of following you around, not letting you get a moments peace until they get what they want (sometimes it’s more than stroking, but again, different subject). Most of the time though they will just be there, cute little fluffy things (assuming you like them, some people don’t) wandering around, not paying you much attention and not expecting much attention in return.
So to conclude, pussies like being stroked and rubbing themselves against objects and each other (sometimes). Sleeping pussies do not always want to be disturbed, but an awake needy pussy must be dealt with quickly otherwise they annoy you until they get what they want. I could always give you a test Janet, see if you have taken in anything I’ve said?
Entry finished (actually the Colonel just turned up looking really bored, so I am going to have to look like I’m working, techno-babble him out of here, and then I’ll be right back).
Sam Carter